Chapter 26

Twenty-Six

Will

The sun rose high and bright over the New Mexico desert the next morning, shining into Will's eyes as he got into the passenger seat of Jacob's car for the final time of the trip. He and Jacob climbed in wordlessly and set off for the last leg of the journey together.

Will had gotten enough sleep, but didn't feel well rested at all. He hadn't been able to hold back tears the previous night by the pool, so had gotten up to go back upstairs alone. It didn't help that he had been drinking, which used to always make life seem more fun. But Will was realizing that sometimes if he was sad, alcohol only made it worse.

He had gone upstairs and tearfully tried to sketch, but nothing would come out, nothing would look right. When flipping through the pages he had stopped on the one of Jacob, and after it made his tears only come on stronger, he had ripped it out and thrown it away. He figured he wasn't going to need another reminder of a guy that got away, a guy that hadn't cared enough for him.

The thing is, Will knew that what Jacob was doing wasn't malicious. He could tell that Jacob did have feelings for him, but they just weren't strong enough to overcome his desire for a standard life, a life that Jacob had always imagined living with another woman. But that made it almost hurt worse. Because Jacob clearly was capable of caring for Will, he had given him a taste of what life could be like if the two of them were together, only to have that door slammed shut in his face soon after.

So, looking out into the morning sun through the passenger side window yet again, Will was almost glad that Jacob was dropping him off in Phoenix later that day. Will wasn't able to clear his head when they were constantly together. But maybe once he was alone in Arizona, he could finally be able to move on.

Jacob drove in silence, and Will was glad for it. He brought out his sketchbook and doodled in it for hours, not drawing anything of substance, just needing relief from the monotonous desert roads they drove through.

Will was surprised when he looked up to see Jacob exiting the freeway, just before the Arizona border.

"We're already halfway there?" Will said, clearing his throat after realizing it was the first thing he'd said all day.

"Yeah. We're just about to enter Arizona," Jacob replied.

They stopped to fuel up the car and eat in a small diner that served Mexican food. As he browsed the menu, Will realized that he knew exactly what Jacob was going to order before he even said anything, and the thought made his heart ache. I've gotten to know Jacob so well, so quickly, and after today none of that will matter , Will thought, biting his lip as he looked down at the menu.

They ordered, and Jacob did get exactly what Will had predicted. After the waitress left, Will couldn't help a sad smile from appearing on his face.

"Hmmm?" Jacob said, looking at Will, confused as he took a sip of his drink.

Will sighed audibly, drumming his hands on the table in nervousness. "Oh, nothing, Jacob. Just realizing that it's finally here. The end of the trip. Not just this one, this insane thing we've been doing for the past couple weeks. But also all of it: school, college. I've been pushing it out of my mind using any means necessary for… I don't know how long. But it's here," he said, looking down at the table, and then out at the desert landscape through the window.

Jacob cleared his throat. "I know… It's okay, though, Will. I know you'll get through. You're too good not to. You'll find your way," Jacob said.

"Yeah, I know. I've been nervous, so scared of this, for so long. But now that it's here, I actually feel okay. My head is clear. Maybe you were right to move cross-country, get a fresh start. Because right now, a fresh start sounds incredibly good," Will said, still staring out the window.

He looked back at him, and his eyes met Jacob's big brown ones, blinking behind his thick, dark eyelashes. "Even though… even though this isn't going to… go anywhere after this trip, I'm still glad it happened. I'm still glad we met."

Will smiled at him, and he saw Jacob swallow and look down at his hands in his lap. Will hoped he hadn't made him uncomfortable, but soon the waitress came and gave them their lunch, and they started eating, quiet for most of the rest of lunch.

Will drove the rest of the way back to Phoenix. Once they got within two hours of the city, all the familiar sights from his childhood popped up around them: saguaro cacti, ocotillo, mesquite trees. The mountains rose in the distance and grew larger as they drew nearer and nearer to the city. Will felt both a familiar sense of home and an apprehension of what was coming next.

