Chapter 13

13

JUNE

" I missed you last night." Normally, if Luka is going to be extra late, he'll wake me with his mouth when he gets home, no matter the time, but he hadn't done it last night. However, he did make it up to me this morning in the shower.

"You looked so peaceful." He kisses the top of my head. "I wanted you to get your rest."

"Trust me." I smooth his tie down. "I get more rest than I need." I'm all but climbing the walls. If anyone needs rest, it's Luka. I don't know how he does it. The man is working nonstop to complete his project. "I think it's you that needs rest."

"This is almost my normal."

"Really? You always work this much?" He's out the door first thing after we shower, and some nights he makes it home for a late dinner, but not always. I've gone downstairs to bring him some food on occasion, knowing he loses track of time.

"Possibly more. I cut out early to spend time with you."

Whoa, I don't know what to make of that. It's a lot to wrap my mind around. Is Luka going to remain this way forever? Is this how life will be with him? Him spending most of his time inside an office? Whether it's this project or the next, will it always demand this much of his time? Those thoughts make me sad. To think about how much life is passing him by. Don't get me wrong; I understand that his work is extremely important, but so are the people in your life. I push all that to the back of my mind for now. I don't want to dwell on it at this moment. Or at least I want to try not to.

"You'll be home at seven tonight?"

"I can be home at seven if you need me to."

"Your sister's coming for dinner with my brother," I remind him. Paisley told me two days ago she was going to stop here on their way home from New York to see me. I've been looking forward to it ever since. Maybe a familiar face will help.

"Right, sorry." He presses his lips to mine. "I'll see you tonight." Luka turns to leave. I stand in the middle of our bedroom, wondering if that was his way of saying not to bring him lunch today. I started doing that this past week. Maybe I was cutting into his work time. He seemed happy when I showed up for lunch, but it might be selfish.

When I hear the chime for the front door, I take off toward it, remembering what I'd asked Owen for yesterday.

"You got it?" I come to a sliding stop in front of him. He's barely in the front door.

"I got it." He holds up the brown paper bag. "Are you sure you don't want Mr. Woods here?" Owen asks after I take the bag from him.

"I think I want to be alone. He doesn't need to be thinking about this when it could be nothing."

"All right," he responds, but his expression clearly doesn't agree. "I'll leave you to it."

"Thank you," I say before I head back toward the master bathroom. I pull out all three tests he got for me and take them all, one after another.

I pace back and forth, watching the timer on my phone click down each second until it finally goes off. I rush back over to the counter to see all three test results say the same thing.

Pregnant.

"Oh my God," I say, touching my stomach. "I'm pregnant." Happy tears burn in my eyes. I've always wanted kids. But does Luka?

I mean, he has to realize we haven't ever used anything. He's never asked me about birth control. It's never come up between us. I would think if he didn't want kids it would be something he would emphasize.

My stomach fills with both excitement and nerves at the same time. I'm in a daze all day, thinking about how I'm going to tell Luka and how he might respond. More than that, I think about the kind of father he would be. The man works so much. Will I be stuck in one of his many homes doing this all alone? That wasn't how I pictured motherhood.

It has always been in my mind that I would raise my children in Cottonwood. I loved growing up there. My parents would be close, even my brother. I sit down on the couch, and my stomach is now starting to turn. How am I going to live this way? I have been doing it for almost six weeks now, and it's slowly killing me. The only friend I have managed to make is Owen, and he's paid to be around.

Even the baskets I passed out around the building got me weird looks. The reactions people had weren't what I was used to or expected, and it didn't help me make any friends.

The door chime goes off, alerting me that someone is here. When I see Paisley and my brother, I feel a pang of disappointment. It's not that I'm not eager to see them. I just really want Luka right now.

"You're here!" As I rush over to them, I force a smile on my face. I engulf them both in a hug. "I've missed you guys."

"Are you about to cry?" Paisley asks me, her own eyes filling with tears. "If you cry, then I'll cry."

"I'm not gonna cry." I sniff.

"Are you pregnant too?" My brother says it with a laugh. The room goes quiet for a second, and I realize he said ‘too.'

"Are you pregnant?" I ask Paisley. A smile breaks out across her face.

