Chapter 46 Max

Chapter 46

Max

An engine purrs outside the front window and a nervous lump lodges in my throat.

I have Brynn and Kai on speaker phone as I move through the main living area with Klondike zipping around at my feet, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

My heart jumps between my ribs. "She's here."

"Ahh!" Brynn squeals.

Kai smiles into the screen, his arm around his girlfriend. "How nervous are you?"

"What's the scale?" I shake my head. "Doesn't matter. The scale exploded five seconds ago."

"It's going to be great!" Brynn says, grinning brightly. "Oh my God, Max. It's all coming down to this moment."

She's right about that.

Ella is here for a job interview.

Little does she know, she's pulling up to Sunny Rose Farm for far more than just a job.

Years ago, I recall browsing through Ella's collection of storybooks, novels, and poetry compilations that lined dozens of bookshelves in her cantaloupe bedroom. Those were the days I'd sneak through her window and we'd talk and laugh and let go of every burden weighing us down. That's the best way to describe that year with Ella in the months before darkness rolled in and eclipsed our hard-fought sunlight.

Weightless.

Nothing felt heavy when she looked at me.

Nothing felt like too much when her hand was clasped with mine.

I made a routine of choosing quotes and passages from her books and highlighting the ones that meant something to me—the ones I believed meant something to her .

One of those quotes never left me.

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."

It's a quote from the poem "Little Gidding" by T. S. Eliot. I carried it with me because I believed in it with every tarnished piece of my heart. Those words kept me going. They allowed the rusted pieces to keep functioning, to keep moving, to keep beating with fine-tuned rhythm.

The end is where we start from.

Once there's an end, you can never go back to the beginning, and that feels permanent. People latch on to the finality of that and overlook the deeper meaning, the hope that resides inside.

No, you can't go back to the beginning…

But you can always create a new one.

You can take those ruptured pieces lying at your feet and glue them back together, knowing you'll never shape them into what they once were, but believing you can create something even better.

That's where healing lies.

That's where overcoming happens.

My new beginning is ten acres, a renovated house, and a little white horse sleeping in the stables. I've been weaving together my fresh start for over a year now and it's only missing one thing. And even if that one thing walks the other way in the end, I've still found my way to the other side. There's been peace in the process. Renewal in the undertaking.

Comfort in the belief that Ella will live out her dream, even if that dream doesn't include me.

Brynn hops up and down, her pigtails bouncing as she stares at me through the phone screen. "I almost gave it away yesterday when I brought up Ella's interview that she never told me about." Her nose wrinkles. "I'm terrible at keeping secrets."

"You did good," I assure her, glancing out the window. "Thank you both. For everything."

Fun fact: Brynn is terrible at keeping secrets.

She told me where Ella was living a week after Ella took up residence on Natine's horse ranch.

But there was no secret in how we still felt about each other, despite everything that happened. Brynn still talked to Ella regularly and told me there wasn't a single conversation where Ella didn't bring up my name, ask how I was doing, or have tears shining in her eyes when she spoke about me.

I was confident our story wasn't over.

And that confidence only gained wings last night when she let me hold her until dawn's light spilled in through the window of her RV.

Brynn is still squealing with anticipation as she bounces next to Kai. "You have to fill us in immediately!"

I heave in a deep, calming breath as I stalk toward the main window. "I will. I'm not sure how she's going to feel about any of this."

"The same way she feels about you," she says assuredly. "I know my best friend, Max. She's still head over heels for you."

"Enough to lay new roots on a little horse farm I named after her?" I internally cringe at the image of her laughing in my face and running in the other direction. "This might be next-level madness."

"Next-level love always comes with a little next-level madness." Brynn and Kai share a soft look. "Okay, go get your girl. We'll be waiting!"

I blow out that breath. "All right. Thanks again."

"Any time," Kai says before disconnecting the video call.

I hesitate before slipping the phone in my pocket.

