18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Andrew

"She asked to come to practice. That, along with your sunset antics on the beach last night, means something. I'm telling you, she's testing you out without committing. She's trying to figure out if you're worth putting her fear aside, or if you're a complete waste of her time like Elsher." Koa stretches while the other guys huddle around to listen in on our conversation.

"So I'm not looking for things that aren't there? She's really throwing me bait?" Glancing toward the stands where Lottie has taken up residence, I pray that I'm not setting myself up to play the fool. She's giving me definite vibes. I think. I don't even know anymore, but if she is then I want to be sure I'm getting the right feeling from them.

"I don't think you're reading more than there is. She's fishing. You don't see my friends here watching practice, do you?" Koa motions around at the empty stadium.

"He makes a fair point," Spencer says. "Have you had any moments? You know, like times you probably could have kissed her if not for the friends rule?"

"Are you reading romance novels again?" Boone asks while chewing on a piece of straw. He's leaned against the column in the middle of the dugout with his arms crossed.

"It was not a romance novel. It was science fiction, and I can't help there was a kissing scene." Spencer practically growls his rebuttal while running his hand over his face.

I sigh. "Probably a few kiss set ups, but I'm not about to try it. She hasn't given me any clear signs it would be okay, so maybe not." I rest my foot on the bench and settle my arms across my thigh. This puts pressure on my shoulder, so I adjust and happen to glance Lottie's way. She turns her head away quickly, but I get the distinct feeling I was being evaluated so to speak. I smirk and my friends don't miss it.

"She was definitely checkin' you out. Ain't the first time either. Are you okay with how things are going?" Boone asks.

"I don't even know what that means. How are things going? They seem to be verbally one thing, but physically another if that makes sense," I admit.

He drawls out that deep, southern farm boy laugh that's hearty and full. It screams tough. I like the guy, but he's built different, that's for sure. Like a cross between a linebacker and a tractor.

"Do you like her checkin' you out and askin' you to do things with her with no strings attached?"

"Sure. I guess so. I don't really have a right to attach strings. The best I can do is show her I'm not like her ex and maybe she'll come around."

"Don't look now, but Martinez has spied your girl," Spencer says.

I expect to see him staring at her from the dugout or player entry, but nope. He's scaling the bleachers in her direction with a big, fat smile on his face. He's literally going to go talk to her, and he knows darn good and well she's here with me. I clench my fists, itching to put one of them right into that jaw of his. He's already going to take my job. I'm not about to watch him try to take Lottie, too. Try being the operative word. I already know how she feels about athletes—most at least—so the guy doesn't have a prayer.

"Easy, Drew. Don't go off jealous." Koa's warning nearly falls on deaf ears. I'm already heading out of the dugout when Lottie stands to meet Martinez. She extends her hand and beams but it's forced and strained. I know her smiles, and this one says she'd rather be getting a lobotomy than talk to Martinez.

I'm just in earshot when Martinez accepts her handshake with a distinct lean in toward her.

"It's not often we have beautiful women sitting in on our practices. I'm Marco Martinez. You are?" he asks.

"Charlotte Clarke, a friend of Andrew's."

"Ah, that's right. Maybe he forgot to tell you, but he's not pitching today. He can't. Got a bad shoulder because—"

"Listen, I'm not interested in playing your game of trash talk Andrew," Lottie says and backs away. She puts a solid three feet of space between them, but Martinez doesn't heed the warning. He invades her space again and sits on the back of one of the seats, almost brushing his thigh against hers when he does.

"I just asked your name and tried to explain that he's not pitching today, that's all." He smiles and that dimple the girls love makes an appearance. "No harm in that is there?"

"Listen, we both know what you're doing and I'm not interested in being a pawn in your little immature game against Andrew. Have a good practice." Lottie grabs her bag and passes Martinez, who scoffs and chuckles behind her.

"Better get your girl, Rossi. She's a little too big for her britches." Martinez nods toward Lottie and turns his back. Coward.