Before he knew it, Will was pulling up to his house, the house his parents lived in and he would be living in again. He pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition.

He turned toward the passenger seat, the golden sunlight pouring in through the windows and casting Jacob in a slight shadow.

"I'm gonna miss you, Will," Jacob said, speaking first.

"Yeah. I'm gonna miss you too," Will said. He was upset, but after having cried the previous night, he felt stronger. He knew it was the right thing to do, to say goodbye to Jacob. He knew Jacob wanted a different path in life, and he fully accepted that.

Jacob pulled in a shaky breath, and Will realized that at this point, Jacob might have been having a harder time than Will even was. He tried to joke to ease the tension.

"Hey, don't be so down, Jacob! I know the desert is hot as hell, but you'll be in San Diego in no time!" Will said, trying to crack a smile.

Jacob finally laughed, shaking his head. Will thought he saw a small tear fall from Jacob's eye, but soon after, Jacob got out of the car, stepping outside to make the switch to the driver's seat when Will left. Jacob would be staying in a motel somewhere in Phoenix for the night, then driving the rest of the way to San Diego tomorrow.

Will took a deep breath and exited the driver's side. He opened the trunk of the car, pulling out his backpack and suitcase, and put them by the door of his house.

He walked back to the car, where Jacob was standing by the driver's side door. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and he leaned up against the car, looking out at Will.

"Alright, c'mon," Will said, and held out his arms for a hug. Jacob managed a small smile and returned his hug. Will was enveloped by Jacob's familiar scent as they hugged, something that he knew he'd never forget as long as he lived. But he was trying to be strong, trying to power through saying goodbye without breaking down.

He expected the hug to be short, and for Jacob to be on his way. But he held on, and kept holding. But it was cut short when another car pulled into the driveway, one that Will immediately recognized to be his mother, coming home from work. They let go of each other and Will saw that Jacob's lips were pressed tightly together, as if he was trying to hold back his emotions.

"I've gotta go, Jacob," Will said, attempting a smile and giving a little wave. "See ya," he said, and he saw Jacob wave back before he turned and got into the car.

Will turned to his mom's car as she got out, waving after Jacob.

"Hi, mom," he said, going up and giving her a hug.

"That your friend?" his mom said, watching as Jacob's car drove away, becoming smaller and smaller on the horizon. "He could have stayed for dinner," she said, grabbing her purse from the car.

"Nah, that's okay. He's got somewhere else to be."

Will went inside and caught up with his mom, eating dinner with his parents once his dad returned home as well. It was only about an hour into the night when his mom started in with her familiar comments about Will's job prospects, bringing up one of her favorite topics: how she thought it was a terrible mistake that he had been an art major at all.

Perfect way to begin my fresh start, getting berated by my mother , Will thought after dinner, as he went upstairs, dragging his backpack and suitcase up to his room.

He sat at his desk for ten minutes, frustrated, and wondered if he really did make a mistake being an art major. What did he have to show for it? A degree that was stuffed away in one of the boxes he had shipped home, and little else.

He opened his laptop, angry and determined. He opened the alumni website from his college, looking immediately for the job listings page. He opened every single one that was even remotely related to the arts, and even some that weren't.

Suddenly, Jacob's cheesy advice from days earlier popped into his head. " The best is yet to come… ." Will had laughed at it when he'd said it, but sitting alone in his room at his parents' house, he had no other option. He applied to jobs all night, and couldn't believe it when he looked at the clock and saw that it was 1:15 in the morning.

He closed his laptop, taking a breath in. " Are you still up? " he texted Maya, knowing that she could be a night owl too. A minute later, he got a reply: " Sry love, I'm with Sarah! Love you Will xoxo ." At once he felt so happy for Maya and so envious of what she had. Just days ago, the four of them had gone out together, and Will had given himself completely to Jacob. And now, here he was.

He went to the bathroom and then returned to his bed. The room was empty and silent. He thought of Jacob, who was still in the same city but may as well have been 3,000 miles away again. He got under the covers and finally allowed his tears to come again, after he'd held them back all day.