21. Monty

Chapter twenty-one

Monty

“I can’t believe you turned down Barbados for this.” I peer out the windshield at the slushy rain pouring down. But even the dreary weather can’t fully get me down. No, my hands are holding the steering wheel tightly, partly to keep us safe but also so I don’t get distracted by wanting to touch Lark. I don’t dare even look at her or the excitement bubbling inside of me might spill over.

It’s Christmas Eve and we’re driving out to my parents’ place. I love the holidays, always have. What’s not to love about Christmas jammies, spending time with your family, and eating your body weight in cookies?

And getting to do all of that with Lark by my side? Holy shit, I might explode from happiness. But even knowing how weird and toxic her family can be, there’s a part of me that wonders if she’s going to feel like she missed out on something by not being with them over Christmas.

“Trust me, Dan. I’m not missing anything or anyone I truly care about. My parents haven’t done Christmas in Vancouver in years and being stuck somewhere with them? No thanks. ”

“What did you do last year?” I ask with some curiosity. We’ve never discussed holiday plans; I always just assumed she was with Baron or her parents.

She huffs. “Spent it at the Hazelwood museum with Baron and his family.”

My eyebrows raise at her words. “Museum?”

“That’s what I call their house in my head. Imagine the most imposing, formal building, and then call it a home.” Another forced laugh. “So, yeah, even with the rain, I’d much rather be here with you.” She gives me a warm look, and her hand lands on the back of my neck, toying with the hair that sticks out from underneath my ball cap. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to these small touches, the affection that comes so easily after so many years of just dreaming of it.

God, I sound like a fucking putz, and I love it.

Lark shifts in her seat, twisting to get something out of the back, and of course, the second I look over, my eyes go straight to the gap in her shirt, giving me a clear view straight at those perfect tits.

Tits that I, apparently, am now free to look at and even touch. Fuck, that’s weird to think about. And getting a boner while I’m driving down the highway is not something I ever expected to deal with.

This is why I kept my feelings for her repressed for all those years…

She settles back into her seat, now with a bag of chocolate kisses in hand. One of the many leftovers from our baking day last week, seeing as I kind of went overboard at the store. Did I empty the entire shelf of kisses into my basket? Maybe. But I didn’t want to disappoint her by bringing the wrong ones or not enough.

Besides, is there such a thing as too much chocolate? I think not.

Lark unwraps one and holds it up to my mouth. Sweetness bursts on my tongue from the creamy chocolate, but it’s when I glance over and see her looking at me with a soft, open expression that I melt, just like the damn chocolate.

Is this real life?

And if it is, how the hell do I make sure I don’t fuck it all up?

My inhale almost sends the chocolate kiss down my throat, which would be really bad as we speed toward my parents’ place. Coughing lightly, I recover. Another quick glance and I see she’s looking out her window at the farmland we’re passing through.

I want to touch her. No, I want her to touch me. To play with my hair like she was before. But I’m pretty sure it would be weird if I asked her to do that. Which means I’m gonna have to initiate something. Hoo boy.

I slowly unclench my right hand from the steering wheel and flex my fingers a couple of times. Then I set it on the center console between us. Maybe she’ll get the hint and take over?

Nope. She’s still staring out the window. Okay, Monty, you can fucking do this. You’ve touched her a hundred times before. Hell, she had her mouth on your dick a few days ago. Resting your hand on her leg is no big fucking deal.

Except, it really is. Because the feelings I have for this woman are like nothing else. And finally being free to express those feelings, to act on them, has me all kinds of fucked up — mostly in a good way, but with a healthy layer of anxiety on top .

I want to be good for her. I want to be everything she deserves. And I’m terrified I won’t be.

Taking a deep breath, I move my hand over and place it on her thigh. Her head doesn’t move, but she covers my hand with hers and squeezes gently.

And I exhale.

Waking up in the middle of the night in the spare bedroom — the one not taken over by my mom’s quilting supplies — at my parents’ house, with Lark draped over my bare torso, is a very odd experience.

Not a bad one, just…not one I ever really thought I’d have. Honestly? It’s not even something I let myself imagine. Partly because it always felt out of reach and partly because being in bed with the woman of my dreams with my parents right down the hall isn’t exactly the most romantic concept.

I’m pretty sure you could see my cheeks turn red all the way from the fucking moon when Mom casually said the two of us would be staying in one bedroom together.

But when Lark nuzzles into my chest, letting out a contended hum, I tell my overthinking brain to shut the fuck up and let me enjoy this Christmas miracle.

I guess I drift back to sleep because the next thing I’m aware of is something rubbing against my dick, making it uncomfortably hard. My eyes blink open, and I look down to see Lark shifting against me. Her eyes are closed, but it’s hard to tell if she’s asleep or not. When she makes a cute little mumbling sound, it becomes clear she’s not awake. Which means her rubbing against me is not a conscious choice.

