60. Matvey

60

MATVEY

When I walk out of the penthouse, I don't turn. I just put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

I take the elevator. I cross the lobby. Someone from the concierge tries to get my attention, but I ignore them. I make my way out into the streets.

I duck into an alley.

Then I punch the wall with all my might.

" Blyat'! " I curse without restraint. " V rot yebis, pizdets ? — "

I let my rage fly out of my mouth and pulse through my fist. The pain is searing, but I welcome it. If I can punch hard enough to break my bones, that's all I'll have to feel.

Not this.

The pain of losing her.

"Come fucking again?" I snarl at the woman in front of me.

"You heard me," Petra replies in a whisper.

"You know perfectly well that can't be."

"It has to be."

My finger twitches on the trigger. "I have never touched you, Petra. Nor have I ever wanted to." I spit those last words with venom. With disgust. For this woman, I can feel nothing else.

"You're not listening," Petra babbles.

"And you're not making any fucking sense!"

"I'm not saying it is your baby!" she all but screams. "I'm saying that it has to be!"

The look on her face is crazed. Deranged. At this moment, I can't sense a single scrap of reason within her.

I almost lower my gun out of pity. She's lost it. She's finally lost it.

Then I hear Yuri's voice behind me.

I punch the wall again. And again, and again, and again. Blood is trickling down my fingers now, but I only clench them harder. "Fuck!"

I hit the wall over and over. Soon, the spot in front of me starts filling with red. In the darkness, it looks black as sin.

"Fuck," I spit again, gritting my teeth against the pulsing pain. Not the one in my hand—that's nothing to me.

The one in my chest .

The one in the organ at the center of it. In that part of me I deluded myself into thinking I didn't have.

What a cruel way to find out I do.

"Fucking—fuck, fuck ? — "

" Motya! "

I feel Yuri's hand around my wrist. His fingers are trembling; trying to keep me from hurting myself further—and failing. "Matvey, look at me."

"Get lost."

" Look at me ."

I do. If only to snarl at him again to get the fuck out of my sight—I do.

But then the words don't come.

Because this is Yuri we're talking about.

My brother.

My family .

The only family I will ever have.

"Is that true?" Yuri rushes forward.

I open my mouth to speak, convinced that I'm the reason he came.

And then I watch him run right past me and into Petra's arms.

" Yura… " Petra's voice cracks. "You weren't supposed to find out this way."

"I'm glad I did." He cradles her head with one hand. The other, he moves from her hip to her belly. "So you're really…?"

"What are you looking so happy for?" Petra scoffs, but it's weak. Undermined by the blush on her cheeks. "This isn't good news, you know."

"It's a baby," my brother replies, like it's simple. Like it's the easiest thing in the world. "How can it be bad?"

I watch the scene with my jaw on the floor.

"Yuri," I growl in warning, gun tight between my fingers, "get away from her."

Yuri turns. Then, for the first time in his life, he looks me in the eye and says, "No."

I raise my gun high as it all hits me at once. " Blyat' , Yuri! You can't be serious!"

Of all people. Of all the fucking people on this earth…

But there's no mistaking it. It's in the way he looks at her. The way his hand curls protectively around her womb.

The way he stands between us.

With a roar, I throw my gun to the floor. "God fucking dammit!"

Was it always this obvious? Like dominoes, the pieces start falling into place. Everything's making sense now: every suspicious disappearance, every worried glance. Every time Yuri ran after her, or protected her from my wrath.

It wasn't for my sake.

It was for hers .

"Explain yourselves," I grit, barely keeping my rage at bay. "Now."

But when Yuri turns to me again, that flame flickers. I've never seen an expression like this on my brother's face before: smiling, yet sad at the same time. All at once, he looks ten years older.

"What's there to explain?" he whispers. "I love her."

Love. Before, I would have mocked the very idea. I would have spit in my brother's face that "love" is a bedtime story. Something we tell our kids to balance out the terror of the monster under the bed. Something to give them hope.

But, just an hour ago, I spoke that very same word to someone else.

And now, as furious as I want to be ? —

I can't do it.

I can't pull the trigger on this.

"So it's yours?" I rasp. "She's pregnant with your baby?"

Yuri nods.

"No."

We both turn at the sound of Petra's voice.

