Chapter 6

Chapter

Six

Once Nico finally understood that Matty was truly gone, he felt so full of rage, he wanted to rail at the sky and lash out with his fists. The injustice of it all! His beloved friend was ripped from his life, and Nico had no idea how to find him.

Walter had to assure him, “We have no knowledge of Matty’s location—only that he is in a safe place and away from his potentially murderous father.”

Nico snarled at his fathers until Isaac told him, “You darned well better keep your attitude in check and behave like a gentleman. Your cross words won’t bring Matty back. The important thing is that Matty is safe, and his awful father is not likely to find him.”

Nico didn’t know he’d had it in himself to hate anyone as much as he detested Mr. Remington, but he relented and answered, “Yes sir. I apologize.”

He waited for word from Matty to arrive by mail, but weeks went by, and nothing happened. During this time, Nico begged his parents to find out Matty’s whereabouts and eventually went so far as to threaten to leave and look for his friend himself. Suzette, Isaac, and Walter had some serious talks with him about the stupidity of that harebrained notion. He finally had to grudgingly agree.

Months went by. The horrendous rain finally stopped and seemed to be gone for good. The city of Los Angeles went through a long period of cleaning up and rebuilding from flood damage. Nico’s school let the students come back to study, but without his friend, Nico was lonely and depressed, and he had to fight against apathy in all his classes without Matty there with him. His fierce anger had finally abated, and it was replaced by a profound sense of sadness.

Remington spent a few weeks in jail after his assaults, but since no one had been seriously injured, his sentence was short. After getting out of jail, he periodically tried to harass Nico for information about Matty’s whereabouts. He was certain Nico must know something and was lying to him. The Stark-James family enlisted Jeb Hawkins to act as a bodyguard for Nico when he went from home to school and then to Doc Louis’ clinic to work. This managed to keep the horrible man at bay, and they could all stop worrying about Nico’s safety .

Nico almost wished Remington would physically attack him so he could pummel the horrible drunkard, but he knew he couldn’t use his fists against a gun. So Nico stayed close to Jeb Hawkins—especially since he carried a weapon—and ignored Remington’s tirades.

Luckily, Nico’s newfound source of education with Doc Louis saved him from losing his mind. He discovered that the medical profession fascinated him far more than anything his school offered, and he was quite good at retaining the information he needed. He had to pay close attention to detail at all times because the well-being of patients was at stake, and that kept his brain occupied. Among other things, Doc Louis showed him how to clean and stitch wounds, set broken bones, treat a fever, and even deliver a baby. At first, Nico simply observed, but eventually Doc Louis entrusted Nico with small tasks that gradually grew in complexity.

Doc Louis was a patient and thorough teacher and continued to provide Nico with interesting reading material to supplement his education. He often quizzed Nico the next day about what he’d given him to read, and that led to some eye-opening ideas. Nico had absolutely no doubt that he’d found his calling and thanked Doc Louis multiple times for giving him such a wonderful opportunity. Doc Louis would simply smile and wave him off.

Often Nico went home after a long shift feeling accomplished and good about his progress—until he crawled into bed. His nights were dismal, and his heart weighed down his chest like a lead weight. He longed for the feel of Matty in his arms, and often hot tears streaked down his face while he tried to get the sleep he badly needed. He was not likely to forget Matty and the love they shared.

He thought over and over of the last night they were together and how Matty had welcomed Nico into his body, promising he was strong enough and knowing Nico would never hurt him. The sheer ecstasy when they were joined together filled Nico with so much love, he thought his heart would burst with it. He could feel his love pouring into Matty and Matty’s love expressed in his shuddering climax as they showered each other with affection. Little had they known then that they would so quickly be torn apart. Nico had not even been able to return the favor and allow Matty access to his body in the same fashion. It was the cruelest joke.

He thought the other students in his classes seemed so young and na?ve in comparison to Matty and him. He’d never gotten particularly close to anyone else while Matty was there, and without Matty, he retreated even more into his isolation.

