Carolina Comets Group Chat

Miller: Well, well, well. Lookie what I stumbled across.

Miller: It's our old group chat!

Miller: How much do you guys miss me???

Greer: For fuck's sake…

Wright: No.

Rhodes: Not a chance.

Lowell: Literally not at all.

Fitzy: I kinda miss you…

Greer: Wow. Way to ruin it, good boy.

Fitzy: I'm not a good boy.

Fitzy: Wait. No. Maybe I am. Someone tell Rosie.

Miller: Ew, guys, come on. Let's not talk about sex and the kinky shit you guys are into.

Greer: Yeah, we don't want to hurt the virgin's feelings because he's having very vanilla sex.

Miller: Hey! I am not a virgin! Anymore. I'm like a total sex god now. Just ask Scout.

Miller: And also, there is NOTHING wrong with vanilla sex.

Wright: I thought we weren't discussing sex.

Rhodes: You're just scared because you know if Harper found out you were discussing your sex life, she'd chop your balls off and smile while doing it.

Greer: I'm team no talking about sex, especially where Miller is involved.

Miller: Come on… Don't be that way, brother.

Greer: I am NOT your brother.

Miller: YET. Not yet. But once I ask Scout to marry me, and she inevitably says yes, we're brothers. Deal with it.

Greer: Have I mentioned how much I hate you lately?

Miller: Only every day. But I can read between the lines. I know it's love.

Rhodes: Wow. Someone's delusional.

Wright: Can't believe Scout dates you.

Miller: Oh, she more than dates me. You should hear what she did to me last night.

Miller: Spoiler alert: It was NAUGHTY.

Smith: I don't even play anymore. How am I still in this chat?

Miller: Aw, guys, he's so old he already forgot that I said it was our chat from back in the day when we made our second Cup run.

Miller: In case you already forgot about that too, Apple, but YOU WERE OUR VIDEO COACH AND WE WON.

Smith: God, I hope the Serpents beat the shit out of you this season.

Rhodes: And by you, he means you in particular, Miller. Not the rest of us.

Smith: Oh, no. I hope the Serpents take you all down.

Rhodes: Well, that's just plain rude.

Wright: You know we gotta beat your ass now, right?

Lowell: On the ice. Just to be clear. No need to start threatening the elderly.

Smith: I truly don't miss you idiots at all.

Fitzy: That's a lie.

Greer: He misses us soooo much.

Smith: Trust me, I have my own group of idiots to wrangle now. They don't give me much room to miss you.

Greer: My brother, Lucas, being the biggest idiot of them all.

Wright: I don't know. Have you met Miller?

Miller: HEY NOW!

Rhodes: What? You know he's right.

Miller: Fine. He's a little bit right. But just so you know, I'm totally pouting right now.

Miller: P.S. I still miss you all.

Wright: Shut up, Miller.

Rhodes: Shut up, Miller.

Greer: Shut up, Miller.

Smith: Shut up, Miller.

Lowell: Shut up, Miller.

Fitzy: Shut up, Miller.

Miller: Even you, Fitzy? Damn. That one hurts.

Fitzy: Sorry.

Wright: Don't apologize to him. He doesn't deserve it.

Rhodes: He really doesn't. Did I tell you guys he sent me a video of him singing Miley Cyrus for the Fourth of July? He was definitely partying in the USA.

Lowell: Wait. He sent me that video too.

Greer: Fucking hell. I hate that karaoke machine. Why's he always carrying it around everywhere?

Fitzy: I think he has a nice voice.

Rhodes: Fuck's sake, Fitzy. You're done.

Fitzy: What? I'm just trying to be nice. He's gone quiet. I think we've hurt his feelings.

Wright: Aww, Miller. We hurt your wittle baby fweelings?

Rhodes: If you're crying, do it quietly. I don't want to hear that shit.

Greer: Not a fucking peep.

Lowell: I hear enough crying with all these damn kids at home.

Wright: That's all your fault, you know.

Lowell: Yeah, yeah. I know. I wouldn't change it, though. I love them.

Miller: Say with me now: AWWWWW!

Rhodes: Dammit. I thought we got rid of him.

Miller: You kidding me? I'm never leaving you guys. I love you dudes too much.

Greer: Take that back.

Miller: Never.

Miller: In fact…

Miller: Collin Wright, I love you.

Wright: Please don't.

Miller: Adrian Rhodes, I love you.

Rhodes: Swear I'm punching you the next time I see you.

Miller: Ivan Fitzgerald, I love you.

Fitzy: Thanks, man. Love you too.

Miller: Cameron Lowell, I love you.

Lowell: Don't.

Miller: Owen Smith, I love you.

Smith: That's it. I'm blocking this chat.

Greer: Don't you fucking dare, Miller.

Miller: Jacob Greer, I LOVE YOU, brOTHER.

Greer: Love me less. I'm begging you.

Greer: And for the hundredth time, I'M NOT YOUR brOTHER.

Miller: And for the hundredth time, YET. We're not brothers YET.

Wright: What ARE you going to do when he and Scout get married, Greer?

Greer: Cry.

Miller: Because you're so happy for us, right?