"It can't be," she starts babbling again, nearly incoherent. "Yuri, you don't understand. If my father finds out, he'll kill us. He'll kill both of us."

"He wouldn't." Yuri shakes his head. "You're his daughter. You're ? —"

"I'm nothing!" Petra spits. "I'm not his heir. I'm a prize mare to auction off to the highest bidder. I'm supposed to get him an heir!" Her voice drops to a whisper. "Instead, I've dishonored him and the family. There's only one fate for people who do that."

"Then I'll marry you," Yuri says immediately. "We'll tell him together. We'll explain ? —"

"Explain what?!" she shrieks. "It's Matvey he wants, Yura! He wants the power of the pakhan ! And he knows you'll never turn on him to take it!"

For a split second, I wonder if that's still true. All this time, Yuri's been deceiving me: sneaking around, meeting my fiancée behind my back.

Even if we were engaged in name only, he should've known better than to go for her. Should've known better than to lie to me for her.

So who's to say he won't betray me for her, too?

But then I shake myself: this is Yuri we're talking about. No matter what, he's family. We're family. If I can't trust that, then ? —

"There has to be another way," Yuri stammers, refusing to so much as entertain the thought. "Anything but that, Petra."

Good brother.

"There is," she confirms. "One way to save both our lives. The only way."

And then she looks back at me.

"You did the right thing," Yuri says, clutching my fist tight to his chest. Preventing me from slamming it back into the concrete, back where I can feel it hurt. "You saved us. You saved me. "

"Of course I did," I growl back. "Of course I fucking did."

Family comes first. I will always protect it; I will always make that choice. And it will always be the right one. That's my creed.

So why does this feel like the opposite of right?

"No," I snap. "No way."

"Matvey…" Yuri starts, looking conflicted. "I don't like this, either, but ? —"

"Then don't ask me to do it!" I pound my fist on the table.

"Do you think this is easy for me?!" my brother cries back. "Asking you to marry the woman I love? Knowing I can't keep her safe, but you can? That I can't keep my child safe, but you can?"

We're inches from each other. Seconds, really, from letting our fists do the talking for us.

But then Yuri's fury breaks. "Matvey," he murmurs, "I can't lose her. I can't ."

The ridiculous thing is, he doesn't even realize: he's in danger, too. Petra said it loud and clear. And, for once, I believe her. I've spent too long with Vlad to not know what kind of man he is.

He can't lose Petra, he says?

Well, I can't fucking lose him.

I'm not scared of Vlad. If he wants to come at us, let him: let the Solovyovs taste the lead of the entire Groza Bratva.

But I can't possibly justify taking Petra in.

I can't order my vory to risk their lives, their men, for an outsider.

And Yuri wouldn't listen. He'd follow that siren to the ends of the earth. Follow her into his own goddamn grave.

And I can't have that.

But I also ? —

I also have somebody else I can't lose.

"Motya," Yuri begs, oblivious to my hell. To how fucking close I am to being torn apart. "Help us."

"I can't."

"Please."

"I—"

" Brother. "

That's the final straw.

Like the camel's back, my resistance breaks. Because this is my brother we're talking about. This is my brother, and he's asking me for help.

"No one else can know," Petra says, panic still flooding her words. "No one else can know it's not yours."

"You shut the fuck up," I snarl.

"She's right," Yuri cuts in, pleading. "One wrong word and we're done for, Motya. We can't risk that. She's…"

She's carrying my child. He doesn't need to finish that sentence. I can read it in his eyes, plain as day.

"No one," he repeats. "Promise me."

April deserves to know. The words are halfway up my throat when ? —

Do you trust her?

It's that voice at the back of my mind. The voice of the pakhan in me. The one that's been telling me, over and over ? —

She's not family.

She's not blood .

But Yuri is.

"Promise me, Motya," he says again, quieter this time. Hopeful. "Please."

And, God help me, I do.

"Thank you," Yuri says to me. "Thank you for saving us. For not telling anyone."

I think of April, back at the penthouse. How overjoyed she was when she greeted me at the door, waiting on a happily-ever-after.

But there's no such thing as "happily-ever-after."

"Come," I force out, walking back towards the mouth of the alley. "We have work to do."

I leave my blood on the bricks.

And I leave April Flowers behind for good.