Chapter 20

The next day, the air is tense while we wait for Graz to return home. How long do we have until he's finished his device? I am growing tired of sitting around, doing nothing while we wait. The more time passes, the more I find Lo'zar putting up a wall between us. His hand doesn't brush my hip absently as he passes me. He doesn't seek out any excuse to kiss me. There are no wicked or ravishing smiles.

That evening, the door bursts open and it's Graz, and he looks like he's coming out of his skin. He gestures at me to come over, and brings out a device even smaller than before. It hangs from a chain, and he's about to put it on me when Lo'zar stops him.

My troll takes the necklace and gently slides it over my head himself, then lifts up my hair to settle it around my neck.

I don't feel anything change, but Lo'zar and Graz gasp at the same time. When I look down at myself, I find big, blue, four-fingered hands where my pale, five-fingered ones used to be.

You're... Lo'zar's eyes are wide and boggled. You're a trolless.

I flex my strange hands, and bring them up to my face. I still feel normal, though.

Graz talks with animation, gesturing while he does.

He designed his wish so it's just an illusion, Lo'zar explains to me. If someone touches you, they will only find you underneath.

Got it. Don't let anyone touch me.

He tilts his head at me. This is very disturbing, I won't lie.

I shouldn't feel so pleased at the look on his face, knowing that he's only attracted to me and not to the lady troll I look like now. But then I stop my train of thought. No, I want him to be happy when I'm gone. He should be able to find love with someone of his own kind.

I look down at the necklace and run my hands over the odd little device. Now that this is done, we have no excuse to dally any longer. It's time for me to go.

We agree to get on a boat tomorrow. Seeming to sense the solemn air that's fallen on the room, Graz finds his way to his bed in the corner and says goodnight to us. We both thank him profusely, but he just waves us off.

He's keeping the rest of the worms for himself, Lo'zar explains.

What's he going to do with them?

Lo'zar shrugs. Hell if I know.

Once we're inside the bedroom, Lo'zar hastily takes the necklace off of me. He breathes a sigh of relief when I'm back to myself again, and his hands travel from my cheeks down to my hips, as if he's reminding himself what I really look like. Then he pulls me roughly against him.

Lo'zar? I ask. But he doesn't say anything, just holds me hard and fast, as if he'll never let me go. Still wrapped around me, he falls to the bed, and soon his hands are underneath my shirt, tracing every last inch of me. His touch is almost feverish, and his mouth descends on mine with a ravenous hunger.

I thought Graz asked us not to—

I don't care. Lo'zar's voice is surprisingly harsh. I want you. And I want you now.

I don't object as he takes off my shirt and lavishes attention on my nipples. He plays with them harder than he ever has before, and I cringe under his hands. What's gotten into my troll? Something about my strange transformation has unsettled him. He's turned hard and serious, very unlike Lo'zar. When he kisses me, he nibbles my lips so forcefully that his sharp canines leave marks, and when his hand ducks into my pants, he finds my entrance and pushes a finger into me, even though I'm not very wet yet.

Please, I ask him quietly. Be gentle.

He freezes, and then he pulls his arm back harshly. His head drops to my chest, and when I touch his cheek, he's trembling all over.

Lo'zar? I ask, growing concerned. While I run my hands through his hair, he buries his face deeper into me, like he wants to do anything but look at me.

I'm sorry, he says with nothing but misery in his voice. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. Wrapping my arms around him, I lean down to kiss his head. What's wrong?

Everything. But he doesn't say more, and this time when he holds me, his arms are sweet and soft and loving. As he nuzzles my neck, he breathes in deeply, like he's taking in the smell of me as much as he can. I hold him close, wishing I could make all of his pain go away, even though I'm the cause of it.

Lo'zar, I say, lifting his head. Will you be here with me? Please? While we still can?

He clutches me tight against himself. Always, he says. I will always be here with you.

His hands cover every inch of my body, tenderly cupping my soft curves, tasting me with just the tips of his fingers. Lo'zar's breathing speeds up as I mold into his touch, letting myself fall into him. This time when he samples my breasts, he's velvety and sensual. He scoots down so he can brush his tongue across each nipple, savoring them slowly, pausing to rest his forehead between them.

