13. Emily

13

EMILY

W hen I tried climbing out of the limo before the driver opened the door, Daniel scolded me. I knew he didn’t mean to make me feel bad and he apologized at least three times before we even got to the door of the restaurant, but I burst out in tears anyway. My emotions were all over the place, and I hadn’t been having very good days. I thought Evelyn was making it up when she told me how badly her hormones affected her in her first trimester with Jesse. Now I knew differently.

Daniel walked me to our table, and we ordered immediately. He knew the menu and had favorites, and I was so hungry I’d eat a horse, so I didn’t balk at his suggestions. I ordered a diet soda and decided to be as content as I could. My heart weighed the idea of telling him about the baby tonight. It hadn’t been that long at all, under two months, and I was really scared he would be upset, so I had a lot of pressure on my shoulders, but finally, I decided when the mood was right, I’d bring it up.

“Emily, you’ve been a little upset all day—all week, in fact. What’s wrong? Are you not happy dating me?” He reached across the table and took my hand, and I let him hold it.

“No… Uh, I’m really happy dating you. I think we have something special. We have so much in common despite being so different in other ways. It’s just…”

His face fell, brows drawn, eyes saddened. “What is it?”

“Well, first of all, you’re my boss. And when we first started this thing, you weren’t my direct boss. Olivia was. Now it’s you. And I’m worried that people will talk about us. Before tonight, no one really knew. I mean, I’d heard gossip floating around the office, but no one came right out and asked me if something was going on. But now that they’ve seen us leaving together, and your arm was around me… They’re going to talk.”

I thought about how Evelyn’s friends in high school would gossip about her behind her back, talking about the latest boy she’d been on a date with. At times, they spread nasty rumors about her and once even got a story going that she’d gotten pregnant and aborted the baby just to not lose her figure. I was scared that something similar may happen to me. Chicago might have treated me with anonymity when I bought that pregnancy test, but the office didn’t have the population of the city. It was a group of tightly knit coworkers who knew a lot about each other.

“Look, if you’re worried about that, I can lay down the law. People respect me, and I will force them to respect you too.”

He squeezed my hand, but I wasn’t reassured. Not knowing my stomach would begin growing soon and there would be no way to hide this secret from my peers. I had to push that thought away because it only churned up more emotion and I had to blink back tears.

“Okay, but what about the age difference?” My lip quivered as I spoke. “I mean, twelve years is a big difference. What do you think people will say about us when we go public for real? And what if you die before me? I can’t marry someone who will die early and leave me a widow.” That did it. Tears cascaded down my cheeks. The thought of my fifty-year-old husband dying when I was only thirty-seven and still had teenagers at home terrified me. Men died early all the time—heart attack, stroke, cancer. I shuddered at the thought.

“Okay, well I have no plans on leaving this earth until I’m in my nineties, so you can rest easy. Besides, we need to take one step at a time. Let’s worry about whether we’re able to date successfully before we jump into a marriage scenario.” He chuckled, and I felt foolish for bringing up marriage on our first real date, but deep down, I knew if he knew about the baby, he’d either want marriage or he’d run for the hills.

“Okay, then… I want to be independent. I want to build my own career and pay my own way. I watched my mom having to do whatever my dad said because he was the sole breadwinner for so long. I want to have freedom to make choices.”

“What makes you think you won’t have freedom?” He nodded at the waiter who brought out our large pizza. We paused the conversation for a moment as he scooped a slice of pizza onto my plate then one onto his. I waited until he’d taken a bite before I continued.

“Well… so you make a lot of money. I barely make any. I’m thinking that’s going to cause problems. You’re not going to let me struggle and fail and learn how to do things. You'll jump in and save me, pay my way. I don’t want a handout.” I took a tiny bite of the pizza and realized how good it was. My stomach growled loudly. I hadn’t had too much nausea yet, which was good, but I also had gone easy on eating anything acidic, and this sauce was so amazing I knew I’d overdo it.

“Alright, I promise not to bail you out or push my money on you. Okay?” Daniel sounded a bit perturbed by my worries, so I backed off. I ate my slice of pizza in silence and waited for him to speak. Maybe I had let my irrational fears carry me away.

“Why don’t we talk about something else now? What about your family? What are they like?” He smiled and took another bite of pizza. This was a topic I wanted to avoid entirely, but he had brought it up, so there was no getting out of it.

“Well, my parents are entrepreneurs, like I told you. They are very family oriented and overprotective, one of the reasons I came here. Evelyn is sort of controlling like Mom, though she can go days without even talking to me, which is nice. Sometimes, I need a break.” I wiped my mouth and sipped my soda.

“Interesting… So where do you see yourself in five or ten years?”

