Chapter 52

52

ROAN

W e moved to the living room and settled onto the couch. Alaina looked at me expectantly. I knew it was time to lay everything out on the table. I hoped she didn't take offense to what I needed to say, but I wanted to be honest.

Beau moved from the fireplace to sit at Alaina's feet. She reached down and rubbed his head before leaning back and looking at me. "What's going on?" she asked.

"I've been thinking about us," I began, taking her hand in mine. "I'm on the fence about telling Rafe about this. It has nothing to do with you, Alaina. I want to be with you, that's clear. But Rafe is nine, and it's been just the two of us for as long as he can remember."

Alaina squeezed my hand gently, her eyes filled with understanding. "I get it, Roan. You don't want to upset him when things start changing."

"Exactly," I said, relieved that she understood. "He's already had to adjust to so much. I don't want to throw him into something new and uncertain without thinking it through."

"Has he said something to you?" she asked softly.

I shook my head. "Definitely not. He obviously likes hanging out with you. I'm just worried the changes might be a lot for him. He has come a long way in such a short time. It's really a miracle. He has made a complete turnaround. I'm worried this might be the thing that is too much."

"I understand." She nodded. "He's in a new house, which is always a big deal in a little one's life. Add in a new city, a new school, and new people in his life and it is a lot for a kid."

"So, you don't think I should see you?" I asked with surprise. I was hurt. Was she dumping me before we really got started?

"No, I'm saying I understand your concerns. I get it. I'm not arguing with you."

"So, we shouldn't tell Rafe?" I asked.

"I'm not saying that." She smiled. "I have some advice, based on what I know about kids Rafe's age and Rafe in particular. Since I spend all day with him as his teacher, I've gotten to know him pretty well. He's a smart kid and probably a little more mature than most kids his age."

"I'd appreciate any advice you have," I said, grateful for any help. "I just want to handle this the best way I can for him."

This was why I wanted another parent in this scenario. Someone that understood. We could bounce ideas off each other. I wasn't a perfect parent. I didn't know what I was doing. I needed help.

Alaina took a deep breath before speaking. "I think the key is to create a new normal for Rafe. We can start by spending more time together, outside of the classroom. Let him get used to the idea of me being around more often, in different contexts. Not just as his teacher or Dad's friend."

"That makes sense," I agreed. "But how do we make sure he's comfortable with it?"

"We can ease into it," Alaina suggested. "We don't need to make any big announcements right away. Just let him see that we enjoy spending time together. Kids are observant. He'll start to notice, but it won't be a sudden shock. I think he's kind of already there. He seems to want me here."

"Oh, yeah." I nodded. "He does. He loves having you around."

"Roan, be honest with me, are you having a change of mind?" she asked. "If you don't want this, please tell me now."

"No." I shook my head and pulled her close. "Definitely not. My only concern is Rafe."

"Then we back off?" She shrugged.

"No. I like your idea. We'll just ease him into this. And since the charter school is okay with our relationship, there shouldn't be any issues there."

"Exactly," Alaina confirmed. "And Rafe is friends with everyone in class, so he has a good support system there. But we still need to be careful and delicate about how we approach this. I don't want him to think I'm invading his space or taking time from you."

I nodded, appreciating her insight. "We'll take it slow. Make sure he feels secure and that nothing's being taken away from him. I just don't want him to feel like he's losing his dad or that things are changing too fast."

"He won't feel that way if we handle it right," Alaina assured me. "We'll just start doing more things together. Family outings, dinners, that sort of thing. Let him see that this is a positive change."

I felt a sense of relief wash over me. "Thank you, Alaina. I've been so worried about this, but hearing your perspective helps a lot."

"You can talk to me." She smiled. "I care about Rafe. I want the best for him."

"And for us," I added, looking into her eyes. She smiled back at me, her gaze warm and soft.

"For us," she echoed, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. There was a comfortable silence between us, filled with the crackling of the fire and the rhythmic breathing of Beau by Alaina's feet. The moment felt snug, secure, like we were cocooned in our own little world. I found myself floating in the possibility of our future. Alaina's words filled me with a lot of hope. It had been a long time since I let myself really dream of a future with a woman that could be a mother to Rafe. Someone I would let in his life and love him the way I did.

