Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

B ulldog and their mom were sitting on the couch by the time Carlos got home. He was beyond tired. It felt like there was sand in his eye sockets, grating against his eyes with every blink. He still had to follow through with his routine, though, of putting away his gun and belt, putting his hat and keys on the hooks by the door, and his boots in their place on the mat with their laces partly tied so he could throw them on quickly in case of an emergency.

In sock-clad feet, Carlos made his way into the living room. He laid down on the couch between his mom and brother, putting his feet on his brother's lap and his head on his mom's thigh.

" Il mio povero bambino ," his mother crooned as she combed her fingers through his hair. "Are you okay?"

Carlos shook his head. "It was Penny."

"Sails?" Louisa gasped. "No! She's in my Bible study."

"I can't tell if she was just jealous or just plain crazy, Momma . She didn't like that I came to the pizzeria last week with a girlfriend. She thought by taking Kyle, she could prove Zoe was a bad mom and I would lose interest or something."

Louisa was silent for a long moment. "Love can make people do crazy things."

Bulldog snorted. Carlos peeked an eye open to glance down his body at his brother. Bulldog was sitting slouched with his long legs crossed in front of him. His hands were crossed at his chest with his head lying back on the cushion of the couch. He looked as tired as Carlos felt.

Carlos nudged his foot against his brother's stomach. When Bulldog cracked an eye open to look down at him, Carlos said, "Thank you. I appreciate everything you did tonight."

"Beyond that that kid is under my protection too, there's a good possibility that he'll be my nephew one day. That makes him family, regardless of blood."

His mom's fingers through his hair were starting to lull him to sleep. "How are they?"

"They finally fell asleep about an hour ago. They're in your room."

Carlos nodded. He expected as much. Zoe likely wouldn't be separated from Kyle for a long time to come. "You better get home and get some rest."

" Momma offered me her room," his big brother told him. "I just need a few hours and then I'll head back. I called a prospect over to help Abby with the kids."

Carlos glanced up at his mom. "Do you need a ride somewhere before I crash?"

She flicked him on the forehead. "Like I trust your driving at the moment. You're half dead to the world. Get some sleep, both of you. José is sending over another prospect to be my chauffeur today."

During his mom's first bout with breast cancer, her driver's license had expired. She'd been too sick to renew it, and by then Carlos had been driving her everywhere regardless. Even during the first time she'd been in remission, he continued to drive her or arrange for someone in the community to help her. When the cancer had returned, Louisa driving herself had never been a consideration because she'd been far too weak and sick from the treatments and symptoms of the cancer.

Though she'd been cancer-free for nearly eight years now, both of her sons considered it their privilege and responsibility to still drive her where she needed to go. Louisa thought herself a burden to them and had even gone to renew her license behind their backs. She had a car and could technically drive herself if she chose.

Carlos personally enjoyed the extra time in the car to take his mom places. There'd been too many times when he feared losing her to ever think she was taking advantage of his generosity. He knew his brother felt the same way. Even after moving out and having a family of his own, Bulldog still made their mom a priority.

Neither Carlos nor Bulldog ever wanted their mom to ever feel as abandoned as she had when their shitty-ass father had walked out on his wife sick with cancer and their two young sons. Their care for their mom might have differed due to their ages and abilities, but both had sworn to never make their mom feel less or unworthy.

Additionally, though neither brother would ever say so in front of Louisa and risk getting their backsides whipped with a wooden spoon, because she didn't drive often, they didn't really trust her behind the wheel of a car.

"You two get some sleep," their mom encouraged. "I'll head over to spend the day with my grandbabies so the house will be quiet."

Carlos didn't remember getting up off of the couch or kissing his mom goodbye. Bulldog might have remained on the couch, even with their mom's offer of her bed. All he remembered was slipping into his room, sliding under the covers and wrapping his arms protectively around Zoe and Kyle.

Zoe drifted awake. Her head felt foggy, almost sleep deprived. The sun beating down on her face confused her. It took a moment for her to figure out that Carlos was in bed with her and that Kyle was squished between them. Both of them were still sound asleep. Carlos had his arm draped over Kyle to rest on Zoe's hip. She vaguely recalled Kyle falling asleep with his head buried in her chest. At some point, her son had turned and was now cradled against Carlos's large bare chest.

Zoe's heart fluttered at the sight. When she'd been bathing Kyle before getting him to bed earlier, she'd feared Carlos had separated himself from them, not due to his job, but to step back from her . She'd struck him. Yes, it had been in pain and fear, but she'd still struck him . As a woman who'd been on the other end of that fist, she knew there was no excuse in the world to make up for that act.

But seeing that Carlos had come to bed with them? That he openly embraced her son as well as her? It gave Zoe hope that he might one day forgive her. Abuse of any kind was unacceptable.

The fullness of her bladder forced her out of bed, though she was loath to move. She didn't like having Kyle out of her sights. Her heart knew that Kyle was safe with Carlos watching over him, but the echo of fear she'd lived through the day before still lingered in her mind. Believing she'd lost Kyle, that he'd been taken from her, had been worse than the pain of watching his manipulative paternal grandparents carrying him away while she sat handcuffed in the back of a cop car.

