Chapter 12

Chapter

Twelve

In the library, Nico and Matty sat contemplating one another, Matty drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair nervously. Finally, Nico broke the silence. “You know you want to lead a more normal life. I know you love God, but you aren’t a priest.”

Matty frowned and snorted, saying, “You call having a wife and a husband a normal life?”

Nico shrugged. “It has always been normal around here. Maybe it’s not all that ordinary, but why can’t we go our own way and make all of us happy?”

“You mean make you happy.”

“Matty! I resent that. I know it’s what you want. You even said so. That talk about wanting to put your own baby in Eden! And she’s considering it. I can tell. She’s nervous, of course, but you will find that she is a most accepting and adventurous lover. She was a virgin when we met, but she embraces her sexual desires and was never once timid with me. She’s amazing. I love her so deeply. I will admit I need her as much as I need you to make me happy, but I am not trying to be selfish for any reason. I truly see this as the best situation for all of us.”

“People are counting on me, Nico. I made vows when I became a deacon. I promised celibacy and obedience to God.”

“Why would you do that? Let them count on someone else who actually feels the call to be a priest. I’m shocked that Father Andrew would even consider making you agree to something you have no desire to do. The life of a priest is all about sacrifice and solitude. It’s a hard life, and one that comes with a lot of challenges. You have to want to serve God above anything, and I don’t see that passion in you. I never have. Plenty of lay people are deeply religious, but they don’t all choose a life of serving the congregation and turning their backs on their own physical and emotional needs. You’re too grounded in your human cravings to give them up.”

“Nico…” Matty sighed.

“I want you to do something for me,” Nico said. “I want you to imagine for a moment what it would be like to have a beautiful wife like Eden and the gorgeous, brilliant children you could make with her.”

Matty couldn’t look at Nico when he asked, “What if I turn out like my own father?”

“Is that what’s worrying you? ”

“Sometimes.”

“Matthew Remington, never ever think that again. Look at how much you love my family. Look at how much you love me and how much you want to love Eden. You’re a lover, not a destroyer. Furthermore, I can imagine you were plenty depressed at times. Were you ever tempted to steal the sacramental wine at the seminary and go on a drinking spree to drown yourself in oblivion?”

“Of course not.”

“Have you ever been tempted to harm another person?”

“Not exactly, but I did strike my father.”

“To save your own life! That doesn’t mean you’re a violent person. It means you have a normal sense of self-preservation. Look at how many times you tried to help him when he never deserved it. And look at how many times you took his beatings and didn’t fight back.”

“I was afraid of making the beatings worse if I tried!” Matty’s chest heaved for a moment until he calmed himself. He said with his voice cracking, “He loved my mother, and he only turned mean when she was… gone. What if I lost you or lost Eden? Maybe I’d turn into a monster like he did.”

“Look, Matty, you can ‘what if’ all day long. What if the city of Los Angeles burns down or the whole earth floods? What if, what if…? You can go on forever. Trust the now . Did you feel any kinship with the other seminarians? Could you relate to their beliefs? I ask this because Eden had a difficult time understanding her fellow nursing students until she accepted that she was different from them and had different goals. It was only then that she started to make friends and enjoy their company. Did you ever feel as if you belonged at seminary with the other men?”

“Hmm… not really. I ended up spending a lot of my time alone or reading. And one of the priests taught me a little about boxing, so I would blow off steam punching a bag now and then.”

“Not surprising, and the boxing accounts for how you look now. Did you pray a lot?”

“I was supposed to, and I tried to, but it wasn’t very satisfactory. I was too angry most of the time. Or sad. My prayers became all jumbled up like I wanted to argue with God.”

“Are you less angry and sad here in this house with me?”

This time Matty looked straight into Nico’s eyes and answered, “Yes. Without a doubt.”