"I'm going to make a drink," I said and got to my feet. "Want something?"

"I'll just have a ginger ale and then I should go."

"Do you like it here?" I asked her.

"Here? Like your house or Chicago?"

"My house," I replied.

"Of course." She shrugged. "You have a beautiful house."

"Good, because I've been thinking," I started. "I want you to spend the night tonight."

Alaina laughed, a melodic sound that warmed my heart. "Roan, did you hear what I just said? We need to be careful, especially about sneaking around together at night."

"I don't really care right now," I said, walking toward her. "We've both had a busy week, and I barely saw you since we came back from Florida. We need this."

She raised an eyebrow, still smiling. "Oh, do we now?"

"Yes, we do." I continued my approach, determination in my steps. "You're going to come over for dinner at least four times a week, and you have to start bringing Beau because Rafe won't stop talking about your ancient dog. Cate's been complaining to Jake, and Jake's been complaining to me about being Alaina's dogsitter on nights like these."

"Is that so?" she teased.

I nodded, now inches away from her. "And you're going to spend the night each time. You'll keep some clothes over here because I can't bear the thought of you driving away. And you won't have to pack a bag every night. We'll have stuff here for Beau as well."

I could see the amusement in her eyes, but also a flicker of something deeper. "You've got it all figured out, don't you?"

"Absolutely." I reached out, gently trapping her against the archway leading out of the den. "This is what I want. I'm in this, fully. Are you going to tell me this isn't what you want?"

Before she could respond, I leaned in and kissed her deeply, pouring all my emotions into it. She melted against me, her arms wrapping around my neck. It felt like coming home.

"Roan," she whispered when we finally broke the kiss, her voice filled with emotion.

"Alaina," I murmured back, lifting her off her feet. "Let's go upstairs."

She didn't protest. I carried her up the stairs. It felt natural, like this was exactly where we were meant to be.

Once we were in my bedroom, I put her down gently on the bed. "You know, I meant every word. I want you here, with me, as much as possible."

"I believe you," she replied, looking up at me with those beautiful eyes. "And I want to be here, too. But we do need to be careful, Roan. For Rafe's sake. I don't want you to get cold feet and run away from me."

"We will be. But I also want us to have time together, to build something real. Rafe's asleep. This is our time. We'll just have to be quiet."

"We will," she assured me, placing a hand on my cheek. "We'll find a way to make it work. All of it because I really have missed you and I want to be here with you, but I don't want you to freak out."

"Freak out?" I asked.

"Like you did fifteen minutes ago," she said. "You were worried about Rafe. I think it's going to be pretty difficult for us to be together—and I mean sex—if you're thinking about your son."

She reached out and cupped my cheek. Her other hand pressed against my chest.

Her touch was soothing. I leaned into it, closing my eyes for a moment. "I've missed you," I admitted. "This week felt like it dragged on forever. I feel like a fifteen-year-old boy with all the erotic dreams I've been having about you. I miss your sweet body next to mine. I miss your smell."

"My smell?" She laughed.

"You know what I mean," I said. "I can't get the taste of you out of my mouth. The smell of you lingers. When I close my eyes, I can almost feel you lying next to me. I miss you."

I felt her smile against my chest. There was a raw need in her eyes, matching the one I was sure reflected in mine. We were both adults, both experienced in life's varied ups and downs, but there was something about our connection that made us feel like teenagers discovering love for the first time. At least that was the way I felt. The intensity of the emotions was both terrifying and exhilarating. But I was ready. I needed this. I needed her.

"I missed you too," she said softly. "But we're here now."

"Yes, we are," I agreed, pulling her close again. "And I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon."

"Be careful, I might hold you to that." She grinned.

"Sit tight, I want to make sure Rafe is actually asleep and not in there playing with toys or doing one of his puzzles."

"Maybe I could slip into something more comfortable," she teased.

"If you mean naked, I'm cool with that."

"I don't mean naked. Go check on Rafe. I'll be slipping into something that might not technically be comfortable, but I think you'll like it."

My heart jumped. "Okay. You do that. I'll check on Rafe and I'll go get a bottle of champagne. Unless you prefer wine?"

"I prefer you ." She laughed. "But champagne sounds nice."

"Three minutes," I said. "I'll be back in three minutes."

"And I'll be waiting."