Two years of his life went by in this way, and while the pain of losing Matty lost some of its sharp edges, it never completely went away. Nico finished his regular studies and accomplished so much with Doc Louis’ patients, he felt like he knew nearly everything there was to know—until one day his mentor took him aside and announced, “I have secured you entrance into medical school up in San Francisco where your family and I have many wonderful old friends. You shall be starting next month.”

“Medical school?” Nico gasped. “After the procedures I’ve undertaken with you?” He hardly thought he needed that after what he’d seen and done. He was sure medical school was a superfluity at this point. Surely, he could learn all he needed right here.

And when—or if—Matty ever returned, Nico would be here waiting. How could he leave and go four hundred miles away?

“Ah, please do not be so na?ve, Nico, and do not try to cast aside the promise you made about attending medical school because you think you know more than you do. You may want to specialize, become a surgeon, study diseases and how to diagnose them—any number of things. I can only do so much with you. This clinic will be here for you when you return, and with more knowledge you might want to turn it into something unique. I plan to eventually turn it over to you, but only once you have a proper degree—as we agreed originally. You will enjoy it, son, and you will learn of amazing new developments in medicine. Many advancements came about out of necessity during the War Between the States, and you will study them. I may be an old man, but I am not in a hurry.” He clapped Nico on the back and said with a smile, “There is also a new school of nursing near the medical school, so before you come home, you should visit them and see if there is a woman you might hire who will travel to Los Angeles and assist you in the clinic.”

“Why would I need a woman to help in the clinic?”

“There is a somewhat new way of thinking that a woman named Florence Nightingale began. We already have a couple of schools for women based on her teachings in the east, and now we also have one in San Francisco. There are many women who are interested in the medical profession but know that only men are suited to be doctors. These women learn how to make our patients more comfortable as they recuperate—or as they die. Statistics show their nursing assistance has improved the recovery rate of patients around the world. The key is that they focus on patient hygiene and well-being. I would highly recommend that you meet some of these women and see if anyone suits you. My understanding is that most of them devote themselves to the care of the sick like a nun takes her vows—with complete devotion.”

“Why haven’t you hired a nurse, Doc Louis?”

He chuckled, “Because I am old and crotchety, and I would probably be mean and bark at anyone who tried to help. And then she would cry, and I would feel remorse, and I do not wish to have that happen.” Nico smiled at his friend as Doc Louis continued, “You, however, are still young and need to learn how to run the clinic anyway. You will be able to establish care the way that will suit you, and having help is always good when something is new. Just think about it, Nico. It is not as if you would have to marry the woman. If having her work for you does not pan out, you can tell her to go find her own sick people.” Doc Louis shrugged.

Nico decided he would eventually look into Doc Louis’ idea, knowing it would be quite a while before he was ready to come home anyway.

As he prepared to leave for the trip north, he felt confident that his advanced knowledge of medical practices would put him way ahead of anyone else, and he would shine.

However, just as Doc Louis said, Nico had been na?ve. When he arrived at school, he discovered that several other would-be doctors had backgrounds similar or even more advanced than his. He fit right in, but he was not some special, superior student. He soon realized that humility was yet another lesson he needed to learn.

For the next couple of years, Nico studied diligently. Doc Louis was correct about everything. Nico was fascinated and challenged and made some interesting friends now that he was among like-minded men. He had not been prepared for the competitive nature of some of his fellow students, however, and was saddened to see young men who were ready to manipulate the truth to get ahead. One young man was finally expelled from the program when his lies were made apparent, and Nico did not miss him in the least. Nico had suspected the man had been inflating his research results, and when his deception went so far overboard it was laughable, that was the end of his medical education at this school .

Nico’s career prospects were enviable in his circle of new friends. Taking over an established practice in his hometown sounded wonderful. Some of the men planned to work with their fathers, and others weren’t certain at all of what they would be doing—only that doctors were needed everywhere because small towns in the western states were growing. The future of these students was unsettling to Nico, and he wished they had a better outlook for where they would end up.

