28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Ruya

I lay in the pillow and blanket nest, curled up in Sadavir's arms for a long while. Grief wracked me, but I was also drained by the use of my banshee powers and the toll of the sudden intense emotions that had flooded me. I drifted in and out of an uneasy sleep while I waited for my wounded naga to awake. Part of me felt useless. Like I should be out there somewhere doing something. But that was nonsense. I knew Josh was already dead. Deep in my soul, at the heart of my power, I knew.

Sadavir lost his limp, unconscious feeling and seemed to relax into a more normal, if deep, sleep. But eventually I woke from my drifting nap to find him awake, his arms sliding around me, pulling me close so that I lay on top of him like an omega blanket. He drew in a deep, stuttering breath, but didn't speak.

I laid my head on his chest and took comfort in the steady, strong beat of his heart. Josh was gone. But Sadavir was here. It didn't diminish the pain. His strong alpha presence didn't erase the sense of loss, but it helped me keep it together.

He nuzzled his face against my head, and his breathing hitched. "I know," I said softly, even though he couldn't hear me, couldn't see my lips move from this angle. He was fighting tears. I reached up a hand to touch his face and corrected myself. Not fighting tears. Crying silently. As if a big, bad, alpha male couldn't let others hear him grieve. Or maybe it was because he had been raised to be a leader. To carry on despite his feelings.

I lifted my head so he could read my lips. "I'm so sorry," I whispered, hating how insignificant the words were.

I couldn't see for him to sign, and there was no one here to be our go-between. So, he spoke to me instead, less careful of his enunciation and the way he formed words without others around to judge him. "I should have done more. Sooner. Insisted. This is my fault." Then I felt his aura flare with rage. "And hers. The dragon. She insisted we wait and now Josh is dead!"

His grip on me became borderline painful and I stiffened in surprise. "Sadavir," I said as calmly as I could. "You're hurting me."

He let up at once, his big hands soothing over my back as if in apology. "Unstable," he said slowly. "It's not safe for you right now. I'm not safe for you."

I shook my head adamantly. "The others said you need me right now." And I could feel it. Somehow, I could sense it. The thing in me that drove me to want to be near my alphas, that wanted to please, and be cherished, and protected. It also wanted to protect —just in a different way from an alpha or a gamma. I had the deep, instinctual urge to hold Sadavir. To let my aura reach out to him. To shield him from the world and… be his shelter, his anchor. The way he and the other alphas were always an anchor for me. Protection wasn't always fists, or swords, or explosive fire. Sometimes what most needed protecting was the heart. And I was beginning to understand, deep inside, that this was my purpose.

I let it happen, let my soul twine with his, and felt his rage, his pain, and the feeling of impotence that tortured him—the awful feeling of not being able to do anything. And I wrapped myself around him—around all the emotions swirling in his aura—like a blanket, not extinguishing the pain, but muffling it, quieting it all so he could rest.

His body relaxed beneath me, and his big hands smoothed over my back once more before he sat up, taking me with him and cradling me on his lap. He had shifted back to human form at some point, I noted dimly. I hadn't even realized until now.

I don't know how long we sat like that, just soothing each other with the interplay of our auras. Strong and soft. Grief and love. Grounding. Holding each other together. This… this was what it meant to be alpha and omega, two parts of a whole. But it could be more. I knew it instinctively. Deep inside, I yearned to be claimed. To be marked and bound magically to his man, at the deepest level, so there were no barriers between us. So I could guard his heart more fully. So we could truly, deeply, be one.

I clenched my teeth as he nuzzled along my neck. It wasn't amorous. Not at the moment. We were both too lost in grief for that. But I thought he was feeling the pull too. After losing Josh, he probably felt compelled to more firmly cement me to him. As if that would prevent him from losing me too.

I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him softly. Just a chaste press of lips that said I saw him. That I understood. I might have done it then. Might have asked him to complete the bonding and make me his true mate in all the ways an alpha could, might have surrendered my will to him for the rest of my life in that moment. But one thing held me back.

Alongside the thrumming urge to give myself to Sadavir completely, there was another throbbing need , quieter, a bit more distant at the moment, but impossible to ignore even in this state I was in.

Another alpha called to me. A fiery aura, like a piece of my soul was missing. It was just enough to clear my head. To let me remember all the reasons why now was not the time to let my omega urges drive me to do something impulsive.

