Chapter 5

FIVE

H is name in lights. The flare of familiar letters brought a lump to Felix's throat. He wished his father could see it. Quickly, before the holo faded, he pulled out his wallet and snapped a few pictures. He missed reading the next few names while he chose the best one to share with his family.

Zed leaned over his shoulder—as he'd done so many times before—to watch him tap out the ripcomm. "They'll be so proud of you."

Felix nodded, his throat a little too tight for words. He sent off the message and tucked his wallet away. He looked back up at Zed, who remained inclined toward him, as if still reading over his shoulder. If not for this… man, they were men, now. If not for Zed, he wouldn't sitting here with his heart swollen with such a mixture of emotion. Pride, anxiety, a little fear, and a big and achy thing called love. But he wouldn't exchange a minute of it—not for all the credits in the galaxy. Because his family was proud of his accomplishments, and his career with the AEF would almost guarantee he could take care of them. Because he'd had the opportunity to learn from the best, and to share the experience with the best. The Fantastic Five: Zed, Emma, Marnie, Ryan and Felix.

No distance could separate them, not after the last six years of friendship. Nothing should be able to separate him and Zed—but what could drive them apart was him not acknowledging this night, what he had right here, right now. He wanted more, but he could have this. One night, one special night. What better memory than sharing all of his firsts with the man he loved?

Reaching up, he caressed Zed's cheek. It was generally accepted that Zander Anatolius was handsome, but Felix saw beneath the strong brows, straight nose, high cheekbones and sensuous mouth. He saw through those cool blue eyes to the soul beneath. He flashed back to ten years before, to a younger and more rounded version of this face. Zed stuck in the ductwork of Pontus Station after having given chase when Felix stole his wallet. He remembered how the expression on Zed's face had stopped him. The combination of admiration and challenge—and the sure knowledge that if Felix helped him out of the duct, he'd be grateful rather than angry. Zed was a good person. The perfect friend and the best sort of ally. Even at eight years old, Felix had known that Zed could show him the galaxy.

Zed leaned into his caress, eyelids fluttering down. Felix traced his thumb along one dark eyebrow, smoothing the short, bristly hairs. It only seemed right he should tend the other, then drop a kiss to each closed eye. The scent of Zed's skin slipped inside him—the same as always, but now different, too. Because now he knew what Zed's lips tasted like, and how they felt against his.

Felix kissed the tip of Zed's nose. A puff of air tickled his chin as Zed chuckled softly. Sensing an eye might open, Felix pressed his thumb gently to the lid. "No."

Zed made a small noise in his throat, but complied, leaving his eyes closed. Felix continued worshiping his face, dropping a kiss to the hint of a dimple in his left cheek, then his right. He kissed the corner of Zed's mouth and tickled the seam of his lips with his tongue. Zed groaned softly, lips parting. Felix kissed the bottom, sucking gently on the plump flesh before releasing it to kiss him squarely on the mouth.

There, his seduction technique faltered. The kiss was awkward, more friendly than sexy. A niggle of anxiety poked Felix in the chest. Before he could listen to it, respond to it, Zed tilted his head and their mouths slid together. Then they were kissing. Properly.

Zed captured the sides of his face with his large hands. In their embrace, Felix felt safe and protected. He had to drag his thoughts away from there, though, lest he spiral back into fearing everything he'd miss after tonight. Instead, he willed his mind to blank, and when that didn't work, he focused on the sounds Zed made while they kissed. The soft breaths, the hum deep in his throat. The swish of fabric as they moved together. The suck and pull of their lips.

Zed's tongue teased his and Felix reveled in the sensual caress. Who would have thought having someone else's tongue in his mouth would feel so good, and so fucking necessary? Needing a deeper breath, Felix pulled his lips from Zed's and nuzzled the side of his face. The rasp of stubble against his cheek sent a thrill across his skin. His nipples tingled. His dick fought the confines of his fancy pants. Again.

Overhead, the sound of fireworks faded away. The sky might still be lit by holos, but Felix no longer cared. He was making his own memories—and he wasn't going to think about what he'd do with them until later. Tomorrow. Next week.

Zed leaned into him, obviously intending to lay him back again. Putting both hands to Zed's chest, Felix reversed his direction, encouraging Zed to lie back instead. Zed complied with a sweet willingness that spoke louder than words. But he did grasp Felix's elbows, pulling him along for the ride, and as soon as Felix was settled against his chest, Zed's hands slipped up under his the back of his shirt.

"Oh!" The warmth of Zed's palms against his skin was electric. Felix arched into him, gasping as their erections bumped together. Surely they'd just been struck by lightning. "Fuck, does it always feel like this?" Zed would know, right? Zed had experiences he didn't.