Now and then, as time allowed, he would take the trek up the hill to see his fathers’ former business partners Séamus and Timothy at The Discovery. He met their numerable relatives and friends who’d taken over the running of the hotel when Isaac, Walter, Jasper, and Royal had moved on to their building company. The Irishmen were always great company, and even though San Francisco was a new city for him, he fit right in and belonged. It was a good feeling—especially after his period of terrible depression over losing Matty. Nico admitted to himself that he needed friends, and he’d done himself no favors by distancing himself from his classmates at his school in Los Angeles.

Doc Louis was also correct about the nearby nursing school and its impact on medicine. Feelings were mixed among the doctors who taught Nico and his peers—as well as among the students—as to the appropriateness of women in the medical profession at all. There were several heated debates on the topic. Nico tried to keep an open mind after what Doc Louis had told him. Having help sounded good, but like the other men of his time and education, he had a few doubts. The biggest questions they raised were whether the women were educated enough to be effective and whether they had the stomach for the work. Some men even went so far as to question the moral character of women who might want a career in medicine as the work did not exactly conform to the ideals of a proper Victorian woman. Nico thought that was going a bit far, but he was raised by free-thinking parents who didn’t try to conform to much of what was deemed proper by Victorian standards. He kept those opinions to himself, however.

He also kept to himself how he’d been raised. His parents had explained to him that their life was unconventional when they were living in San Francisco, but attitudes there had taken a dramatic shift toward traditional morals once an influx of wives came to join their husbands and churches became popular. Now that he was away from the protective bubble of his family and their closest friends, Nico never brought it up to anyone. Even though he was raised by a mother and two fathers, and their closest friends also lived in the same type of arrangement, no one he met had ever said a word about their “two fathers.” It wasn’t that he felt ashamed in any way, but he didn’t want his family examined by strangers and determined to be doing anything wrong or immoral. All he could see was how much they all loved one another. Now and then, a classmate would make a disparaging comment about a stranger’s supposed lifestyle, so Nico kept his mouth shut. These people didn’t know his parents, which meant they had no right to judge them. It was safer to remain silent on the topic. He deftly avoided probing questions.

There was a popular café near the medical school that Nico and his classmates favored, and they would often meet up with one another by simply dropping in and sitting with whomever was already there.

One evening, as Nico entered the cafe, he literally bumped into the back of a young lady, startling her and causing her to drop her reticule. He hastily spoke up as he bent to retrieve it for her. “I am so sorry, miss. Please, may I buy you dinner to apologize for my oafishness? I wasn’t looking where I was going.” He sheepishly held up a pamphlet to show her what had distracted him.

The woman, who was looking for a place to sit, took in the sight of this tall man who appeared close to her age. He had broad shoulders, shiny golden curls, and earnest, deep blue eyes. His friendly smile took her breath away. She agreed to join him for a meal more hastily than she could have ever believed of herself, but this young man exuded brains, charm, and oh—was he ever beautiful to look at.

“Think nothing of it. I’m sorry I was blocking the entrance. But well… yes, thank you, sir,” she said, sounding both friendly and educated.

If Nico had friends who were seated already, he was unaware of their presence. He was entranced by this delightful creature. Together, they located the one free table and focused on nothing but each other.

Eden Godwin. Oh, but she was special. She hailed from San Juan Capistrano where her parents had a ranch—not that far from Los Angeles. She first attracted Nico with her wavy black hair and lovely light blue eyes—a combination that reminded him immediately of Matty. But she was all female with luscious curves. She smelled like flowers and had a sweet, soft voice that soothed Nico. He could listen to her talk about… well… just about anything. Her laugh resonated in his chest and made him swell with desire for her. For the first time since being with Matty, he felt attraction to another person, and also for the first time in years, he felt that profound sadness in his heart recede a bit. Her very presence eased his angst.

