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Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

I've never been to a military ceremony. I have no idea what to expect, I want to do everything right, oh, and Cole is going to be there in uniform. The urge to either throw up or run a mile fights for dominance as nervous energy shoots through my body. I have about twenty minutes before I have to leave. As I slip into a red linen sundress with a square neckline and wide straps, my phone starts vibrating on the bedside table. It's Luko.

"Hey, Luko," I say, breathless.

"Hey, come park at our place and we'll carpool to the ceremony. It'll be easier to drive you and Carson onto base."

"Carson?"

"Yeah, Cole's brother. We tried to get his whole family to show up and surprise him, but only Carson could come."

"Wait, I'm going to meet his brother?" I start sweating just asking the question.

"Yeah, I could have thought this through better." Luko pauses, like he's now seeing what I'm seeing, in big flashing lights. "Girl Meets Crush's Brother With Zero Warning." He clears his throat. "Actually, no, it's not a big deal. Be cool, Tia. It's not a big deal."

"Not for you!" I nearly shriek.

"Tia. He's chill. You'll like him."

"Luko—"

"See you soon."

After Luko hangs up, I run to the bathroom and press cold water to my face. I don't know what to think about meeting Cole's brother. I did not plan for this, this is a curveball. It takes a lot of deep breaths before I can look at myself in the mirror. But as I pull my hair into a small half-ponytail and re-blow-dry my bangs, swipe on some eyeliner, mascara, and lipgloss, I remind myself this is not about me. Nothing about this day is about me—it's about celebrating Cole and his accomplishment. I can do that.

The guys are already sitting in Luko's 4Runner with the windows down by the time I park, and surprisingly they're both in uniform. Denny is wearing a lighter green digital camouflage with flecks of black and tan and a brown ball cap with his ship's name on it, while Luko is in a flight suit and squarish-framed aviators.

"Hey, don't you have to wear a cover?" I ask him as I slide into the back seat.

"I can't believe you know that word," he says with a laugh. "You don't have to wear covers in cars."

"He's not wearing it out of respect for the female population," Denny chimes in, texting in the passenger seat. "They'd all faint if they caught sight of him in his full pilot glory."

A deep chuckle rumbles next to me. I jump, barely suppressing a squeak of surprise, and turn, making eye contact with a guy in the back seat. "Oh my goodness, I did not realize you were there."

"Hi, I'm Carson," he says, holding his hand out. He has gray-blue eyes, and unlike Cole, he has dark hair that curls above his collar and dips down across his forehead, and a trim beard that covers his jawline. He's dressed in dark boots, dark jeans, and a gray dress shirt that nearly blends into the seats of the car.

"Tia," I reply, shaking his hand. "You look nothing like your brother."

Carson laughs, and it's another subdued, deep chuckle. "Didn't he tell you? He got the recessive gene. Cillian and I both have dark hair, but Cole sticks out like a true golden boy. I used to tell him he's adopted."

Carson shows me the lock screen on his phone, and it's a picture of him with his arm around his mom, a darling short woman with a smile so big it nearly makes her eyes disappear and a long gray braid over her shoulder. Cole stands on the other side, with a tall dark-haired guy who looks fresh out of high school next to him. That must be Cillian.

"Wow, Cole really does look adopted," I say with a laugh.

"He's the perfect one for your painting though." When my eyes widen in surprise, Carson adds, "Oh, yeah, he told me all about that. How did it turn out?"

"Well…" I don't want to brag, but I'm also not going to sell myself short. It's a darn good painting. I pull out my phone and find the photo I took of the finished portrait on the easel. "It hasn't gone on display yet, so this is an exclusive sneak peek. Here it is," I say, passing Carson my phone.

He takes a long look at it, zooming in on different parts, then slowly says, "Wow. That is so good."

"Can I see? We haven't seen it yet," says Denny, turning towards the back seat. Carson passes the phone to him, and Denny goes wide-eyed. "Holy crap, Tia."

"Show me," says Luko. Denny holds up the phone for him, and Luko sneaks glances at it as he drives. "Damn."

My face is hot as Denny hands the phone back to me. "I'm lucky Cole agreed to do it. It was a big time commitment, and I know how busy he is." Absolutely no need to mention how much kissing ensued when it was done. I wonder if Cole's the kind of guy that would talk to his older brother about his crushes or keep them to himself.

"You're selling it, right?" asks Carson. "For how much?"

