28

Everything had changed for Bethany since Cedric"s declaration in the woods. To know that he wanted her there, permanently, and that she would always have a place with him...

There had been a plan for her future, before Cedric had entered her life. She was going to move out of her grandfather"s cabin into a little place outside of town and raise a child there, with or without Cordelia"s help. That had always been her plan with no room for a man in the picture. Men came and went in her life, none of them strong enough to stick it out permanently, and so she had never pictured having one at her side. There was nothing she needed a man for, as she could take care of herself, but with Cedric"s declaration...

His cabin was her home, in a way she had never expected. It felt more like a home than her old cabin ever had. She felt like she belonged in it, and like Cedric belonged in her future. Of course, thinking about her future with Cedric had her on the verge of panicking, but now that she knew that she had a choice, to stay or to go...

What if she stopped trying to figure out what to do with the rest of her life, and instead, just lived in the moment? What if she stopped worrying about something that might or might not happen? What if she kept her cabin as a place to return to, but stayed with him so long as she wanted to be there?

He wanted her there, wanted her to stay, and so she would. And in the future, if need be, she would return to town and return to her old plan.

Her old plan wasn"t going away. She just had options, now, and rather than trying to pick and choose what the future would hold, she would live for the moment.

Her home was with Cedric, and until something changed, something she couldn"t predict, she was staying there. And, if that change did come to pass, she already had a plan to fall back on.

No longer worrying about making a decision to leave had changed her entire outlook on her relationship with him, secure in the knowledge that, at least for the moment, he never saw anything ending between them. It was all up to her. He wanted her there. He wanted her to stay.

She was going to enjoy it. Enjoy every moment with him. Enjoy all of the little things, and let the stress of the future fade away.

Being with Cedric, she was so happy, she wanted to cry. He appreciated her, cared for her, and clung to her like he never wanted to let her go. Even just sitting beside him on the couch made her happy she wanted to burst into tears, but she kept them at bay, knowing she wouldn"t be able to explain it.

He had kept her from answering him in the woods, silencing her with a kiss, and that was likely for the best, because she hadn"t known what to say. How could she explain her feelings when she was still so uncertain of them herself. She wanted to love him, wanted to let herself promise the rest of her life to him, but the very thought scared her, even now.

Living for the moment. That was what she was doing. Enjoying every moment she had with him, and not thinking about what might or might not happen.

But after a week of bliss, the thoughts of the future returned once again, plaguing her. She tossed and turned in the bed, trying to get comfortable, but she kept thinking about what would come next. Sure, he wanted her to stay now, wanted to be a part of her life, and their child"s life, but what if Spring came and he suddenly got the urge to roam again? What if things got hard with a child around, and he realized why his father hadn"t stuck around? What if it took too many cycles for her to get pregnant, and he grew tired of her? What if he realized he didn"t want a human, and instead wanted another bear shifter?

She finally managed to close her eyes, but only because Cedric rolled over and pulled her against him. Her head settled on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, and she let herself get lost in his scent, soaking him and his soothing touch in. She was safe and warm with him, protected in his arms, and no matter how afraid she was of what might happen one day, she had to live in the moment. All she could control was herself, and what she needed most was rest.

But when she woke up, she felt a pinch in her lower abdomen, like something had clamped down deep in her belly. For a moment, she feared it was another cyst, now growing without birth control in her system. That would be just her luck, to immediately start growing the large cysts that plagued her the second she went off birth control, and in the middle of winter when she was unable to easily access a clinic. She tried to shake off the feeling and go back to sleep, knowing that the pain would be worse if it was something serious like a torsion, when her eyes shot open, realizing what was actually setting in.

Two weeks since her period? No. There was no way. No way that she was already ovulating. Off birth control, her cycle was always haywire, sometimes staying away for weeks, even months. No way in hell was she suddenly back on a twenty-eight day cycle, like the rest of the uterus carriers in the world. There was no way. Even with bear pheromones, or whatever it was that Cedric thought his presence would do to influence hers, there was no way. No. She refused to believe it. Even on birth control, she sometimes still hit a thirty to thirty-one day cycle.