"I'm gonna kill him," I mumble. Koa, who must have followed me up the bleachers, grips my elbow and redirects me to the exit. The rest of the team is already in position as Martinez enters the field.

"I'll hit him with a line drive he won't see coming. Make him wish he wasn't on that mound. You go catch her before she storms off angry." Koa shoves me toward the exit.

"Thanks. Make an excuse for Coach for me too?"

"Sure thing. You gotta ice that shoulder after all, right?" Koa grins and regrips his favorite bat. Martinez is about to pay big time for insulting Lottie, but I'm not going to be able to see it happen. I need to hurry and meet Lottie at the stadium exit. I'm not sure where she'll go but I drove, so she can't get far.

Not far from the locker room, I find her pacing in the short corridor adjacent to the main entry. "Lottie, I'm so sorry." I jog the rest of the distance trying to gauge that scowl. I can't tell yet if it's directed at me or not.

Her shoulders relax and she stops pacing when I come into her space. "There's nothing for you to be sorry about. He's a class act, isn't he?"

"Yeah," I admit. "I mean, people have called him worse. He's out for my job and we don't mesh well. Never have, really."

"I know. I heard all about him on a news interview. I didn't mean to cause a commotion. Can I wait in the truck until your practice is over?" She scrunches her cute face with guilt.

"Nah, let's go get Ginger and head back to my place. Koa's gonna cover for me. Besides, if I go back out there right now I might punch the guy, and that won't be good."

"I don't want to get you into trouble with your coach, Andrew." She steps closer to me, forcing her to tilt her head back to look into my eyes. She licks her lips and I can't help wondering if this is one of those moments the guys were asking about. If I leaned down a fraction and she met me halfway…

No. I can't put her in a position like that when she's feeling guilty. Instead, I brush my thumb over her jaw. "Coach is easygoing. Missing a practice I can't participate in won't make him too mad. I just can't miss the next one. Now, shall we head back?"

Her eyes roam my face before inching down to my practice uniform. It's not quite as fitted as my official uniform, but it's more fitted than anything she's seen me wear thus far...except maybe wet clothing in the dark. Her cheeks pink and she bites her lip before dragging her gaze back up to my eyes. I can't help that one side of my lips quirks up into a full-of-myself smirk. Lottie grins and something unspoken passes between us.

I have to think of something to distract me from my sudden desire to kiss her right here. "Would you like…" Words fail me when she presses her palm to my chest and steps closer until the only thing between us is her hand. A lump aches in my throat as anxious anticipation sends a shot of adrenaline through my body.

Lottie runs her hand up my chest and behind my neck where she toys with my hair. Her breath warms my face even as her eyes question me. She's tentative, soft, and unsure of herself, waiting for me to make the next move but I'm paralyzed. I don't know what the next move is. She made it pretty clear she wasn't interested in dating another athlete, at least, not any time soon, but here we are pressed against one another in a secluded hallway with a breath between us.

Her eyes continue to search mine, waiting. I grip her waist and squeeze, hoping this either brings her to her senses or encourages her to go all in with this incoming kiss. Her breath hitches and she licks her lips, a sign this thing is moving forward if I'm reading her correctly. I splay one hand over her lower back and lift her slightly. She gasps and drags her other hand up my arm until they're both in my hair, pulling me down to meet her.

Yeah, this is happening. I don't know if it's a good idea, but it's definitely happening.

I step back and turn with her in my arms so her back is pressed against the wall. She pulls me down to her lips and giggles, which is just about the sweetest sound I've ever heard. Her rose scent envelops me and her lips are right there when the hall door slams open. I jolt away and she strangles a squeal with one hand.

Martinez throws his glove to the floor and slams the door shut before heading down to medical with a limp that says Koa kept his promise. No doubt, it's gonna leave a mark. I chuckle and turn back to Lottie, but the moment has passed. She's crossed her arms and stares after Martinez with daggers in her eyes.