An orange RV rolls down the long, gravel driveway and comes to a stop halfway in. I watch through cracked curtains as Ella hops out of the driver's side, dressed in a deep-orange, off-the-shoulder sweater and black leggings, her coppery-dark hair swinging all around her. Sunlight glints off her light skin and nervous smile when she peers out at the golden acreage, her eyes bright with promise and hope.

She's hoping for a new job.

I'm offering her a whole new life.

My blue heeler pup dashes to the window and hops up on the couch, his long, silvery tail swishing back and forth with excitement.

I swipe my hair back with one hand, fidgeting in place while I watch Ella assess her surroundings for another minute before she squares her shoulders and traipses toward the front door.

Klondike starts barking.

"Easy, boy," I tell him, ushering him off the couch with a rubber toy and a palmful of dog biscuits. He hops down and takes the treats, then carries the toy to his crate.

Fuck. This is terrifying. I have no idea how Ella is going to react to what I've created, and while I've made peace with a possible rejection, my heart still pounds with pleading hope.

Say yes, Ella.

Stay.

She knocks twice and I move to the doorway.

My palms sweat. My ears ring. My chest hammers with cautious optimism.

I swing the door open and watch as Ella does a double take, glances at me, over to the left, then back at me. Her eyes flare wide and vibrant green.

Her glossy lips part briefly, then snap shut as she stares at me, a startled frown bending her dark brows.

"Hey," I say, a smile stretching. Nerves stomp through me just as Klondike stomps through the living room and pounces on Ella with two happy paws and a wiggling butt. "Shit, sorry…" I take my puppy by the collar and pull him back as she gawks at the both of us, frozen to the porch step.

"What is…?" She starts blinking rapidly, head swinging side to side. "What's going on?"

Scooping Klondike in my arms, I inch away from his tongue slapping at my cheek. "You're here for a job interview."

Ella continues to stare, dumbfounded, glancing behind her at the property sign and then at me. "Okay." She draws out the word. "But that doesn't explain why you're here."

"I'm the one interviewing you."

She gapes at me in shock. "Um…what? This is your farm?"

I nod, as if that answers everything.

"Max…explain."

"Come inside," I urge, moving from the threshold and setting Klondike back down. "Klondike won't hurt you, by the way. He's only seven months old, so he's still learning his manners."

He proves my point by leaping at Ella again.

A huff of a laugh falls out of her as she crouches down in the doorway to pet him between the ears. "I don't understand," she says, peeking up at me. "Please explain. Quickly. My brain is imploding."

"Well, I found him on the side of the road with one of those Klondike bar foil wrappers hanging out of his mouth. That's how he got the name. I took him to the vet and—"

"Max."

Her arms are full of my rascally puppy, her eyes full of questions.

A grin slips. "Yes, this is my farm. For now," I tell her. "And yes…I knew where you were living. I've known for a long time." Those emerald eyes glaze over as her hand absently strokes my pup's short fur. "I bought up these acres over a year ago with my earnings from the house flips, and Chevy and our team helped me with the renovations on the house. Of course, I'm not well versed in the equestrian field, so I reached out to Natine for guidance."

Klondike moves away from Ella and starts circling my feet, allowing her to stand. Ella blinks back tears of disbelief and swipes her palms down the front of her dog-fuzzed leggings. "Natine knew about this?"

"She did." I nod. "We met up for coffee a while back. I told her who I was and asked if she thought this was a good idea or not." Folding in my lips, I shrug. "She said you'd either slap me or kiss me, but she was looking forward to hearing about the outcome."

Ella lifts both hands and drags them through her hair, her cheeks flushed pink. "I…I'm not following. How did you even find me?" Before I can answer, her eyes flare with realization. "Brynn."

"Don't be mad."

"Oh my God. You've known where I've been this whole time?"

My lips purse as I slide my hands in my pockets. "Don't be mad."

