30

Bethany tried to hold back her tears, but it felt impossible, given everything that had just happened. She needed to get dressed at the very least, and pack a few things, then get out of the house. She didn"t have any plan on where she would go, even though she knew the snowmobile would take her wherever she wanted, but she had to get away from Cedric before they ended up in another fight. She needed to clear her head, he clearly needed to cool down from the fight with his brother, and with her hormones added to the mix that apparently left him unable to resist her, any interactions between them wouldn"t end well.

She had woken up in bed alone, which was unsurprising, feeling overheated and beyond horny, but no longer so upset. Sleep had done wonders for her chaotic brain, and now, she was not only ready to talk about everything she had been feeling, but also ready to talk through them, the good and the bad, with him.

Without a doubt, she knew, deep down, exactly how she felt for him, and why it scared her so much. For so long, she had been comparing him to other, lesser, men. All of her old fears and scars had reappeared at the thought of permanently binding herself to a man she felt so deeply for, and she had begun to second guess not only herself, but also him. It wasn"t fair to either of them, and until she walked him through what was upsetting her, and let him say the words she knew he was dying to say, they would never be able to move forward.

Bethany was tired of being afraid of what could happen, and knew it was time to move forward in life and finally be happy.

She knew he wouldn"t be far from her, and assumed, given the still early hour, that he was either in the barn feeding the animals or pacing outside, probably fighting himself to keep from coming inside and giving into his lust. The blanket they had slept under was all she needed to keep herself warm, as she doubted she would be outside for longer than a few seconds, and headed down the stairs, a smile on her face, when she heard two roars coming from outside. Fear immediately gripped her, although it was a different kind of fear from the self doubt she had been imposing on herself, and she rushed the rest of the way to the front doors, pulling them both open to reveal two bears, twins, fighting each other bloody in front of the house.

All hope of happiness disappeared as she took in the sight, knowing it was her fault.

She hadn"t seen Gareth since the day she had nearly shot him on the front porch, over a month earlier. The few times Cedric had mentioned him, he had insisted that his twin was around, doing his own thing, and she had wondered, silently and more than once, if it was normal for them to not spend any time together. She had only known two sets of twins in her life, and both pairs were thick as thieves, always together, always in their own little world. The idea that Gareth was simply living his own life, never coming over for a meal or even just to chat, had left her questioning if that was normal for them or if she was interrupting their bond, but now, she had a deep fear it was the latter.

Bethany had frozen in fear, knowing she couldn"t step between them or do anything but watch, but as she saw one bear take down the other, without a clue as to which one was her Cedric, she knew the fight had to end.

And end it had, with both of them bloody and snapping at her, with Gareth insisting he was leaving and Cedric sending her back inside.

Did he hate her? Did he blame her? He should. Given what Gareth had snarled at his brother, her fears were correct, and she had been keeping them apart. She had tried to fix it, begging Gareth to stay, but Cedric snapping at her had made her even more upset.

Clearly, he was angry with her for more than one reason, and now, she knew she needed space. Space away from him and bears and hormones.

Space to think about whether or not she even deserved his forgiveness, after what she had done.

They needed space so that he could fix things with his brother, and think about whether or not she was worth all of the trouble.

Her fingers shook as she pulled on a pair of thick snow pants, and she struggled with the snap button. She hadn"t even pulled on another pair of socks yet, which she would regret whenever she either tried to pull a second pair on and shove them under the cuff of her pants, or went without and went out with boots on and no extra layer on her feet, but she needed to get out now, before he came back in, and she somehow made everything worse.

"Bethany, fuck, I"m sorry for yelling at you," Cedric called out as he opened the first door, and then the second. "I didn"t mean to snap at you. I was just trying to protect you. He was saying things about you, things I know he didn"t mean, but the need to protect you, it was too much, and—the fuck are you doing?"

"Getting dressed," she answered, her words short and to the point. "We clearly need space from one another, or else we"re going to end up fighting. Go get a shower, then fix things with your brother."

"Space? No, we don"t need space. The last thing we need is space."

"Cedric, you nearly just killed your brother out there, because of me!"

"I fought my brother into submission because he went too far! It has nothing to do with you! He"s been needing to get his ass beat for a while. Knock some sense into his head."

"You"re twins, Cedric, and since I arrived, have the pair of you even seen each other?"

"Yes!"

"More than once?"

He was quiet for a long second before answering. "Twice."