Nico smiled gently. “I think it’s time you have a serious talk with Father Andrew. I’ll be there with you if you need me. You cannot go through with final vows, Matty. You just can’t.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Matty hung his head. “Maybe after my father passes and I can settle his estate, I can pay back the diocese. I just don’t know what, if anything, is left besides the house. For all I know, he’s squandered everything, and maybe that’s why the servants left.”

“If you can’t pay them, I’ll help.”

“It’s my problem, and I can’t ask you to do that. Besides, you’re just starting out. I can’t believe you are rolling in riches.”

“We’ll figure it out together. Your problem is my problem. I love you. Remember?”

“You loved me as a boy, Nico. Maybe I’ve changed. And you have Eden and a baby to take care of.”

“Don’t worry about Eden. I’ll never stop loving her and making her a priority. She’ll want you too. And I don’t believe that the boy I knew would have somehow become anything other than an outstanding man.”

Just then, Suzette came into the library and told them, “Your beautiful Eden has reached her limit today, I am afraid. She has gone to lie down until we have dinner. Your fathers will be home in a couple of hours, so perhaps you also need a little rest, hmm? This has been a very emotional day for everyone.”

“Thank you, Maman. Perhaps you’re right.”

She left before seeing Nico take Matty’s hand and lead him down the hall.

Eden had never felt so exhausted in her life. Her head was swimming with emotions and questions for Nico, but her tiredness completely got the best of her. Suzette recognized her need to lie down and told her, “This is quite normal in early pregnancy. Your body needs to get used to its new passenger.” This made Eden smile, as she took her leave and headed for Nico’s room. Suzette and Marguerite had shown her some beautiful fabric and styles she’d never have considered for herself. Like so many other things she’d experienced since she entered Nico’s childhood home, the new designs opened up a world of imagination for Eden.

Eden wondered, however, if Suzette and Marguerite had been more concerned with convincing her to accept Matty into her life along with Nico than they had been in discussing fashion. She was thankful for their counsel, and without a doubt they’d bolstered her confidence. They certainly gave her a lot to think about, and that was far more important than worrying about pretty dresses.

Too much to think about right now, she complained to herself as she removed her dress and shoes. In her light underthings, she climbed into Nico’s bed wearily and was sound asleep in less than a minute.

An hour later she awoke because she felt terribly warm. Nico’s arm was draped across her middle, and she smiled sleepily at it. But… when did the hair on Nico’s arm turn black ? Oh, there it is , she realized. His arm with golden hair was flung across her parallel to the other one. What ? Someone was snoring softly on either side of her. She sat up suddenly and looked to her right and then her left. Nico and Matty were waking up slowly and confusedly as if from a trance. She wanted to be angry because they should have asked first, for heaven’s sake , but she found herself giggling uncontrollably instead.

“What possessed the two of you to climb into bed with me like this?” she asked once she could manage a straight face.

“Sorry my sweetest. You looked so peaceful and gorgeous, and we knew you needed the rest. We didn’t want to wake you,” Nico explained. “Your tiredness overtook us too. It’s been such an emotional day, we couldn’t help it. We’ve all had very little sleep.”

“Well,” Eden tried to look put out and failed miserably. “I must admit, it’s a rather splendid feeling to be blanketed by the two of you like this.”

“I’m sure we could make it even better…” Nico started.

Matty interrupted, “I can leave. I’m sorry.”

Eden gently took hold of his arm and told him, “No. Please stay. I think I understand Nico’s need for you better now. Somehow, I feel… balanced when you’re near me. I never thought anything was missing, but I see now that we may have been incomplete.”

“This is wonderful news,” Nico beamed.

“I’m not making any promises,” she answered quickly. “I still want to make sure that Matty isn’t going to drive a wedge between us or that I’m less important to you than I believed earlier.”

The men both sat up beside her and scooted back so they could lean against the headboard of the large bed. Nico looked seriously into her eyes as he stroked her hand .

Matty, on the other hand, looked longingly at her pert breasts with her rosy nipples visible through her sheer undergarment, but he kept his mouth shut and forced himself to keep his hands to himself.

