Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Where Sebastian sat at the breakfast table, his eyes focused on the plate in front of him, his mind was far from the food Mrs. Hawkins had so carefully prepared. His thoughts kept drifting to the woman seated across from him. His new wife.

She was tense—that much was obvious. Her movements were stiff as she delicately cut into her food. Something was off, but he could not quite put his finger on what it was. Could it be that he had grossly overstepped when he kissed her the way he did?

The food turned to ash in his mouth as he chewed, his eyes finding hers once more. There was no denying that Caroline Wentworth—Fairchild, he mentally corrected himself—was beautiful. Her skin was fair like porcelain and her blonde hair shone like spun gold. Not for the first time, he wondered what it would feel like to muss up her perfectly coiffed locks in throes of passion, to press his lips against the porcelain column of her throat… Despite her obvious beauty, however, her brow was furrowed into a frown and her pink lips were pursed as if she were deep in thought.

Sebastian cleared his throat and pushed his plate forward slightly. "Caroline," he began, his voice gentle. "Is everything alright? You seem a bit... preoccupied this morning."

Caroline's eyes snapped up to meet his, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. "Oh, no, I'm fine," she said quickly, forcing a smile. "Just still getting used to all of this, I suppose."

Sebastian nodded in understanding. "Of course. It's a big adjustment, I know. But I want you to feel at ease here, Caroline. This is your home now, too."

Impulsively, he reached across the table and his hand came to rest lightly on top of her own. He could see that the contact startled her. Her eyes widened and she gasped softly. Though he did not show it, Sebastian too felt a spark of lightning run through him at the touch of her soft skin. A sudden warmth spread to his stomach, and he was sure that his heart sped up the slightest bit. He withdrew his hand quickly, unwilling to make her feel uncomfortable.

"I thought perhaps today you could spend some time with Mrs. Hawkins and the rest of the staff," he suggested, trying to keep his tone light. "Get to know the household a bit better, learn the routines. I have some business to attend to in town, but I'll be back by dinner."

Caroline nodded quickly and her eyes dropped back to her plate. "Yes, that sounds like a good idea," she murmured.

An awkward silence fell between them again and Sebastian returned his attention to his plate. As he diverted his own eyes from his wife, he could feel Caroline's gaze on him, could sense the questions she wanted to ask but held back. He could not help but wonder if she thought at all about his decision to leave her alone on their wedding night, if she was questioning what kind of husband he would be.

But how could he explain it to her? How could he tell her that he wanted to give her time, to let her adjust to this new life before thrusting the full weight of marital duties upon her? That he didn't want to force her into a physical relationship she wasn't ready for, especially given the unconventional nature of their union?

He had considered it of course—going to her and fulfilling his husbandly duties, but he wanted to give her time to get used to the idea. The way she had spoken had told him how inexperienced, how innocent she was.

Sebastian sighed at this thought. He had never expected his marriage to be one of love and passion. He knew his place, and the role he was meant to play. And while he found Caroline intriguing and undeniably attractive, he also knew that as a man of his station, he had certain... freedoms that she did not.

It was not uncommon for men in his position to seek pleasure and companionship outside the marital bed. His own father had a string of mistresses, and it was an open secret among the ton. As long as discretion was maintained and no scandals erupted, it was simply accepted as the way of things.

Sebastian had no intention of flaunting such indiscretions in Caroline's face, of course. He would be a faithful and attentive husband in public. But in private... well, he was not quite certain that he was willing to sacrifice the life he had grown accustomed to.

Still, as he looked at Caroline now, he couldn't help but feel a stirring of something that rather intrigued him. There was a spark in her, a fire that drew him in like a moth to a flame. He was certain that she held a passion in her, a passion she'd denied all her life and once given the opportunity to explore it…

But that would come with time, he told himself firmly. For now, he needed to focus on his duties, both as a husband and as a viscount.

As he rose from the table, Sebastian gave Caroline a small bow. "I'll leave you to your day, then," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "I hope you find everything to your liking, and that you feel welcomed by the staff. If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask."

Caroline stood as well, smoothing her skirts with slightly trembling hands. Sebastian couldn't help but notice that she'd hardly touched her food. "Thank you, Sebastian," she said softly, her eyes meeting his briefly before darting away again. "I'm sure I'll be quite content."

Sebastian could only nod. A curl had escaped from her updo and he suppressed the urge to reach out and tuck it behind her ear, let his fingers linger on her soft skin. Instead, he turned abruptly and strode from the room, his jaw clenched with the effort of restraint.

He was quiet as he got into the carriage, his mind constantly returning to his wife. He could not help but picture her moving through the house. He hoped that she'd win the staff over. Of course they wouldn't be rude at all—they'd do their jobs, but he wanted them to like her. She was his wife after all.

His wife.

Not for the first time, he found his mind drifting to what it would be like to truly make her his wife in every sense of the word. To worship her body with his hands and mouth until she cried out his name in wanton ecstasy. He wondered what she'd look like with her golden hair mussed up and her eyes glazed over with satisfaction.

