Chapter Five

Mira

The snow hasn’t stopped falling. In fact, it’s falling harder and harder by the second.

“We’re never getting out of here, are we?” I glance toward Gabe who’s reorganizing the pile of wood in the back corner of the barn. It’s the third time he’s done it since we decided to get off our phones, but nothing seems to be good enough yet.

“Not likely,” he groans. “You hungry? We could fire up the snowmobile and take it back to the cabin, but with this much blowing snow, I’m not sure that’s safe either.”

I pull the tin from beneath the kiosk at the front of the barn. “Cookies it is. Who have you been texting all afternoon?”

“Oh,” he pulls off his gloves and grabs a sparkly sugar cookie shaped like a mitten from my hand, “I should ask you the same question.”

“What were you guys talking about?”

“Stuff. What about you?” I squeeze my thighs together as I think back at all the filthy things Wolvie was just sending to me.

He grins and looks away. “Stuff.”

“Well,” I clear my throat, “you looked pretty content texting someone about stuff. ” The air between us is stiff and hot, like we both know what’s happening, but everyone is afraid to bring it to life. If what I’m thinking is true, then I’m not sure I want it to end. On the internet, in the world of make believe, I can make anything make sense, and I can have whatever I want. There are no barriers, and reality exists only in the light that we make it.

A dull ache rests in my chest at the thought of my suspicion being wrong. I don’t know why. I should be angry at him for lying to me, for pretending to be someone I’ve wholeheartedly fallen in love with. Instead, my heart is eager to tell him I know. Eager to hold him close. Eager to keep this going as long as possible.

I pull my jacket up onto my shoulders as a cool breeze whips through a crack in the barn wall. There’s a soft whistle that follows as I watch Gabe brush his massive hand down over his long beard.

I need this man so badly. His big hands, his hard cock, his hot breath in my ear.

“So,” I sigh, “this Wolverine guy and I are going to meet up in person. I just need to text him back with a time.”

Gabe leans forward and readjusts his hat backward. I study his movements, wondering if he knows that I know his secrets. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I swallow hard and glance out the side window watching as the world goes static white. “I’m excited to know who he is, for real.”

Gabe stands from the stack of wood he’s been piling and walks toward me slowly, never taking his eyes off mine.

He’s going to tell me.

I’m not sure to be angry or to let whatever’s happening, happen. Maybe right here and now, we can live in the ether. The world is motionless. We’re in between dimensions. Nothing bad can happen here. Whatever we were to do right here… could be for us.

Heat fills the space, and where the cold breeze had been harshly whipping through, it’s now welcome against my hot cheeks.

He backs me against the barn wall, his hand above my head, leaning against the wood panels as his gaze holds mine. “I want you, plum.”

I can barely breathe. I don’t know what to say, or how to act. All I know is how I feel, and suddenly hearing his voice call me plum isn’t so bad after all.

“I want you, too.” The words come out in a puffing haze as my stomach turns and my heart slams against my chest. “You’re the Wolverine, aren’t you?”

He wets his lips and stares at me for a long while before saying, “How’d you know?”

“I was watching you text, and you’d send off a message at the same time I’d get one. I thought that was weird, but when you said I’d be mad if I knew who you were… I knew.”

“Are you mad?”

“I want to know why.”

He brushes a strand of hair from my face. “I want you in any capacity I can get you, plum. I’m sorry I lied, but you liked all these online guys, so… yeah. It was dumb, but I can’t sleep at night without knowing you’re safe. And like an idiot, I believed you’d fall in love with me, and when you realized who I was, you’d have the courage to say everything out loud and we could have a life together.”

I’m not sure I’ve ever stared at anyone so blankly, but I feel immobile. Every cell in my body wants to move, but I can’t. Loving Gabe is one thing, but betraying my brother is a line I can’t cross, and hearing Gabe tell me he lied to me is a lot different from thinking he did. Though, I’m not sure that’s the focus here, especially given the fact that I’d have been bummed if I thought he was Wolvie only to learn he wasn’t.

A flurry of emotions rattles my chest and an explosion of everything crashes out. “I’d love to tell my brother everything, really, but he’s going to lose it. He only trusts like four people in the whole world and two of those people are right here. I can’t do that to him, Gabe. I love you, and I don’t want this to end before it starts, but I can’t do that to him.”

Gabe stares toward me for a long while before opening his mouth. “I love you more, plum, and I respect you and your decision. I hate it, but I respect it. I’ll be the Wolverine. I’ll live in your pocket. We can have video dates, and you can watch me work out in the field while I watch you at the cabin. We can sneak off together in real life when we can, and maybe someday—”

“No, you’re missing the whole point. I can’t be that girl. I can’t do this to Chevy. Not behind his back, Gabe. Not at all. I love you. I really freakin’ love you, but I can’t do this.”

“You wouldn’t have known I was Wolverine had I not fucked that up. Let’s go back to pretending.”

Pretending is where I live my best life.

My shoulders roll forward and I spin away from him. “I can’t. I know the truth, and as much as I want to play dumb, I couldn’t look Chevy in the eyes if I were lying to him every day.”

He spins me back toward him, running his fingers through my hair as he pulls me against his chest. “So, what happens now? Is this it? We just walk away and pretend none of this ever happened? I never know what you feel like, what you taste like, what you sound like?”

My clit throbs and my thighs ache with a need I’ve never felt before. “We have right now. I think I could convince myself that this moment is lost to time.”

“What do you mean?” His tone is deep and rough, and as he talks, I can almost feel his hands all over me.

“Well, no one is around. The world is quiet. We’re just two people in the ether, doing things no one has to know about.” The second the words leave my lips, I know how wrong they are. Clearly, my hormones have taken over.

Gabe’s giant inked hand lands on my throat. “I know you want to be a good girl, but sometimes being a good girl means doing bad things to make everything right.”

Oh my God! My clit throbs harder and harder. I’ve fantasized about this moment with this big, rough man for so damn long. Hearing the words come out of his mouth… I’m going to die.

I pant and stare up at him, feeling the bulge behind his jeans. “Just this once, okay? We can never talk about it again.” I know I’m going to regret this minutes after it happens. Then again, maybe I won’t. Maybe I need to be with Gabe so I can get him out of my head. Maybe I need to release a load of hormones and know all the mysterious things about him so that I can move on.

I should go back to psychology to learn how a human brain can flip a switch so dramatically when it wants something bad enough.

I mean, realistically, how am I going to look at Gabe every day at work knowing I slept with him? How am I going to look at him constantly and know I can’t ever have him again?

“I’ve always known that having a piece of you is better than having none of you,” he groans and leans into my neck, breathing me in. “Tell me you’re okay with all this and I’ll make you happy, plum.”

Evergreen spills over the barn floor and the wind whips outside, whistling against the window frame over and over as though the storm is taunting me. I could stop this whole thing right now. I’d never have a secret to hide from my brother. I’d never feel guilty for doing something so wrong. I wouldn’t have to stare at Gabe for as long as I live, knowing how perfect this moment was. At the same time, I’d never know what Gabe’s hands feel like pushing up over my thighs. I’d never know what his beard feels like rubbing against my core, and I’d never know what he feels like pressing deep inside of me, spreading me wide.

That’s… a tragedy I’m not willing to live without.

“I’m in,” I whisper, staring up at him.

A wicked grin moves over his face, and he pushes his thumb over my lips as the devil takes over. “Good little plum. Now get on your knees for me, and let’s play.”