If I let Sadavir claim me as his mate, it would be the last straw for Robin. Her control was already stretched thin with her looming birthday, her missing birthright, and her war with the emperor. I knew she also used a considerable chunk of her willpower to keep from claiming me and adding more complications to the situation. But if Sadavir took her true mate right from under her nose… they would fight. Most likely maim or kill one another.

And even if they didn't fight, Robin might see this complication as too much of a distraction. She wouldn't claim me herself, wouldn't want the distraction from her goals. And her dragon side would suffer seeing me bound to someone else. To another alpha in her territory—in her own nest—who was a threat to her dominance. Would she tolerate that? We might find ourselves alone, without the support of the rebel court. With nowhere to go and no one to help us.

I wanted to think that Robin and the others wouldn't allow that to happen. But I couldn't be absolutely sure. I knew what drove them. I knew how Robin felt about sacrificing a single individual in order to preserve her plans. We had just discussed this when Josh went missing. I wanted to think she and the others would move mountains to keep me with them, loved and safe. That they wouldn't abandon me. And yet… some small part of me wasn't sure. A small, timid voice who remembered how little my previous caretakers had cared for me whispered, but they might.

No. Robin would choose me. If it came to her revenge plans or my safety, she would choose me. I had to believe that. And now, when it came to my desires or the wellbeing of Robin and her entire court… I chose her. I just that hoped one day in the future, I wouldn't be forced to choose.

Sadavir seemed to sense the change in my mood. His own raging aura pulled back a bit, as if he, too realized that claiming me might be disastrous. But I felt him shudder, knew he was having trouble controlling himself—both his urges and his anger and pain. I needed to keep myself calm. Keep it together for both our sakes. I took a deep, calming breath and tried my best to radiate good feelings through my aura. It hurt. The entire situation was a nightmare. But we would get through this. Josh… he would want Sadavir to be happy and safe , no matter what. That much I was certain of. The human had loved his naga fiercely all their lives.

Slowly, softly, a new presence nudged at my mind, brushed gently against my aura. Can I come up?

I smiled faintly to myself at the hesitant touch of Cicely's fae magic in my mind. Feeling into Sadavir's aura one more time, I spoke aloud for both of them. "Cicely's coming up," I said evenly.

Sadavir didn't protest.

I brought tea, my faun said in mind speak as he approached our little nest. I heard the faint sound of a tray being placed on the nearby coffee table. The others weren't sure, but I thought maybe a beta could get away with a visit without triggering a reaction. Especially one who isn't technically part of Robin's court.

I smiled gratefully. Cicely was one of us. But he had always proudly declared that he wasn't Robin's beta, he was mine. His instincts said to respect and follow an alpha, but he was also more likely than the others to ignore or work around Robin's orders when it suited him. And she let him, because she knew he was mine and took some sort of strange comfort in knowing I had my own people—a mate who wasn't beholden to her in quite the same way as the others.

"I'm glad you're here," I said honestly.

His bright, golden aura was soothing, and I thought that of anyone, Sadavir was least likely to take issue with Cicely. Not only was he a beta, and an easygoing person in general, but he also had innate magic that allowed him to calm and soothe others. And even alphas didn't seem to be immune.

He handed us each a cup of tea, and the pleasant scent of herbs and pixie magic wafted across my senses. Yukio. So sweet, even though he tried to disguise it.

Yuki made a separate concoction for each of you. He said it should help with calm, but not be sedating. A brief pause, and the feeling of humor laced his mental voice. Though he did say "if the snake is being an asshole, I can make something else that will knock him out for a week or so and save us all the headache of dealing with him."

I shook my head. Yukio was grumpy with everyone, but he seemed to be especially fond of letting Sadavir know how much he hated him. Which… knowing Yukio, might mean exactly the opposite. The distracting thought amused me for a moment, before the sadness took hold again and my smile fell.

I was surprised when Cicely came and sat next to me in our nest. Sadavir said I could, the faun told me with the equivalent of a mental wink.

I sipped my tea in silence. Already, I felt myself relaxing, some of the tension flowing away. I wasn't sure if that was thanks to Yuki's tea, or Cicely's magic. Probably both. But I welcomed the relief. I just hoped it was working on Sadavir as well.

Cicely nudged my shoulder with his as he spoke in my mind. You okay? Not about Josh, I mean. Of course you're not okay there. But your vision. It seemed to really hit you hard, drain your magic.

I sighed. I assumed Cicely was signing for Sadavir's benefit, since he and the others seemed to be careful to always include him. So, I didn't bother to voice his question. Only my answer. "I'm fine. I was drained at first, but now it's more emotional drain than magical. I just… can't believe we are sitting here having tea while he's… gone," my voice cracked, and my throat closed up.