"Max…you've been living thirty miles away from me and I didn't know?" Her chest heaves with quickening breaths, her fingers tightening in her hair. "I can't… I'm just…"

"Whoa, hey." I step forward and reach for her, my hands curling around her shoulders. "Ella, listen. I was giving you time and space to heal. That was the whole point of you leaving Tennessee. It wasn't my place to intrude on that. Natine thought it was too soon for me to reach out to you and that you were still finding your way, still vulnerable," I explain. "But I never stopped loving you. Never. I've thought about you every damn day since you drove over that hill in your RV." Squeezing her shoulders, I find her teary eyes and smile softly. "I've carried you with me, all this time. You rise and fall with every sun. You're between the pages of every book I read. You're with me on every bridge, and you're in the verses of every song that plays," I confess. "I never let you go."

Tears trail down her cheeks as her eyes slam shut, lips quivering. "Did you…buy this farm for me?"

The awestruck words fall out on a hitched breath as she leans into my touch. I slide my hands upward and cradle her neck, my thumbs dusting her jaw. "You gave me and my father something I could never repay you for, Sunny Girl. This is nothing compared to that. Nothing. I never had a chance to truly thank you, so this is what I decided to do." I press a kiss to her hairline and whisper gently, "So, yes. This farm is for you. It's yours. There's a little horse I adopted in the stables waiting to meet you. There are hundreds of sunrises and sunsets waiting for you to watch them from the open field. There's a life waiting for you here…if you want it."

She collapses against me, her face slamming to my chest. Sobs pour out of her. Her hands latch onto my T-shirt, fisting the gray fabric as her tears soak through to my skin.

I cup the back of her head with my hand and stroke her hair. "This is my thank-you , Ella Sunbury. You gave my father a fighting chance at life. You gave us both a fresh start when I had absolutely nothing left to live for," I tell her, emotion catching on each word. "You told me this was your dream, so I'm giving that to you. No strings attached. This is yours."

She shakes in my arms, face smashed against my chest. "I d-don't know what to say…"

"Say you'll take it," I murmur into her hair. "Say you'll stay."

Her face lifts, nose bright red and eyes wet. "Max, I…" Sniffling, she sucks in a breath and swallows. "Is this for both of us?"

I falter, my teeth clenching as my heart teeters with unknowns. "That's not why I did this. A lot of time has passed, so I'm not expecting anything. This is for you , Ella." My chest feels strangled because I want to live this life with her more than anything. It's what I've wanted since the day I met her in a sun-soaked school yard. "There's no pressure. Even though it was never over for me, I understand if you don't feel the same way. I've made arrangements if things don't work out between us and I can—"

"Max." Ella's hands raise up to clasp my face. With my cheeks between her palms, she holds my gaze as she whispers back, "It was never over for me, either."

A geyser of hope explodes between my ribs. I drop my forehead to hers, closing my eyes, smiling as a relieved breath falls out. I don't need a direct answer yet. We don't have to move in together straight away and make big plans. With rebirth comes rebuilding, and I will put us back together, brick by brick, even if it takes a lifetime.

I inch away and find her eyes, smile still intact. "I want to show you around. I want to show you everything."

Ella swipes her tears away with two fingers, nodding through an incredulous laugh. "Show me."

Klondike clumsily trots beside us before settling in his crate with a toy, while I take Ella from room to room. The ranch-style house is small but cozy, strewn with new carpet and fresh paint. It's simple yet tasteful, a blank canvas for her own belongings and personality.

The only room I took a chance on is the bedroom.

Grinning wide, Ella studies every furnishing, every decorative splash, every wood beam and high ceiling. When I guide her to the main bedroom, our hands laced together, my heart skips as I bring her through the threshold.

She stops short with a small gasp.

The walls are cantaloupe. Crisp white linens make up the king-sized bed, topped with a collection of bright-orange pillows. In the corner of the room sits a small desk, adorned with bookbinding tools and trinkets. Tall bookshelves are stuffed with her favorite novels and storybooks. On the nightstand, there's a terra-cotta pot with a carrot sticking out from the dirt.

And taking up the entire far wall, directly across from the bed, is a hand-painted mural of a rising sun.

Ella's eyes soak in the room, falling and holding on the sun painting. "Oh my God…" she breathes out, awestruck and mystified.