I stifle my groan when her bare thigh presses down on my dick. It hurts, but in a good way. And if I don’t want to embarrass myself and have to do laundry later, unfortunately, I need to extricate myself from the situation.

But when I go to move out from underneath her, Lark’s hold on me tightens and she lets out a small whimper.

Well, fuck.

“Dan,” she whispers. “See me.”

Oh, Birdie. My heart fucking swells. I do see you. I always have.

There’s not a chance I’m going anywhere until she’s awake, so I try reciting my Little League stats to get my mind off how fucking amazing it feels to have her body against mine. To know that she feels the same way for me as I do for her.

Because all I’ve ever wanted is to find someone who sees me for me. Who loves all the things that make up who I am. And Lark is the one person I want to let in, to show all the sides of Dan Montgomery.

Her breathing changes, and when I glance down from the ceiling where I’ve made it to my fourth year of baseball in statistics, she’s blinking sleepy eyes open. I give her a nervous smile, not sure how she’ll react to what’s going on down below.

I watch her face shift from soft and relaxed to something else as our physical position becomes apparent.

“Um, good morning?” she says, phrasing it as more of a question than a statement. She drops her face into my chest as she removes her thigh from pressing on my dick. “Sorry about that. ”

I clear my throat. “It’s fine.” Yeah, given how my voice just squeaked, it’s obviously not fine. “I’m just gonna…” I don’t finish the statement before rolling out from under her, throwing off the covers and dashing across the hall into the bathroom after making sure the coast is clear.

After I brush my teeth and get things under control, I return to the bedroom. It’s still early enough that Mom and Dad aren’t up yet, but I know they will be soon. Dad will get up first, as he does every morning, and make a cup of tea to take to Mom in bed.

Lark is sitting up on the bed, her hands playing with the Christmas quilt Mom pulls out every year. I settle in beside her, picking up on the uncomfortable vibes but unsure what the fuck to do or say.

“I really am sorry for whatever asleep me did to you,” Lark blurts out. “I didn’t mean to make you feel weird.”

Well, fuck. Rolling onto my side, I prop my head up on one arm and reach out to her with the other, pulling her into me. My own nerves don’t mean shit, not when Lark obviously needs some reassurance. It’s funny how I can get lost in my own brain, overthinking everything, but all it takes to calm me is realizing Lark needs my protective side to take over.

Her soft sigh as she settles into my embrace soothes me even further. And it gives me the courage to explain things as best I can.

“Don’t apologize, Birdie. You did nothing wrong. I’m the one who has to wrap my head around everything. You gotta remember, for the last few years, I’ve had to keep my hands and my thoughts to myself. I wouldn’t even let myself dream of mornings like this too often, because when I did, I felt so guilty and messed up about it. Dreaming about my best friend while she was supposedly in love with someone else? It felt so fucking wrong, and I hated myself for it. But now that you’re here, that we’re here, I don’t have to feel guilty about it, and I don’t have to hold back my physical reactions. It’s just taking my brain a minute to catch up to that new reality.”

“Oh.” That one word is filled with understanding, and the very fact that she gets me so easily feels like further proof that this was meant to be all along.

She was always meant to be mine, we just had to take a long and windy road to get here.

“I just need you to know, when I have a moment like I did just now, it’s not about you. Not at all. I just need you to be patient with me.” It’s hard to keep the pleading from my voice, and I wish I could be more confident and secure. But you don’t spend your entire life not feeling romantic things for anyone else, only to suddenly have the one person you do feel those things for become available — and wanting those same things — without needing an adjustment period.

“I’m not going anywhere, Dan. You’ve shown me in so many ways over the years that you’re a man who’s worth waiting for. You’re the man I deserve, who will love me the way I should be loved. I was feeling guilty for how easy it was to move on from Baron until I realized it’s only easy because I never loved him the way I should have. I honestly don’t know if I ever truly loved him at all. But you…” Her voice trails off, her finger drawing light circles over my chest.

No, wait. Those aren’t circles. Those are hearts .

I swear to God, if she doesn’t start talking again, my heart might stop completely.

“I’m falling in love with you.”

Holy. Shit.

I’m not saying I expect the heavens to open up and choirs of angels to sing, but this does feel kind of like a Christmas miracle. Like, what is even happening right now? Am I dreaming? Is this my brain cruelly torturing me by dangling the one thing I want more than anything, more than a championship, more than a contract that can retire my parents, more than a Bugatti in my driveway…

“Dan?”

Her tentative question snaps me back to reality. Back to the woman that just made my dreams come true. I lean in and kiss the tip of her nose before resting my forehead to hers.

“Lark, I’ve loved you for so long, it feels as natural as breathing. I’ve never felt like this about anyone else. And all I want is to be worthy of your love in return.”

Her hand lifts to cup my cheek. And what she says next goes a long way to erasing all the nerves I’ve had about being enough for her.

“You already are.”