Sadavir took one of my hands and squeezed, then released me, probably to sign. Cicely took my teacup away and took my other hand. Sadavir says you should never regret being alive. Surviving when others don't. That this sort of regret is a madness that will eat at you from the inside. He let out a long sigh before continuing. He says it's his fault for not protecting Josh. For not forcing the court to do more, or for not going out on his own to find him.

I shook my head adamantly, but Cicely was already speaking, adamantly signing, if the motions I sensed from him were any indication. It's not your fault, Sadavir. And it's not Robin's. Or anyone else's. Except whoever took our human. Everyone did what they thought was best in the moment. And that's all anyone can ever do. Blaming each other, blaming yourself, that won't bring Josh back. It will only hurt everyone who's still alive. And that is exactly what his killer probably wanted. To wound us all, maybe even throw us into chaos, make us fight against each other so we're no longer a threat to anyone else.

I gripped Sadavir's hand and sent a wave of healing energy through the contact. He wasn't physically wounded, but the healing would make him feel rejuvenated. And hopefully he'd know that I wished I could heal his pain as well.

"I know," he voiced, squeezing my hand in return.

He says he knows everything I've said is just good logic, but the alpha in him is enraged. Wounded. He needs to move. To do something. He wants to make plans to find out who did this and avenge Josh. He says Acacia needs to die.

I paused as I tried to find a diplomatic and even vaguely convincing way to disagree with him. It was impossible, though. I wanted the same things. I was never a violent person. I healed people, I didn't harm them. And yet, some part of me agreed with Sadavir. I probably wasn't able to be bloodthirsty enough to mete out the vengeance myself when the moment came. But I would gladly stand by my alpha while he did it for us. Acacia's blood would feed the earth and only then could Josh rest in peace.

No. That wasn't me. I concentrated, turned inward and checked my own energies.

I was feeling what Sadavir was feeling, somehow, and it was affecting me. My yearning for the bond, and my omega need to please the alpha in the room was probably contributing, giving me this added connection to him, and making me willing to go along with whatever he needed right now. Even if that was a bloodbath.

"No," I said firmly, as much for myself as for Sadavir. "Whoever did this will be brought to justice in time. But you're not rushing off into danger. I can't lose you too."

Cicely's calming aura touched mine, filling the room with peace. Grieve for now, he said softly. Be grateful for those of us still living. And know that these things always have a way of working out, in the end.

Someone huffed. Then Sadavir demanded, "Ask."

Cicely's voice was laced with humor as he spoke in my mind. Sadavir would like to know if you or anyone else here would object to him showing affection for your beta.

I snorted a laugh myself. Then my eyes watered and I found myself crying again. Too many emotions still flowed through me all at once. Pain. Loss. Sadness. Amusement. Despair. Joy at Sadavir's directness.

"Of course not," I said through a sniffle. "As long as the beta in question consents."

Cicely's wry amusement was palpable. The beta consents wholeheartedly. I'm going to hug the fuck out of your snake now, Ru.

I laughed through my tears as I felt Cicely lunge, heard the oof that escaped Sadavir. Cicely wanted to comfort people as much as I did. And I knew he held back sometimes because he was still trying to figure out how we all fit together in this rebel court. If everything else about this day was terrible, well, at least there was this. Cicely would never replace Josh, and Sadavir wouldn't try to slot my beta into that empty place in his heart. But maybe Sadavir could take some comfort in knowing he had friends here among the court. People who genuinely cared.

However, that small glimmer of relief was short-lived.

Dusek's frightful aura seeped into the room and the bubak materialized, his voice slowly solidifying, the same way his body no doubt did to those who had working vision. I saw the blurry shadows on one side of the room darken. "Sorry to interrupt," he said, his deep voice gravely serious. "But we have a situation. You should both come downstairs." He hesitated, the ominous swirl of his dark aura swelling for a moment, then retreating. "Someone just dumped a body on our front steps."

We were down the stairs in an instant. "Sadavir!" I bit out as I tried to focus and not stumble in my haste.

Dusek seemed to understand my concern. He spoke from behind me as I clung to Cicely and the railing on our mad dash down the stairs from the balcony to the main level of the theater. "Robin will be there. She gave him sanctuary once. She was depleted, but she can probably manage it again."

"I don't know what that even means," I grumbled, nearly missing a step. Cicely steadied me and forced me to slow down.

