9. Matvey

9

MATVEY

Minutes tick by, then hours.

By the time Yuri returns, the sun must have traveled all the way across the horizon, because the room has grown dark again.

Not that I've been keeping track. I was too busy watching something else.

"Matvey?"

I put a finger to my lips. "Quiet. She's asleep."

With a nod, Yuri walks around the currently occupied couch. "Must've been one hell of a night for April, too."

"I didn't mean her."

My brother reels back at my harsh tone. I watch his gaze linger on April out of the corner of my eye, one hand darting out to fix the blanket she burrowed herself into. "My bad."

I force myself not to bite it off at the wrist.

Silent, Yuri creeps closer. That's when he spots her: bundled up in blankets, tiny hands curled in tiny fists. Safe in my arms at last. My daughter.

"Oh. Her. Yeah, she's a real sleepyhead."

"Mm. Guess you'd know better than me."

Hurt flashes across my brother's face. "Mot?—"

"Don't," I warn. "No more excuses."

Grimly, he nods. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"What?"

"You heard me." I force my voice into a low, even tone. "You're not sorry. Given the choice, you'd do it all again."

"You don't know that," he rasps.

"Yeah, I do?—"

"—Motya—"

"—because I'd do the same, too."

For a second, Yuri looks stunned. Like he'd been expecting to be mauled by a wild wolf, only to get his hand licked instead. "You'd do… what?"

"Protect my blood."

I can tell my brother has no idea where I'm going with this. Truth be told, until a few hours ago, my own mind was a mystery to me. This past month… It was hell on earth. I had no time for clarity. No time to sit down and just think .

But with my daughter in my arms, it's all finally coming together.

"You didn't trust me."

"No, that's not—" Yuri starts.

But I cut him off. "You didn't trust me," I repeat, "because you saw I wasn't myself. With you or with anyone. And because of that, you lost faith in me."

Next to me, Yuri shakes his head once. "You were helping me. Of course I trusted you."

"No, you didn't. When you trust someone, you tell them the truth."

I watch my brother blink, utterly lost. "Are you feeling okay? Did you take something?"

"On the contrary, my shoulder's been killing me all day. I'm almost too lucid."

"Pain doesn't make you lucid," Yuri objects. "It just makes you hurt."

"Maybe," I concede. "Or maybe it helps put things into perspective."

In my arms, May stirs. She coos weakly, but doesn't crack her eyes open. I haven't even had a chance to check their color yet—she's that sleepy. No wonder she took ten-odd months to pop out. Dr. Allan had it right: she's one cozy baby.

"I haven't put her down once, you know," I confess. "Ever since I got her back. I just haven't been able to stop holding her. Not for one damn minute. Do you know why that is?"

"Why?" Yuri asks.

"Because I keep thinking that she'll disappear."

I see the words stab deep into my brother's heart. I don't feel guilty, though: pain can be good. Pain can help.

Pain can show us what truly matters.

"I find myself thinking, ‘Maybe I'll get a glass of water.' Then I go to put her down, but I can't. Because what if she's gone by the time I come back?"

"You know why April did it," Yuri replies tightly. "Why I did it. It's not going to happen again, Matvey."

"‘Again.' That's a funny word. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, Yuri."

"I know, and if I could go back?—"

"We've been over this," I interrupt. "You'd do it all again, just like I would."

"That's what you meant?" Yuri asks me, incredulous. "You'd… lie to April again?"

"I would."

Even as I speak the words, something inside me howls. Something desperate to mend what's been broken. Stop lying. Stop lying to yourself, to her, to ? —

But there is no fixing this. Not after what April did.

Because, if I hadn't found them, I never would have seen my daughter again.

Yuri shakes his head frantically. "You don't mean that."

"All this time, I kept thinking, ‘If only I'd told her the truth.' But do you want to know the real truth? I chose you , brother. And I was right. The second I crossed her, she took my child from me. Who knows what she would've done if I'd told her about your baby?"

"Nothing!" Yuri insists. "She would've done nothing. I was in the wrong for asking?—"

"Hell, maybe she would've gone to Vlad herself."

"You know that's not?—"

"Why do you keep defending her?!" I bellow.