“I want to maybe move out of the city. Not necessarily back to Monroe County, but not Chicago. It’s big and nice, but I’m here for the opportunity. I hope maybe I’ll have a few kids, a strong career… You know, the American dream.”

Daniel eyed me, and I watched his shoulders fall a bit as he scooped another slice of pizza onto his plate.

“What about you? Where do you see yourself in ten years?” I helped myself to another slice, but I warned myself not to eat too much more than that. I really was worried that morning sickness would hit at the worst possible time. I did not want to end up vomiting pizza in the restaurant’s bathroom.

“Well, I see myself running my established practice here in Chicago. I want to open branches in New York and LA. I’ve always been a huge fan of the city and don’t really have a plan to leave.”

My heart sank a little at his future plans. While I loved the city and had chosen to move here, I knew it was a stepping stone toward my future, similar to how I felt about taking the job at the firm. My plans didn’t involve living in a city long term. I noticed he also hadn’t mentioned anything about having a family, so despite my discouragement over his hoped-for dwelling location, I pushed on.

“And a family? I think two or three kids, maybe. I loved having a sister to grow up with, though at times, we fought. I just couldn’t imagine growing up with no siblings, though. My friend Amanda was an only child, and she hated it. She told me how her parents were so micromanaging and overbearing because they had no other children to pay attention to.” I chuckled as I remembered the story, but Daniel shrugged.

“Not sure. I’ve never really seen myself as a family man, per se. I mostly focus on my career and my clients. It takes a lot of work to run a company by yourself, and I haven’t even had time to date, let alone have kids.” He chomped on his pizza, and my heart plunged to the depths of the ocean.

I tried not to let the emotion overwhelm me, but I felt tears coming again. “Uh, I have to use the restroom.” I forced a smile. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Sure.” Daniel smiled at me and took another bite of food, and I slipped away. The tears streamed down my cheeks before I got myself locked into a stall, and I sat there with my shoulders heaving with sobs.

I was so emotional over the stupidest things lately, but this wasn’t a stupid thing. If Daniel didn’t want to be a father, I was in huge trouble. My mind swirled with thoughts I couldn’t express. I was already pregnant. It wasn’t like we were thinking of planning a family together. He didn’t know anything about the baby, and all I could think was how angry he would be when he found out. I’d ruined the plans for his future. I pictured a bleak existence where I struggled to make ends meet as a single mother while he lived his best life in the big city.

“Are you okay?” a soft voice asked me along with a knock on the stall door. I sat on the toilet but hadn’t even pulled my pants down, so I opened it up and saw a waitress there with compassion in her eyes.

“I’m pregnant, and my boyfriend just told me he didn’t see himself having a family.” I sobbed louder. It felt good to get it off my chest.

“Oh, honey.” She crouched in front of me. “Listen, you can do this. It’s not the end of the world. Okay? I’m a single mom and I’m killing it. There are so many opportunities in Chicago.” She rested her hand on my knee, but her words were not so comforting. It was further proof that I’d made a mistake.

“Thank you.” I grabbed some toilet paper and blew my nose. “I think I should just go back to the table. I appreciate your listening.”

“Sure, no problem, hun.”

I took a few minutes to wash my face and reapply my mascara before heading back to the table. Daniel wasn’t there, so I sat alone and ate another slice of pizza I’d probably regret later on. When he returned, presumably from the bathroom or from paying the check, he looked concerned.

“Are you okay, Emily? I’ve been asking what’s wrong all day and you just aren’t talking to me. It's clearly more than just my being your boss or what coworkers will say.”

“I… Uh, I’m sorry Daniel. I got a call from my mom this week and it just really upset me. Okay? It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“You’ve been crying again. I worry about that.” He reached for my face and cupped my cheek. I was comforted by his gesture, but my heart was still really sad.

“I’m okay, really.”

“Well, you’re down, and I don’t want to take you home to sit alone while you’re down. You can come to my place. I’ll show you around, and we can have a drink or just sit on the patio and talk.”

“Work tomorrow… How will I be ready? I have no clothes at your house.” I hesitated. The way he had pressured me to drink earlier made me very uncomfortable. I liked a glass of wine or spirits as much as anyone else, but not while pregnant. I loved this little life inside me more than life itself. There was no way I was caving to that peer pressure, and he would wonder why. “Maybe tonight isn't a good night.”

“Nonsense. It’s a perfect night. I’ll have the driver bring you home to change before work, and it will be fine.”

His insistence that he protect and watch over me was sweet. I nodded. “Okay, I’ll go.” I rose with him as he dropped a few bills on the table as a tip. If he pressured me to drink, I’d just have to tell him. Besides, his home was a much better place to have that argument than a restaurant. It was inevitable, anyway…