Chapter 37

"Where is everyone?" I whisper to my friends as they sit opposite me. I glance around the classroom, only to find it half empty. "It wasn't like this before lunch, was it?"

Jace and Jonah were here then. They're not now. But there's a buzz in the air, one I haven't felt before. Sammy and Jeannie give each other a knowing look, but they don't offer anything more.

"It's time," the teacher calls out, and there's a sudden ruckus of chairs and bodies shifting, and everyone's rushing to pack up their things.

"Hurry!" Sammy snaps, shutting my laptop and moving it toward me. "We gotta get the best seats."

I dump my laptop in my bag, for no other reason than I feel like I should. The moment I stand, someone shoulders me on the way to the door. "What's going on?"

Jeannie drags me out by my arm, saying over her shoulder, "First open practice of the season!"

The gym at this school is nothing like the one at my old school, but it's still hardwood and hoops and bleachers on either side. There's a distinct scent to indoor basketball courts, one I haven't smelled since…

"Move!" some kid says from behind me, pushing me to the side so I don't hold up the stampede of people racing to get seats. It's only now that I realize I'd stopped just inside the doors, unable to move any farther.

I have a half-court in my backyard, a basketball in my closet. Stepping into a gym shouldn't feel like this. It shouldn't feel like my throat's closing in. Like my heart's about to pump out of my chest. Like the world's about to swallow me whole.

I can't breathe.

Tears well in my eyes, blurring my vision, and I turn swiftly, go the opposite direction of all the other students and teachers.

I can't breathe.

Once back in the hallway, I press my back against the closest wall, attempt to fill my lungs with their life-source.

Nothing goes in.

Nothing comes out.

I swallow, my throat dry, and pull out my phone. I text Jeannie, tell her I had to use the bathroom.

I can't breathe.

When the last people enter the gym and I'm left alone, I fold in on myself and close my eyes, let the tears fall.

Determined, I force myself to inhale through my nose, exhale through my mouth, and with each pass of air across my lips, I feel my pulse slow, just enough so I can think.

It's just basketball, I convince myself, just as the familiar sound of cheers and foot-stomping hits my ears.

A sob catches in my throat, memories blasting through my mind one after the other. Before I can focus on one, the gym door opens and slams shut, and I stand to full height. I expect to see a teacher, but it's Jace who appears. "What are you doing?" I ask, panic rising inside me.

He shrugs, standing tall and proud in his Vikings uniform, exactly like the posters of him all over town. "Looking for you."

"Well, go back." I flick my wrist toward the gym. "They're all in there for you, Jace."

He stops inches in front of me, settling one hand on my hip, the other on the wall beside me. "Yeah, well, I'm out here for you."

"Jace…" I whisper, my shoulders dropping when the tension leaves them. His presence alone calms the thumping in my chest. I tug on his jersey, bring him closer a step. I return the kiss he gifted me last night and smile when his eyes light up.

He shifts my hair behind my ear, keeps his fingers there. Bending so we're eye to eye, he says, "You don't have to come in. I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"I want to watch you train. You know I do, I'm just… I don't know."

He takes my hand in his, linking our fingers and, without a word, he guides me back into the gym. And it feels different somehow, with Jace beside me, leading the way.

Like a light in my darkness.

A calm to my storm.

He keeps his hand linked with mine as we walk the sideline, only letting go when we're by my friends. Sammy and Jeannie make room for me between them, and the moment I sit, they both offer a soothing touch. Jace squats down in front of us, but he doesn't speak to me. He speaks to them. "Take care of my girl, okay?"

"You got it, Sunshine," Sammy says, lacking her usual sarcastic tone.

As soon as he's gone, Jeannie nudges my side. "Get ready," she tells me. "Shit's about to get real."

"I've watched Jace play before."

"That's not what she means," Sammy joins in, and I turn to her.

"What does she mean then?"

"That boy right there—Dopey McDreary Depression Boy?" She points to Jace. "He just claimed you as his."