"Do you like it?" Nerves and insecurity race through me, swirling in the pit of my stomach. "Kai painted that. If it's too much, we can paint over it. I know it's bold, but it made me think of you and—"

Ella throws herself at me, landing in my open arms, just like she did in the middle of the gravel road before an old RV stole her away for almost three painful years.

Our mouths lock together before I can take my next breath.

It's instinct.

I grip her beneath the thighs, her tongue sliding into my mouth, meeting mine. We both moan. Sweet familiarity douses me in warmth as lightning heat streaks through me, head to toe. I walk her backward and press her up against the sun wall as her hands cup my cheeks, our faces angling to taste deeper, my hips pressed between her spread legs wrapped tightly around my waist.

There is no hesitation.

No slow build or soft climb.

No forgetting.

I tug her hair back with one hand and drag my mouth down the expanse of her slender throat, her thighs squeezing me. I harden to steel as she moves one hand to fist my hair, the other gripping my bicep. A whimper falls out of her and I nip her jaw with my teeth, her head dropping backward as her hair blends with the sunny red-orange rays. Ella grinds against me as my tongue laves her throat, tasting her soft skin.

I nip her earlobe, then find her mouth again as we devour each other.

It's like coming fucking home.

Her hands quiver as she lowers them to my belt, fingers fiddling with the buckle, eager for more. "Max…" She croaks out my name with a desperate gasp. "Please."

It's all I need. I spin her around and carry her over to the bed, dropping her on the white linens and watching as she shimmies out of her clothing, her eyes never leaving me. I whip open my belt, unhook the button of my jeans, and tug down the zipper. My pants and boxers hit the floor as I reach for my shirt and yank it over my head, aching to be entwined with her.

Fully bare, Ella doesn't look the least bit shy inching backward on the bed, spreading her knees wide. Sunlight streams in through the lace drapes, bathing her in golden light.

God, the sun suits her. It always has.

Ribbons of coppery red hair spill behind her when she lifts up on her elbows, her big green eyes watching me.

"God," I say on a moan, crawling over her. "I've thought about you every day for twenty-eight months."

Ella pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as I situate myself between her legs and sprinkle kisses along her throat and collarbone. "Did you picture me like this?" she wonders breathily, one leg curling around my lower back, her painted toes grazing the arch.

"Sometimes," I admit. "Sometimes I imagined you just like this." I cup her between the legs, then slip two fingers inside. We both moan, my jaw unhinging as my eyes flutter closed. "I missed you so much."

"Max…" Her head tips backward before she collapses fully onto her back, her arms snaking around my neck. "I need you."

I bite her earlobe again before finding her mouth, our lips slamming together. Our tongues collide, the heat spinning and churning between us as my fingers work her, angling higher, deeper, sluiced with her desire.

Smiling lazily, I waste no time in snatching her by the waist and flipping her over, climbing on top of her until I'm settled between her legs. I slide against her and lower my face to kiss her. Gentle and soft. No rush, no hurry. No inevitable heartbreak looming on the horizon.

The horizon is bright, sunny, and warm.

It's just us and this moment.

Max and Ella.

I reach down to center myself with her entrance, shivering at the contact. I'm drunk on the realization that I'll be sheathed inside her, filling her, wholly connected at last.

"Please," she begs again, grazing her hands up and down the planks of my back. "Make love to me."

I push her knees to her chest, lift up to mine, then glance down and watch as I slide inside her, slowly, an inch at a time. She fists the bedsheets, her head tipped back with pleasure as I disappear inside her all the way, shuddering through the final push.

The only time I had her was on the precipice of goodbye, both of us soaked with rain and regret.

It felt like an ending. A raw finality.

This is a homecoming. A beautiful beginning.

I shift my weight to my forearms as my face hovers a centimeter above hers. Our gazes hold tight. Even through the shocks of pleasure, her whimpers, our low moans tangling as one, our eye contact doesn't sever, doesn't slip. I make sure she's with me as I slowly move inside her, drawing out the moment, the connection.

