Chapter 15

Chapter 15

To Caroline's surprise, her husband was already at home when she returned and she froze in the doorway when she saw him.

"I apologize," she started immediately. "I just… I wanted to see my family and…"

To her surprise, Sebastian merely smiled kindly. "Do not fret," he said simply. "Mrs. Hawkins prepared quite a lovely meal for us."

Guilt coursed through her as she followed him to the dining table. There was an array of dishes already spread out and she looked at him guiltily.

"I am sorry, Sebastian," she said again. "I should have had a hand in this and…"

"Caroline, stop," he interrupted her gently. "I have absolutely no problem with it if you choose to visit your family."

She wanted to share the disastrous visit with him, but instead she followed his lead and sat down—picking at her food, her appetite all but gone. She could feel Sebastian's eyes on her, his gaze direct and assessing. Caroline forced a smile to her lips, determined to put on a brave face, to hide the turmoil that raged within her.

Sebastian, however, was not fooled. He set down his fork after attempting a few bites at his own food, his brow furrowing in concern. "Caroline," he said softly, his voice gentle but insistent. "What's wrong? You seem troubled."

For a moment, Caroline considered brushing off his concern, insisting that she was fine. But the warmth of his touch, the sincere worry in his eyes, broke through her defenses, and she found herself spilling out the whole sorry tale—her ill-fated attempt at reconciliation with Beatrice, the harsh words exchanged between them.

"I thought that by marrying you, by taking the blame for the scandal, I could protect Beatrice, could smooth things over with my family," she said, her voice trembling with barely suppressed emotion. "But it seems I was wrong. Beatrice still hates me, and my parents... they're still so disappointed, so ashamed of me. I could see it in my mother's eyes, as much as she was helpful… things are different now."

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she blinked them back furiously, determined not to break down in front of her husband. But Sebastian only looked at her kindly, his eyes never wavering from her face.

"I am truly so sorry, Caroline," he murmured, his voice soft and gentle. "I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you, to feel so estranged from your own family. But please, don't blame yourself. You did what you thought was right, what you believed would protect those you love. That takes courage and strength, and I admire you for it."

At this, she looked up and for the first time she felt rather heartened. Perhaps even if they did not love one another, she could find an ally in him.

"Thank you, Sebastian," she whispered, her voice soft but sincere. "That means more to me than you could know."

At this, Sebastian flashed her a smile, a real smile that crinkle the corners of his eyes and made her stomach flip in a strange, yet not unpleasant way.

"You are welcome, my wife," he said softly. "And remember… no matter what happens in your family, you have me now. I am your family now and I will try to make you feel safe and less… alone."

Caroline's heart skipped a beat as their eyes met, her entire body suddenly feeling hot. There was something about the crinkle of his eye and the curl of his lips that had her breath racing.

"Shall we have some tea?" he asked as he stood, and Caroline nodded quickly, almost jumping to her feet in her haste to spend more time with him. His hand brushed lightly against her wrist as they made their way to the drawing room and she shot him a quick look.

To her surprise, he sat next to her as they drank their tea. A comfortable silence settled between them, but despite the lack of conversation, Caroline was overly aware of her husband next to her. The smell of pine still clung to him and when she looked up at him, her heart jumped to her throat.

For the first time, she noticed specks of gold in the green of his eyes and her lips parted when he looked down at her.

Sebastian's eyes moved from her eyes to her lips slowly and Caroline's breath hitched in her throat. What would it be like, she wondered, if he pressed those lips against hers? Would his kiss be soft and tender, or would it be hungry as it had been in her dream?

Her cheeks flushed at this and she rose to her feet quickly.

"If you'll excuse me," she muttered quickly, "I am quite exhausted."

She rushed out at his nod, leaving half a cup of tea behind in her haste to get to her bedchamber. Once there, she took care to choose the most beautiful nightdress in her cupboard. She loosened her hair slowly, catching a glance of her reflection in the mirror.

He would come tonight. She was sure of it, and she'd be ready for him.

Her eager waiting, however, turned out to be fruitless. Once again, as the hours ticked by and the manor settled into slumber, Sebastian did not come to her room. Caroline lay awake, staring at the canopy of her bed, her mind churning with doubts and insecurities. Did he not desire her after all? Was Beatrice right about him seeing their marriage as a mere obligation?

Sleep eluded her for most of the night, and when she finally drifted off, her dreams were plagued by shadowy figures and taunting whispers, leaving her exhausted and on edge come morning.

She needed advice and guidance, Caroline realized when her husband was quick to mention work and ride off. Not advice about how to run a household, in fact not even advice her mother could give—much less Mrs. Hawkins. Usually, she mused sadly, she'd talk to Beatrice about this. But as it stood, her sister was not at all eager to talk to her and so she made her way to the White Estate, where she was greeted with warmth by the footman.

"Would you call Lady Martha for me please?" she requested swiftly. "Tell her Lady Caroline is here."