That wasn"t any better. "I"ve been here a month, and you"ve seen your twin brother, who lives not even a five minute walk away, twice in all that time? You can"t tell me that"s normal for you. Since I arrived, you haven"t spent any time with your brother, and clearly, it"s affecting him. Go and fix your bond with your brother."

"Not until I fix us first," he snapped, a half second before his face fell. "Shit, I"m sorry. I don"t know why I"m snapping at you."

"It"s because you"re angry with me," she answered, tugging a sweatshirt on over her sleep shirt. "Which is understandable, and that"s why we need space."

"You begged me not to leave earlier, and now you"re leaving?" he demanded, now approaching her. "So, you"re done with me then?"

"What? No!" she gasped, whirling around on him while tucking her sweatshirt into the elastic waistband of her pants. "I said we needed space, not that I"m leaving!"

"Space means that you"re leaving. Are you leaving me?"

"No!" she insisted, taking a step away from him in contrast to her words. "I mean, with my hormones like they are, you angry from the fight, and me a mix of emotions, we need out of this house, or at the very least, I do! A walk in the snow, maybe a trip to Cordelia"s, but I"m not—"

"You"re not going anywhere," he growled, his eyes glowing. "Not like this. Not when you smell like this. Not where I can"t protect you!"

She felt herself growing hot again, the moisture in her underwear increasing as his growl vibrated through her. She wanted him, wanted him to pin her down and fuck her with all of the anger and emotions he was feeling, but she knew that would be a mistake. What he had said earlier, about not having sex while they were upset, he was right about that. It would surely be a mistake.

"Why are we like this?" she gasped, shaking her head at him. "Why are we fighting at the first mention of feelings? I mean, I know why I"m upset, but I was ready to come out there and talk to you, tell you how I feel, and—"

"Don"t say anything else," he demanded, charging the rest of the way to her and grabbing her hands. His hold wasn"t tight, but it was firm, and she didn"t even try to pull away. "Not when you"re mad at me. Not like this."

"Not like this," she agreed, the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Which is why we need space, until we"re both clear headed and we can talk and—"

His eyes closed as he took a deep breath, and she held her breath in turn, watching his face and waiting for his reaction. She knew that her scent from earlier had put him on edge, and she hadn"t even been horny then, but if her ovulation truly smelled as good as he said it did, then adding in her lust would only make it worse. He took in another deep breath while licking his bloody lips, then opened his eyes, the pair of them now golden yellow.

"Fuck, you smell so good right now," he murmured, his voice going deeper as he spoke. "You like it when I growl. Did you like seeing me fight for you? I was fighting to protect you. To keep you safe. Do you like seeing me like this, knowing that I won?"

"No, I don"t," she snapped, meaning it. "Yes, I like the growl, but seeing you fight terrified me, and seeing the blood all over you makes me sick, knowing you were fighting your brother because of me."

"Join me in the shower," he insisted, tightening his hold on her hands for a second before letting go. "Let me undress you, then show you all the ways I can worship you after I clean up."

"I know all the ways you can worship me," she reminded him, trying to stay standing while her strength wavered slightly. She wanted to let him worship her, wanted to let him kiss away her tears and show her how good he was to her, but that wouldn"t solve any of their problems. "But we have to talk about everything first."

"I can"t think when you smell like this," he murmured, and leaned towards her, blood still on his lips. "Makes me want to sink my teeth into you. Mark you as my mate."

"Stop talking," she gasped, taking a step away from him. It was one thing to kiss him with her blood on his mouth, but another entirely when she knew it was his brother"s. "Go get in the shower. When you come out, we can—"

"I"ve been trying to show you, ever since you arrived, how good I can be to you. Owen told me it would take time, and I"m willing to wait another month if I need to, but I need your ass in my hands, and your cunt on my jaw. Let me taste you, make you come with just my tongue, until you can"t walk any more and have no thoughts of leaving again. Let me show you, one more time, before you say anything else."

"And you have," she insisted, shaking her head slightly at him. "You have, Cedric. But I want to talk now. Not in a few days, when we"re both stressed from fear of the conversation. Now."

He took a step towards her, like a predator after his prey, but then froze. His eyes went from golden to brown once again, and he shook his head, taking a few sniffs as though something in the air had jolted him. She wondered if it was his brother, coming over to either continue their fight or to apologize, but then she saw pain flash across his face as he stared at her. "Why are you afraid of me?"