When she breaks, a tear crawls from the corner of her eye as a gasp sticks in her throat and she trembles beneath me with her hands clutched around my neck. I follow behind, drinking in her flushed cheeks, her parted lips and glossy eyes, as I find my release. Wave and wave of warmth races through me, filling me as I fill her.

When I collapse beside her, pulling her with me as I remain fully sheathed, I wrap my arms around her and tuck her face underneath my chin. "I love you," I whisper against her hair, kissing the top of her head. "God, Sunny, I never stopped. Not for a single second. I've loved you since the day I laid eyes on you. Seven years old on a school playground, and I knew…I knew you were meant to be mine."

Ella cups my cheeks with both hands and lifts up to kiss me. Her tongue flicks against my bottom lip as she murmurs, "I knew it, too. Even as a little kid, I felt it."

I smile, swiping a stray tear from her temple. It's so different this time, the two of us kissed by warm sunlight instead of drowning in rain clouds and cold drizzle. "I don't want this to be over," I admit, tugging her closer. "I never want it to be over."

"I don't either," she says, words hitching on a small cry. "God…but what if we're destined to fail? What if the stars never align?" Terror gleams in her eyes. True fear that we're never going to find our happy ending. "They say all is fair in love and war, but that's bullshit. It's utter bullshit, Max. Nothing is fair about love. Nothing is—"

"You're right, Sunny. It is bullshit," I tell her, cupping her face between my palms and forcing her eyes on mine. "You're right because there is no love and war. Love is war. You fight until you win, or you fight until you lose. Imagine the victory after all that pain and struggle, after all those battle wounds." I swallow, pressing our foreheads together, noses touching. "War was never meant for peacemakers. There is no place for white flags and soft hearts. It's loud, feral, and violent. Love is a killer, but not everyone dies bloody. Some stand tall in the end." I squeeze her cheeks between my hands and beg, "Let that be you, Ella. Let that be us ."

Her soft cry morphs into a sob as she nods, her hands curling around my wrists.

"Fight with me," I plead, slamming my eyes shut. "Win with me."

My heart pounds as she falls back against me, her tears seeping into my skin. I hold her, cherish her, silently beg for her to never surrender, to never give up, no matter what.

It's worth it.

We're worth it.

My gaze lands on the sun mural as she softens in my embrace, a restfulness washing over us both. A quiet hush of ceasefire. And I know. I feel it in that moment, in the next breath she takes in my arms. I feel her surrender…but not to the end.

She surrenders to everything we could be.

To everything we are and always have been.

Our new dawn.

Ella rests her cheek against my chest as our legs tangle atop the bedcovers. "You rarely win," she croaks out, her finger drawing designs over my heart as she glances over at the potted carrot resting on the nightstand. "But sometimes you do."

I smile, pressing my lips to her forehead and closing my eyes as the sun portrait fills my mind and lulls me to pure placidity. "Yeah, Sunny," I murmur. "Sometimes you do."

***

"Oh, my God, she's adorable!" Ella bounds toward the young mare that afternoon, her boots kicking up clouds of dust. "Is she young?"

The horse's tail swings back and forth as we approach, its dark-brown eyes curious.

"She's a little over two years old," I tell her. "She's docile. Low energy and easily trained."

Ella's face is alight with wonder. "She's perfect. Phoenix was also two when we got him, back when I was just a kid."

I watch as she presses a nurturing palm to the mare's mane, stroking down its nose. "Natine helped me with the adoption process. In mythology, white horses are often associated with the sun chariot," I say, smiling softly. "Made me think of you."

Her eyes pop as she glances at me. "I didn't know that." She returns the smile, her eyes panning back to the horse as it nickers, enjoying the attention.

"She'll be ready to ride in about a year."

"I love her already." Ella spends a few more minutes talking to the horse, whispering kind words, and sprinkling her with loving touches. "Does she have a name?"

I shake my head. "Not yet. I figured I'd let you do the honors."

She nods, then pulls her hand away, turning to face me. "Max…where's your dad? Is he still in Tennessee?"