"It's an alpha thing," Dusek said, his voice still cool and even despite the fact that there was a body on our front steps. Josh? Or was some new horror waiting for us? "If an alpha is strong enough, and if the other alpha is willing to allow it, they can… I don't know, shelter the enraged alpha. Contain their powers if they are a danger to others."

Hmm. Convenient. And possibly dangerous. Especially if both alphas were exceptionally powerful and one of them didn't have access to all of her magic because it had been stolen away. But I had no time to voice my questions and concerns or to see if my conclusions were correct. We reached the main theater level, then headed up a shorter set of stairs to the main lobby.

Sadavir made a strangled sound and pushed past us. Josh, then. It must be. But the fact that it wasn't a new body was hardly a relief. Sadavir's broken sounds of grief nearly brought me to my knees. I pushed away from Cicely and Dusek to join the others, who had gathered around the body, which someone had brought into the lobby.

"Is it him?" I murmured quietly, the numb priestess mask falling into place as I forced myself to ignore what I felt and focus on the matter at hand. Sadavir was my concern now. And keeping the others safe, keeping him from losing it, or fighting with Robin, or any other crazy, impulsive outburst his wounded serpent side might provoke.

Even if my own heart was breaking on the inside, I couldn't show it now. I pushed my pain down deep. The way I had been trained to do since I was a child.

"Yes," Robin said in an even voice that matched my own. A voice that said she was containing her own emotions. Probably rage. That someone under her protection had been murdered would not sit well with her. It was a wonder she hadn't turned into a dragon and started setting things on fire. "Savaged," she added for my benefit. "He's covered in blood. But… " she paused as if considering, maybe scenting the air.

"Not all of it is his," Martina finished for her. "He reeks of vampire."

I moved forward, reaching out blindly. I found Sadavir's broad, solid shoulder and went to my knees beside him. "Vir. I'm so sorry."

He gripped my hand and yanked me forward, and my palm landed on cold, smooth skin. "Help him."

My heart was already fractured into a million pieces, barely held together with sheer will. But now it shattered fully, the pieces raining down in a shower of devastation at the rawness in Sadavir's voice. The pleading. The desperation. And at the surety that there was nothing I could do.

"I can't," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. But I can't. I can't bring people back from the dead."

"Ruya," Robin said, her overly warm hand suddenly gripping my arm and yanking. "Something's not right about this body. Move away. Now!"

I tried to shake off her grip, but she was paranorm strong. As my hand slipped away from Josh's cold, dead skin, something hammered through my awareness. "Let go of me!" I demanded. "I just felt—"

Again. A pulse of awareness. Like an aura, but there and gone again in a flash that felt like a physical blow. Like a flash of lightning. Thunder before a storm. Robin growled. Sadavir hissed.

I was yanked backward so hard and fast that my shoulder protested and I nearly bit through my tongue. Robin's arm wrapped around my torso, and she held me, my back to her chest as she dragged me further away. Her chest continued to rumble with a deep warning growl. Sanka's magic washed over us all as he readied some sort of spell or ward.

That aura pulsed again. And again. The final time, it leveled out to something more normal and… stayed. Thready, but permanent. A soul crying out for healing. "I need to go to him," I said, struggling in Robin's arms. "He's alive! He needs help!"

And then all hell broke loose.

Sanka's magic flared. Sadavir yelled, "No! Don't hurt him!" There was some kind of a scuffle.

People shouted, talking over one another, and still, throughout it all, that strange new aura called to me, urged by the healer in me to help. Pain. Weakness. Starvation…

Sadavir grunted and I knew through our connection and the feelers I was currently sending out to the room around me that he had been wounded. "What's happening?" I shouted. "Sadavir?!"

It was Martina who spoke. "He's starving," she snapped. "The fuckers turned him and threw him on our doorstep before he even completed the transition. A new vampire who has never had blood. Fucking fantastic."

There was more scuffling. People were moving, but struggle though I might, Robin refused to release me. Her alpha aura was enraged, pulsing outward in waves that were almost painful to bear. And I realized she was struggling with control. Maybe she wasn't only holding me here for my own safety. Maybe she was clinging to me so she wouldn't completely lose it.

"Get them apart," Martina commanded, taking control of the situation, since she was the only alpha currently in control of herself. "Ruya! You can't freak out right now, we need you to do your omega thing. Cicely! You too, push that comfort shit like your life depends on it."

Sadavir hissed.

"Don't even try it, scaly," Martina said in an unimpressed voice. "Sanka. Magical binds. Now."

I tried to be calm. But the world had just tilted on its axis. Josh wasn't dead. He was… but how? Why?