Discovering that she was not a San Franciscan, Nico asked, “What brings you to this city?”

“I came up here to study at the nursing school, actually. I’ve been here for several months now. It can be interesting work, but I am not at all certain that the profession is truly my calling now that I’ve given it a try.”

“May I ask why you wanted to do it in the first place and why you are considering quitting?”

Eden cocked her head to the side and set down her utensils. She paused so long before answering him, he wasn’t sure she was going to. Finally, she answered stiffly, “I knew I didn’t want to be a rancher’s wife like my mother, and the opportunity to dedicate myself to helping people sounded… well… noble, I suppose. Our property is terribly secluded, and I had little interaction with anyone other than my family, so I begged to be sent away to school. I heard about the nursing program opening up, and that sounded practical. Now that I’m here, I find that the other women in the program all take to it like it’s a religious calling, and they cannot conceive of doing anything else or being anything else. Many of them have expressed that they never intend to marry or set down roots anywhere—they plan to devote everything to their vocation. While I admire their devotion, I can’t find that level of commitment within myself. I truly hope this doesn’t make me sound selfish or uncaring—because I do care. I began the studies with every intention of becoming a nurse to help the sick and the wounded. It sounded so perfect, but sometimes I wonder if I am missing the level of dedication I really need for the job. I’ve lain awake night after night second-guessing my decision to stay and continue with the program when—if I’m honest with myself—in my heart, I do want to marry a nice man and raise a family. However, I’m afraid my parents will be upset after they agreed to send me up here to study, and now I have decided I want what they wanted for me all along. I just don’t want it to be on a cattle ranch.” Eden did not add that she suspected her parents were merely humoring her temporarily and expected her to come home and marry a man they’d picked out for her. This thought was a horrible one considering the man they probably wanted her to marry. She looked down and then back up at him. “Does that make you think I am a shallow, selfish person?”

“No. Not in the least. You are being honest with what you want, and not everyone is cut out for that kind of profession. I see nothing wrong with you questioning yourself. It also takes dedication and commitment to raise a family, no matter where you live. My mother raised five children, and I’m certain we provided her with plenty of challenging moments.” He laughed but didn’t add that his mother had help from two dedicated husbands.

Eden’s stiff shoulders relaxed, and she gave him a grateful smile. “I don’t know why I felt so compelled to unburden myself on you this way since you are a virtual stranger. I haven’t told a single other person about my doubts.” She noticed his patient smile and continued, “Enough about me and my worries, what are you doing in San Francisco?”

One side of Nico’s mouth raised in a mildly sardonic grin, and he answered, “I’m here studying medicine.” He chuckled softly when he saw Eden flinch. “I only have a few months left before earning my degree, and then I plan to return to Los Angeles to take over a friend’s clinic when he retires. I worked there for a couple of years before starting medical school here. Unlike you, I can’t conceive of any other career.”

“Oh. Lucky for you.”

“Yes, I am lucky in many ways, and I need to remember that more often, I suppose.” He paused for a moment and then spoke with resolve. “I am also fortunate that for a man, a career in medicine does not preclude getting married and raising a family as long as he can find a suitable partner who is amenable to him keeping long and irregular hours at work some of the time.”

“Why do you say you need to remember that you’re lucky?”

Now it was Nico’s turn to reflect on how much to tell this lovely woman. He looked away at nothing and then back at her with an earnest expression. “I have always lived in comfort. My family has been extremely successful, and they all love one another as well as their circle of friends fiercely. I have been given an excellent education and an even better opportunity for my vocation when I return to Los Angeles.” His eyes suddenly looked sad. “I have, however, experienced a great sorrow that I find challenging to get past. I have much to be grateful for. But the loss I experienced has left me with a sense of anguish I need to subdue. I guess I feel somewhat betrayed, and that is difficult for me to get beyond.”

