Chapter 20

20

“ S he drives me crazy, man,” Finn said, taking a swig of whiskey and placing the empty glass between him and Cillian on the side of the chess board on their table.

He had been late meeting his friend in his study when he was stopped by the Sinclair sisters. His jaw clenched as he ran a hand through his hair for what was probably the hundredth time since he arrived.

How had things spiraled so quickly?

“So, ye were arguing and then…”

“Aye — just like that!”

“Christ, Finn,” Cillian said and leaned back in his chair.

One moment, he and Thalia had been in a heated argument, and the next he had her pressed against him, her lips against his, his hands wandering — roaming her body, claiming her body as he if had no control whatsoever.

“Ye look like a man who’s been chewin’ on thorns, Finn,” Cillian said as he placed his whiskey glass on the table too.

“Aye.”

“Ye have been broodin’ for hours on it, aye?”

“It’s a mess, Cillian,” Finn admitted, his voice hushed.

“A mess, eh? With the English lass, then?”

Finn rolled his eyes. “of course.”

Cillian tilted his head, silently waiting for Finn to elaborate.

“It’s just — every time I’m around her, I lose control. I tell myself that this is nae a love marriage. Just need an heir and her ken safe. Every time I look at her though, I cannae stop myself. I mean we are only doing this —” He stopped himself, realizing how much he was revealing.

Cillian let out a low whistle, clearly entertained. “Sounds like your problem isnae about the marriage but how much ye want her.”

Finn shot him a glare. “But it shouldnae be like this. We were just arguing for God’s sake, and I —” He balled his hands into fists, reminding himself to not share too much about their relations.

“Ye dinnae take her?”

“Nay, but I wanted to. It wouldnae have taken much for me to lose meself completely.”

Cillian raised an eyebrow. “From the way ye are stressing about it, I’d have thought —”

“I dinnae,” Finn cut him off, his tone sharp. He remembered the heat of Thalia’s body against his as she exploded around his fingers. The way her breath hitched when he entered her hot core. The look on her face when he tasted her.

Christ, what it would be like to taste her directly on my tongue.

He felt Cillian study him for a moment then Cillian shrugged. “Well, maybe ye should have…”

“What in the devil are ye talking about?” Finn said, his eyes snapping on his friend, who just chuckled and shook his head.

“Ye are torturing yerself over this. If ye want her that badly, maybe ye should stop fighting it. Ye are to be wed after all.”

“I must fight it,” Finn growled. “This union isnae about desire. It’s practical. It’s?—”

“Sounds like a ton of fun, lad,” Cillian interrupted. “Practical?”

“Aye.”

“Finn, ye are foolin’ yourself if ye think ye can just keep things so cold between ye. Ye want her, and she wants ye. It’s clear as day.”

Finn gritted his teeth, turning away to avoid Cillian’s gaze. “It doesnae matter. Wanting her doesn’t change anything. I’ve got responsibilities — to the clan, the Crawford. I cannae let my feelings get in the way of that.

“Feelings?”

Finn cursed under his breath, realizing he let more slip than he intended. “That’s nae what I meant.”

“Finn, I ken ye well enough to see when ye are fighting, and from what I can tell, ye are fighting yer own heart. Ye may think that ye can keep things practical, but it’s clear ye feel something for her.”

“I dinnae have time for feelings.”

Cillian chuckled slightly. “Aye, keep tellin’ yourself that, but I’ve ken ye for long enough to see the truth. It may have started as practical, but ye both are in deeper than ye care to realize.”

It wasn’t just desire?

“I need to keep me head straight,” Finn muttered, his voice tight. “I cannae let her distract me.”

His friend snorted, stepping back with a knowing grin. “Good luck.”

Finn shot him a glare, but there was no malice behind it.

He’s right, of course. She has a hold on me that was unexpected.

“Ye will drive yourself mad if ye keep resisting her—” Cillian said, pressing himself up and walking toward the door. “Just think on that… Did ye nae just get a letter from Pemberton?”

As Cillian walked out, closing the door behind him, Finn stood alone in the study. The weight of his friend’s words hung in the air.

He was right… I’ll go mad keeping away from her, but what choice do I have?

With a frustrated growl, Finn slammed his hand on the desk, sending papers scattering across the surface.