"A grand," I say, wrinkling my nose. It sounds like an exorbitant amount, but it's worth it.

Carson nods. "I mean, painting a picture like that can't be easy. And you have to support yourself, you know. How does someone buy it? Would it be listed online?"

"Yeah, it'll be on the gallery's website, and in the front window of the gallery on the island."

"It's so good. I feel like it shows Cole for who he is, the one who jumped out of the nest and forged his own path. We're proud of him and what he does."

"What do you do? Cole's told me a little about you guys and your mom, but he never mentioned it."

"I'm always doing something different every time I talk to him," he says with a rueful laugh. "Right now, I'm head of security for a local resort. Really, I do whatever brings in cash and keeps me local."

Denny turns in his seat to talk to Carson. "Are you ever going to go after that forest ranger job you were talking about?"

"Probably not," Carson replies, shaking his head.

"Dude, why not?"

"Just…you know. Family and all."

Denny shrugs, but his expression tells me there's more to this story.

"Cole also told me you helped him study for his pin," Carson says, deftly switching the focus back to me.

The rest of the drive, we talk about how much material Cole and I covered, how hard he studied, and how significant the pin is. Carson is easy to talk to, more reserved than Cole, but he shows genuine interest as we converse. He asks about me with some specific questions, and I give him a rough outline of my life. It doesn't feel like Cole's told him a lot about me, just enough for Carson to pick up some hints. I get the sense he planned each topic of conversation ahead of time, like checkpoints along a road map, and I find it endearing.

Once we park on base and hop out of the car, Luko unzips the upper pocket of his flight suit and hands something to Carson. "Here's the pin you're going to put on Cole's uniform. Usually, a parent or a spouse or mentor will do it, but I think Cole would want it to be you."

It's the famed FMF pin. I peer over Carson's arm as he studies it. "Pretty cool," he says, passing it to me so I can get a closer look.

Cole and I didn't go over the details of the pin design while we were studying, but I googled it later. It's a silver pin about three inches long and an inch wide. An eagle, a globe, and an anchor are layered together in the middle over two crossed rifles. A banner underneath says "Fleet Marine Force" and to each side is a design that is supposed to depict rolling waves folding over onto the sand.

It doesn't feel all that significant in my hand, but what it represents bears a lot of weight. When Cole wears this on his uniform, it shows the world that not only is he a Navy sailor, he is an asset to the Marine Corps. He'll join a long line of corpsmen known as "Devil Docs," and who knows what heroic deeds he might do in the future? Lots of corpsmen have been awarded the Medal of Honor.

I hand the pin back to Carson, and we all follow Denny as he scans the buildings around us. "Sand brown everywhere, and the number system makes no sense," he grumbles.

"There," says Luko, jutting his chin across the way to where some Marines in hunter green digital camouflage are starting to congregate.

I don't know what I thought a pinning ceremony would look like, but I didn't think it'd be something that takes place on a small courtyard of concrete outside a tan cinder block building. A picnic table sits off to one side across from a roped-off smoking area. I think we may be the only onlookers today.

A few dozen Marines in uniform have gathered, and I try to pick Cole out of the crowd. As we approach, a female with a perfect bun at the base of her cover marches out of the building with two other Marines. She yells a series of commands that has the milling group, including Cole, forming straight lines and rows, their hands fisted by their hips, eyes staring straight ahead, covers low on their foreheads.

"Stand off to the side with us," Luko says quietly.

"See him?" Denny whispers, pointing to the end of the back row as Luko takes a quick picture before putting his phone away.

It's hard to identify Cole in the sea of uniforms, but the second I do, my heart squeezes with pride.

He is fierce. He's not looking to the right or left, his eyes are focused straight ahead, and his neck is thick as he bunches his shoulders and stands at attention. His face is set and stoic. His folded sleeves make his arms look like they're made of iron.

It takes my breath away, seeing him in uniform, in this context. He's not showing up to a basic office and working a nine to five, he's a trained corpsman with a black belt and a dedication to something bigger than himself. Each of these Marines have chosen to serve in the military with the knowledge that they might be called on to sacrifice everything and Cole is a part of that warrior ethos.

"Personnel to be awarded, front and center, march," the female Marine calls out. Luko and Denny straighten up and stand at attention.

Cole leads a row of corpsman, turning on a dime and marching with precise steps and sharp corners to stand in front of the Marines in charge. His face doesn't flinch or show any emotion. If he sees Carson and me, he doesn't give any indication. He salutes the Marines in charge.