"No." Zed's hips pushed upward. "This is for you."

It almost hurt, which shouldn't make sense, but Felix had jacked off enough times to appreciate the sensitivity of his equipment in certain situations. Apparently it wasn't all due to over handling.

Shifting slightly so that he knelt between Zed's legs, Felix tugged Zed's shirt free of his pants. Immediately, he smoothed his hands upward, but he couldn't get to where he wanted. Pulling his hands back out, he reached for the buttons, hesitating at the first. "I want to see you, is that okay?"

Zed met his question with a dark and hooded gaze. "Yes."

It wasn't as if he'd never seen Zed without his shirt before, but now it was different. Now he saw the cut of Zed's muscles, and the way his torso tapered from broad shoulders to lean hips, through a haze of lust. He wanted to bite one of those small, flat nipples. He wanted to trace his tongue down the groove between Zed's abs.

Zed shrugged the shirt from his shoulders and reached for Felix's buttons. A blush stung Felix's cheeks and he knew that once Zed undid his shirt, the flush of color would be visible across his chest. Would Zed think he was too…lean?

Once both their shirts were on the ground, Felix attacked Zed's chest with small kisses and bites, starting with the sweep of his collarbones and working his way down. Zed arched beneath him. His nipples were like tiny pebbles, his abs smooth and firm. The fine hair between his pecs tickled Felix's lips. Would he grow more? Felix hoped so. The hair was sexy.

When he got down to Zed's navel, he could smell the musk of his crotch. Felix palmed the bulge beneath Zed's waistband and squeezed, drawing the best sound yet from deep down in Zed's chest. A groan vibrated between them. Felix's nuts tightened and his dick pulsed.

Before he could attack Zed's belt, hands caught his and pulled him upward. Felix settled into Zed's chest, sighing as their skin brushed together and stuck in places, from the humidity of the night and their sweat. Zed felt so good against him. Under him.

"My turn to explore," Zed rumbled, before claiming his mouth in another kiss.

At eighteen years of age, Zed had a few sexual experiences under his belt. There was the encounter with Dawna and its widely broadcast success, yeah, but there had been other kisses with classmates, too, and girls' hands rubbing him through his pants. There'd even been one when he was fifteen who was brave enough to reach underneath his waistband and stroke him skin-on-skin for the whole minute it took him to come.

But this… nothing compared to this.

He rolled over, positioning his hand at the back of Flick's head to make sure those bouncy blond curls didn't make the wrong kind of contact with the hard surface of the wide duct. Slowly, gently, he lowered Flick's head and looked down at him, surprised at the kick his heart gave as the meager light teased highlights from Flick's hair.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he admitted, his voice shaky with need. How could he when it was only hitting him now how fucking beautiful Flick was? Why hadn't he realized it sooner?

"Me neither." Flick's smile wasn't wide, but it was genuine. Certain. Whatever switch had gotten tripped to get them back to this point, it wasn't getting flipped off again. "Just do what feels good."

Do what feels good. Yeah, okay, he could try.

A breeze kissed his skin, drawing up goosebumps across his neck. He ignored it, his attention solely on the man lying beneath him. For a moment, he just stared at Flick's pecs, noting how his nipples were already pebbled and begging for a touch.

Would they be as sensitive as a woman's?

Bending down, he captured one in his mouth. Flick arched beneath him, letting out a choked cry, and Zed hummed in appreciation of his discovery. He rolled the tight bud between his teeth, then sucked on it, loving the curses falling from Flick's lips. The lean body beneath him bucked and writhed—and fuck , that was such a turn on. When he drew back, exposing the reddened, wet nipple to the night air, Flick whimpered.

"Jesus, Joseph and Mary, I almost came," he panted.

Zed grinned, absurdly pleased with himself. "Yeah?"

"I never knew… God, I never knew…" A flick of Zed's tongue to the other nipple was answered with a deep groan. "Need… Zed, need more… oh my God…"

Zed kissed his way down Flick's torso, trying not to think. Do what feels good . This felt good—so damned good, with the sounds Flick was making. Zed realized that he would do just about anything to encourage those helpless noises to continue. He paused at the waistband of Flick's pants, hovering over the bulge straining at his fly, and some instinct made him inhale deeply, drawing Flick's scent into his lungs.

His arousal, humming along at a steady pace while he'd explored Flick's skin, spiked. Even after six years planetside, Flick smelled like a space station—there was a tang to his scent that reminded Zed of circuits and a contained atmosphere. Beneath that was a rich undertone—something that shouted man! in the lizard part of Zed's brain, the part that was all desire and need and fuckloads of want . If he'd had any doubts lingering about whether or not his own gender turned him on, the steady pulsing of his cock at that incredible scent would have erased them.

