7. Lark

Chapter seven

Lark

Do I have to answer?

It’s sad that’s the first thought that crosses my mind when my phone rings and I see who’s calling.

But a lifetime of craving my mother’s approval means I answer.

“Hi, Mom.” I swirl the peppermint tea bag around in my glass cup, watching the water slowly darken.

“Lark, I heard from Ellen at the club that the Devereaux Hotel downtown has an opening for their larger ballroom. I took the liberty of contacting them and reserving it.”

My hand comes to a stop as I take a deep breath in. “We don’t need a larger room, Mom.”

“Nonsense. The guest list Cordelia and I approved won’t fit in anything less.”

She continues to prattle on about something someone at the club said, and I completely tune her out. Reaching for a bag of licorice, I pull out a few pieces, then pick up my cup of tea and settle into a large chair by the window in my living room. Nestling the phone between my shoulder and ear, I light one of the many candles I have throughout my house. There’s something about the flickering warmth that soothes me. And Lord knows I need soothing right now.

Honestly, it’s no wonder my mother and Cordelia get along, they both enjoy ignoring anyone’s opinions but their own and deciding things for other people.

The difference is, I’ve spent most of my life letting my mother be this way. It seemed easier than the alternative, which came with never-ending guilt trips and reminders of how much my parents have done for me.

Tuning out her lectures has become a survival strategy. A carefully honed technique made up of sounds of acknowledgments, never fully agreeing or disagreeing to anything, and trying to avoid commitments whenever possible.

Letting her drone on might be time consuming and draining, but it became second nature for a child born to parents who never wanted kids for any reason other than status. A child like me.

“Lark? Lark! Honestly, are you even listening?”

My mother’s annoyed tone startles me back to attention. “Sorry, Mom. Could you repeat your question?” I wince, waiting for the huff. Yup, there it is.

“I said, I’ve decided to wear a navy blue dress, so please ensure your bridal party coordinates so there’s no clashing in photos.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.” I’m mentally rolling my eyes. Forget bridezilla, I’ve got two mothers-of-the-bride-and-groom-zilla.

“Alright. I need to go, we’ve got a dinner at the club tonight to celebrate Howard’s promotion.”

I make a noise, as if I know who the hell Howard is, or even care about his job status. “Okay. Bye, Mom.”

Tossing my phone down on the table beside me, I let my head fall back against the chair and close my eyes. I know not all parents are as exhausting as mine and Baron’s. I know not all families are more obsessed with appearances than anything else. I know normal families are capable of showing love and respect for one another.

I just don’t know what any of that feels like, having never experienced it myself.

Twenty-four hours later, I push open the door to the restaurant I’m meeting the girls at for dinner, my head still full of spiraling thoughts. I honestly don’t see how I can marry Baron, but I also don’t see a way out of it without having to face not only two very disappointed families but also a lifetime alone.

But I’m not so pathetic as to believe that’s a good enough reason to marry a man I don’t love.

All of my anxiety spirals are leading to the same conclusion. I need to end my engagement.

I drop down into an open chair with a thump.

“Well, hello to you, too,” Willow says, pushing a glass of wine over toward me. “Drink?”

“God, yes.” I pick it up and take a long swallow.

Sadie leans forward, a concerned expression clear behind her glasses. “Are you okay?”

“If by okay, you mean exhausted from trying to keep up with the overbearing planning my mother and Cordelia are forcing me to be a part of? I honestly don’t know why they bother telling me anything when they’re just making decisions without my input, anyway.”

“They sound awful,” Sadie says, reaching out and covering my hand with hers, giving it a soft squeeze. “I’m sorry. Has there been any part of it you’ve enjoyed?”

“Cake tasting with Dan yesterday was fun,” I reply honestly. Then I catch Willow’s expression, eyebrows raised, questioning. “What?”

“Monty went cake tasting? Where was Baron?”

“He’s still on his work trip out east, and you couldn’t come. I didn’t want to go alone,” I reply defensively, taking another sip of wine.

“Mm-hmm.”

Her reply, and the small smirk, has me sagging against my chair in defeat. “What am I doing?”

“Besides marrying the wrong guy?” Willow fires back, earning a gasp from Sadie. “Hey, I’m not saying anything none of us aren’t already thinking. Right? You’re the one who said to us the night you told us you were engaged that you thought it was a mistake. So why the hell are you still going through with it?”

I drain my glass before answering. “If I could explain it in a way that doesn’t make me sound like a loser, I would. But I can’t. And yes, I know that only highlights the fact that I shouldn’t go through with it. I mean, who marries a guy just because he’s the only one to ever show interest?”