"Know ye all by these present that HM2 Cole Slaeden…" the female Marine shouts in a commanding voice, listing other names in addition to Cole's and making other statements, but it's hard to catch every word, "…has qualified as an enlisted Fleet Marine Force warfare specialist, Ground Combat Element."

A thrill goes through me. That's the coolest string of words I've ever heard. He did that.

"Personnel to pin the awardees, center, march."

Carson pulls the silver FMF pin out of his pocket and goes to stand square in front of Cole. He whispers a few words, brother to brother, as he fastens the pin on Cole's uniform.

It's official now.

I'm beaming ear to ear, but tears are threatening to fall, and my breath is shaking with overwhelming pride. This is so cool, so special, so unique. How am I even here, witnessing this? Nearly three months ago, I was in D.C., never dreaming anything like this would be part of my life. Now I'm getting emotional because this Navy guy that I'm so proud of and trying hard not to fall for is receiving a new pin for his uniform. Life is wild.

Cole and Carson give each other a tight nod, and Carson comes back to stand with us. The Marines in charge each shake Cole's hand and the last one presents him with his award certificate. I'm so intent on watching Cole's face that I may be the only one who sees his chin wobble.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry .

Cole and the other corpsmen march back to their row, and the Marine in charge gives the command, "At ease!" then finally, "Fall out!"

Cole turns towards us to see all four of us standing in a row—Luko, Denny, Carson, me—grinning our hearts out.

He goes right to Carson and falls into his arms. He stays there for a long time, his back shaking as he quietly cries. Carson squeezes him tight and slaps his shoulders a few times. "Dad is so proud, buddy," he says to his brother.

I wipe away a few tears of my own.

"Dude," Cole says, sniffling with a smile as he finally backs out of the embrace. "I was so shocked to see you."

Carson grins. "When Luko called me, I knew I couldn't miss it for the world. Mom and Cillian wish they could be here."

"Thanks, man. I'm so happy you're here. I've been wanting to call you all week and ask you to come, but I know you don't like to leave work, and the whole ceremony lasted like three minutes, I mean?—"

"Cole." Carson stops him mid-sentence. "We're proud of you."

Cole lets out a deep exhale, rubbing his hand across his face. His boots make him taller, and with his cover riding low over his eyes, he looks tough and handsome, and the traces of tears only make him more manly. I'm a little obsessed with him right now. Not a little. A lot.

When he finally turns to me, his eyes fixate on mine, and my stomach flips. My voice is shy as I say, "Congratulations."

He doesn't say anything, just wraps his arms around my waist and picks me up off my feet, taking my breath away, until we're eye to eye, nearly nose to nose.

"Dude, no PDA in uniform," Luko mutters.

"I'll break the rules for her," Cole replies, his brown eyes smiling back at me. He holds me in the air and then dips his head down to the curve between my neck and shoulder, his lips pressed against my skin for a long moment.

"Thank you, Tia. For everything," he whispers in my ear.

If he puts me down right now, I'm going to melt into a puddle. I keep hold of him, inhaling the scents of the laundered, waxed cotton of his collar, the natural smell of his skin, and a lingering hint of cologne. I cling to him.

"I'm so proud of you, Cole," I whisper back. I memorize everything about this moment. The pride, the love, the feel of his arms around me, his intoxicating scent.

This could be my future, if I was braver, and a little stronger.

He sets me down, but his hand lingers on the small of my back, warm and attractively possessive. It's only been since Sunday that I've seen him, but things have changed since then. Major life-altering things.

"Oh, I didn't get a chance to tell you yet! Our painting was accepted by the gallery."

"That's my girl," Cole says, with a grin that lights up his whole face. He looks around at where the other Marines are gathered, then he presses a quick kiss to my cheek. "Never doubted you."

Forget butterflies, forget melting into a puddle, forget any gentle analogy for being beset by feelings. Cole is like a glacier, slow but forceful, carving a new path through the mountains of my defenses, straight to my heart.

"Congrats, bro," says Luko, coming over and giving Cole a big, back-slapping embrace. "I love you." Denny joins in, and they make it a big three-man hug.

Carson asks someone to take a picture of us, and Cole gently steers me to stand alongside him, his arm around my waist. It's a small, attentive detail, but it means the world, and it leaves me with one life-altering thought.

Maybe this would all be worth it.

Later, Carson texts me the picture of all of us and I make it my lock screen background.

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