Prologue Ella

Prologue

Ella

Red.

All I see is red.

I burst into the bedroom, my wild gaze landing on my brother. "What did you do?" I sob, breathless and horrified. "What did you do , Jonah?"

He sits stone-still on the edge of my bed, staring at nothing, his eyes hollow and bloodshot. Red splatters stain his T-shirt, and his red-slicked hands are balled up in his lap.

"Jonah!"

His chin lifts in slow motion, pupils dilated as his attention settles on me. "Ella…" My name is a choked whisper, a plea. A torn-up love letter.

My head swings back and forth as I fist my hair, tears pouring down my cheeks.

"I'd do anything for you," he says. "You're my whole goddamn world and have been since the moment Mom brought you home from the hospital." His thick Adam's apple rolls, working in his throat. "She set you in my arms, a tiny bundle of pink. My baby sister. My purpose."

I can't stop shaking.

Why did he…?

How could he…?

He stands, grabbing me by the biceps and hauling me to his red-stained chest. Stroking my hair back, he whispers in my ear, "If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever."

"No," I croak. "J-Jonah… Why, why, why …?" My voice dies out on a horrible wail, my forehead slamming to the center of his chest.

Pain.

I'm crippled by it, drowning in it.

It's all I feel. All I know.

"Remember the good times, okay? Not this. Anything but this." Heartbeats pound as his hands hold my hair back. "We're on that bridge under a Nashville sky, a pile of sticks at our feet. You and me, Ella. Just you and me. We're riding horses until sunset, drinking lemonade by hay bales, and telling stories by the fire, untouchable. Think of me that way. Always," he grits out. "Promise me, Piglet."

I can't promise him that.

All I see is red.

It's everywhere.

Sirens flicker red and blue outside the window. More red. Even Mom's sedan is red as it flies into the driveway, the door hanging open as she stumbles out of it and races into the house. I know what's coming next. I try to brace myself for it. Try to prepare.

I can't do that, either.

Mom's scream tears through the house as she stalls in the threshold of my room, her hand sliding down the doorframe as she drops to her knees.

"What have you done ?" she bellows. Howls. Dies inside.

Jonah glances at our mother with devastation in his eyes before looking back at me.

His cheeks are flushed red.

"I love you both so much. Believe that." He presses a hard kiss to the top of my head, squeezing me tight. "Take care of Mom."

I don't believe it.

If he loved us, he never would have done what he did. It's unfathomable.

I yank myself free of his arms, pivot around, gag, then vomit on my bedroom floor. I'm hunched over, sobbing and retching, when police officers storm the bedroom and whiz past me.

Jonah doesn't fight.

His hands fly up with surrender as he's read his rights, the voices fusing with our mother's painful moans.

I watch as he's hauled away in handcuffs while Mom lies boneless on my bedroom floor. She grabs at my brother's ankle, forcing an officer to peel her fingers away from him before they disappear down the hallway, out of sight.

Gone.

As my mother disintegrates a few feet away, I sink to the floor, collapsing near my bed, trembling in the aftermath of my hell.

I stare dazedly out the window, numb, just as the sun peeks through the clouds and bathes the sky in happy golden light.

But there is no sun in my sky.

No light.

No warmth.

All I see is red…