17

Age 15

I don't mean to do it. I promise I don't.

But something in me just snaps.

Andsuddenlymy foster father's body is at the bottom of the stairs.

I'm staring down at my own hands. A minute ago, Harvey was advancing on me, his breath stinking of whiskey, his eyes filled with something that I'dnever seen before.

He beats me most nights. But tonighttherewas something even more sickening than his usual rage in his eyes. It looked like hunger.

You look all grown up, Ava.

Seconds ago, my handswere gripping onto his shirt and then pushingaway with all my might.

My eyes focus on his motionless form. His neck is twisted at a weird angle. A trickle of blood is flowing from his head, slowly pooling around him.

"Ava?"

I hear Lily's quiet voice from the other room. I'm suddenly super conscious of just how young she sounds. Like I suddenly aged ten years in the lastminute,while my foster sister is still a kid.

"Don't come out here!" I yell back at her, my voice ragged. "Wait there!"

Harvey is dead. I pushed him.

I'm a killer. A murderer.

But the worst part of all is that I feel so damn good. I feel invincible.I feel likeI could pushhimdown these stairs a hundred times over.

Because now I'm free.

He'll never hurt me again. I made myself strong. Strong enough to break free of his cruel, ugly hands. I made surehe'd never hurt little Lily like he hurt me.

I killed a manandI liked it.

Guilt crashes down on me as the joyful feeling drains from my body.

I killed a man. And I liked it.

Sick anxiety floods me.

He was right. I am broken. No good girl would ever do that. I should have found another way out.

He was puredisgustingevil, and he went too far tonight. But what does it make me if I ended alife,just like that?

I slowly walk to the kitchen and pick up the phone from the counter. My heart is racing, but I know the lies Ineed totell.

I heard a thud.Hemust have tripped. I found him lying there.

Yes, I guess he wasa goodfoster father.

Yes, he drank lots of whiskey. Every single night.

Yes, I'm sad.

And the biggest lie of all:

Yes, I'll be okay.

I dial 911. As the phone hums against my ear, I make myself a promise.

Just like Lily likes to say. Pinkypromisetimes a million billion.

Never again. I'll spend the rest of my life making this right. I just bought my freedom from Harvey, but there was a cost.

Now I know there's something dark and angry inside my heart. Now I know what it's capable of.

But I promise, promise, promise I'll never let it out again.