"No. I transferred him to a facility in Escanaba, where Chevy lives now and where we manage our business. It's about a forty-five minute drive from here so I visit them both regularly," I explain. "Dad's thriving. They take good care of him."

"I'd like to visit him with you some time, if that's okay."

"He'd love that. We both would."

Dad talks about Ella sometimes on his more coherent days. He doesn't remember her name—he simply asks about the pretty girl with red hair who made him brisket, wondering if she's doing all right. I tell him she is. And then he demands I bring her flowers.

We walk side by side out of the stable, the air cool but the sun warm. Ella's brown boots sink into the earth with each slow step as the afternoon glow splashes across her face. "Sunny Rose Farm," she mutters at the sky, her eyes closing against the bright rays. "I like the name."

"It suits you," I say, bumping her shoulder with mine.

Ella leans against me, her head falling to my upper arm. "I can't believe you did this for me. It's too much, Max."

I glance down at her, watching the emotion dance across her features. "It will never be enough. You saved my dad's life. You saved mine. I never would have been able to afford his care…never."

"It was the least I could do," she whispers. "I'm glad I could help."

"It was selfless. Brave. A testament to the amazing girl you are, and always have been."

She takes my hand and squeezes, letting out a long sigh. "There was a time I thought I was a monster," she admits. "Just like him."

Pain bulldozes through my heart as I shake my head at the mere thought. "No, Sunny." I wrap a strong arm around her and hold her tight, kissing the top of her head. "Neither of us own our brother's mistakes. That's not how it works. Their actions affected us, but that doesn't make us guilty of those sins by proxy, you know?"

"Yeah," she says. "You're right." Sniffling back her emotion, her head still cradled by my bicep, Ella peers out at the low-hanging sun and smiles softly, our fingers interlacing as we stand together in the open field. Then she adds, "I think I want to name her Dawn."

Hours later, Dawn sleeps soundly, curled up in a little ball next to Klondike as he chews on a ham bone. Ella and I are on our backs, shoulder to shoulder, lying upon the vast acreage as we stare up at the twinkling sky. Night has fallen on Sunny Rose Farm and I'm taken back to a moment years ago when Ella and I watched the Taurid meteor shower together after the school dance.

But that's not what holds our attention tonight.

It's not the half-moon or the sparkling starlight, or even the picture-perfect moment of us resting beside a white horse and a young pup.

It's something far more mystical. More magical.

"Look up, Sunny," I say to her, just like I did back then when meteors painted the sky in whimsical brushstrokes.

Her eyelids flutter open.

Her gaze pops.

And she gasps, tears erupting instantly.

Slowly, almost teasingly, ribbons of green and pink begin to streak across the inky sky.

The dance of the northern lights.

Ella's wish.

We don't speak, conversation lost to the light show above. The glimmers stretch and twist across the horizon, moving in waves, each surge of color more enchanting than the last as they illuminate the farm in fleeting blips of brightness.

My own eyes mist.

This moment, this woman, this new dance between us unfolding along with the sky—it's everything.

I suck in a breath, my future so much clearer.

Everything is finally, perfectly right.

As the sky bleeds green like the emeralds in her eyes, I stand up, untangle our clasped palms, and tell her I'll be right back. She watches me jog toward the house and return a moment later, a familiar book tucked inside my palm.

I hand her the novel, the one I snuck from atop her desk before leaving the RV the night before.

Black Beauty .

Ella glances at me, her index finger grazing down the spine, a question in her starry gaze. Her throat rolls with wonder as she blinks slowly, then dips her attention to the front of the book featuring a black horse with a white diamond on its forehead. She starts flipping through, looking, searching, eager for the big reveal. She knows I've left her a little piece of my heart.

When she finds it, she gasps out a tiny cry, bobbing her head up and down as tears well in her eyes.

There, on the very last page, she finds what she's looking for.

The final line is partially highlighted.

A message from me to her.

A message from our past, from our present, from our future, written like it was meant for us as the words glitter under the sky, brightened in neon-orange highlighter:

"My troubles are all over, and I am at home."