Chapter 82

Harlow's out in her yard, lying on her stomach, talking to the grass…

And people think I'm weird.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, coming up behind her.

She turns to me, startled at first, and then she smiles, one eye squinted to block the sun behind me. "Come look," she says, waving me over.

I stop beside her, look down at the grass. There's a little baby turtle.

Sitting up, she carries it in her palm and holds it out between us. I rear back, and whatever look takes over my face has her giggling. "It's a graduation present from my dad."

"A turtle?" I deadpan, squatting down beside her.

"I wanted a pet to keep me company while he was gone. Dogs are too active, and I'm not really a cat person, so… I wanted something more my pace."

"So you went for one of the slowest animals in the world?"

"Have you ever seen me run?" she asks, then offers the turtle to me.

I shake my head, pull back farther. "Absolutely not."

Harlow laughs, touching her fingertip to the turtle's nose or whatever. She's in another dress today, pale yellow with the sleeves down to her elbows. She's worn dresses a lot lately, and it never fails to catch my eye for a little too long. She pouts now, putting on a voice when she says, "But Penelope's adorable."

"Penelope?" I inch closer. Then move back again. Yeah, no.

"What's up?" she asks, and now she's patting the turtle's shell. "Stop glaring at her. You're going to give her a complex."

I sigh. "I was going to ask you a favor, but you seem busy."

"I'm just out getting some sun. A trusted source once told me that sunlight is a natural source of vitamin D."

My eyes narrow, moving from Penelope to her. "I told you that."

She only smiles. "So, this favor?"

"My van died."

"Oh, no."

"And I told my grandpa I'd visit him today…"

"Let me put Penelope in her tank."

"But it's an hour away."

She's halfway to her back door already. "Okay."

"I'll probably be there a couple of hours."

"So, I'll bring a book," she says, already in her house with the screen door closed between us. "Meet me by my car!"

I don't know why it never occurred to me before right this moment that I've never been a passenger while Harlow drives. It's strange—but also good, because I get to watch her while she focuses on the road, and now I'm wondering if she used to do the same with me all those times I drove her around. "Can you believe we're graduating tomorrow?" she asks, catching me watching her when she glances my direction.

"Finally," I murmur, then add, "Your earrings are different." I noticed them the last time I saw her, when we were out at the creek a few days ago, but didn't think it was the right time to mention them. The moon, stars, and lightning bolt are gone now, replaced with a sun, butterfly, and starfish.

"You're very observant," she states. "I was kind of getting sick of living in the darkness, so I switched them out. They're another graduation gift from my dad. Actually, he kind of just gave me money and told me to buy things, so…"

"Will your dad be here for graduation?"

Harlow smiles full force, nodding. "He'll be back tomorrow morning, and then he'll be home for an entire week."

I shift in my seat, focus ahead. "Have you spoken to your mom at all since…?"

"Nope. But apparently my uncle reached out to my dad for—get this—relationship advice."

"The nerve…"

"The fucking audacity, right?"

"What did your dad say?"

"He laughed, said, ‘good luck, buddy!' And then hung up and called a lawyer to draft up divorce papers."

"Good for him."

"Right? I thought I had it rough, but the shit he's been through? He should be the one in therapy, not me."

Speaking of therapy… I settle into my seat, my back against the door so I can face her. "I was thinking about what we said… out by the creek…"

"Oh, yeah?"

"The stuff about Reyna."

Her face scrunches. "I know you like to give an extensive amount of details when it comes to her, but I really don't want to know."

"No, it's just…" I sigh. "What exactly did you see?"

"Jace, I really don't want to relive it," she says, her voice cracking.

"Because I did kiss her?—"

"Jace…"

"And she took my shirt off, and?—"

"Jace!"

"And then I stopped it."

Her eyes whip to mine, questioning.

I shrug. "I thought I needed to go through with it to get over you, but I knew it wouldn't work, and then I'd just feel empty afterward. Again. But you were right—about feeling comfortable and safe with her…"

Harlow's silent now, her eyes focused ahead.

It feels wrong leaving things there, so I add, making sure she understands, "So we didn't—you know. We talked for a bit, and that was it." It was kind of awkward afterward, and so I drove her home. I could tell she was feeling a certain way about it, and I hated hurting her, but what could I do?

What could I say?

That I was still in love with a girl who somehow managed to not only crack my armor, but shine light in all the gaps she created? And no matter how much I wanted to hate her, my love and admiration for her outweighed all other thoughts?

All other emotions.

Every.

Single.

Time.