33. Tilly

33

TILLY

T he carnival has moved on to the next town, and Phoenix is finally allowing me some freedom again after everything that’s happened. It feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. However, I can’t shake the lingering unease of being in this unpredictable situation with him.

Despite now being here of my own choice, I can’t help but mourn the loss of my family.

Tonight, I’m helping out at one of the food stands alongside Aurora, a friendly girl who also travels with the carnival crew. We’ve become fast friends over the past week, bonding over our love of junk food and terrible puns. As we banter back and forth, flipping burgers and dodging greasy splatters, I can’t help but feel a sense of normalcy creeping back into my life.

“So, you gonna tell me how you ended up with that brooding hunk of a hacker?” Aurora teases, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. “The whole carnival is dying to know the juicy details.”

I tense up, my smile faltering. As much as I’ve come to trust Aurora, the truth behind my relationship with Phoenix is still too raw, too twisted to divulge so casually. Instead, I deflect with a forced laugh. “Trust me, you don’t want to know. That man is certifiably insane.”

Aurora seems to pick up on my discomfort and drops the subject, launching into an animated story about when she accidentally set fire to a cotton candy machine. I’m grateful for the distraction, letting her exaggerated tale wash over me as we continue working.

By the time we’re closing up for the night, my cheeks ache from laughter, and I’ve almost managed to push my darker thoughts aside. Aurora hugs me. Her easy affection starkly contrasts the possessive intensity of Phoenix’s embrace.

“See you tomorrow, Tills,” she says with a wink. “Try not to let that bad boy keep you up too late, if you know what I mean.”

I shake my head, blushing despite myself, as we part ways. Aurora’s playful insinuations are harmless, but they remind me of the complexity of my situation—the way my feelings for Phoenix blur the lines between desire, fear, and something deeper that I can’t quite put my finger on.

As I make my way back to the trailer I share with him, I wonder what the future holds.

Stepping into the trailer, I’m jolted out of my musings by the sight of Phoenix sitting there, an all-too-familiar mask obscuring his features. It’s the same one he wore that night at the club when he ate me out, fueling my fantasies of masked men. My heartbeat quickens at the memory, and I can’t help but wonder if he intends to replay that scene.

“Why are you wearing that?” I ask, my voice catching slightly as I try to keep my tone light. I can feel my cheeks flushing, knowing exactly why he’s chosen to put the mask on tonight. “Did you miss the feeling of plastic against your skin?”

His only response is a low chuckle that sends shivers down my spine. I move closer, reaching up to adjust the mask, my fingers hovering above its smooth surface. “You saw my browsing history, didn’t you?” I whisper, my eyes searching his bright blue eyes. “That’s why you’re wearing this.”

His head tilts slightly, and my heart hammers against my ribcage. I can feel his eyes on me, burning through the mask as if he’s willing me to accept what we both know. “Don’t play innocent,” he murmurs, his voice deep and husky. “Of course, I’ve seen your browser history, dirty girl.”

My breath catches in my throat, a mix of arousal and nervousness fluttering in my chest. “Maybe I was just curious,” I reply, my tone defiant even as my body betrays me with a surge of dampness between my legs. “Maybe I wanted to understand why certain things turn me on.”

“And have you figured it out?” he asks, leaning in close. “Do you know why the idea of being forced by a masked man, of consenting to non-consent, gets you so wet?”

I swallow hard, my eyes flicking downward as my cheeks flame with heat. “I’m not sure,” I admit, my voice little more than a whisper. “Maybe it’s the thrill, the loss of control. Maybe it’s to do with how you took me by force initially.”

He chuckles again, and the sound reverberates through me. “Let’s explore that together, shall we?”

My cheeks flame even hotter, and I can’t help but notice the bulge in his pants, straining against the fabric. Seeing his blatant arousal sends a thrill through me, and I bite my lip, hesitating for only a moment before voicing my desire.

“What if we act out that night in the woods?” I suggest, my voice barely above a whisper. “You could chase me, and we could pretend it’s all happening again. A proper consensual non-consent scene, with a safe word.”