“But Monty…” Sadie starts, then abruptly stops. My brows furrow. I swear it looked like she got kicked. But why would Willow shut her up like that ?

“There is no me and Monty. Dan is my friend and that’s it. He’s never once made a move for anything else.”

Willow reaches over casually to refill my glass before shooting her verbal arrow. A direct hit, straight to my heart. “Could that be because you’ve always been with Baron, and Monty’s a good man who doesn’t want to come between you two?”

I stare down at the ruby red liquid in my glass, uncomfortable with the raw truth of what Willow’s pointed out. Monty is a good man. The best. And he absolutely is the kind of man that would respect someone’s relationship, one hundred percent. But at the same time, if he truly had feelings beyond friendship for me, wouldn’t I have sensed, I don’t know, something?

“How did you and Baron get together?” Sadie asks quietly. I continue to stare into my glass, my mind tripping back in time to when Baron and I first became romantically involved.

“Through our parents, I guess you could say. Our fathers partnered to start their company when I was seventeen. He was two years older, and already in university, so we didn’t see much of each other for a few years. We didn’t have much in common, and despite our families’ connection, we didn’t exactly run in the same circles.” I laugh, remembering how I used to look at him and Felicity with disdain, in their perfectly pressed clothes, while I was covered in grass stains from playing soccer. “But when I was in university, things started to change. My mom and his started making comments about the two of us. About us being meant for each other, and how serendipitous it was that we were near the same age and our families were so close.”

“That sounds like a bad movie plot,” Willow remarks, and I look up with a wry smile .

“No kidding. I wish I was joking.” I let out a sigh, running my finger around the base of my wine glass as my smile softens. “But he was handsome, kind, and smart. When every other guy I met treated me like a friend, Baron was the only one to show interest in me as a woman. And at least, in the beginning, I was happy. I did fall for him, kinda quickly, if I’m honest. He was my first boyfriend, the guy I gave my virginity to. I started to buy into the idea of us being meant for each other, especially when I saw how happy my mother was to see us dating.”

“So what happened?” Sadie’s gentle voice prods me to continue.

I shrug. “I wish I knew. Things change, people change. The guy I fell for when I was younger became someone I didn’t love as much. We drifted apart, I guess. The intimacy stopped along with the affection. But you know, isn’t that how it goes with long-term relationships? The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever.”

Willow snorts. “Speak for yourself. I don’t plan on letting the intimacy die off one bit with Ronan.”

I just barely stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Yeah, well, you two found unicorns with your men. Most of us have to make do with normal horses. No magical horns.”

We all break into giggles at my unplanned innuendo. But things quickly turn serious when Willow reaches one hand over to cover mine.

“Babe, we love you and respect your decision, no matter what,” Willow says, more gently now. “But I, for one, feel like I’ve kept my mouth shut for too long. And I regret that choice, because maybe if I had said something sooner, you wouldn’t be in this shitty position. You’re settling for Baron, maybe because of your parents, but I think it’s because for some messed up reason, you don’t see how amazing you are, and how any man would be lucky to love you. You don’t need to marry him because you think you’ll never find someone else. You don’t need to marry him because it’s what everyone expects you to do. You don’t need to marry him, or anyone, unless you absolutely, without a doubt, love them and can’t imagine a life without them.”

Tears are forming in my eyes as she speaks, and when she finishes, they spill over, running down my cheeks. Everything she just said are words I wish I had convinced myself were true ages ago. But maybe it took getting to this point for them to truly sink in.

“I don’t love him. And I don’t want to marry him.”

“Then don’t.”

It can’t be that simple.

Can it?

In the silence that follows Willow’s words, I finally give in to what I’ve wanted to say and do for so long.

“I’m breaking up with Baron.”

“Thank fuck for that,” Willow says, leaning back in her chair and flinging her hands in the air dramatically.

I manage to laugh, even as I’m crying. They’re happy tears. Relieved tears. Nervous, but finally excited-for-the-future tears.

Sadie lifts her glass. “To making the right decision.”

I swipe away my tears, then with a tremulous smile that grows stronger with every second, I pick up my glass. “To making the right decision. Finally ”

I drink, feeling completely at peace with my choice. It’s not going to be easy, ending a relationship that has defined me for so many years, but it has to happen. It will happen. For once, I’m standing up for what I need, instead of letting others decide what should happen.

And no matter what, I know I’ve got my friends to support me through it all.

As for Dan? Well, maybe what Willow said is true, and all that was stopping him was me being in a relationship. The thought of that is both exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. Especially since I know the only way to find out is to make the first move.