My princess, he says, and it's not in his usual teasing tone. He kisses from my collar down my belly, pausing at the gap between my oversized pants and my hips. He slides my clothes down slowly, his lips trailing over each bit of exposed skin, until he has my legs up in his arms while he kisses my calf, my ankle, my toes. Then he returns to the soft place between my thighs and breathes gently on it.

Your scent is perfect, he says reverently, closing his eyes. I could just drink you in forever.

I consider cracking a joke about how disappointing that would be, but I keep quiet, because for once there is nothing joking about Lo'zar's expression. He brushes his tongue over my clit, just a feather touch, and I squirm underneath him. I know I can't make a sound—Graz forbade us from doing this in his bed. I feel guilty, but I want nothing more than my troll on top of me, inside of me, surrounding me. I need to remember him.

He repeats the motion again, and I sink into the soft furs, luxuriating in his touch. My eyes fall closed and my head drifts back as his delicious mouth speeds up, giving me the last push I need to crack open, and then I'm spilling out, all my wishes and fears.

As my body seizes, I slap a hand over my mouth to hold in the sound. Lo'zar slides back up my body, licking his lips, until our hips are pressed together and his heavy cock is squashed between my thighs, the shaft rubbing over my most tender place. He sighs into my ear as I rock against him, desiring him with all of myself.

Lo'zar, I say, brushing back some of his wild hair. Please. I want you. Right now.

His orange eyes lock with mine, and in them I can see everything: his hope, his longing, his pain. Every last one of my emotions is reflected back at me, and all I want is to hold him close to me forever, the weight of his body on mine holding me to the earth.

He doesn't need to look down as he spreads my legs, hooking my knees over his hips, because our bodies already know just how to join together like pieces of a puzzle. No, he remains staring into me, watching every movement of my face as he brings his soft cockhead to the smooth, slick cavern where it belongs. It slips between my edges, fitting perfectly inside me. I try my hardest not to make a sound as he delves in only an inch, then retreats, letting me shift and conform to his shape. Then another inch, and another, as his swollen cock spreads me wide for him. When it seems like I won't be able to hold in my moans any longer he kisses me, swallowing my desperate sounds into his own mouth.

I will always be with you, he says, cupping my face in one hand as he continues his progress deeper and deeper inside me. Even when we're apart, you will be the first thing on my mind when I wake up every day, and the last thought I have when I go to sleep.

My face aches with unspent tears as he tells me these words, because I know I will always feel the same way.

"Lo'zar," I whisper to him as he finally sinks the rest of the way in, and he lets out a shuddering breath. There are so many words I want to say, things hiding just inside my lips, but that would only hurt more. I will remember him as long as I live, and even afterwards. I know I'll never find again what I've found here, wrapped up in him—my cocky, handsome, big-hearted troll.

I press my face into his neck to stifle the tears as he gently moves inside me, one slow, agonizing stroke at a time, swirling up the small strands of my pleasure into a big, glowing ball of bliss. My legs wrap tight around his waist as his mouth grows more urgent against mine. I feel it in my own heart as the beat of his quickens, as his blood moves faster and faster, hot and filled with need. I hear his thoughts in mine, all his affection and joy and misery scrambled in one wild orchestra.

I don't know how long we make love like this, tangled in each other, memorizing every last crease and swell of each other's bodies, but I never want it to end. I have to shove blankets into my mouth to silence myself, but Lo'zar's grunts are almost as loud.

I can't wait to feel you come around me, he says, his mental voice unsteady with emotion. I want to feel all of you, my sweet, lovely, perfect princess.

I obey. My body clamps down tight, and a cry surges from my mouth into the blankets. The pleasure sweeps over me, meeting a tidal wave of heartbreak on the other side. Tears finally break free as he yanks his cock out of me, and spills his generous seed between my thighs, instead. It makes me feel so empty, so hollow inside, that my tears morph into sobs, and I bury my face in the bed in an effort to be quiet.

Rimi? he asks with concern. I just shake my head, unable to stop the flow, or even to say a single word. His arms pull me in tight, gripping me like iron, and he buries his face in my neck as I cry. I feel his own wet tears on my skin, and the last piece of me breaks.

We lie like that until there's nothing left inside either of us. Two husks, we eventually fall asleep into a shared dream where all of this is different.