I watch his Adam’s apple bob in his throat and eyes darken. Then, slowly, he nods. “A safe word is essential.” He leans closer, his warm breath tickling my ear as he whispers, “The safe word is ‘mercy.’ If you use it, I’ll stop immediately.”

I shiver at his words, my pulse thrumming in my veins. “Okay,” I breathe. “Let’s do it.”

Without another word, he pushes back his chair and stands, taking a deliberate step back. “Run,” he commands, and I waste no time obeying.

I sprint out of the trailer, and the cool night air whips against my skin. The ground is soft beneath my shoes, and the scent of pine needles fills my lungs as I dart into the surrounding woods.

Laughter bubbles up from within me, a mix of nervousness and sheer exhilaration. It’s like that night all over again, except this time, I’m agreeing to be chased, and the fear has been replaced by a different kind of excitement.

His footsteps crunching behind me spurs me on. I veer to the left, ducking under a low-hanging branch, my heart hammering with adrenaline. I know he’ll catch me, but I can’t help wanting to make the chase last just a little longer.

As I round the bend in the trail, I spot a fallen tree trunk and change my course, leaping over rotting logs and tangles of undergrowth. My lungs burn, but the rush of adrenaline coursing through my veins keeps me going. I can sense him getting closer, his footsteps pounding relentlessly in pursuit.

Just a little farther, I tell myself. I want to draw out this delicious tension for as long as possible.

But then his strong arms wrap around my waist, and he spins me around, pulling me back against his chest. I give a little shriek, feigning surprise, and then relax into him, feeling his hardness pressed against my lower back.

“Thought you could get away, did you?” he breathes in my ear, one hand splayed possessively across my stomach. “There’s nowhere to hide, sweetheart.”

I struggle against him, but he’s too strong, and I’m secretly glad for it. I want him to overwhelm me, to take control like he did that night when I was truly scared. I know what’s coming this time, which makes the anticipation sweeter. My heart is pounding, and my body is already beginning to ache for him.

“Please, no!” I cry out, even as my back arches sensuously against his chest. My voice is high and pleading, my performance convincing even to my ears. “Don’t do this. I don’t want it.”

He spins me around to face him, his eyes dark and hooded, the mask concealing his true expression. “Oh, but I know you do,” he growls, his lips curling into a dangerous smile.

I shake my head, denying it even as my body throbs with need. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whisper. “Let me go. Please, please, just let me go!”

His eyes ignite with lust and something more—a glint of madness that I’ve grown to crave. He leans in close, one hand fisting in my hair, tilting my head back to expose the column of my throat and eliciting a soft moan. “You like it rough, don’t you?” he murmurs, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear. “You like it when I take what I want.”

I whimper as he teases my earlobe with his teeth, nipping gently. “N-no,” I stutter, even as my hips shift involuntarily toward him. “I don’t—I don’t like it.”

His answering laugh is low and husky, sending tremors through me. “Liar.” His fingers tighten in my hair. “Your body betrays your lies. Your sweet little pussy is already dripping for me.”

I gasp as he tugs on my hair, forcing my head back further and exposing the sensitive skin of my neck. His lips are on me, sucking hard, marking me. “You’re mine,” he growls against my skin, his fingers digging into my hips possessively. “Never forget that.”

“Please,” I whisper, my voice catching as my resistance melts. “Stop, Phoenix... ”

“Say it,” he commands, his voice harsh. “Say you want me to fuck you. Say you want my cock inside you, pounding you into the dirt.” He unzips his pants and frees his huge, straining erection.

“No...” My denial is weak, little more than a breath, as his fingers dig painfully into my hips. I wish he would get on with it and stop teasing me. I want him to take me here, claiming me like he did when it wasn’t a game.

“Say it!” He demands, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

“No, stop, please...” My voice sounds pathetic, even to my own ears.

With a growl, he spins me around to face him. “You want this, Tilly. Don’t lie to me.”

“I—I don’t...” I gasp as he pulls me flush against him, his hardness prodding my belly. “Please, just leave me alone. I don’t want it.”