The man nodded and quickly disappeared. Within seconds, Martha was downstairs and the friends shared a quick hug.

"So," Martha asked as they sat down in the drawing room. "What brings you here, my newlywed friend?"

Caroline sighed at this. "I am worried, Martha, and I find myself at a loss of what to do. I… I want to be a good wife, but…"

She closed her eyes and sighed. It was awfully improper to talk about such matters, but she could not keep it in.

"Sebastian does not come to me at night," she admitted at last, her voice small. "Beatrice… she said awful things when she found out. That I was a burden, that I was his second choice and that he'd find his pleasures somewhere else. Oh, Martha, I do not know what to do."

Martha listened patiently, her brow furrowed in thought. When at last Caroline fell silent, she reached across the table to clasp her friend's hand, her eyes warm with understanding.

"Darling, Caroline," she said at last, shaking her head. "Perhaps you are misinterpreting this. From what you've said yourself, Lord Casterbridge seems like an honorable man, like a gentleman. Perhaps he is simply trying to give you time to adjust to your new role as his wife? Neither of you expected this match and he might be waiting until you are ready."

Caroline blinked, rather taken aback by this suggestion. It would be unheard of in the ton to do this, and even if it were to be expected… she had been so consumed by Beatrice's awful words that it was impossible to consider.

"I do not know," she admitted at last, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. "Perhaps it is possible, but what if you are wrong? What if he truly does not want me? What if he is disappointed with his second choice and he does not desire me in the slightest?"

Martha lifted her chin, her expression determined. "Then you simply must make him want you, Caroline," she announced, as though it were easy. "You have read more than enough books, have you not? Any man would be lucky to have you as his wife and if Lord Casterbridge cannot see that, it is up to you to show him what it is that he is missing."

Caroline's heart raced at this prospect, and a thrill of excitement rushed through her. Could she do it? Could she seduce her own husband? Make him burn for her the way she'd read about so often?

She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. "You are right," she declared, her eyes gleaming with determination. "I shall not let Beatrice's words haunt me any longer. I am Lady Casterbridge now and I will make my husband desire me."

Martha grinned at this and she nodded eagerly. "And," she said, her voice practically trembling with excitement. "You have the perfect opportunity. Certainly you are invited to the Boldwood ball next week?"

"We are," Caroline admitted hesitantly. "But we haven't spoken about going."

"Nonsense," Martha declared, her voice eager. "You must attend—and you will show your husband how desirable you really are."

To Caroline's delight, her husband was quite eager to attend the ball and though it pained her that he still did not visit her room, she found it easier to be patient.

The evening of the ball came faster than she had expected, and as she stood in her bedchamber, dressed in a deep crimson gown, she was rather excited to make her debut as Lady Casterbridge.

She made her way down the stairs slowly, suppressing a grin when her husband's eyes widened appreciatively.

She knew that her skin looked particularly fair against the crimson gown, and Prudence had styled her hair in an elegant coiffure, with tendrils curling artfully around her face. Sebastian stepped forward when she reached the bottom of the stairs, a delicate necklace glittering in his hands.

"For you," he said simply as he fastened it around her neck. Caroline's breath hitched in her throat when his fingers brushed against her skin before he stepped back.

"You look absolutely breathtaking," Sebastian murmured and Caroline looked up quickly at his tone. There was a rough, low edge to his voice and it sent a shiver down her spine. "I am truly a lucky man to have you by my side tonight," he said before offering her his arm.

Emboldened by his clear admiration, Caroline looked up at him through lowered lashes and a coy smile played around her lips.

"I am quite the lucky woman too, to have you by my side," she purred and laid a hand on his arm. Her heart sped up slightly as she felt the warmth radiating form his skin. "I only hope I can be a worthy wife for you. In every way."

His eyes darkened at her words, the air between them crackling with sudden tension. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he lowered his head, his lips hovering a mere breath from hers. Caroline's eyes fluttered closed, her body thrumming with anticipation...

And then his mouth was on hers, warm and firm and achingly gentle. She melted into the kiss, her hands sliding up to twine around his neck, fingers threading through the silken strands of his hair. Sebastian's arms came around her waist, pulling her flush against the hard planes of his body as he deepened the kiss, his tongue stroking against hers in a dance that left her breathless and aching.

It was a long moment before they parted, both of them flushed and panting. Sebastian rested his forehead against hers, his eyes glinting with a heat that made her toes curl in her slippers.

"We should go," he rasped, his voice strained with desire. "The carriage… the carriage is waiting."

Caroline could only nod, not trusting herself to speak. As much as she longed to stay here in his arms, to explore whatever it was that was growing between them, she knew that they had an obligation to fulfill.

As they made their way towards the carriage, Sebastian took her hand in his own and Caroline could not help the smile that bloomed across her face. For the first time since their wedding, she felt a true sense of hope for their future: a belief that perhaps this marriage could bring her a sense of fulfillment.

Now all that remained was to convince the rest of the world—and her husband—of that truth.