Hurrying back to the bedroom after taking care of business, Zoe found neither Carlos nor Kyle had moved. When Zoe slid back under the covers, though, she saw that Carlos's eyes were open.

She paused, startled, before settling herself down.

He lifted his hand to rest his palm on her hip, just as he had been doing when she'd woken up. "Hi," he mouthed.

Zoe smiled tentatively at him over Kyle's sleeping form. "Hi," she mouthed back.

She felt his hand start to caress the skin of her hip revealed between her shorts and top. "How are you?"

His voice was low, barely a whisper. Kyle didn't stir.

Zoe shrugged, not entirely sure how to answer. It certainly wasn't a conversation they could have softly over her sleeping son. "What happened?" she asked instead.

"It was Penny," he informed her. "She's been arrested."

Zoe closed her eyes. She felt relief that the incident had nothing to do with Kyle's grandparents. Their identity was still safe. But there was still the feeling of unease. She opened her eyes to see him watching her closely. "Was she trying to take him? Why did she do it?"

Carlos shook his head. "She was trying to give you a scare and didn't know he'd hide like that."

Zoe winced. She still couldn't believe she'd been in such a panic that she'd forgotten their codeword. She was the mom—she was supposed to be level headed in a crisis. Kyle had been the only one to act accordingly with what she had taught him.

He moved his hand from her hip to cup her cheek. "Do you want to go out and talk or stay here?"

Zoe's eyes moved down to Kyle's mop of hair. He was pressed so tightly against Carlos's chest that his nose was squished upwards. As much as she needed to say to Carlos, she did not want to leave Kyle alone. Would Carlos think less of her or that she was trying to hide from him if she didn't want to talk just then?

Regardless, her maternal needs would not allow her to separate from her son just yet. "Stay," she answered softly.

Carlos gave her a reassuring smile, as if he knew her thoughts. Knowing Carlos? He probably did.

Placing his hand back on her hip, Carlos dragged her closer to him. They were just shy of squeezing Kyle between them. He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

No words were spoken, but Zoe knew everything was going to be fine. Between them, with Kyle, and as a budding family. Feeling more content than she could remember in a long time, Zoe tangled her legs with Carlos's under Kyle's little feet.

Neither of them fell asleep. They stayed for hours just looking into each other's eyes and basking in the feel of rightness, of family, and—dare she say—love. Every once in a while, one would move to touch the other's face, leg, hip… Didn't matter. They cocooned themselves around her son like the protective barrier parents should be between children and the world.

At one point, Bulldog stuck his head into the room. He saw they were awake and indicated silently that he was leaving. Zoe mouthed a thank you to him, to which he inclined his head in acknowledgement.

Kyle woke up nearly two hours after Bulldog left. As much as Zoe wanted him to sleep, she was also grateful. She was starting to get hungry and Carlos's stomach had already rumbled a couple of times.

Carlos went to get breakfast—which was really an early dinner, given the time—started while Zoe got Kyle dressed and ready.

His room, Bulldog's old room, was slowly becoming more of the ideal kid's bedroom. The twin bed was not dino shaped as Kyle had wanted, but it did have dinosaur sheets and comforter. Carlos had even ordered Kyle decorative pillows that looked like dino chicken nuggets. At some point, Carlos promised they would paint the plain beige to something more vibrant.

The nightstand was Bulldog's old one. They had found a nightlight that shined dinosaur constellations onto the ceiling. There was a kid's table and chairs by the window. Carlos had also installed kid safety locks on all of the doors and windows. The dresser was new and smaller, as Kyle did not need an adult size dresser and Zoe did not want him climbing to reach the top. There was nothing ‘dinosaur' about the dresser, but Carlos had insisted on getting one that was white so he could stencil dinosaurs on it with Kyle one day soon.

"Mommy, was I bad?"

Zoe froze at her son's question. She was kneeling by his dresser, working on getting Kyle into clean underwear. Though she'd showered him the night before when Bulldog had first brought them home when Carlos had gone to the sheriff's station, she'd given him another quick washing just now.

Snapping out of her stupor, Zoe finished putting the white boxer briefs with CAT dump truck graphics on him. He had such a little butt and skinny legs that they were a little baggy on him, but the size smaller was too tight.

"Baby, I need you to listen to me very carefully." Kyle raised his eyes up to look at her. She saw the trepidation in his big brown eyes and it nearly broke her heart. Zoe brought her arms around him, clutching him to her chest. "You did absolutely nothing wrong. You remembered our secret word when I didn't. You," she tapped his bare chest, "were the one who did the right thing . I am so sorry it took me so long to find you."

"Carlos found me," he corrected her.

Zoe's mouth twitched. "Yes, he did."

"I like Carlos," Kyle announced in that matter of fact way four-year-olds talked.