He flipped open the clasp at the top of Flick's zipper and pulled it down, tugging at Flick's pants and underwear as he did so. Flick lifted his butt so Zed could free his erection, which slapped against his stomach, the sound of skin against skin a perfect counterpoint to their ragged breaths.

Zed stared. He couldn't help it. It was the first time he'd seen a hard dick that wasn't his own, and he wasn't so far gone on lust that he didn't want to categorize the differences. Flick was longer than he was—but not by much—and a little thinner, with a perfectly proportioned crown currently dripping pre-come over his abdomen. His balls were tight against the base of his cock and graced with bristly hair just a shade or two darker than that on his head. Zed trailed a fingertip along the prominent vein and Flick's cock twitched.

Flick whimpered. "God, the way you're looking at me…"

Emboldened by the instinctive movement of Flick's hips, Zed wrapped his hand around his erection and jacked.

"Fuck!" Flick's cry was strangled, as though he was desperate to hold a part of himself back.

That wouldn't do. Zed wanted all of him, right here, on this rooftop alongside him. He wanted… well, something he'd never experienced himself, and not something he'd ever done to someone else—obviously—but there was a reason porn existed, right? A boy had to get his education somewhere.

Don't think, just do.

Zed pressed his tongue flat against Flick's cock and licked, all the way up from balls to tip—then engulfed the crown and sucked. Flick's whole body spasmed, as though Zed was made of electricity, and nonsensical words poured out of his mouth. Babbling… he'd made Flick babble.

And damn, he liked the feel of a hard cock on his tongue.

It wasn't something he'd daydreamed about but now that he was here, doing this, he wondered why he hadn't. The salty-bitter drops of pre-come leaking from Flick's tip tasted amazing. Flick thrust upward, out of control, and Zed gagged as the erection slammed to the back of his throat. Lesson learned. He encircled the base with one hand to better control the depth. Retching would not be sexy.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck ," Flick moaned. "Don't stop, please don't…"

In answer, Zed sucked harder, faster. He fluttered his tongue into the slit, reveling at the concentrated flavor of Flick, and groaned. His own cock pounded against his pants, desperate for a touch, a brush, a thought, anything. But all that truly mattered in this moment was Flick. Flick's pleasure, Flick's love.

"Gah… Zed, I'm… fuck !" Flick's body curved upward, then released. Come flooded Zed's mouth—the taste more bitter than the pre-come. He swallowed some, gagged a little, and pulled back to coax Flick through his orgasm with a hand instead of his mouth. Spit and more covered his chin and he swiped at it with the back of his free hand. Flick shook with tremors, coming down from what looked like an amazing high—and Zed had done that, brought his friend to the pinnacle of physical pleasure.

It wouldn't get awkward now, would it?

Zed had sucked his brains out through his cock. Felix couldn't think. Hell, he could barely breathe. Coming had never felt like this before. Of course, he'd only ever had the comfort of his hand. A mouth? Holy shit. Zed had sucked his cock. Kissed it, licked it, taken it inside his mouth and sucked it.

Why hadn't he told Zed he loved him a year ago?

Zed looked kinda dazed.

"That was 'mazing," Felix said, tongue refusing to work properly. How was he ever going to return this favor without a working tongue? Wait. Was he really thinking about doing this to Zed? Felix's thoughts stuttered again before clearing with a resounding fuck yeah .

Zed had moved back, and a sense of loss wound through Felix—not just because Zed had let go of his penis. Reaching down to pull up his pants, Felix tilted his head sideways to get another look at Zed's face, and caught sight of an expression that didn't visit Anatolius features very often: hesitance .

"Hey," Felix murmured.

Zed wouldn't meet his eyes.

Nope, they weren't going to do this now, whatever it was Zed was thinking of doing. They were not going to stop and think. Talk it out, remind each other of the fact this was a one night deal. Felix refused to believe that, anyway. When Zed stepped onto his shuttle in the morning, he'd be taking a piece of Felix with him, and leaving a piece of himself behind. What they shared could never be explored in one night. Hadn't Marnie said love was patient? Felix wasn't known for patience, but he could be a persistent bugger.

He tucked himself away and reached for Zed, hauling him back in. "Want to taste myself on you," he said, lifting his chin for a kiss.

