39. April

39

APRIL

I enter the fashion expo on Matvey's arm, stepping through the doors with jittery feet.

I can't help the nerves. It's not just that the last time I was here, I had a literal gun to my head—it's that this is the Mallard. The hub of New York fashion, the place where history is made.

What am I doing here?

"Maybe we should turn back," I mumble.

Matvey raises a skeptical eyebrow. "And miss out on all the hors d'oeuvres?"

"I'm serious. I shouldn't be here."

"April." Matvey leans over. His next words, he speaks directly into my ear. "If you don't stop that right now, I'll be forced to spank you in front of all these good people. Do you want that?"

I swallow. I hate to admit it, but part of me very much wants that. "No, sir."

"Good. Then don't insult my woman's skill in front of me."

I roll my eyes, smiling despite myself. "That's cheating."

We came here on our own. I was too nervous to invite anyone, and the only other people who knew—Petra and Elias—are holding down the fort back home, one for Matvey and one for myself. From what he's told me, things have been tense with his Bratva lately, enough that he needs someone to keep watch at all times. With Yuri busy with some covert mission and Grisha standing guard for Elias and May, there was no one left to ask.

I could've invited June, though. Corey and Rob, too—that's if Rob's firm has finally made peace with giving its lawyers actual vacation days. Either way, I didn't have to be here on my lonesome.

But I just couldn't bring myself to invite anyone. I couldn't bring myself to be humiliated in front of my closest friends. To fail in front of an audience.

Because I'm going to fail, aren't I?

Negative thoughts. Self-loathing spiral. I force myself to snap out of it. This isn't me anymore. This can't be me, not if I want to be a good mother and partner. It's like Dr. Knox says: if you can't love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else?

(Though I'm pretty sure she stole that one from a drag show.)

Besides, I'm not actually alone here. In fact, I'm with the person I wanted here the most. "Twelve o'clock. Code purple."

"Wait, what was code purple again? Armani? Or…" I blanch. "Oh."

Definitely not Armani.

I follow Matvey's line of sight to a small group of richly-dressed people. I mean, everyone here is oozing fashion, but those specific three clearly spared no expense.

And they're coming straight towards us.

"Crap," I mutter.

"April!" Nora greets with her fakest smile yet. "How odd to see you here."

What, because you stole my dress? "Hi, Nora. Dad."

Off to the side, Dominic stays resolutely quiet. The only sign he heard me at all is a short nod of acknowledgement.

Gee, how heartwarming. Missed you too, Pops.

"Where's May?" Anne asks without even saying hello. "You didn't leave her home alone again, did you?"

"Come now, Anne. I'm sure your sister doesn't do it all the time. Surely she can afford a sitter… somewhere in the Bronx."

Any other time, these comments would have incensed me. They would have driven me crazy with outrage, making me stammer out one weak comeback after the other.

Now, however, all I can feel is a strange sort of calm. Maybe it's all the sessions with Dr. Knox, or Matvey's quiet, solid presence by my side, but their words just… slide off. Like I'm not the same person they knew how to hurt.

"Of course." I smile brightly. "Don't worry, Nora. You didn't take all my money."

Nora's jaw nearly falls to the floor. It's quite the sight—almost makes me laugh out loud. "Why, I…!"

Anne clicks her tongue, eyes suddenly cold and sharp. "Say, sister, will we get to see your dress?"

"Sure." I shrug. "Why? Wanna steal that, too?"

"April!" Nora gasps. "Is that any way to talk to your family?"

"Not at all. But I don't see any family of mine here. Do you?"

Next to me, Matvey snorts. It's such a rare thing, I feel my smile turn into a grin.

"That's right!" I clap my hands once. "I haven't introduced you, have I? Dad, this is Matvey Groza. May's father."

Matvey shakes Dominic's trembling hand with a firm grip. Judging by my dad's face, it's just on the wrong side of too tight. "I've heard a lot about you, sir. About you all, actually."

It's enough to make all three shiver on the spot. Jeez, were they always like this? So pathetic and easy to rattle?

They're not the ones who've changed , whispers the voice at the back of my head, sounding proud for once. You are.

"Aren't you gonna say anything, Dad?"

Dominic swallows. I spot something in his eyes I've never seen before: fear. "The pleasure's all mine.

"I'm sure."

Those two words light a fire inside me. It's exhilarating enough to see my childhood bullies defeated by a couple of well-placed jabs—but this? Finally having someone on my side?

It's the hottest thing in the world.

"Excuse us."

I don't say anything else.

I take Matvey's hand and drag him to the restrooms.

The second the door to the empty ladies' room slams behind us, I grab Matvey's face in my hands. "Kiss me."

Matvey's never been one to take orders. But tonight, I watch his eyes darken with anticipation as he takes in this new side of me. The side that's done with being polite. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I breathe. "I want you."

I feel his hot tongue swipe into my mouth. The kiss is savage, brutal, all teeth. It's like being eaten alive.

For once, I want to eat him right back.

"Fuck me," I gasp. "Fuck me right now."

He doesn't make me ask again. With an animalistic growl, he lifts me on the sink counter and pries my legs apart, settling in like he belongs there. I can feel the outline of his already-hard cock grinding against my thigh, bigger and thicker than I've ever had it, and it's making my entire body shiver. God help me, I've never been more turned on.

"Matvey…"

I lock my ankles at the small of his back and dig my nails into his scalp. He hisses in my ear and grabs me back, hands skating down my dress, ripping my panties right off. "Fuck, kalina. "

I palm his cock through his suit pants, fumbling for the zipper. I have no patience for undressing, not tonight. I'm drunk on my victory over the ghosts of my past—and now, it's time to claim the spoils.

He fucks me with his fingers first, three sinking in right off the bat. " Blyat' . So fucking wet for me."

"Want you inside." I squeeze his throbbing cock in my hand, lining him up between my thighs. "I'm ready, just?—"

SLAM.

It happens so fast, I almost come right then and there. In all the time we've been together, Matvey's never taken me like this—so rough and violent. I don't know if my display earlier has worked him up to his limit or if he's just indulging me, but God.

"Again."

He pulls all the way out, then slams back in.

"Again," I moan.

Every thrust punches a wild cry from my throat. At this point, it's useless—I can't even remember why I'm supposed to keep quiet anymore.

"Again, again, ahh!"

"You want this?" Matvey snarls, his grip bruising on my hips. "Want me to fuck you in a dirty bathroom like a whore?"

"Yes!" I cry out. "I'm your whore! I'm yours ."

"Want them to hear you? Your shitty father, your bitch of a stepmother?"

"I don't care," I moan. "I don't care who hears."

He grins against my throat. "Liar."

That's it: one word and I'm coming. I sink my nails into Matvey's shoulders and bite down into the crook of his neck, stifling my moans. I hear him groan at the sensation, wild and unrestrained, and finally feel the warmth of his release spill inside me.

We catch our breaths against each other. When I turn my head towards the mirror, the person staring back at me isn't the old April anymore.

It's a brand-new me.

After fixing ourselves, we slip back into the party. The guests aren't all staring at us, which is good: between the music, the soundproof doors, and the constant buzz of conversation, I doubt anyone truly heard us.

Unless they knew to listen, that is.

"Hi, there."

Nora's face is horrified. "You…!"

I ignore her and turn to Anne. "By the way, here you go. In case you run out of fabric next time you want to steal a design."

I stuff my gift in her bag and sashay away on Matvey's arm. "You didn't," he whispers into my ear as we leave.

"You bet your ass I did."

I'm already halfway across the hall when I hear Anne's scandalized scream. "EW! PANTIES!"

Whatever happens tonight, I've already won.