But as Cedric started growing restless beside her in the bed, taking a few sniffs before shifting around behind her, she knew what it was.

She was ovulating, or at least, about to be.

And with that realization, thoughts of the future flooded her brain, and her panic set in.

They were going to have sex, she was going to get pregnant, and living in the moment would be a thing of the past. She would have to plan for the future, plan for having a baby in the house, figure out if she wanted to stay there or set up back at her place in town. She was going to need to do doctors appointments, make certain the cabin was stocked with anything she needed for herself and the baby when it was born, and.... and...

And what was she supposed to do, if she had a baby with a man who might one day grow tired of them, and disappear? It wouldn"t be just her heart broken, but the baby"s as well. If Cedric wasn"t in this for the long-term, and decided he didn"t want to be a father, or put up with her, then he was going to leave, and she would have a child who could shift into a bear to raise on her own, and she would have to explain to their child that their father wasn"t coming back, and...

Bethany sat up in the bed, feeling on the verge of tears, trying to silence her fears.

What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she still fighting with herself about this? Why was she so scared of Cedric leaving? Why was she so scared that he didn"t mean it, when he said her place was with him, and that he wanted everything?

Cedric loved her. It was no longer a question any longer, nor something she could deny. He was in love with her, and she was the love of his life. He would never hurt her. All he ever wanted was to be with her, and to give her everything she ever dreamed of. He wanted to share his home with her, share his life with her, and raise a child together. He wanted her. He wanted her.

So why was she so afraid? Why was she so afraid to be loved by him? Why was she so afraid to trust him? Why was she so afraid to plan for a future with him by her side?

Bethany could feel the tears building in her eyes as her fears grew louder, repeating themselves in her mind, that he would get tired of her, that he would want his solitude again, that he wasn"t ready to commit to being a partner and a father, but she tried to shake them off. None of that was real. None of that was Cedric. Yes, she had initially been mad at him for not telling her he was a bear shifter, but how was he supposed to tell her that? He would have told her eventually, she was sure of that now. It had only been their first morning together when his brother had arrived, and they had spent the previous hours wrapped up in one another. It wasn"t a lie, so he had never broken her trust, so she couldn"t be mad about it, not like she wanted to be.

Then why was she ready to run away in fear? Why was she ready to throw away her happiness, all because she was afraid that he might hurt her?

Cedric shifted a few more times behind her on the bed, and she tried to wipe away her tears before he woke up entirely. She couldn"t explain her tears or fears to him. Not yet. Not when she was still battling her demons.

His hand brushed her arm, and then curled around to pull her back down beside him, but she jerked away on instinct, shooting up off the bed to get away from him.

"Don"t touch me," she snapped, entirely without meaning to.

Why had she said that? Why had she jerked away?

She turned around to look at him, still furiously wiping away the tears from her eyes, to see Cedric now sitting up in the bed, staring at her with his mouth open, looking hurt.

She had hurt him. He had reached for her, probably wanting to hold her, maybe even comfort her if he knew she was crying, and she had pushed him away.

Why was she doing this?

She loved him, or at least, she wanted to love him. She wanted to be with him. She wanted the safety and protection of his embrace.

But all she ever did was push him away.

"I, I"m sorry," he said, still staring at her wide eyes. "Why are you crying? What"s wrong? Did I do something?"

Of course he thought he had done something. That made sense. She had just lashed out at him and jerked away. She would only be acting like this if he had done something wrong.

But he had done nothing wrong. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

She was what was wrong. She was the problem. She was the one who couldn"t trust him, for no reason.

She was the problem. Fuck. She was the problem.

How could she be questioning whether or not she could trust him, when he was the one who should be asking that? She had threatened to never let him see their child, to leave and never come back, had yelled at him time and again for nothing, had blamed him for things outside of his control. She constantly compared him to other men, to men who had hurt her, with no valid reason to do so. She was the problem. She was the one who couldn"t be trusted.