Zed kissed him and it was… weird. The flavor of Zed's mouth altered his taste. Felix couldn't say if it was good or bad, but it was definitely sexy. He kissed Zed until the rumble started again, until Zed seemed committed to what they were doing once more. Then Felix began pushing him backward. They really should have scouted a better location than an air conditioning duct for this. But it was nearly as wide as a dorm room bed and they did have a locked door. And the beauty of the stars strung overhead probably couldn't be equaled.

Felix pulled at Zed's belt.

"You don't have to," Zed said, catching his hands.

"'S rude to talk when you're being kissed." Felix's lips moved over Zed's. "Besides, where you lead, I follow. Always been like that."

"Not always. I've followed you many a time."

"Usually into trouble." Grinning, Felix pressed another kiss to Zed's lips and discovered that smiling widely made kissing difficult. Their mouths didn't line up anymore. He grabbed at the hard ridge behind Zed's fly and squeezed. Zed's moan changed the shape of his lips, and the kissing got all serious again.

Belt undone, zip tugged down, Felix urged Zed to lift his hips. He pushed Zed's pants down to his thighs, too eager to get to the good stuff to bother getting them down any farther. He slid a hand inside Zed's underpants and grasped his length.

"God, you're so hot." He meant temperature wise, but Zed could take it any way he wanted. His cock was hot, and heavy against Felix's palm. He squeezed. Zed gasped and groaned. Arched upward. Felix let go long enough to tug Zed's underwear down and took a moment to appreciate what he'd unveiled. Thick, hard, and ruddy, with a slight kink to the left. Felix took a hold of the shaft and straightened it. Pre-come beaded the divot at the top, glistening in the starlight. Felix leaned forward to lick it.

Tasted… not entirely pleasant. But he liked it anyway. It was Zed, and he reckoned with practice, he could get used to it. Learn to love it. And the way Zed was groaning? Yeah…

A moment of uncertainty caught him as he prepared to wrap his lips around the crown. What if he did this wrong? What if his teeth got in the way? Would he choke? He'd heard Zed making a noise like he might have tried to swallow too much. What if he figured out this was the best thing ever, and didn't get a chance to suck Zed's cock again? Ever.

Shut up and suck it, Flick.

He opened his mouth and swallowed Zed's cock. Beneath him, Zed shuddered and moaned. His hips thrust upward and the head of his cock nudged the back of Felix's throat. Gagging, Felix pulled back and followed Zed's example of using his hand as a depth gauge.

Don't suck past this point.

Sucking to down to his fingers was amazing, though. The taste, the feel of Zed's rigid flesh against his tongue. The way Zed's cock seemed to pulse in his mouth. And having just had Zed's mouth around his own precious had taught him a couple of things: pressure was king, and there was nothing more awesome than the feeling of being wrapped up tight—and of having something to push into and against.

"Oh God, oh God," Zed whispered-moaned.

With his other hand, Felix cupped Zed's heavy sac. Zed grunted and jerked. More bitter fluid met Felix's tongue. Rounding his lips, Felix sucked up and down in a steady rhythm—four, maybe five times?—then Zed pushed at his shoulders.

"Coming!"

Felix pulled away.

Zed's head tipped back and his hips thrust up. Felix jacked him once more and he came, jetting upward, his whole body following. Felix wished he'd stayed down there to catch it in his mouth, even though he knew he'd have coughed and spat and… well, Zed probably wouldn't have noticed. He was still thrusting and coming. And coming. Jesus, how long had it been since he'd last jerked off?

Felix lowered his lips to kiss the wet and shiny head of Zed's softening dick and Zed shuddered again. "Oh God."

Felix licked.

"Fuck!"

Felix hummed against the sticky warmth.

"Stop. You're killing me."

Pulling back, Felix licked his lips. He felt like a cat licking cream from its whiskers. Zed caught him around the back of the neck with one of those big old hands of his and pulled him down for a kiss. Felix went willingly, barely hesitating when his almost dry stomach met Zed's damp and slick skin. The kiss was a tasting sample, both of them licking and sucking at one another's tongues. Then Zed's arms banded around his back, pulling him closer, and they cuddled.

Felix dropped his head into the crook of Zed's neck and shoulder and nuzzled the sweat-dampened skin there, inhaling the scent of Zed's soap and cologne. He could feel Zed's heart beating steadily against his chest. Below his hips, Zed's limp cock smooshed somewhere near his own.

Felix never wanted to move. Ever. He wanted to stay right here, in the secure circle of Zed's arms. It had been so long since they'd lain like this. Not that they'd ever formed the habit of cuddling half naked, semen cooling between them. But they'd shared a room for two years, and even after, they'd often spent the night together, squashed side by side in the same bed, Zed making music and Felix reading comics. Conversation had been optional, because so often they hadn't needed words. Just being together had been enough.