“Matty was the most important person to me—besides my parents—for a long time. I love him with my whole heart, and I have made love to him.”

“I thought you said I was your first!” Eden protested.

“I’m sorry I misled you. I told you that you were the first woman I’d made love to, and that was the truth.”

“Splitting hairs,” she grumbled and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Perhaps. Matty is my past and my future, I hope. But when I thought that he was lost to me forever, I met you, and you also became my true love. I never lost the feelings I had for Matty even as I realized how deeply I loved you, Eden. My heart has an infinite capacity, and I know that I will love our children with just as much depth. Look at my parents if you need confirmation that this is possible. Ask them questions. But mostly believe me. I love you deeply and forever, and I love Matty. I can’t choose one or the other of you because you’re like extensions of me now. You see how perfect it feels to be surrounded by Matty and me? We can surround your heart that way as well. I see you beginning to accept Matty, and that makes me as happy as when you agreed to marry me. I know how special you are, and you will learn how special Matty is if he can ever get his thinking straightened out enough to do the right thing.” He looked at Matty then and saw his riveted attention on Eden’s chest. “Matty? Are you listening?”

Tearing his eyes away and giving himself a little shake, Matty began. “I… I just don’t know how to do this. I don’t know if I trust myself enough, and I don’t know if I can extricate myself from the bonds of the church.”

“We’ll help,” Eden whispered. She too had noticed Matty’s drifting attention, so she gently took his hand and placed it over her breast, causing him to give a small gasp. “If this is so important to Nico, then I can’t break his heart. I can see how strong your convictions are, Matty, and that speaks well of your character. I’m still reeling from all that I’ve heard today, but it’s starting to feel right.” She looked down at his hand and grinned. “Especially now.” Capturing his gaze, she said, “Perhaps you and I should spend some time getting to know one another—whether it’s with Nico or without him, and… we’ll see.”

There was a knock on the door before anyone could respond to her statement. It was Suzette asking, “Pardon me, is Matty in there? Father Andrew has apparently been looking for him and sent a nun to see if he was here. She would like Matty to accompany her back to Father Andrew’s office.”

“Yes. He’ll be right out,” Nico answered for him. “Thank you, Maman.”

Matty looked down at himself and whispered, “Oh. I’m not sure I can walk very well just yet.” He reluctantly dropped his hand from Eden’s breast.

Missing the feel of him but seeing the tent in his trousers, Eden said softly, “Oh!”

Nico looked at Matty and smiled knowingly. “Oh.”

Matty gave a tiny groan and slowly got off the bed. He put his shirt and shoes back on silently—looking anywhere but at Eden.

As Matty turned toward the door, Nico said seriously, “I assume your father has passed, and Father Andrew wants to tell you in person. I’m sorry. Even despite all the trouble you’ve had with him, this must hurt on some level. Do you want me or both of us to come with you?”

“Thank you, but I think I’d rather face this on my own. I’ll be in touch.” He gave Nico a quick kiss and paused a split second before also giving one to Eden. And then he left.

Matty did not make it back to dinner that night, nor did he climb in through Nico’s window. Nico slept poorly, half-expecting Matty to appear during the night. He was alert at the slightest sound, hoping it would be Matty coming home. But nothing happened.

Prior to his sleeplessness, however, he and Eden made good use of their time in bed together. He shared things he knew about sex with three people and told her the kind of lover Matty was, making her get hot and bothered at the idea. Done talking at last, he kissed and licked her pleasure center over and over until she shook with a satisfying climax. When he finally entered her, he also invaded her backside with two well-lubricated fingers and whispered in her ear, “Pretend that my hand is Matty. Can you imagine having both of us inside you at the same time, rubbing against one another, and filling you with our love?” That was enough to put Eden over the top once again as she moaned both of their names in ecstasy. Nico could not stop grinning until his pleasure became so intense that he grimaced and poured into her.