6. April

6

APRIL

"You."

Matvey's voice is ice-cold. He spits that word at Carmine like a poisonous dart, but all the while, he keeps his eyes on me.

And those aren't cold at all.

They're burning.

God, I missed him. That's all I can think of. I'm standing between two dangerous men, in the crossfire of two deadly weapons, and all I can think of is three words.

I.

Missed.

Him.

Then Carmine breaks the spell. "Me," he agrees wickedly, his false smirk finally peeling away to reveal the snake beneath. "How nice to see you again, s?—"

"Take your filthy gun off my woman," Matvey cuts him off, "and your filthy hands off my daughter."

I realize that I've never seen him like this. To me, Matvey was always "the man"—whether passionate, cold, or indifferent, he was always "off-the-clock." It's the first time I'm getting to see this side of him: the ruthless, bloodthirsty, stone-hearted other half of the equation.

The pakhan.

But Carmine isn't intimidated in the slightest. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Matik. "

It's like a switch has been flipped. At the sound of that name, Matvey's face goes white, then red with rage. "Don't you dare call me that."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll put a bullet in your fucking skull."

Carmine tuts. Then, without warning, he starts rocking our child in the crook of his arm. "How cute, no? Babies. Such miracles. And how fragile, too."

"If you fucking touch her?—"

"They usually like me, you know," he bulldozes over Matvey's words. "So their parents are always asking me, ‘Do you wanna hold ‘em?' and shoving them right into my arms. And I'm always terrified. I keep thinking, ‘Oh, dear… What if I drop them?' "

Suddenly, Carmine's fake smile is drained of all warmth. His threat is so clear, it's all I can do not to scream.

But I force myself to pull it together. "That's anxiety, I hear," I quip back.

He seems pleasantly surprised by my remark. As if delighted to find out he can keep playing. "Perhaps it is! I'm anxious that way. So why don't you drop the gun, Matik, before my grip falters?"

I see Matvey grit his teeth in frustration, gun still raised.

"Matvey." I try to keep my voice from shaking. "Please."

A flicker of hesitation passes through his eyes.

"Come on, Matik," Carmine presses. "You don't want to scare your woman off again, do you?"

"She's not so easily scared."

"Mm. Then why did she run?"

Game, set, match .

For a long moment, I'm certain Matvey will lower his gun; and though I've just been begging him to do it, suddenly, I'm not so sure he should. Carmine said he wouldn't harm the baby, but that was before Matvey burst in. What if he no longer needs her, either?

"Because I was an idiot."

His words jolt me out of my thoughts.

Again, Matvey's gun is trained on Carmine, but his eyes are on me alone. "I was an idiot," he repeats. "I lied to her. I could've told her the truth from the start, but I didn't. I just kept lying and lying until she couldn't take it anymore. I was the lowest of the low. And for that, I'm sorry."

I can't believe my ears. All I've ever wanted Matvey to say to me, he's saying here and now, with just one piece missing.

I don't love her. I love you .

"So you forgive her?" Carmine asks, incredulous.

"No."

That single word chills me to the bone.

"What she did was unforgivable," Matvey continues, the fire in his eyes hardening to ice. "She lied to me, too. If Yuri hadn't come clean to save her ass, she would've kept lying. She is also the lowest of the low."

I finally stop hearing Matvey's words. Because, while my self-loathing would want nothing more than to stab me with them, it's time I started listening.

Matvey's never been a man of many words, but he's repeated himself twice now.

Lying and lying. Lowest of the low.

Lying low.

"Do you get it, April?" he presses, something desperate in his eyes. " Can you get it?"

I raise my head. "Yes."

Then it happens.

I drop myself down to the floor. The second I do, Matvey's gun fires.

Carmine howls, dropping the baby.

But I'm ready to catch her. Because Matvey told me this part, too.

Do you get it? Can you get it?

"I got you," I whisper to my child. "I got you, baby girl."

Then I duck under the desk.

I check my baby from head to toe: she's perfect, unharmed. Crying, but whole. "Thank God," I sob.

Behind us, bullets are flying every which way. I feel one lodge in the front panel of the desk, right where my left buttock would've been. Thank God for mahogany.

I cover Nugget's ears. "It's okay, baby. Daddy's gonna be okay."

I say it for her benefit as much as mine. Whatever our differences, whatever our problems…

Please, Matvey, don't get hurt.

I know the universe hears me. I know, because in the next second, Matvey's voice rises in a howl of pain.

"MATVEY!"

I dart out from behind the desk.

Matvey's sprawled on the floor, back against the wall, hand covering his shoulder. Blood is gushing out rapidly, staining his shirt and darkening his suit jacket.

Carmine stands by the door, one arm equally bloodied. "It appears we're tied."

"We're not. My men have the area surrounded. Yuri and Grisha are already on their way."

"Yuri?!" Carmine cackles. "After all he's done, you still trust him?"

"He's still my brother," Matvey grits. "He's still my blood. And I would never betray my blood."

"… I see," Carmine comments. "‘Never' is a bold word, Matik."

" Never ," he snarls in defiance.

Then he raises his gun and shoots again.

But Carmine is already at the door, easily taking cover against the outer cabin wall. The bullet lodges between the boards. Matvey swallows another cry of pain.

I put down the baby and rush to check the wound. "Keep still," I order. I almost don't hear Carmine's parting words.

"I look forward to playing with you again," he yells from the door, "… son. "

Then he flees into the night.