"I think I should be asking you the same."

"Wait, I was joking. Are you really pregnant?" My brother's eyes drop to my stomach, as if I could be showing already.

"Don't tell anyone." I point my finger between the two of them. Paisley only squeals and engulfs me in another hug.

"We're going to have babies together."

"That is kind of cool," I admit.

"So does Luka not know yet? That's why you don't want us to say anything?"

"I only found out this morning, and he's been at work."

"At work." Paisley rolls her eyes. "I'm really over this work crap."

I know she's frustrated on my behalf. I should probably stop calling her so much. I don't complain to her; I just want to talk. The silence in this home drives me crazy. But every time we got on the phone, she'd ask me if her brother was around.

"He'll be here for dinner." I check the time. We have another hour until then.

I make both of them something to drink and make sure that my order for dinner is still set for delivery. I might not be the best cook, but I can find the best food around and plate it better than anyone else.

Paisley tells me more about their honeymoon. I have not been big on travel, but I'd enjoy a few days away with only Luka and me. There would be no phone or anyone to bother us. That sounds like heaven. I wonder if Luka could even disconnect from the world for that long. That might not be an option for him.

"Hey!" Paisley's hand comes down on my knee. "Everything is going to be okay."

"I miss my momma." My eyes fill with tears yet again. A whirl of emotions runs through me.

"Oh, honey."

"I'm fine. I'm fine." I jump to my feet. I can't go there right now. I need to focus on tonight. We're going to eat dinner and have a lovely time. I don't want to ruin my time with Paisley and my brother. "How do you think your brother will react when I tell him?" I'm not sure if I should do it before dinner or while we're alone.

"I don't know. He's so different with you. And honestly, I don't know him like you know your brother."

That's because Luka doesn't allow anyone to get close to him. It's how he grew up. It's all he knows.

"If you guys don't mind, when he comes home, I'd like to tell him alone. I'll take him to the bedroom." There is no way I could make it through dinner. It also doesn't feel right that everyone at the table will already know except for him.

"Of course." Paisley gives my hand a squeeze. Thankfully, the food arrives, and I can change the subject. Not that it lasts long. The minutes tick by one by one until it's way after seven and there's no sign of Luka.

"I don't want the food to go cold. Why don't we eat?" I try to mask the disappointment in my voice. I'm not going to continue waiting.

"If you want." Paisley slips into one of the dining room chairs. My brother drops down in another. I can tell he's pissed, but he keeps it to himself. I pull out my phone and text Luka, but there is no response.

I push my food around the plate. Paisley tries to fill the silence with a bunch of small talk, something that I can usually do, but I don't have it in me tonight. I'd been so excited. Now all I feel is heartbroken.

"Okay, I can't take this bullshit." My brother drops his silverware on his plate with a loud clatter. "You're pissed."

"I'm not pissed."

"Fine then," he sulks. "Then what are you? Because my sister, June bug, doesn't hide her emotions. And she sure as hell doesn't do whatever this is."

"I ah—" I'm not sure what to say. I can't deny it. I feel different.

"He's right. You've been different these past few weeks." Paisley gives me a soft smile, but I see the sadness in her eyes.

"I'm going to talk to him." Jackson pushes back from the table. He looks pissed now.

"No." I grab his hand. "I will not have my boyfriend, or whatever Luka is to me, bullied into wanting to spend time with me." I can sense Jackson's desire to argue with me on this matter, but he retreats. "I appreciate you, though." I want him to know that him trying to fill his big brother role is appreciated by me. I love him for caring so much.

I check my phone again. Still no responses. I call him. It rings twice but then stops. I glare at the phone, making sure I called the right number. Did he just give me the FU button? He totally sent me to voicemail. I call again. This time, it only rings once before stopping.

Now I'm pissed. If you can't make it, at least send me a text or answer my call. I have not once said a word about how it's been here for me. I haven't put any demands on him because I know how busy and important his work is. But ghosting me on a night that he knew was important to me is unacceptable.

"Is there anything we can do?" Paisley asked.

"Yes," I say, standing up from the table. "I wanna go home."

"Now that I can do." My brother smiles while pulling out his phone. I know I'll be back in Cottonwood before the night is over.