I can't stand the tension between us now, so I step back and clear my throat. "Want to grab some lunch on the way back?"

Her expression instantly softens. "You promised to teach me how to make pasta, remember?"

"I did, didn't I? Let's hurry back then so we can eat and you can tell me all about the school carnival."

"And we can brainstorm." She wiggles her eyebrows and pushes off the wall.

She makes it sound like planning a carnival is a conspiratorial affair, but I'll take it. Working out the details with Lottie beats sitting on the bench watching Martinez take shots at my friends and me any day. Besides, I have some ideas that might help her raise more money.

Once we swing by and pick up Ginger and get the dogs settled outside, Lottie is fully relaxed. I want to recreate that moment at the ballpark, but she ensures we are not close enough for that to happen. In the kitchen, she stands no less than four feet away from me at all times.

It's okay. I respect that. I don't understand it, but I'll respect it.

"So, people think it's harder than it really is, but you just have to make a giant pile of flour and add the egg like this," I say and begin mixing the egg into the flour with a fork. Once it's mostly incorporated, I ditch the fork and start kneading. "Then you knead it for a while."

"What's a while?" Lottie looks up at me again but it's not the same as before. Something has changed. It's more than regret or embarrassment, but I can't pinpoint it. It's probably something we should talk about, but bringing it up seems like a poor decision. One that might push her away again rather than draw her close.

"Uh, just until it feels like this," I say and hand her the clump of dough. She reaches for it and our fingers brush. She jerks back and smiles.

"Got it. Soft but not gooey."

Am I making her uncomfortable? Would she rather be home? She didn't seem like it when we picked up her dog, but then again, she might not tell me for fear of hurting my feelings. Lottie seems like the sort of person who would rather be uncomfortable than say or do something that might offend or hurt someone she cares about. And I'm pretty sure she cares about me on some level at this point.

"Lottie," I say, but it's croaky and full of hesitation.

Lottie sighs. "I'm sorry." She closes her eyes and swallows.

"You don't have to be sorry, but I am confused. Maybe just explain to me what happened today?" I brace for incoming disaster but pray for the best.

Her cheeks pink a little and she tenses. "You looked so handsome today, and the fact that you got out of practice to be with me hit me really hard. You were concerned about my well-being and how I felt at that moment. And it's no secret that I'm attracted to you. If I'm honest…I'm…I'm sorry."

I'm standing in the middle of my kitchen with a ball of dough in one hand and the other is covered with flour. She's got tears in her eyes and her voice wavers. All I want to do is ditch the food, wrap her in my arms, and tell her that it's okay. I don't expect her to suddenly change her mind and dive into a committed relationship with me. Shoot, I'm not even sure I'm fully ready for moving that fast, but I need some clarification of where we stand.

"Lottie, it's okay. I already said you don't have to be sorry. We got a little carried away today."

Her eyes pop open. "That's the thing, though. I let my mind get away from me and I did something crazy. I don't want to lead you on in any way. I don't want to be so hesitant one minute, then impulsive the next."

"Are you? Leading me on, I mean." Accusatory as it sounds, I do need to know.

"I don't think so?" She groans and leans against my counter. "I like spending time with you. I wanted to kiss you today, but it would be dumb to succumb to those desires right now. I'm in a weird place emotionally. I guess I really need to make sure I'm really ready to move on and take a chance again. After that…"

She keeps pausing to think and it scrambles my brain. "After that?"

Her eyes connect with mine and her lips part.

I hate the sorrow in her expression. Almost as if she feels forced to have the right answer.

"You know I'm not trying to force anything, right? I'm here for you. I'm ready for more if you want it, but I'm also a patient guy. If no is your answer, fine. Say it's the answer and I'll stop trying to prove to you that I'm not your ex. It just doesn't seem like it is, based on what you say and do." Gosh, I sound like a jerk. Maybe? Have I been pushing even though I haven't meant to?

She crosses her arms and that same guilt washes over her face. "Honest truth?"

"Please."