“I see.” She didn’t really. Eden thought at first that someone close to him had died until he spoke of betrayal, and now she wasn’t certain. She was beginning to think he’d been jilted by a lover, though she couldn’t conceive of any woman turning away from this man. “Do you want to talk about it? I can be a good listener.”

“Thank you for the offer, but no. Not even a little. I will try to focus on the blessings of my life and forget the loss. What’s done is done, and I need to look forward.” Nico gave Eden a bright smile then and asked, “May I see you again after tonight? You’re not planning to leave San Francisco soon, are you?”

“Oh, no. I don’t have any immediate plans to leave, and I would be delighted to see you again, Nico. Maybe together we can make you forget your sadness.”

That sounded promising to him, and it made something inside rise to attention. So, after they finished their meal, Nico placed her hand in the crook of his arm and escorted her back to the women’s dormitory. “I had a wonderful time meeting you, Eden. Would you like to do some sightseeing and have dinner with me this Saturday?”

“Why yes, thank you.”

Over the next weeks, Eden’s interest in her nursing program didn’t change, but now that Nico presented her with another reason to stay in San Francisco, she felt less despair. Keeping company with him was infinitely better than returning home and being married off to a rancher. As her training continued, Eden also lost some of her previously unadmitted disgust over blood and bedpans, and she sympathetically acknowledged the loss of privacy and propriety her patients had to endure. This helped her want to care for them more than ever before. Now that she had a friend—a handsome, attentive friend at that—she felt better about her life and also accepted the zealous fellow students with more understanding. She wanted to help patients and saw the positive results of her care, though she still wasn’t completely sure it was her ultimate calling.

Eden and Nico saw each other several times over dinner and even managed a night out once to enjoy an amusing local theater production. Nico felt a growing calm in himself that took up the black void that had previously filled his heart. He thought Eden was beautiful and charming, and he asked her often how her studies were going. Whenever she smiled and told him things were going well, it pleased him greatly. He was formulating a plan. Walking her back to the dormitory after dinner one night, he broached it with her.

Remembering Doc Louis’ advice, he asked, “Eden, I’d love nothing more than to take you back to Los Angeles where you can work alongside me in the clinic. Will you marry me?” He could have been a lot more romantic about this, but he felt it was a practical solution, and he was terribly fond of her. He just knew she would jump at the chance. Eden could help people and have a husband, and he could provide that life for her.

Eden was not so easily swept off her feet by the promise of a job. Her brow furrowed as she tried to smile at him. “Thank you, Nico. I… um… I’m not sure we’re ready for that. Do you even love me?” Even though he had advanced to chaste goodnight kisses that held a bit of promise, he’d never mentioned any feelings he had for her.

Nico’s jaw dropped. He hadn’t considered that she would have any hesitation because he was pretty sure she loved him. “I… well… I suppose I do love you, Eden.”

“Then ask me again when you’re sure .” She smiled and kissed him lightly. “I’m not going anywhere, but I want you to be certain. Sometimes I think there are other things on your mind when we’re together. I get this odd sensation that you’re speaking as if to someone else and not always to me. Or maybe you wish you were speaking to someone else…” It was time to get it out of him, so she asked, “Did someone hurt you in the past?” Maybe she could get to the bottom of his reluctance to show more than superficial affection.

An icy frost trickled down Nico’s spine. Am I that transparent? “I… yes, I suppose so. Not someone I wish to speak of, but someone I need to forget.”

Nodding calmly, Eden repeated, “I see. I’m sorry you were hurt, but ask me again when you’re truly ready, Nico. I won’t be a substitution. I need to be the most important person to you if we are to ever marry. And you can then expect the same of me. As for the job offer you present, I don’t know if I can accept that without understanding what I mean to you.”

Nico covered his mild confusion about her rebuff with a polite smile and resolved to make Eden his priority. He would study hard and become the best doctor he could be, and he would treat her with the utmost kindness and respect, giving her his full attention when he wasn’t working. He promised himself that he would love her the way she deserved.

It almost worked.