Chapter 23

Ophelia

Iawoke the next morning in my bed. Alex insisted on sleeping on the couch, and half of me wondered if he did that to prevent me from leaving in the middle of the night. I never considered that maybe he planned to escape while I slept. I shook off that fear when I heard the lawnmower rumbling to life below my bedroom window. When I peeled back the tattered curtains, I saw Alex in the backyard. He wiped sweat from his forehead as he leaned back, baring his shirtless chest to the sun. His skin glistened with perspiration. Even as my mouth watered for him, I could never forget the things he'd done to me.

But I also couldn't forget the things he'd done for me. He had a hold on me.

I got out of bed and slipped a robe over my cami and pajama pants. It felt so good to be in my own clothes again. I walked downstairs and made coffee like I hadn't been ripped from my routine and held captive until just the night before. I watched through the kitchen window as Alex tried to tame the jungle sprawling across our yard. He dug his heels into the earth and pushed the mower through the overgrown grass. His body flexed with the exertion, and I felt the need to hold my jaw in place so it wouldn't fall to the floor. He probably got ripped like that from hauling dead bodies, I thought, and it sent a shiver up my spine.

Alex snatched his undershirt from his pocket and wiped at his forehead. He turned off the mower and came inside. "Hey," he said as the door closed behind him. "You're gonna need a helluva lot more gas to tackle that lawn." He wiped his forehead again and sat down at the kitchen table. I grabbed a couple of mugs from the cabinet and poured fresh coffee into them. He liked it black. I preferred it with milk and sugar, but the milk had spoiled in my absence, so I did the best I could with the sugar. I set the cup in front of him, and he leaned over and inhaled the aroma. "Thanks."

I sat across from him and sipped my coffee. The sugar didn't cut the bitter taste, but I needed the caffeine. "Did you...take care of my father?"

He nodded and picked at the side of his thumb. "I handled it before the sun came up. Dropped by the neighbors' houses to cover our tracks too. They bought it."

We sat in silence for a moment.

"This is weird, Alex," I said into my mug.

"What is?"

"Us being together in my house. Talking about disposing of dead bodies and explaining to the neighbors why you burned the house down. Fucking weird."

"I figured it would be too much for you. I'll do what I can for some of the shit that's broken around here, then I'll leave you to it. You don't owe me anything, but if you can at least give me a head start before you call the cops, I'd appreciate it." He rose from the table and went outside before I could formulate a response.

Well, that escalated faster than I expected. I never even got the chance to explain what I was thinking. He just vomited his plan and left. What about my plan? What about what I wanted?

I ripped open the door and pushed my bare feet through the mangled grass until I found him bent over and tinkering with a pipe attached to the side of the house.

"You aren't leaving me here like this," I said, as firmly as I could muster.

"Like what?" he asked.

I struggled to find the words that would describe how I felt. "When I said things were weird, I didn't just mean the weird shit we've been through. I also mean these feelings I have that I can't rationalize."

He rose to his feet and walked toward me and stood close enough that I could feel the heat from his sun-warmed body. "What the hell are you saying?"

"I'm saying that despite everything, I fell for you, Alex. If I can push through my fear, so can you. Stop being afraid. Stop trying to run."

"How the hell could you fall for someone like me? It was easy for me to fall for you, but I hurt you. I really hurt you." He looked into my eyes and softened his voice. "Love has never been kind to you, has it, Ophelia?"

I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes and blurring his face.

"Love has always hurt you, huh?"

I nodded.

"Then why would you still chase after it? Why would you still want what hurts you?"

"If you want to leave because you can't see a life with me, I won't hold you back, but if you plan to leave because you can see a life with me, you're nothing but a coward. You're so focused on the pain you caused me, but you forget about all you've done for me. You fought so hard to keep me safe from Gunnir. To keep me alive. You killed your own brother to stop his assault. You killed my father to make sure he couldn't hurt me anymore. If you leave, you'll kill me too."

My words struck him in the face, and I was glad. I wouldn't let him pretend that leaving meant keeping me safe. He needed to know the truth. He didn't get to walk away because things were complicated and confusing. I wouldn't let him. Even as his fists balled at his sides and the frustration brewed behind his eyes, I wouldn't let him give up on this. Or himself.

* * *

Alexzander

I walkedtoward the front of the house and shivered as her words reeled through my mind. I killed my brother. I killed The Man. I killed her father. It was my hand that destroyed the monsters that lurked in the shadows. I even tried to kill the last monster, but the little lamb had dragged the big bad wolf from the burning building.

She followed me, cornering me just inside the front door.

I turned and gripped her shoulders. "What about all the things I did to you? How can you act like I didn't put you through hell?"

A tear ran down her cheek and dripped onto my hand. "Please don't ask me to explain why and how I've forgiven all you've done. I don't have the answers!"

She shrugged off my hands and stepped into me, only to lay blows to my chest. It hurt, but I deserved to feel some of her pain. All of it, actually. But no matter how much her anger fueled her, she could never hurt me in the ways I'd hurt her.