He lifts me against the trunk of a thick tree. “Your pussy says otherwise,” he growls, his hand tangling in my hair. I can feel him prodding against my entrance, the tip of his cock teasing me but not giving me what I crave.

“You’re so wet for me,” he murmurs, his free hand sliding between my legs to stroke my slick folds. “Tell me again how much you don’t want this.”

“I—oh god...” My words dissolve into a moan as he teases my clit, circling it slowly with his thumb. “I hate you...” I whisper my body thrumming with need, my breath quickening. “Leave me alone...”

His answering laugh vibrates through me, sending sparks of pleasure dancing across my skin. “That’s it,” he breathes, his teeth sinking into my shoulder as his fingers find my entrance, thrusting inside me. “Tell me more.”

“Oh god...” I bite my lip hard, riding his fingers as he begins to thrust in and out, stretching me open and teasing my needy flesh. “I hate you so much,” I moan, my voice thick with arousal. “I fucking hate you.”

His chuckle sends tremors through me, and he tears his fingers away, only to reposition himself, pressing the tip of his cock to my entrance. “Tell me again,” he demands, his voice hoarse. “Tell me again how much you hate me.”

I open my mouth to reply, but he silences me with a bruising kiss, his tongue plundering my mouth as he thrusts upward, filling me in one swift stroke. “Fuck!” I cry out, my body stretching to accommodate his length.

He stills for a moment, buried deep within me, and I can feel his hot breath on my neck as he fights for control. “God, Tilly,” he groans, his voice raw. “You feel so damn good.”

My fingers dig into his shoulders as he begins to move, his hips snapping forward with urgent thrusts that send sparks of pleasure dancing along my nerve endings. “Please, no more,” I gasp, my eyes fluttering closed as wave after wave of pleasure washes over me. “I can’t take any more.”

“Yes, you can,” he growls, his fingers digging into my hips as he pounds into me with relentless force. “You can take everything I give you and more.”

“Please...” My voice is little more than a whimper now, my body on the brink, teetering on the edge of oblivion.

“Beg me to stop if you really want me to,” he taunts, his cock slamming into me over and over, relentless and unforgiving. “Use your safe word, sweetheart.”

But I don’t want him to stop. I never wanted him to stop.

“Please...” I whisper, my body arching against his, meeting his savage thrusts. “Please, don’t stop...”

“That’s it,” he grunts, his fingers bruising my hips as he finds a rapid, relentless rhythm. “Take it. Take all of me.”

And I do. My body shudders and convulses around him, waves of pleasure crashing over me, sweeping me away into a sea of sensations. I cry out, my voice mingling with his hoarse groans as he fills me, marking me as his.

After a moment, he carries me, still impaled on his cock, to a nearby tree stump. I tremble in his arms, my body still humming with the aftershocks of our intense encounter. Despite the roughness of our lovemaking, there’s a tenderness in the way he holds me now, cradling me gently against his chest.

Slowly, he lifts a hand to cup my cheek, his calloused thumb tracing the curve of my jaw.

“Tilly,” he murmurs, his voice low and soft. “You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

I lean in and press my lips to his in a soft, lingering kiss.

Phoenix responds immediately, his hand sliding into my hair as he deepens the kiss, his tongue teasing mine in a sensual dance. It’s a far cry from the bruising, possessive kiss he’d claimed from me earlier, and it leaves me feeling lightheaded and breathless.

When we finally part, I can see the raw emotion shining in his eyes, and I know that in this moment, he’s laid his heart bare before me. “I love you, Tilly,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

My heart swells with a bittersweet mixture of joy and trepidation. I want to say the words back, to let him know that I feel the same, but the scars of my past still linger, making me wary of opening myself up fully.

Instead, I pull him close, burying my face in the crook of his neck. “I... I’m not ready to say it yet,” I murmur, my fingers tracing patterns on his back. “But I’m falling for you, Phoenix. I can’t deny that.”

He nods, his arms tightening around me, and I know he understands. There’s no need for rushed declarations or empty promises. We exist together now, two souls finding solace in each other’s embrace.