I rein my voice back in just in time not to wake my kid. I couldn't give a shit about April's beauty sleep, but I see Yuri check on her and sigh with relief. Both still out, then.

It's that look incenses me more than anything. That look, and that pull on the blankets, and all those nights they must've spent plotting behind my back?—

If I didn't have a literal newborn in my arms right now, I would've jumped him already.

But there's only one way to know the truth. Only one way to find out if I can ever trust my brother again. If I could ever trust my brother in the first place.

"I guess it is the oldest tale in the world," I murmur. "I married your girl, so now, you're going to fuck around with mine?"

"Matvey, what the hell are you talking about?!" he nearly screams.

"Or was it all those takeout dinners at the motel? Maybe you shared a dumpling once, and then something more?—"

" I love Petra ! " This time, he's the one who almost shouts. "I love Petra," Yuri repeats, out of breath. "And I couldn't bear the thought of losing the one I loved. So I went crazy and ended up costing you the one you loved. Worse, I ended up costing April . But she was innocent, Matvey. She had nothing to do with me or you. That's why I've been trying to help her. And I'm sorry, I really am, but if you keep suggesting that I'd ever cheat on Petra, I'm gonna have to ask you to put your baby down and step the fuck out with me, because I will not let you insult?—"

"Your niece."

Yuri blinks. "What?"

"She's not just my baby. She's your niece, too."

With that, I finally hold her out.

Yuri looks more confused by the minute. "By ‘putting her down,' I didn't mean give her to me?—"

"I know. You meant ‘put her down so I can punch you.'"

"So…?"

"So you don't need to punch me. I believe you." Then I add with a smirk, "Though I'd like to see you try, brother."

At first, Yuri hesitates. "Are you sure?"

I roll my eyes. "Quit pretending you haven't been holding her every chance you got. Besides, you need the practice."

"That's not what I mean. You… truly believe me?"

"Yura, Yura, Yura," I sigh. "If I really thought you'd been fucking my woman, do you think you'd still be standing on two legs?"

His face drains of all color. But that finally seems to convince him, because he leans in to take the bundle from my arms. "You trust me with her?" he asks in disbelief.

I watch him pick her up slowly. Carefully. "All these years you've stood by my side… don't think I didn't take notice. I know I can be kind of an asshole?—"

"You can lose the ‘kind of,'" Yuri mutters.

"—but I know you've always been in my corner," I continue, pretending not to hear him. Cheeky brat. "You may have fucked up this time, but I know that, in your own misguided way, you were doing this for me, too."

"I…"

"You got in too deep. Didn't understand what the fuck you were doing. And how could you? You're not a father yet."

"Matvey…"

"But you will be. And I'll be by your side for that, too."

Yuri's eyes are wet. Jesus Christ, could he be any more of a crybaby? "So you forgive me?" he croaks.

"This time, yes" I answer. "But there won't be a second, Yuri. If you ever lie to me again…"

He looks like he's choking on something. Words, maybe—or regrets. "Matvey, there's something I need to?—"

"You don't need to say anything," I cut him off. "You're forgiven."

"But I?—"

"After all, we're blood."

He stops. "That's… why you're forgiving me?" he stammers. "And why you won't forgive…?" Wisely, he doesn't say her name.

"That's right," I growl. "You're my family. She is not."

If I ever need proof of my credo, April is the living, breathing thing. The wolf in sheep's clothing who snuck past my defenses.

I won't let her take another bite out of my heart. Never again.

"Regardless, she's family to my daughter. Arrange for both of them to be moved back to the penthouse. I want them there asap."

"Right," Yuri mumbles. "Right, I'll… get on that."

I frown. "Are you feeling alright, brother? You didn't get shot out there in the woods, did you?"

"No, no, I just… I'm a bit overwhelmed, I guess. Need to take this all in." Then he hands me back my kid.

I shake my head and smile. My first real smile in a long, long time. "Go. Double the guard around the penthouse. Remind everyone you're still my number two."

With a nod, he stands up to carry out my orders.

"Oh, and brother?"

He turns back to me. "Yes…?"

"Never betray me again."

I watch his lips press into a tight, scared line. "Yes, moy pakhan ."

Then he's out the door.