Chapter 33

33

A ll was chaos after that.

Emily took a step toward Adam to thank him for all he had done when dozens of guards poured into the walled garden.

Doughall and Theo arrived shortly afterward, and Adam was occupied for a few minutes as he explained what had happened and ordered the guards to remove the body from the castle.

Emily stood in the steadily falling rain, hardly able to believe that James was dead. She was finally free of him, but it felt like a hollow victory.

As Adam directed the men, she couldn't gather her thoughts, fear and worry obliterating everything else. Instead of relief, all she could feel was an unpleasant sense of loss.

It was only when Adam turned to her and saw her standing in the deluge that he frowned and walked toward her.

"Come to the stables—ye will be soaked through," he said gruffly as he turned to direct the others. "Guard the passage entrances. Theo, put a man on every one of them. That's how he got inside the castle!"

Theo nodded and sprinted away with five or six guards alongside him, and Adam pulled Emily toward the stables. He was so insistent that she nearly tripped over her feet as she was tugged beneath the canopy.

"Are ye hurt?" he asked urgently as she stepped away from him.

"Nay," she replied. "Are ye?"

"I'm fine. Ye are safe now."

His eyes held an intensity she had not seen before, but her mind was still in turmoil.

James was dead, and Adam had been able to protect her for the final time, but nothing between them had changed. Would he allow her to be part of his life now that he had almost died defending her, or was he determined to treat her as a stranger?

"Thank ye for savin' me," she said simply. "But what he said was true."

Adam frowned at her.

"This marriage isnae real, is it? Nae yet."

Steam was rising from him as though he had climbed out of a bath and straight into the cold air. Sweat ran down his arms, and his hair was plastered to his shoulders—he was every bit the warrior she needed, but he was not the man she wished him to be.

"We arenae really husband and wife, Adam. Neither of us wanted this marriage, and now Laura is avenged. She can come home, and ye can continue yer life as ye wanted—without a wife."

She waited, praying he would contradict her, that he would confess he no longer felt that way—that he needed her.

Instead, he stepped forward, backing her up against a wooden beam, his eyes dark and brooding. "And what do ye mean by that, lass?"

Emily's heart sank. "I mean, I will do as we always intended. I will return to me faither and braither. I willnae have to fear that James will come for me again, and ye can continue as before."

Tell me ye want me to stay.

"Is that what ye had planned all along?" he growled.

"Ye are the one who told me if we ended up married, we would live separately. Well, we dinnae have to live close to each other at all now. We can be miles apart. That might suit ye better."

Adam pushed against her, trapping her between the hard wood of the beam and his body. She could feel the heat of him as his scent surrounded her.

"I have just saved yer life, lass, and now ye choose to leave so soon?"

"I want a husband, Adam," she said softly. "I dinnae want to live in a castle with a stranger I barely see. I want a partner in me life, to share me life, and that isnae what ye want."

There was a long silence as she stopped speaking. Adam seemed to be studying her differently, and for a few seconds, hope flared in her heart that he might admit that he wanted that, too.

But then he stepped away.

Emily's chest was tight, her heart splintering into a thousand pieces as his walls came up, his expression stern as he shook his head.

"Ye dinnae ken what ye are askin' for. That isnae somethin' I can give ye."

Time was suspended between them. The bustle of the courtyard faded away, the sounds of the guards as they removed James's body diminishing to nothing.

So this is our goodbye . Why did I ever believe it could turn into something more?

"Then I am nae askin'," she replied sadly. "Thank ye for what ye have done today and for everythin' ye have done for me. Ye protected me, and ye helped me family. For that, I will always be grateful."

Her voice caught on the last word as she pictured her future in Wilkinson Castle, looking out over her lands, wondering what Adam might be doing. Perhaps in time, she would hear reports that he had finally taken a wife and forgotten about her completely.

It was a miserable idea.

Adam suddenly stepped forward, his hands around her waist as he pushed her back against the beam again, leaning down so that he could look her in the eye. He stared at her, almost in disbelief.

"I want ye to reconsider," he insisted. "We could be happy enough. Ye and I dinnae need a traditional marriage. We can be together as before. I ken ye like it here, Emily. Why must ye ask for somethin' I cannae give?"

They stared at one another for an endless second, and then Adam crushed her body to his, lifting her and capturing her lips with his own, driving his tongue into her mouth, desperate and urgent. The intensity of the kiss overwhelmed her, and her fingers clutched at his shoulders helplessly.

After what felt like an eternity, he pulled back, his eyes glistening in the darkness of the stables.

"I ken ye want me."

Emily felt the tears form at the back of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She gently pushed him away, keeping her composure. She didn't want them to part on bad terms, or with her raging at him.

Reluctantly, he let her go.

"That isnae enough," she said simply. "It could never be enough for me when ye shut me out of everythin' else in yer life."

She pulled away from him, lifting her skirts and swiftly walking away. As she returned to the castle, she passed Theo, who stood watching them sadly in the falling rain.

"Will ye ask a maid to attend me?" she asked stiffly. "I need to pack me things."

Adam watched her go, his gut clenching as she disappeared inside the castle. He left the stables, surrounded by flitting shadows as the guards went about their duties.

Although it was still early morning, the clouds had made everything look gloomy and gray as he walked through the gardens toward the cliffs.

He passed his father's statue, wondering what the late Laird would have made of his choices to date. He knew that his father would approve of vanquishing his enemies—he had done it all his life. But Emily was a puzzle that was more difficult to solve.

Adam had always longed for peace, and James's death brought him one step closer to that goal. He tried to convince himself that Emily's leaving was a good thing. It would allow him to pursue that aim again, and he would be able to throw all his energy into ensuring that his clan was as stable as it had ever been.

He walked across the tufts of grass and stones, eventually coming to a small oak door at the corner of the gardens which was partially covered by ivy. He shoved it open and then made his way out onto the edges of the cliffs.

The castle was set back a few hundred feet from the sheer drop, and Adam breathed in the fresh sea air, filling his lungs and trying to calm his thundering heart.

I want to go back inside and beg her to stay, and that is why I must stay away from her until she is gone for good.

He couldn't afford to let himself get caught up in this. Emily would be happier without him.

He scowled as he heard slow footsteps approaching from behind him—Doughall had followed him out. Adam was ten or so feet from the edge when his friend came up beside him. The rain was abating, but it still pattered on the ground before them.

"Yer wife is leavin', I hear," Doughall said evenly.

"I suppose ye have come out here to tell me I am a fool?"

Doughall scoffed. "Ye ken how I feel about marriage."

"Ye are the one who told me she was influencin' me. I should have never let her."

There was a long silence, and Adam's skin began to itch as he felt the weight of his friend's disapproval.

"Aye," Doughall said slowly. "I did say that. And perhaps I was right."

"Ye were. I can be a better laird without a woman cloudin' me judgment."

"Is that so?"

"It is."

"Without her, yer sister would still be missin'. Ye would still be fightin' Stewart. But because she agreed to yer mad plan, ye are the stronger for it."

"I am stronger because Stewart is dead."

"And why did ye kill him? Because of Laura or because of Emily?"

Adam opened his mouth to insist he had done it to avenge his sister, but the words would not form on his tongue.

"Ye were happy," Doughall said softly. "I havenae seen that frown on yer face since before the weddin'."

Adam shook his head, looking out at the wide ocean before him and refusing to believe his friend was right. For the past two weeks, all he had been focused on was Emily.

He thought of all the letters on his desk that had gone unanswered. He thought of all the work there was still to do, which he had barely considered since he had met her.

He clenched his jaw as the rain finally stopped, revealing a clear patch of blue sky above them. The sun came out, beating down on the sea.

"Ye're wrong," Adam insisted firmly. "I am better off alone."