Chapter 18

Chapter 18

It was Caroline who awoke first the next morning, just as the first rays of sun filtered through the curtains. For a few seconds she forgot where she was, but then she felt the warm body next to her and a contented sigh escaped her lips. Beside her, Sebastian slept on, his face relaxed and peaceful.

For a quiet moment, she just studied him, marveling at the way the morning light played across the planes and angles of his face, softening the usually stern lines. He looked younger, vulnerable in a way she had never seen before.

Almost of its own accord, her hand lifted to trace the curve of his cheek, the roughness of his stubble rasping against her palm. Sebastian's eyes fluttered open at her touch, hazy with sleep and something deeper, more primal.

"Good morning," she whispered, a shy smile tugging at her lips.

"Good morning, indeed," he rumbled, his voice rough with disuse. He caught her hand in his, turning his head to press a kiss to her palm, his tongue darting out to taste her skin.

Caroline shivered, heat pooling low in her belly at the sensation. Memories of the night before came rushing back—the slide of sweat-slicked skin, the gasps and moans of pleasure, the exquisite stretch and fullness as he moved within her.

As if sensing the direction of her thoughts, Sebastian's eyes darkened, his free hand sliding down to rest possessively on the curve of her hip. "Last night," he murmured, his thumb stroking maddening circles against her skin. "It was…"

Caroline felt her cheeks flush at the memory—and the idea of talking about it. "It was perfect," she finished, however, her eyes meeting his. "It was perfect, Sebastian."

A smile broke out over his face and he leaned down, capturing her lips in a searing kiss before rolling her beneath her in one smooth motion.

"Indeed, it was," he whispered gruffly. "But I believe in attempting to improve upon perfection."

Caroline could only look at him, breathless with desire. Was it proper? She could not help but wonder. It was daylight.

Then he pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss and all thoughts of propriety flew out of her mind as she opened her mouth for him, her hands caressing the skin of her back and her face flushing when she felt a hardness press against her thigh.

She gasped softly when Sebastian tugged at her hand and brought it down to his hardness. It was a rather strange sensation, though not an unpleasant one. Caroline looked at him with wide eyes, falling back against the pillows when his hand moved to caress the inside of her thigh.

A wanton sound escaped her lips when he entered her again. This time, it was different—as though he was made to fit her and she easily allowed him to move her legs to wrap around his waist.

She let out a surprised gasp when he sat up, bringing her body with his own.

"Move, Caroline," he whispered against her lips and she wasted no time before heeding his suggestion, their hips once again starting the dance of the ages. Caroline wrapped her arms around his neck as she lost herself in her husband's embrace.

Her breath came in quick gasps as they moved together and she felt the pleasure building in the pit of her stomach. Once more, she fell forward against her husband's naked chest and his arms wrapped around her as they lay down, a tangled mass of limbs.

"Oh, Caroline," Sebastian whispered, and his lips trailed a path from her neck to her lips. "I could never tire of you."

Caroline merely smiled as she found a pillow on Sebastians' chest, his fingers idly stroking through her hair. Never before had she felt so content, so utterly at peace. The worries, fears and insecurities that had plagued her since their wedding day now seemed to be a distant memory.

"I never knew," she whispered and his hand stilled the movements in her hair. "I never knew," she continued, "that it could be like this. My mother…" Her face flushed at the impropriety of mentioning her mother at a time like this. "She said it was a necessity," she explained clumsily. "She said that it was painful, but something that had to happen in a marriage and I thought…"

She sighed contentedly and looked up at him through her lashes. "Even in the books, the pleasure I'd read about… It sounded quite different than what she'd said, but this… oh, mere words on a page could never do it justice."

Sebastian laughed softly, his lips finding hers in another searing kiss. "I feel quite the same," he admitted with a heavy voice. "I do not think words could do what happened between us justice."

Caroline looked up at him, her eyes wide. "So do… do I… was I good enough?"

In answer, he pressed his lips against hers in yet another searing kiss. Only when he pulled away, did he speak, his voice soft.

"Caroline," he murmured, his voice soft. "You were perfect."

A grin appeared on her face at this and she sighed lazily, returning another of his soft kisses. Sebastian sighed deeply when the sound of the breakfast bell sounded through the chamber.

"I suppose I ought to work today," he muttered, his face pulled in a bit of a grimace. Caroline laughed softly and her eyes followed his figure as he stood, admiring the play of muscles beneath the skin of his back as he pulled on his shirt.

"Must I eat?" she complained with a stifled yawn. "I would much rather stay in bed a bit longer."

Sebastian laughed softly and moved towards the bed, taking her hand in his. "I'd be very happy if you'd eat with me," he murmured in a low voice. Caroline's face flushed at this and she grinned before she allowed him to pull her from the bed.

"Well if my husband asks, who am I to deny him?" She teased. Her skin flushed when she felt Sebastian's eyes on her bare form and she made a grab for a light green dress, pulling it over her head.

The spouses shared a bright grin and Sebastian took her hand in his as he led her down to the table. Only once she sat down, did Caroline realize just how hungry she had been. She kept sneaking glances at her husband through bites of food.

Sebastian too, she noticed, seemed quite unable to keep his eyes off her and this sent a comforting warmth to her heart. It was with disappointment that she saw him stand and he leaned over to press a quick, chaste kiss against her lips.

"I will be back as soon as I can," he promised softly and then he was gone, leaving Caroline alone at the breakfast table.

Perhaps today would be a good day to get a handle on the household, Caroline thought and she made her way to the kitchen with a dreamy grin.

"Good morning, Mrs. Hawkins," she greeted happily. "I was hoping we could talk a bit about the weeks menu's."

Menu's, she had decided, seemed rather safe—far safer, she thought, than ordering servants around. Mrs. Hawkins merely nodded at her suggestion and the two women moved to the dining room where Caroline moved to take a seat. They had barely started with the planning, when the footman Caroline recognized as George, entered the room.

"Excuse me, My Lady, Mrs Hawkins," the young man spoke hesitantly. "But there is a visitor at the door for Lady Casterbridge."

Caroline rose to her feet at this, a soft smile settling around her lips. She was rather certain that it was Martha who had come to visit and joy filled her very being at the thought of telling her friend that all was well.

"Thank you, George," she said softly. "You may send her to the drawing room."

George hesitated in the door, drawing a sharp look from Mrs. Hawkins.

"Lady Casterbridge gave an order, George," Mrs. Hawkins barked and the young man swallowed nervously.

"Yes, My Lady, yes Mrs. Hawkins," he said nervously. "It is Lord Pembroke who is visiting."

Caroline's eyes widened at this and she let out an irritable sigh. "Send him to the drawing room, George," she said simply and the footman nodded before leaving. Caroline made her way to the drawing room almost irritably, glancing at Mrs. Hawkins behind her.

"If you shall send us some tea, Mrs. Hawkins. I am certain it will be a quick visit."

She was not, however, truly certain of this and a frown furrowed her brow when Edward sauntered into the drawing room.

"Edward," she greeted coolly. "What on earth brings you here today?"

He had the grace to look slightly abashed, though there was a determined set to his jaw as he stepped fully into the room, taking a seat on the sofa across from her.

"I apologize for the intrusion, Caroline," he said simply, "But I need to speak with you rather urgently."

Caroline frowned at this, unease prickling along her spine. After their uncomfortable encounter at the ball, she had rather hoped to put some distance between herself and Edward in an effort to re-establish the boundaries of their friendship.

There was, however, a rather pathetic look on his face—quite like a dog that had been undeservedly kicked—and she found her resolve wavering.

"Very well," she said, sighing in resignation. "We can talk."

Edward looked at her gratefully and he reached out to take her hands. Caroline flinched slightly at the contact, then drew her hands from his grip.

"I know my being here is unorthodox and rather improper," he admitted, "But I could not stay away. I had to see you."

To her relief, Mrs. Hawkins chose that moment to enter with a tray of tea, giving Caroline a bit of a reprieve as she busied herself with the cups.

"I thought we settled matters quite clearly, Edward," she said evenly as she poured tea into the cups. "I am married now, and whatever feelings you may have harbored in the past are just there. It is vital that we move forward as friends—nothing more."

Edward shook his head impatiently, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I know that, Caroline. And I am trying, have tried… but it is not as simple as that. Seeing you with him… it pains me."

Irritation coursed through her at this. "Edward," she said coldly, "I am sorry if this is difficult for you, but you must try to see reason. I am Sebastian's wife and nothing will change that. What you are feeling, what you are saying… it is improper."

"You dare talk about improper," Edward shot, his voice fraught with bitterness. "Do you have any idea how utterly unfair it is to see you, the woman I love, trapped in a marriage of convenience? Shackled to a man who will never truly understand or appreciate you. How am I meant to simply smile and pretend that it is right, normal?"

Caroline stared at him with wide eyes, momentarily speechless in the face of such audacity. "Edward!" she let out at last. "You cannot say these things."

Edward held up his hands in a placating gesture, though there was a glint of something triumphant in his eyes. "Forgive me if I'd spoken out of turn," he said slowly, his voice measured. "But you must know that I only want what is best for you. I cannot bear to see you unhappy, settling for a pale imitation of the life you deserve."

"Stop, please," Caroline whispered and Edward sighed. "Alright," he relented, though a strange smile appeared on his face.

"Tell me how things are going with you—and your family?"

Caroline closed her eyes at this. "It is difficult," she admitted softly. "Beatrice and I have not spoken in quite some time."

At this, Edward leaned forward and placed a gentle hand on her wrist. "I am sorry. I cannot imagine how difficult that is—I know how much you and your sister love each other."

A sad smile flashed across Caroline's face and she lifted her chin. "She will come around," she insisted softly. "I am certain of it."

"I am sure she will… and I know that things between us are rather uncomfortable, but I must say… I am happy you still have me to talk to."

Caroline frowned softly at this, silently searching for words. "It is rather sad, I must say," Edward continued now, "that you cannot speak to your husband about these things. I would have wished for you a true partnership, a deep love… but now… well, I suppose it is what it is."

There was nothing Caroline could do but gape at him, her eyes wide. "Perhaps it is better this way," Edward said softly, his voice strangely cold. "You were forced into this union, so it is better for you to only spend time together when necessary. I have heard of Lord Casterbridge's reputation, and I know of his father's too—I am quite certain that he will soon find a mistress or two, and you will not be bothered by him, so…"

"Stop!" Caroline let out at last, her voice hoarse. "Don't say these things. It… it is not proper."

Edward tilted his head slightly at this, his brows contorted in an empathic frown. "Caroline, forgive me… but I am merely trying to help you. I want to prepare you for the reality of what your life will be—you cannot approach this union with naivety. You must know what to expect."

Caroline closed her eyes at this, her heart racing wildly in her chest.

Was this true? Would Sebastian take up a mistress and leave her to her own devices? Were the intimate moments they shared only fleeting?

"Men like him," Edward said now, his voice gentle as though he were placating a child, "They prefer women who are experienced in the ways of the world. Now I'd have been different, of course, seeing as I love you, but seeing as this marriage only exists to save you from scandal, you surely know that you cannot expect the same."

Caroline shook her head at this, her lips pursed.

"Stop this," she insisted softly. "I do not want to hear any more of it. You need… you need to stop this."

"I know you, Caroline," Edward insisted. "I know who you are and I know you want out of this marriage."

Caroline shook her head at this, a shocked laugh escaping her lips. Get out of this marriage?

The truth was that there was no way she could get out of this marriage. Did she want to get out of this marriage? A gentle smile appeared on her lips at this and she shook her head slowly.

No, she realized. She did not want out of the marriage. As unconventional as it was, as strange as it was… she was quite starting to enjoy her time with Sebastian.

Her face flushed at this thought. The way he'd held her this very morning, the soft kisses they shared, the way he'd looked at her…

She wanted this marriage, Caroline realized with a start. She wanted her husband and no one else would suffice.

A shadow filled the drawing room before she could verbalize this and Caroline turned to the door—where her husband stood, his expression dark.