Sebastian shook his head, trying to banish the treacherous thoughts. He had business to attend to, duties to fulfill. He could not afford to be distracted by fantasies of his new bride, no matter how alluring they might be.

The carriage came to a halt in front of his office and Sebastian wasted no time, throwing himself into his work almost mindlessly. He'd always rather liked having something to do—but today his work became a lifeline, saving him from thoughts and fantasies of his wife. As such, he managed to get to a lot: meeting with his steward, reviewing the latest crop yields and discussing plans for improving irrigation in the fields. He consulted with his solicitor on a land dispute with a neighboring estate, poring over maps and deeds and contracts until his eyes blurred. He even endured a tedious luncheon with a group of fellow lords, nodding along to their self-important chatter while his mind wandered back to Casterbridge Manor... and the woman who now resided there as its mistress.

Despite his best efforts, Sebastian found it impossible to keep Caroline from his thoughts entirely. Simmering beneath the surface was that undeniable pull of attraction, the memory of her soft skin beneath his fingers, the enticing curves of her body. He knew it was wrong to dwell on such things—knew that he should focus on building a foundation of respect and friendship with his new wife before even considering anything more.

But as the day wore on and the sun began to sink towards the horizon, Sebastian found his resolve weakening. He was only a man, after all, and Caroline was a beautiful, intriguing woman. Was it so wrong to want her, to desire her as a husband desires his wife?

Perhaps, he thought as the working day drew to a close, a walk would do him well—he needed to clear his mind, for thoughts of Caroline haunted him, clung to him like the sweet orange blossom smell that hovered around her.

As Sebastian made his way through the bustling streets of London, his mind remained firmly fixed on Caroline. He couldn't shake the thoughts of their wedding night, of the way she had looked at him with those wide, innocent eyes. He wondered what it would be like to truly make her his, to introduce her to the pleasures of the marriage bed.

Would she be shy and timid, trembling beneath his touch? Or would the passion he sometimes glimpsed in her come to the surface, making her eager and responsive in his arms? He thought of the books she had mentioned, the scandalous novels she and her sister had giggled over. Had they stirred desires in her, given her a taste of what to expect?

Sebastian shook his head, trying to clear the treacherous thoughts. It was too soon, he reminded himself. He needed to give Caroline time to adjust, to become comfortable in her new role as his wife. He would not pressure her or make demands, no matter how much his body might clamor for her.

Lost in his musings, Sebastian hardly noticed the familiar figure approaching until she was nearly upon him. "Why Lord Casterbridge," a sultry voice purred. "What a pleasant surprise."

He looked up at the sound and lifted a brow. Lady Amelia Blackwood, one of his past paramours, stood in front of him, smiling coyly. She was beautiful as ever, with her dark hair perfectly coiffed and her dress clinging to her ample bosom. As she stepped closer and ran a gloved hand across his arm, Sebastian was surprised when he felt none of the usual spark of attraction.

"Lady Amelia," he greeted politely, stepping back to put some distance between them. "I trust you are well?"

"Oh, I'm quite well," she said, her red lips curving into a knowing smile. "But I must say, I was rather disappointed not to have seen you of late. I had thought perhaps we might... renew our acquaintance. You always have been by far my most skilled paramour."

Sebastian lifted a brow. Subtlety was never Lady Amelia's forte. But to his surprise, he felt only discomfort at the idea. In the past, he would have been more than happy to take her up on her offer, to lose himself in the pleasures of her experienced body. She too, for all her talk about him being a skilled lover, was quite skilled in affairs of the bedchamber. But now... for some reason, when he compared Amelia to Caroline, the former seemed lacking in a way he could not explain.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible, Lady Amelia," he said firmly. "As you may have heard, I am recently married."

Something flickered in Amelia's eyes, a brief flash of surprise he supposed. It was not unheard of in the ton to have men deny their marriages, or ignore them completely. "Of course," she said smoothly, withdrawing her hand. "How foolish of me. I wish you and your bride every happiness, My Lord. If you change your mind…" she leaned a little closer to him and lowered her voice. "Your wife does not have to know that you have other places where you can fulfill all the desires that makes a good wife blush."

With a swish of her skirts, she was gone, leaving Sebastian alone with his thoughts once more. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Of course the idea was tempting and there was a part of him that considered engaging in the odd temptation now and then… After all, Amelia was skilled, enthusiastic and quite adventurous… but a greater part of him was determined that he would not follow in his father's footsteps, taking mistresses and breaking faith with his wife.

Still, the restless energy hummed through his veins, the need to do something, to escape the confines of his own mind for a while. On impulse, he turned his steps towards the home of his old friend, Lord Nathaniel Wellington. If he was not mistaken, Nathaniel had recently returned from France. The other man had always been a good listener, quick with a joke or a bit of sage advice.

As he approached the familiar townhouse, Sebastian felt a sense of comfort wash over him. Yes, a chat with Nathaniel was just what he needed. A chance to unburden himself, to seek the counsel of a trusted friend. With a renewed sense of purpose, he climbed the steps and reached for the knocker, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead.