2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Aydan

Being Alpha of a den or pack was no walk in the park. I never expected it to be. The amount of responsibility was enough to overwhelm someone even if every single thing was going perfectly, and that wasn't how life worked. There were days I felt confident that I could do this job—that I was the bear for the position. And other days? Other days I felt like a fraud, like the least likely to keep this den together.

Currently I was functioning in fake-it-until-I-make-it mode. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best I could do. I owed it to my den to be the bear they needed, and each day, I was one step closer to being that Alpha. At least that was what I kept telling myself.

I looked around at my desk. When I walked in after dinner, I'd planned to grab my ledger. But when it was what a scattered catastrophe it was, I couldn't leave it at that. When had it gotten that bad? I'd been running around like a chicken with my head cut off for too long. Something had to give.

It took me five minutes to find the ledger to look up one thing, and as I dug, I found papers I thought I'd lost or thrown away. The more I searched, the more I realized I wasn't even sure what all was there. That was when I decided to fix things, and after all of that? Truth was, I still wasn't sure, but after an hour of sorting and organizing, it at least looked like I had my shit together.

Papers were now neatly stacked by purpose and notes were piled on top of one another in a tidy heap. It looked very much like I was nailing my position and that everything was in its place. They weren't. I still couldn't even find the electric bill. Who still mails paper bills, anyway?

Everything was a total fucking mess. Maybe this office could fool a den member, but I knew the truth.

The to-do list I'd written down on various notes, now piled in that neat stack, was nowhere near prioritized. Prioritized and overwhelming. I didn't know what to work on first—Martha's gutters or Miss Thompson's application to have her son join the den or bills or working with the youth who just had their first shift. Should I meet with Heather to talk over their after-school plans, or with Rissa to discuss expanding the healer clinic and bringing in an apprentice?

Everything was important. It would be so much easier if it was things like buying groceries or taking out the trash. At least those kinds of lists I could tick off a few a day. This list was going to take a month.

I grabbed the list again. There had to be something easy on it, something I could get done so the entire thing didn't feel hopeless. But the more I looked, the more I saw that wasn't the case.

All of these things would be easier to manage as soon as I secured myself an Alpha Mate. An Alpha Mate would provide balance to the den and also be the person I could offload some of these tasks to. At least that's what I'd been told my entire life. I wasn't exactly sure how that would all work. The list would still be a thousand miles long. But I had to believe it to be true, because if I didn't, there was no hope of me being the Alpha the den needed. None.

I let out a long sigh. Maybe I needed to go for a run, let my bear out for a while instead of getting all up in my head and making my life harder. It wasn't like I was doing this alone. I had my Betas. Sure, they had their own to-do lists and their own businesses to run, but I helped form those to-do lists, and maybe I needed to reevaluate how I did them

My thought had always been that since they had other jobs and I was the den Alpha full-time that I needed to shoulder these tasks until I had a mate to share them with. In a way that was true, but maybe spreading things out a little more was in order. Heck, maybe I needed to consider adding another Beta to the mix. The den had no rules about how many an Alpha could have, and I went with tradition.

One glance at the piles told me shifting would have to wait, and I got started. I took all of my random notes and rewrote them into one list, then went through and started scheduling when I would do what. Two hours later, I had the next week perfectly planned out, nearly to the minute—who I would visit, when, and what supplies I would have to gather. It was finally manageable.

I could do this.

I was the Alpha.

It was my job, my responsibility.

I could do this.

Maybe if I kept telling myself it, it would be true.

My phone pinged, and I picked it up. It was my brother. Normally, it was the break I needed. He had a knack of knowing just when I needed the interruption. He might be my annoying little brother, but he was also the best brother I could ever ask for.

Jayce is running late.

Of course he was. I rolled my eyes.

Not for the first time, I wondered if allowing Jayce into the den was a bad idea. He was my brother's closest friend. Besides me and Corey's mate, Zane, Jayce was the most important person in his life. There were some days and some times in my brother's life when he'd been more important than me. I knew Jayce had helped Corey get through school, and they had lived in Jayce's den while I built this one. I was indebted to him.

But from what I knew and from what I could gather based on the stories my brother told, Jayce was a nuisance. He didn't have a plan for his life or even a plan for his day. Case in point, being late to show up at your new Alpha's house was not a great first impression to have. I had expected it, though, and had nearly forgotten that today was the day. But now that he was going to be late, I was irked… irrationally so, perhaps, but it was what it was.

Initially, I had my reservations about Jayce staying in my home, but it was my responsibility as den Alpha to take care of the members, whether I agreed with them or not. Had my brother not been mated, I'd have made sure they had room for him there. But he was and he deserved his happy ever after with his mate. Having a bestie in the mix was asking for trouble.

Over the past few days, I'd pushed some things back to get ready for him. I had his room ready—sheets perfectly folded and placed on the bed. I didn't know what all he had, so I had den members pick up some toiletry items he might use, and new clothes. He might've been irresponsible, but he was a new member of our pack. I wanted him to feel welcome. Ideally it would be in a different space, but we didn't have that right now. This would have to do.

It was nearing nine o'clock. If he was going to be even later than now, I might as well get a bit of stress out.

"Ready for a run?"

Fish.

"Fine. We can fish."

I made sure that everything was where I needed it for the morning and walked out my back door. It was a gorgeous night, and my bear was already pushing to get out.

"Patience. I like these jeans." Not particularly, but that had him waiting until I took off my clothes before demanding control and jumping off the back porch and into the cool grass.

He picked his head up and sniffed the air. Pleased with what he scented, he took off toward the river like a bear on a mission. And he was. My beast loved nothing more than fresh fish caught in his paws, and I enjoyed having the brief time where I wasn't in charge of anything, when I could just fall back and be.

Soon enough I was going to need to deal with an irresponsible house guest and my mile-long to-do list. But for now, for this brief glimmer of time, the only things that mattered were the moonlight, the cool water, and my bear's need to fish and eat. It was exactly what I needed.

My brother said that's how it was with mates. You both knew what the other needed and were able to provide that for them. I wasn't sure if that was true, but if it was, I really could use my mate about now.