She was the one who was broken.

And now, she was pushing him away again.

"Sunshine, look at me. What"s wrong?" Cedric asked, now climbing out of the bed and walking towards her. He froze, however, a few steps away, and took a deep breath.

She could see it instantly in his reaction to her scent. His posture changed, his back straightening and his shoulders going back, and his jaw tightened. She watched his hands grip at his sides, like he was trying to hold himself back, and his eyes seemed to glow, much like they did when he was in his bear form.

"If you don"t want me to touch you, I need to leave," he said through gritted teeth. "I can"t stay here with you smelling like that."

She didn"t need to ask what he meant. She knew what he was saying.

He couldn"t resist the urge to touch her when she smelled like she was ovulating. They had spent the past month with him talking about breeding her, had fucked while he told her he was going to bend her over and fuck her raw until she was pregnant with their cub. Now the time had come, he was ready to do as he had promised, as she had begged him to do, and she was pushing him away.

Pushing him away and unable to say anything.

Cedric started walking towards her again, but brushed right past her, barely even touching her as he went to head down the stairs. She sucked in a gasp of air, wanting to call after him, but instead burst into tears. She couldn"t speak, couldn"t explain herself, but she needed him to stay.

She needed him.

Bethany reached out and grabbed his arm immediately, tugging him towards her, and he turned without a second pull, wrapping his arm around her back as she went onto tiptoes to kiss him. He kissed her back instantly, pulling her tight against him, and her arms went around his shoulders, clinging to him.

She needed him, needed him so badly. She was afraid, so afraid of losing him, of him leaving her, and now he was threatening to do so.

He had to stay. He had to. She couldn"t let her fears come true. Couldn"t lose him.

"Fuck," he groaned against her mouth. "Talk to me, Sunshine. You tell me not to touch you, then don"t let me leave."

"Stay," she gasped against his mouth, ignoring the tears running down her cheeks. "Don"t leave me. Please don"t leave me."

"I"m never going to leave you," he answered, lifting her up in his arms and carrying her back to bed. "Couldn"t leave you if I tried."

"I need you," she sobbed, pressing kisses against his cheeks, his jaw, and his lips. "Don"t make me explain it. I need you. I only want you. I can"t lose you."

"Fuck, fucking hell," he groaned, laying her down on the bed but not staying on top of her. She sat up on the bed as he walked a few paces away, clinging the top rail of the stairs. "What do you mean? Why did you jerk away? Why are you crying?"

"I don"t know," she gasped, now openly crying. She couldn"t hold back the tears anymore, not when she had nearly just lost him, even if just for a moment. "I"m so afraid. I"m terrified, even. I"m... There"s something wrong with me, and I can"t ignore it, but I keep trying to, and I can"t explain it, but—"

"Try," he begged, shaking his head slightly. "Fuck, you smell so good right now, Sunshine. Makes me want to crawl between your thighs and lick every last drop until you"re unable to move off that bed, so I can fuck you full. Want to fuck you so bad right now, put that cub in your belly, but not when you"re crying. I can"t do it like that. I can"t... I won"t have you afraid of me when we do this."

She wanted that. She was so horny at just the thought of him between her legs, and she tried to live in the moment, tried to push her fears down, but she was still crying.

"It"s stupid," she gasped, shaking her head again. "It"s so stupid. I"m so stupid. It"s nothing, I promise. I"ll get over it eventually. Come back to bed. Come back to me. I need you, Cedric. I need you to touch me, to hold me, to tell me you need me—"

"Do you know how good you smell right now," he groaned, wavering a little where he stood. "So fucking ripe, ready to be bred. You"re ready for a baby in that belly, and I"m going to give it to you. Gonna keep you in this bed until you"re pregnant. Fuck, it"s killing me. If I stay here, I"m going to fuck you until you"re full of my cum. There will be no coming back from that. Can"t undo it once it"s done."