Zoe had to suppress a laugh. "Oh, do you? Well, I like him too."

"I know. You kiss him a lot."

At the masculine chuckle behind her, Zoe turned to see Carlos standing in the doorway of Kyle's bedroom. He was holding a cup of coffee and leaning against the doorframe with his arm raised to grip the top brace. Her eyes roamed greedily over his bare chest, loving how his stance accentuated the muscular V of his navel.

God, she was tempted to burn all of his shirts.

Carlos raised an eyebrow, as if reminding her that she still had to answer her son. He obviously knew that he'd struck her brain dumb. The cockiness practically oozed off of him.

Zoe narrowed her eyes at him and he took a sip of coffee to cover up his chuckle. Zoe forced her eyes away from the image of male perfection behind her to face her son again. "I do kiss him a lot, don't I?"

Kyle nodded. His eyes glanced between Carlos at the door and his mom. "Is Carlos going to be my daddy?"

Uncertainty gripped her heart. She didn't know how to answer that question. Carlos had already stated he wasn't ready to become a father to Kyle. But how did she explain that to a four-year-old who craved a masculine presence in his life?

Zoe had no doubt that she could raise Kyle on her own without a man. When Conner had died, she'd resigned herself to having to. Conner wasn't Kyle's father, but he'd talked about their future and moving to Mount Grove in such a way that Zoe had believed he would have taken on that role. To the point where he would make others believe he was Kyle's father, even if there was nothing romantic going on between him and Zoe.

She understood and respected Carlos's desire to build a relationship between himself and Kyle before he became a father-figure to Kyle. He did not want to confuse Kyle or overstep any bounds while he and Zoe were still figuring out their new roles in each other's lives.

His logic was sound and Zoe agreed with him becoming Kyle's friend for the time being.

But seeing the longing and desire in Kyle's big brown eyes as he looked up so innocently at her… It tugged on her soul to deny him. Would a four-year-old understand Carlos's logic and not see it as a rejection?

Heat came up behind her. She glanced up to see Carlos place his coffee mug on Kyle's new dresser. He then knelt down next to her before swinging his legs around to cross them in front of him.

Unexpectedly, Carlos pulled Zoe onto his left thigh. He then reached over and pulled Kyle onto his right thigh.

Kyle was so small that his legs hung off Carlos's knee as he looked up at Carlos eagerly.

Carlos glanced at Zoe first, as if asking permission to answer Kyle's question. She nodded, because she honestly didn't know how and hoped that Carlos would be able to explain his stance better than she could.

"Kyle, do you understand what a daddy is?"

Kyle nodded. "Daddies are like mommies but they're boys. Like me!"

"Very good. Daddies are also protectors and providers. Mommies and children deserve to be protected and that's what a daddy does too. But, most importantly, daddies are friends. They help teach and play. They'll even clean, do laundry, and cook, just like mommies do. I'm sure you've read books and seen movies where a kid like you has a mommy and a daddy, and you're wondering where your daddy is."

Kyle nodded slowly.

Carlos didn't look at Zoe as he continued. "Kyle, you deserve a daddy. You deserve to have the best daddy to help guide you into becoming the best man you ," he squeezed Kyle lightly, "can be. I want to be that daddy for you. But I'm not ready yet. I have a lot of things to learn before I can become your daddy. I'm learning though. And, someday, hopefully soon, I'll come to you and I'll ask you if you want me to become your daddy. If you say ‘yes', then I'll take on that responsibility. There'd be no honor greater than that." Zoe's vision started to become cloudy with tears. "Kyle, do you understand what I'm saying?"

Kyle's lips scrunched to the side as he thought. It was adorable. Both Carlos and Zoe waited patiently for his answer. "You're saying you want to be my daddy but you're not my daddy yet."

"Very good. That's exactly what I'm saying." Carlos jiggled his leg slightly to make Kyle bounce.

Kyle's laugh was carefree and brought pure joy to Zoe's ears. "Mommy says I have to wait a whole year for Christmas. I can wait for you to be my daddy too. I'm a good waiter!" Then his eyes light up as if he just had a great idea. "Christmas! You can be my daddy at Christmas."

Carlos's eyes glanced to Zoe, but she only saw amusement in them. "That's what you want for Christmas this year?" he asked Kyle. "No presents, just a daddy?"

Kyle frowned. "No," he declared. "I want presents and a daddy."

Carlos and Zoe both laughed. Carlos leaned down and pressed his lips to Kyle's temple. "Tell you what. We'll write Santa a letter and make sure he adds a daddy to his list for you."

Kyle beamed. "Okay!" He squirmed to get off of Carlos's lap. He picked up the shirt Zoe had placed on the floor when she'd been dressing him. "Wait." He turned to Carlos. "Will you still be my friend while I'm waiting for you to grow into my daddy?"

Zoe covered her mouth to hide her smile. Kyle made Carlos sound like a plant!

Carlos reached forward and tapped his pointer finger on Kyle's nose. "I'll be the best friend you've ever had."