"I'm scared because I loved Rory so much. I'm afraid to move on with anyone. I don't think it has anything to do with you being an athlete. I mean, it does remind me a lot of my past, but more than that it's that I'm terrified of falling for you and ending up in the same place I was with him. But I'm also afraid of missing out on something that could be great. I know it's selfish. I'm sorry. I'm…I'm sorry."

She's shaking now, and it doesn't make any sense to me. We've only been on a few dates. Sure, they went well and I'd love more, but this sort of reaction is unexpected for her part. Unless…unless she feels the same way I do about this thing between us.

"Lottie, do you think there's some time limit on my patience? That it's now or never for me? For us?"

She throws her hands in the air. "Well, I don't expect you to wait around for me. There must be other women interested in you, and I'd be really selfish to ask you not to date them for me. We've known each other a couple of weeks, and I already told you no then turned around and hit you with mixed signals. What sort of horrible person does that?"

"You're not a horrible person, Lottie. Confused and hurt, maybe, but not horrible." I plop the dough on the counter and rinse my hands. I'm tired of standing here with food all over me while we chart out a potential future between us.

"I think it's pretty horrible to both want to avoid you to protect my heart while also praying you don't find someone else until I can get my act together." She purses her lips to stop the flow of words.

I raise a finger. "First, your act is just fine. It's all normal human emotions, and you're allowed to have those. Second, my best friend, the one who set me up on the app, tried to convince me to check out the other women I was matched with. I looked. It felt ten shades of wrong, so I deleted it. Third, if we're laying all our cards down, I never gave up on you. Like I said, I've been hoping to show you I'm not like Rory on your own time and at your own pace, so if you're horrible, then so am I. Fourth, you do not have to kiss me or show me any sort of physical affection to keep my interest."

"Andrew, I—"

"Charlotte Clarke, don't you dare try to kiss me again until you want it. Until you mean it, and until I'm the man you want to kiss you every day because we're committed in some kind of relationship, okay? You don't kiss me because you think it's what I want to stay interested. Got it?"

She blinks a few times. "I feel like I'm being scolded."

"Of course not, but I need you to know I'm not going anywhere. Take your time. Enjoy our friendship. Whatever happens, happens."

"But you want a serious relationship. You said that on our first date, and I'm—"

I press my fingers over her lips, silencing her. "I want a serious relationship, yes, but I don't want just any relationship. From the second I saw you standing in front of that fountain, I've wanted you, Lottie. I was attracted to you then and from what I've seen since, I think you're worth waiting for. I hope I am too."

There's a clear shift in her eyes. It's like watching a puzzle piece falling into place. I hope it's the moment she realizes that I'm serious, that she's what I want, and she doesn't have to worry about me disappearing because I'm chasing some other woman. I'm not him. I won't do what he did. I see what I want and don't take it for granted.

"I'm never going to make you compete for me, Lottie. I'm here. When you're ready for this, I'm here."

She nods so I lower my fingers from her lips.

"Thank you," she whispers. "For being so kind even though we just met, and for having a level of patience I didn't think was possible."

"Some things are worth waiting for. I have a gut feeling you are. Now, are you hungry?" My stomach growls as if supporting my inquiry. We need to have some food so I can stop pouring my heart out to her like a lovesick sap.

She giggles. "Yeah. Starved."

"All right, then. We need a rolling pin." I turn to grab mine from the drawer, but Lottie grips my elbow. Before I know it, her arms are wrapped around my waist and her head lands on my chest. It's the warmest, sweetest hug imaginable. She breathes me in and her entire body relaxes. Her now-familiar scent eases my anxiety, and I wrap her in my arms and hold her until she's ready to be let go.

"Andrew?" she asks, turning her face deeper into my chest.

I settle my cheek on the crown of her head. "Hmm?"

"I want to try this with you. I just need a little time to get my ducks in a row now that I understand what my real problems are."

I squeeze her a little tighter. "That's enough for me, Lottie."