Greer: No. Because I'll finally know there really is no escaping you.

Miller: You don't mean that.

Greer: Every fucking word.

Rhodes: I am so glad my wife doesn't have any sisters, so I don't have to deal with this shit.

Lowell: Wright and I are BILs. We make it work.

Greer: Yeah, but Wright isn't Miller. That means it's automatically statistically easier to like him.

Rhodes: I don't know, man. Have you ever had to share a room with Wright?

Wright: Hey! I'm a great roommate.

Miller: Let's test it. Sleepover at my place?

Greer: No.

Miller: Aw, come on! We could all bring tents and camp in the backyard.

Rhodes: Right. Sure. And we can make s'mores in your firepit.

Wright: Tell ghost stories and drink beer.

Lowell: Order pizza and eat candy until we're going to puke.

Fitzy: Does anyone else think this actually sounds fun?

Wright: I wasn't going to say it, but FUCK YES.

Rhodes: I was in with pizza.

Lowell: The WAGS could do a sleepover inside? Don't want to leave them out.

Wright: Harper would be bummed she's missing the ghost stories, though.

Rhodes: She can tell them inside. I doubt Ryan would want to sleep in a tent.

Lowell: I wouldn't want to share a tent with a beast either.

Rhodes: Remember that time I punched you? I'll do it again.

Smith: Boys…

Miller: LOL, the old man is the voice of reason.

Wright: Shut up, Miller.

Smith: Thanks, Wright. I was just typing that myself.

Miller: But you're old and slow and can't type that fast, right?

Rhodes: Shut up, Miller.

Miller: Ugh. FINE.

Miller: So… sleepover?

Wright: I'm in.

Rhodes: Sure.

Fitzy: I'll bring the marshmallows!

Lowell: You are a marshmallow, Fitzy.

Lowell: And yeah, I guess I'm in.

Miller: Greer?

Greer: Absolutely not.

Miller: Come on… It'll be fun!

Greer: Not a fucking chance.

Miller: Don't be grumpy, brother.

Greer: Not. Your. Brother.

Miller: Not. Yet. Brother.

Miller: Please? I'll be your best friend!

Wright: That's a horrible deal. Don't take it, Greer.

Miller: Hey, I am a fantastic best friend! Just ask Fitzy!

Fitzy: We're best friends?

Miller: WOW.

Miller: Wow, wow, wow, WOW.

Miller: I'm hurt, Fitzy Baby. Absolutely torn up inside.

Greer: You're not. Shut up.

Miller: Please come to my sleepover, Greer. PLEASE?!

Greer: Will you stop calling me your brother?

Miller: I swear I won't say another word about it until we're actually brothers.

Wright: Now that's a bargain I'd take.

Rhodes: Take the deal, Greer.

Lowell: What Beast said. It's the best you'll get, and you know it.

Greer: Fine. Deal. I'll go to your dumb sleepover.

Miller: YESSSSS!

Miller: You won't regret it.

Greer: I already do.

Miller: Smith? You coming?

Smith: No way in hell.

Miller: Aww, come on!

Smith: No. And you have nothing to bribe me with, so my answer will remain no.

Miller: Actually, I do.

Miller: Remember that one time you were all sad and mopey because you had to stop seeing Emilia because of her promotion? So you came to me crying, and I came up with a plan to help you win her back? Because I do. Now, come to my sleepover.

Wright: WAIT A DAMN MINUTE

Rhodes: YOU WENT TO MILLER FOR HELP?!

Lowell: NO FUCKING WAY.

Greer: Wow. I used to respect you so much, Apple.

Fitzy: I think it's great he went to a teammate for help.

Wright: …Smith? Anything to say?

Smith: Fuck.

Smith: Yeah, fine. That happened.

Smith: But just so we're clear, it wasn't exactly like that. Yes, I was upset, but no, I did not ask Miller for help. He inserted himself into it because he's Miller. His plan just happened to work out.

Rhodes: So… you still owe him?

Lowell: Sounds like it to me.

Wright: Yeah, sorry, bud. You're coming.

Smith: I'll be there.

Miller: FUCK YES!

Miller: Bring your sleeping bags and pillows, boys, because it's a SLEEPOVER AT MY PLACE!

Wright: I'm kind of excited. Especially for ghost stories. I've got some good ones.

Rhodes: A night with the boys doesn't sound so bad.

Fitzy: I can't wait for s'mores. I fucking love marshmallows.

Lowell: The WAGS are going to love it too.

Greer: I hate this team.

Miller: Lies! You love it. You love us. I love you.

Wright: Ughhh. Shut up, Miller.

Rhodes: Shut up, Miller.

Smith: Shut up, Miller.

Lowell: Shut up, Miller.

Greer: What they said.

Miller: Never. Not ever. Want to know why?

Miller: Carolina Comets forever, baby.

Wright: Damn straight!

Lowell: Hell yeah!

Rhodes: Always!

Fitzy: Hear, hear!

Smith: Hmm.

Miller: Greer?

Greer: Yeah, yeah, Comets forever and all that mushy shit.

Miller: Love you…brother.

Greer: SHUT UP, MILLER!