Tears pricked Felix's eyes. He tucked an arm around the back of Zed's neck and pulled him close. "Going to miss you," he said to Zed's neck.

"Going to miss you too." Words felt more than heard as they rumbled through Zed's chest. Zed's arms tightened around him. "But I know you're going to do great. Gonna make us all proud. The fleet needs engineers like you."

"And heroes like you."

"Flick—"

"Don't say anything else." Felix pushed upward, against the circle of Zed's arms, and pressed a hard kiss to his mouth. "Let's just keep this, okay? Let this be…" What? He so desperately wanted to tell Zed he loved him again. Speak it against his lips with the taste of sex. "Let this be our night. Like you said." Zed had said one night, but whatever. "Can we… can we not talk about what's next for a while? Can we just remember what was?" Damn, his throat was closing. "I don't want to forget all the fun things we've done over the last six years."

"Last ten," Zed murmured.

"Right, like the time I talked you into stealing those strawberries from the Upper Market on Pontus."

Zed's sudden laugh quickly softened into a chuckle and his cheeks bunched up just like they always did when he found something very amusing. He moved a hand up to muss Felix's curls. "You are such a bad influence on me."

"Pfft." Felix leaned away and stood so he could fasten his pants properly. Idly, he picked at the drying mess on his stomach. Ugh. "We should probably clean up and get dressed before Marnie decides to rescue us."

No matter how they wanted to keep reality at bay, the fact was, they couldn't. It intruded, an unwelcome interloper slipping between them as they sat, sides pressed together and arms over each other's shoulders, watching the stars. Zed didn't mention what awaited them in the morning. No more talk of training or what the future held. Instead, he delved into memories, every single good memory he could think of, and tried to pretend that the pain in his chest wasn't his heart breaking.

Maybe he did love Flick like that —God, he didn't know, not for sure. He needed to think, to study the emotions from all angles. He didn't say anything, didn't let on about the turmoil roiling around in his chest. It wouldn't make things any easier and Flick already knew how much Zed cared for him. That counted more than three little words that may or may not be true.

Three little words that would hobble Flick.

They had fallen silent by the time the sky lightened with false dawn. Flick leaned on Zed, his breathing even, and Zed had fallen into a sort of not-quite doze. Rattling at the roof door made him jerk fully awake.

Flick snorted and sat up, blinking blearily. "Wha?"

The door opened. Zed wasn't surprised to see Marnie, Emma and Ryan spill through—really, the only surprising thing was that it had taken this long for their friends to find them.

Or—by the way Marnie was smiling at him and Flick—maybe not so surprising after all.

"Prop the door!" Flick shouted.

"I got it, I got it," Ryan said, fitting the brick back into the doorway to keep it ajar. "You guys have a nice night?"

Zed glanced at Flick and hoped the darkness and his olive skin tone helped to mask his blush. He cleared his throat. "We had a great view of the fireworks."

"There were fireworks?" Emma flopped down beside Flick.

"With our names and everything," Flick told her.

Marnie and Ryan settled on the other side of Zed. "That would have been cool to see," Marnie said, glancing at Ryan. "Really romantic."

"Uh huh." From Flick's tone—and the glare he shot in Marnie's direction—he clearly thought she still had something to do with stranding them up here. Which was ridiculous, because how could she have known Flick would come up here, or that Zed would come after him and be too stupid to make sure the door could be opened from this side before letting it close? "Figured you guys would all be fast asleep by now."

Ryan snorted. "Hell no. We've been—ow." Rubbing the ribs that Marnie had elbowed, he continued. "Looking for you."

"There were so many places you could have disappeared to." Marnie's brown, almond-shaped eyes were all innocence.

"Marn, I really hope Mil-Int teaches you to have a better poker face," Zed said. She caught his gaze, hers questioning, and he gave a little shake of his head.

He didn't know what he meant by the gesture, but Marnie seemed to understand. She was good like that, seeing beneath fa?ades and words to get to the truth. And the truth was… he just didn't fucking know where they went from here.

No, that was kind of a lie. From here, they went to specialist training. After specialist training, they would do their first postings. And then…

And then, who knew. He couldn't see that far into the future, couldn't even imagine it. Trying to out-think it, out-plan it, wasn't going to happen. They would all just have to live it.

He squeezed Flick against his side and brushed his lips over Flick's temple. "You're not going to lose me," he whispered. It was a promise—not the one he wanted to give Flick, but the only one he could.

Flick shivered, whether from the breeze or Zed's words, he didn't know. "Ditto," he murmured.

It would have to be enough.