She wasn"t afraid of him, but there was fear there, deep down. Fear that if she didn"t tell him what she was feeling now, she would never get the words out. Fear that, if they left this conversation for later and let themselves end up naked, they would go too far, and both have regrets and doubts in the coming days.

"I"m not afraid of you. I"m afraid of what will happen to us, if we don"t talk," she whispered, trying to hold back her tears, but failing. "We... we have to talk. You have things you want to say, I have things I want to say, and we shouldn"t have waited until now, but I was ignoring my fears, and I"m ready to confront them, but—"

"Fuck." The single word was soft, and his hands shook as he approached her with them raised in front of them. He reached her, and she didn"t pull away, as he softly touched her cheeks and brushed away her tears. "We... You"re right, and now we"re fighting, or not, and... I tried to give you time. I tried to show you that I could be what you needed."

"You are what I need. What I didn"t even know I needed," she confessed, her tears still falling. "You"re so perfect, so kind and gentle, and so amazing. You"re a good man, Cedric. I know, now, that you"ll be a good father, a good partner even. You"re... you"re husband material, but—"

"But what," he demanded, his tone hard despite how quiet it was. "I don"t understand what I"m doing wrong, that you pulled away earlier."

"Nothing," she sobbed, shaking her head a little as she pulled away from his tender touch. "I"m what"s wrong. I keep pushing you away and giving mixed signals, and I didn"t know why, and it made me so angry. I kept comparing you, unfairly, and I tried to ignore it, to live in the moment, but then I realized I could have it all, have a baby and this cabin and this life, and it terrified me. I want things I"ve never wanted before, and it scares me, and.... and I don"t even know how to put it into words."

"You don"t have to put it into words," he insisted, approaching her again. "You don"t have to say anything you"re not ready to say."

"I can"t keep it in any longer!" she gasped, taking another step away, only for her back to hit the wall. "I can"t keep ignoring my feelings! I need to let it out, but I"m scared. Terrified, even!"

"I"m scared, too, Sunshine," he confessed, stopping just short on his approach, so he wasn"t touching her, but could easily change that if he moved his hands a little higher.

"Why are you scared?" she asked, her eyes searching his in hopes that he would be better with words than she was.

"I"m scared that you"re done with me. That you"ll walk out that door in need of space, and never come back. I can"t let you go. I need you too badly."

"Never," she whispered, feeling her tears finally slow to a stop, whether because she was tired of crying or because she was all out, she didn"t know. "I will never be done with you. Soulmates or not, baby or not, I need you."

"Don"t leave," he begged, his hands shaking once more as they lifted towards her hair, only to fall short. "Please. Promise you"ll stay while I get cleaned up."

She considered it for a moment, considered leaving all the same, knowing that the anger they had both felt was still underneath the surface, but the memory of earlier, when she had begged him not to go even when he was fighting his need for her, and he had stayed all the same.

She would stay. Whether they were both of the right mind to talk, she didn"t know, but she would stay.

"Okay. I promise."

He nodded once before turning and heading into the bathroom, leaving the door open as he turned on the shower then headed to the sink. She thought about sitting on the couch, or even heading upstairs to sit on the bed and wait for him, but instead she followed, leaning against the door to watch him brush his teeth and scrub his face and hands. She could see that the wounds had all healed over, although the blood remained, a painful reminder of what had happened, and who had caused it.

His brother was now gone, because of her. Because she was broken and hadn"t been able to trust in the man who was so patient with her, despite her continuously pushing him away. Her fears and her problems had very likely destroyed the brothers, and if he didn"t hate her for it now, he would later.

She had to fix this, somehow, although she didn"t know how.

Cedric finished up at the sink before heading for the shower, and he gave her one long look before he disappeared behind the curtain. She entered the bathroom, then, and went to the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. Her face was red and splotchy, her eyes surrounded by dark circles, and tears stained her face. She picked up a clean washcloth and wet it before starting to wash her face, hoping it would help her feel refreshed and a little bit better about herself.

She was patting moisturizer on her cheeks when the water turned off in the shower, and turned to look at Cedric as he approached, a towel now wrapped low around his hips and all of the blood gone. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, as though second guessing himself.

She stared back at him, not knowing what to say.

And then, he closed the distance, his arms wrapping around her as he scooped her up, lifting her body to his as he pressed a kiss against her lips.

All thoughts of the need to talk disappeared as she kissed him back, her arms going around his neck as she clung to him. They were heading up the stairs a few seconds later, not a word shared between them, even though the same ones kept repeating themselves in her mind.

She loved him. She lovedhim. She loved him.