Chapter 84

Jace is silent on the way to the car, and I'm too busy trying to hold back sob after sob. I wipe at my tears, unable to see straight. And if I feel like this, I can't even imagine how Jace is feeling.

It's one thing to want to walk away from a man who hurts you, but it's another to lose a man who loves you.

I wait until I'm behind the wheel, Jace next to me, my breaths now calm enough to ask, "Are you hungry? I'm sure we can find somewhere good to eat around here."

Jace is quiet for so long, I'm almost scared to look at him. But I do. He's already watching me, his eyes holding more pain than I know what to do with. "You know how to play chess," he deadpans. "Your dad taught us."

I shrug. "Yeah, but your grandpa doesn't know that." I try to smile, but it's weak, and Jace just continues to stare at me. I shift in my seat, clear my throat before asking, "So… food?"

He turns away, facing the windshield. "I just want to go home, if that's okay?"

Nodding, I put the car in gear, pull out of the spot, and spend the hour drive home in silence. Jace doesn't speak until we get to our driveway, saying, "Just park at your house. I think I could use the walk back to mine."

I do as he asks, and he gets out first, then rests on the hood of my car, waiting for me. I take my time, gathering my belongings, my thoughts, my words. I still don't know what to say when I stop beside him, mimicking his position. I'm sorry just doesn't seem to cut it.

He's the first to break the silence. "The other day…" His voice cracks, and he clears his throat before continuing, "When you said you still had love in your heart for me… what did that mean?"

It meant that I want to give him all of me, all the time, but I fear it won't be enough. Not for him. And not right now. My exhale comes out shaky, my inhale the same. "Whatever you want it to mean, Jace." I push off the hood, unable to hold in my tears anymore. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I make it two steps before his hand lands on my hip, and he turns me to him, holding me close, and I release a sob right into his chest. "It's okay," he soothes, and I hate that he's comforting me when it should be the other way around.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, pulling away slightly to wipe the wetness off my cheeks, but he beats me to it.

"Breaks my damn heart when you cry, Harlow."

"I know, I'm sorry." I sniff back the pain, the longing.

He holds my face in his hands, like his grandpa had done, and for the longest time, he just looks at me. My eyes. My nose. My lips. He takes it all in, as if memorizing every inch. Every dip. Every curve.

"What?" I choke out.

He smiles, the saddest, most desperate smile I've ever witnessed. And then he pushes forward, so slowly, I think my heart might stop. He settles his forehead on mine, our staggered breaths merging between us. "You're beautiful, is all." Then he groans, dropping his head to my shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow."

A chill skirts along my flesh when he releases me—sinks into my veins until it finds its way to my heart. He's paces away when I finally find my voice. "Jace?"

He turns, continues to walk backward toward his house. "Yeah?"

"Do you need a ride to graduation tomorrow?"

His eyes narrow, shadowed by the lowering of his eyebrows. "Why would I?"

"Because of your van?"

"Oh." He shakes his head. "There's nothing wrong with my van."