So much at stake… he thought as she sank into the chair behind his desk, burying his face in his hands.

“This was supposed to be simple.”

The way she looked him, challenged him, kissed him — he couldn’t keep locked away from her much longer, and he knew that.

Suddenly, the door creaked open again, and Finn looked up, half-expecting Cillian to have returned, but it was Thalia.

“Finn?” Her voice was hesitant, and he looked around to see that if she closed that door, they would be alone again.

“Thalia,” he said as he straightened in his chair.

“I wanted to talk about the guests,” she began, her voice cautious but determined. “There are some things we need to discuss. With the wedding coming up, I mean.”

Finn nodded, gesturing to the chair across from him. “Sit.”

Thalia glanced at the chair but remained standing, pacing slightly. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Her gaze flitting to the whiskey bottle and two empty glasses in the room. “I can come back if —”

“Ye dinnae need to apologize, lass,” Finn interrupted, his voice softer. His eyes followed her closely. “What’s on your mind?”

Thalia paused and looked at him as if gauging his mood. “I just… I wanted to make sure we’re prepared for your friends. You mentioned them before, the ones who fought with you. They’re coming to the wedding?”

“Aye,” he replied steadily. “Arran, Conor, Kaiden, and Rhys. They’re all to be here, but as I said before — we should still send an invitation, so their brides join them.”

She nodded. “You’ve fought alongside them for years, haven’t you? I mean, you must have been through a lot together.”

Finn leaned back in his chair, his brow furrowing as memories flooded him. “Aye, five years. We fought, bled, and nearly died together more times than I can count. Each of them has their own clan now, but we’re still bound by what we went through.”

Thalia softened her expression as she listened intently. This was exactly what she was after, more about him. “Tell me about them.”

Tell her about them…?

It wasn’t a question — it was a desire to understand more of him, more of the life he’d led before she’d tripped into it. And for some great reason, Finn easily started telling her.

“Arran,” he began, his voice rough but steady. “Laird McLaren now. He’s stubborn as a mule but one of the best fighters I’ve ever known. His bride is Scarlett. She’s just as fiery as he is.”

Thalia smiled softly before responding. “They’ve been through a lot, haven’t they?”

“Aye. Arran built his wealth after the war, and his clan is now thriving. I actually almost married Scarlett.”

“Oh?” Thalia was surprisingly not jealous at all but even more curious than ever.

“Something about their engagement, and he had asked me to be there for her at the end of it, but they sorted it out — finally.”

“And the others?”

“Conor, Laird O’Duncan. He’s a bit more reserved, but fiercely loyal. His wife, Nylah, is as bold as they come. They’re mad for each other, those two. Married before the war. Had some difficulties after it but figured each other out not too long afterwards.”

Thalia’s eyes sparkled with amusement, but she stayed silent as she moved closer to him to finally take the chair he offered to her before.

“Kaiden is the calmest of us. He’s the Laird McAllister. Always level—headed, even in the thick of battle. His wife, Evelyn, keeps him grounded. Took a while for them to fall into step with each other, but when they did, their passion knew no bounds. They’ve got a quiet strength about them.”

Finn’s smile was uncontrollable as he started on his last brother, “Rhys is… well, he’s passionate. Never does anything hallway. He’s Laird Campbell now. His bride, Margot, was a Healer and helped the clan get through a plague after the war. They’re now as bold as they are in love.”

“It sounds like you have a bond with them that goes beyond friendship. Like family.”

Finn shifted in his seat, “Aye. That’s exactly what they are. Family.”

“Family…” Thalia echoed softly.

His groin tugged at her mention of family and the thought that they would be starting a family of their own soon. Then it became clear to him.

It willnae be before the wedding, but I cannae stay away from her. As long as I dinnae fall in love with her, there should be not issue having her close, right?

“This marriage,” Finn said abruptly and gestured between them, “it’s about keeping our family safe.”

“Oh! Speaking of – Caroline and Arabella wanted to see the horses; would you mind taking us?”

“Us?”

“All four of us, yes.”

“Of course, when?”

“Um, this afternoon?”

His eyes caught hers, and he understood. “It’s right now, isn’t it?”

“Only if you have the time…”

“For this, I’ll make the time. I’ll be down shortly.”