"I want it," she promised, wiping her hands over her face as she spoke, trying to make the tears go away. "I want it, Cedric. I want a child with you. I want to be with you. I want you to fuck me and breed me and—"

"Stop lying," he snapped, jerking back slightly after he spoke. "Fuck, I didn"t meant to say it like that, Bethany, but under that delicious scent, I can smell your fear. You"re afraid of me. What did I do to make you afraid of me?"

"Nothing," she answered honestly, shaking her head as she climbed off the bed to stand. He had called her her name. Not Sunshine. Something about that change hurt her. "You did nothing. It"s stupid, I promise. I"m... I"m broken, and I"m putting my fears onto you, and I"m stupid, and—"

"And you need to work through it before we do this," he insisted, taking another step down the stairs. "We can put this off another month. If you"re not sure about this, not sure about me, we can wait until next month. You just need more time to figure out what you want, and that"s fine. It"s fine, Bethany, but if I stay here with you, then... I have to go. Need to run, or something."

"No!" she shrieked, the fear of him leaving taking over once again. If he left, he might never come back. If they didn"t do this now, he might change his mind in a month. If she let him walk away, she might never have him again. She couldn"t lose him. She couldn"t lose him before he ever told her he loved her. Before she told him she loved him. "No, please, please. Don"t go, Cedric. Stay with me. Please don"t go. If you leave, I"ll... you can"t go. If you leave, I"ll... I promise, it"s okay. I don"t need time. I don"t need any time. I need you, please. Please, don"t go. Please don"t leave me. Please."

She was crying now, shaking as she reached a hand out to him, begging him to come back to bed with her. He had to stay. If he left, if she lost him, she would never forgive herself. He was so good, so kind, the perfect man, perfect for her, perfect to father her child, and she...

She was still crying, and now she was breaking her number one rule.

She was begging a man to stay. Begging him not to leave her.

Cedric wavered at the top step before finally walking up the stairs, back towards her. His arms wrapped around her as he reached her side, and she tilted her face up for a kiss, but he didn"t bend down, instead holding her tight in his arms. She hugged him back, still wanting a kiss, wanting him to pull her into bed and fuck her and promise to never leave.

But instead, he was silent, holding her as she continued crying. The tears didn"t slow as he eventually sat down on the bed, pulling her with him, and she didn"t trying to kiss him again, instead burying her face in his shoulder as she continued to cry.

When it felt like all of her tears were gone and she was only sniffling, Cedric shifted onto the bed to lay down, holding her against his chest still. She realized, as they lay there, that he was only breathing through his mouth, and he was so tense, she knew he wouldn"t relax against her.

He wanted to leave still, even if he wasn"t currently walking away.

He was going to leave. She knew it without him saying it. As soon as she fell asleep, which, she was definitely going to as she was pretty sure it was still the middle of the night and she hadn"t slept well and felt exhausted, he was going to leave.

"I"m broken," she whispered, still clinging to him, not wanting to let go.

"You"re perfect," he insisted, but he didn"t press a kiss to her hair after he spoke, nor did he tilt her chin up to look at him, so that he could then kiss her lips. "And I pushed you too hard. You weren"t ready for what I had to say."

"No," she insisted, shaking her head and trying to shift on the bed to look at him, but his hold wouldn"t allow it. "Cedric, please. Please, look at me. Let me look at you. I—"

"Just close your eyes and try to sleep," he interrupted, letting out a long sigh after he spoke. "We can talk about this after you"ve had more sleep, if we can manage. It"s killing me to just hold you like this, but we need to talk before anything else."

"Don"t leave me," she begged, knowing he would anyways. "Please. I"ve never asked that from a man before. I"ve never begged them to stay. I... Cedric—"

"I"ll never be far away," he insisted as he finally pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Could never leave you, Sunshine. You mean too much to me."

That promise had her finally closing her eyes, relaxing, even though she knew he wouldn"t be there when she woke up.

It hurt, to know that he would break his promise, but...

He was right. They needed to talk. And she needed to sleep and have a clear mind before they did so.

When she woke up, she would make things right. She would talk it out with him.

And hopefully, he would forgive her for putting him through this pain.