11. Emily

11

EMILY

F or a lazy Saturday, my body acted like a rebellious child. I woke up before seven a.m. unable to fall back asleep, so while the rest of the world slept in, I scrolled my social media accounts, clearing notifications. The bed was too comfortable to get out of, but I knew if I didn’t I’d be lying there for hours, losing half of my day. I tossed the covers back and set my phone on the nightstand, but it started vibrating, my mom’s caller ID showing on the screen. I picked it up and answered, flinging myself back beneath the covers.

“Hey, Mom, what’s up?”

“Well, good morning, dear. I didn’t think you’d be awake yet. I thought maybe you’d be groggy when I called.” I heard the sound of water running in the background on her end of the line. She was probably doing dishes after breakfast. She and Dad were always early risers.

“Well, I have to be up at five-thirty a.m. every morning for work now, so my body is adjusting and I can’t seem to sleep in.” I rubbed my eyes and waited for her to continue. It had been a few weeks since I talked to her. Not that I was avoiding home. I just got busy with work lately.

“Well, your sister called me. She’s concerned about this man you’re seeing.”

My gut tightened. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, hoping she didn’t hear it. Why would Evelyn go straight to Mom and Dad and tell them about Daniel? It was none of her business who I dated or what I did in my personal life. Sometimes, I hated having an older sister who tattled on me for everything. I was old enough to make my own choices without parental consent.

“She said he’s your boss? He’s the head partner and CEO?”

“Mom, it’s not a big deal.” I had used the fact that Olivia was my direct boss to justify this relationship, but now that I reported directly to Daniel, it was probably a bit more unethical. “He’s not that much older.”

“Twelve years is a lot older, Emily.” The tone of her voice told me either she or Evelyn had been researching him, which made me angry.

“Mom, I’m a grown woman. I can handle myself.” I tossed the covers back and rolled out of bed, no longer comfortable. “I have been making my own decisions for five years now, and I live on my own, pay my own bills. Why can’t you trust that I know what I’m doing?”

I strolled out to the kitchen and put a K-cup in my Keurig and turned it on. While the machine heated up, I grabbed a mug and placed it under the spout and got my cream and sweetener ready.

“Emily, you’re so young. You haven’t been around long enough to know when someone is manipulating you.”

As she said the words, I gritted my teeth. Of course I knew when someone was manipulating me, like she was doing now. “I’m a big girl, Mom.”

“He’s probably using his authority as your boss to get you to do what he wants. When he tires of you, he’ll fire you. Emily, your heart will be broken. He has probably done this to all of his assistants so far.”

Mom’s words sank in, but I refused to believe them. Yes, I’d had some of those exact fears, but I refused to believe Daniel was like that. “Mom, not every man on this planet is a jerk.” The machine hissed, announcing the coffee was finished, so I mixed in the cream and sugar and slid the cream back into the fridge. Then I took my coffee and curled up on the couch.

“Emily, please. He’s so much older than you. What if you get involved with this guy and find that you have nothing in common? What if you realize in your thirties that he’s pushing fifty and going to bed before eight p.m. and you’re wanting to go out? Or you want children but he’s past his prime. You need someone your age.”

“Mom, please. I think I can make my own decisions. I’m going to go. I have a lot to do today, okay? I’ll call you next week.”

Mom sounded upset, but at this point, I didn’t care. We hung up, and I knew it wouldn’t be the end of it. She’d have my dad on my case next, probably demanding I come home. But this was my life now. I had built my whole life around Chicago—new job, new apartment, the ability to support myself. There was no way I was going back to small-town Illinois and living under my parents’ thumb.

I had half a mind to call Evelyn and tell her off right then, but this conversation would be better had in person. So I opened my calendar app on my phone. A notification popped up that I hadn’t seen. I had been so busy I hadn’t even opened my calendar in days. Five days, to be exact, because the health tracker that connected to my calendar app notified me that I had not confirmed the start of my period. I was supposed to start five days ago, and I hadn’t started yet.

My heart dropped. I had unprotected sex with Daniel two times this month. Twice. I smacked my forehead and stewed for a second. How could I be so dumb? Part of me still wanted to tell Evelyn off, but now a bigger part of me felt really nervous. A pregnancy would complicate everything. My parents would really demand that I come home. Daniel—well, who knew what he’d say? We had only just decided that we were really going to make a go of this relationship. A baby would seriously mess that up. And my job—God, how would I support myself while taking weeks off after giving birth?

Panic set in, and I rushed to my bedroom and dressed. I didn’t even take time to think. I put my shoes on, called an Uber, and raced down to the drug store to buy a pregnancy test. The woman at the counter scanned the test and took my debit card as if this were an everyday thing. People in the city probably went through this all the time, but in Monroe County, I’d have been the talk of the town. So, the anonymity of no one knowing me was nice, but I still had the same anxiety.

I rushed home just as fast, tearing the packaging on the test box in the wrong places so I ended up not having the directions. I had to Google what to do. I felt like an idiot because any other woman on this planet would have a sister or mother to help them. I considered calling Charlotte, but I was so embarrassed. She had warned me to protect myself and I hadn’t. All I had thought about was how amazing Daniel was and how much I enjoyed spending time with him.

I almost started to cry as I held the little plastic stick in my stream of urine and waited for it to soak the cotton swab at the end. I couldn’t watch it process. I laid it on the counter, washed my hands, and paced in the hallway outside the bathroom door. The idea of having kids was something I’d always thought about. I wanted kids. I wanted a huge family. I just thought it would be with someone I loved deeply after being married. Not this way.

But being a mother would mean the world to me. A little human to love me, to care for. I couldn’t imagine the amount of work involved, but something in my gut secretly hoped that maybe I was pregnant. I felt like I was a yo-yo, being tossed up and down in emotions, exhilaration and sheer terror jerking me around.

I had so many doubts, so many fears. Most of them revolved around me and Daniel and our relationship. He would probably think I got pregnant on purpose and was using that to make him stay with me. It couldn’t be farther from the truth, but I had watched two girls in my graduating class at college go through something similar. And for both of them, it was the end of the relationship. I pressed my hand to my forehead and uttered a prayer. I didn’t want to think about things with Daniel ending. They’d only just started.

After checking the time on my phone and seeing that three minutes had passed, I pushed open the bathroom door and crept in. I had to check what the internet said again to determine the test results because the nerves had already made me forget. When I looked down at those tiny pink lines, I knew. My legs went weak, and I sat on the lid of the toilet. I picked up the test and stared at it.

“Pink…” I muttered, feeling a stupid grin cross my face.

My hand fluttered to my stomach. I expected to feel sick or terrified. I didn’t. I stared at those pink lines and felt tears welling up. Happy tears.

“I’m pregnant.” There was a little life growing inside me, one that Daniel and I created together. It was a living, breathing miracle and I was a part of it. Every fear that had just gone through my head for the past twenty minutes was gone, replaced with joy I couldn’t express.

So what if it was happening earlier than I had planned, or in an unexpected way? I was going to be a mother, and I was instantly in love with the little boy or girl I was carrying. I wept for a solid ten minutes, clutching that test stick. I didn't know how I would tell anyone the news. Their reactions would be exactly as I feared, but I had to remain confident.

I wiped my eyes and tossed the test stick into the trash. First things first, I had to find out if Daniel even wanted children.