"Fuck you for being the source of my pain and my comfort!" she shouted. "Fuck you for becoming a friend instead of an enemy! I hate you for not killing your brother sooner. I hate that you're willing to leave me! Fuck you!"

"Please—"

"No! I'm not done." She let out a primal scream and thrust her fist into my gut, forcing the air from my lungs.

I bent over to catch my breath. Anger tightened my skin, but I wouldn't hurt Ophelia for hitting me. She'd figure shit out. She was stronger than anyone I knew, including myself.

She inhaled a sharp breath. "I hate you for making me fall for you. I hate that the thought of a life without you makes me fucking sick, because it should be the opposite. I should be glad you want to leave!" She stopped to catch her breath, and I didn't interrupt her tirade. I wanted her to get it all out, no matter how much the words hurt. "If you walk out that door, you're taking the only part of me that feels something. Haven't you taken enough from me?"

She tried to look away, but I gripped her chin and forced her to look at me. "Do you really think I want to leave? I don't, but you're better off without me and the painful memories between us. I want you to stay mine so fucking bad. I'm absolutely rabid for that. I'm ready to let you go because it means freeing you from all the hurt I caused you. But for some fucked-up reason, you want to stay mine."

Her lower lip quivered above my hand. She needed to understand what she was asking.

I took a step forward, forcing her backward until she met the wall. "Be careful what you ask for, O. Are you sure you want me to stay? If you say no, I'll get out of your life forever. You'll never have to worry about me waiting in the shadows. But if you say yes, you're saying yes to all that I am."

"I'm saying yes," she whispered.

My hand rose to her throat, and a whimper squeezed past her lips. I inhaled that sound, breathing it into my lungs. It felt so familiar and wrong, but I was still like Pavlov's dogs. I was still conditioned to salivate any time I heard it. "That sound still goes right to my dick," I growled against her lips. "Does that scare you?"

She shook her head. "Not anymore."

"You should always be a little afraid of me. I'm a Bruggar, after all."

She looked into my eyes, and I didn't see fear there anymore. I saw desire and need. I never thought she'd want to be with me once she got a taste of freedom again. A beautiful girl like her could have gotten anyone she wanted, but she was choosing the demon that lurked in her nightmares. The demon who became her nightmare. She somehow threw a cape on me in her mind and thought I had saved her from the horror I put her in.

My heart hammered against my chest, unable to comprehend what was happening.

"I know it's hard to understand," she said, "and I won't pretend you didn't break me, but you're also the one who put me back together again. Now you're the glue holding all those pieces in place."

I smirked at her words. "That's crazy to me because you broke me as well. Ripped me apart and let the light shine through the cracks. You didn't just put me back together, though. You rearranged everything before you did."

"That's why I'm not scared of you. Even if you take me like you used to, it wouldn't hurt like it once did."

My hand dropped from her throat and landed on her chest above her breasts. I felt the beat of her heart beneath my fingertips, calm and even. I breathed in her scent. "Remember when I made you come?" I whispered in her ear.

She nodded.

"I loved how you fought the pleasure until you couldn't anymore, and I realized how much I liked making you feel good. I liked what your pleasure did to me. How it humanized me." I brushed the hair from her forehead. "I don't know how to be what you need me to be, but I'm willing to try if you'll promise me something."

"What?" she asked.

"If I fail at this, if I fail to be good to you, you'll make me leave, okay?" I rested a hot hand on her cheek. "Promise me you'll make me leave."

"I promise," she whispered.

"This doesn't mean I'll fuck you gently. I'm still me. I'm still selfish, especially when it comes to your body. But if you say no, Ophelia, I'll try my damnedest to stop for you." I bit her lower lip as I lowered the front of her cami and gripped her breast. She moaned into my mouth, and the sound made me throb. I tugged down her shorts and kissed her as I freed my dick. I'd never wanted to be inside her more. Never wanted to feel heaven so badly.

"Alex," she whispered as my lips brushed against her neck.

I lifted her thigh, haunted for a moment as I remembered the last time I'd fucked her like this and how much horror had come after the pleasure. We both had memories that would plague us forever. We'd also found an escape from our torment.

With each other.

"I love you, Ophelia, and I refuse to let love hurt you this time."

She wrapped her arms around me and dug her nails into my back as I fucked her. "I love you, Alex," she whispered in my ear.

I stopped and looked into her eyes. "Tell me again."

"I love you."

I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and pushed inside her until I met her end. It wasn't enough. I couldn't get deep enough. I dragged her to the kitchen and bent her over the table, gripping her hips to give me more control over her perfect body. I leaned my weight over her and pushed within her, thrusting as deep as I could. She whimpered as I took her in such a familiar yet foreign way. Familiar because it was her but foreign because everything was free. Her decision to fuck me. My decision to stay. It was the first time I'd had a choice, and I knew it was the same for her. Somehow, she'd found freedom within captivity, but I found mine within her.