Chapter 46

46

ROAN

I was not okay. I had never been a jealous person but watching that guy James flirt with Alaina had me on edge. I tried to keep my cool, reminding myself that Alaina wasn't my girlfriend. She was free to get a drink with whoever she wanted. But the thought of her with someone else gnawed at me.

I tried to bury myself in the excitement of the kids chatting all around us. Rafe was a few seats up laughing with a friend. He was happy. That was what mattered. None of this other stuff meant shit.

I tried to rid my mind of the dark thoughts about Alaina and James. But no matter how many times I attempted to shift my focus back onto Rafe and the mesmerizing world of robots, my mind wandered back to Alaina and that painful stab of jealousy that gnawed at the pit of my stomach.

Was it because we had been spending so much time together lately? Or was it just a territorial reaction to seeing another man trying to charm her? What was it that bothered me so much?

I wrestled with these thoughts as the bus driver navigated through the busy streets surrounding the venue. I was only half-listening as Rafe excitedly explained his ambitious plans for future school projects to his buddy. All of the kids were talking at once. Teachers and chaperones looked exhausted, like they were all dying to get back to the hotel and crawl into bed. I didn't blame them.

As much as it pained me, I kept thinking about how James's eyes lit up when they met Alaina's, how her face softened when he hugged her. Images of them laughing over drinks haunted my mind. The thought of them together felt like a knife in my heart. Here I was riding the fence trying to decide if I wanted the woman or if it was just too much for me and there was another man ready to scoop her up. Obviously. Of course there were other men interested in her. She had no reason to sit around and wait for me to decide if I was in this thing or not.

The bus pulled into the hotel parking lot and it was once again a chaotic scene trying to get all of the kids herded into one area.

"We've scheduled a pizza night for the kids on the pool deck," Alaina said. "Will you be joining us?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" I shot back.

She raised her eyebrows, clearly surprised by my snarky comeback. "You are here, but you're not signed up to be a chaperone. You're free to do whatever you want."

"I'm here for my son," I told her.

"Great. Sounds like you'll be a real blast to hang out with."

I didn't miss the sarcasm. I followed the group out to the pool that had been blocked off so the kids could enjoy their party. Alaina joined the group of teachers and parents at a table by the pool. Her laughter blended with the sounds of excited children splashing around. Guilt gnawed at me. She didn't deserve my attitude. She had only been kind and patient with me since we started spending more time together. I sighed, giving myself a mental kick in the ass. I needed to get myself under control.

Deciding to make an effort, I grabbed a slice of pizza and a drink before walking over to where Rafe was sitting with a couple of other kids. "This is fun," I said.

His eyes lit up. "We're going to change into our swimsuits and go swimming! We can swim in the winter here!"

I laughed, nodding along. "I think people in Florida get a lot of time to swim."

After the kids ate their pizza, the ice-cream bar was rolled out on a cart. The kids lined up, bouncing with energy as they picked their flavors and toppings. I noticed Alaina watching me. I offered a small smile, but she quickly turned away.

I had really fucked things up. I wasn't surprised. I tended to do that. In fact, it was exactly why I had pulled back in the first place. She was all light and smiles and I was dark and broody. She would never want to be with a man like me. Not to mention, I couldn't build a robot. Hell, I wasn't even sure I could turn one on.

It wasn't long before Alaina took Rafe up to the room to change. I had rented a suite and would be moving Rafe into my room, but that could wait. I wanted him to have fun. I stretched out in one of the poolside chairs and watched the kids splashing and playing in the water. The parents and teachers began to wind down as well, sharing stories and laughs with each other while I observed from afar. I felt like I was on the outside. I knew I only had myself to blame for that.

Alaina sat at the edge of the pool with her feet dipped in the warm water. I watched her. She smiled and talked with the other adults while keeping an eye on the kids in the pool. Her laughter was like music to my ears. I couldn't deny the pull. Watching how she interacted with the kids, how she was so genuinely caring, the way she smiled and laughed with the others, confirmed my feelings for her.

Some of the other parents were getting comfortable, like they were settling in for a long night of hyper kids. The kids were having a blast, especially Rafe, who was buzzing with excitement and way too much ice cream. As the evening wore on, I tried to get him out of the pool.

"Come on, buddy," I called, crouching by the pool's edge. "It's getting late."

"No way, Dad! I'm staying with my friends!" Rafe declared, splashing water at me. "We're having a sleepover!"

Another parent nearby smiled. "He's fine with us, Roan. The boys are all bunking together tonight. With the amount of energy pumping through their little veins, I don't think they are going to be going to sleep anytime soon. We've got this. Take a break. Enjoy a drink in the lounge. Hell, enjoy two drinks, one for me. You made all of this happen. The least we can do is let you relax a little."

"I appreciate that." I nodded. "Thank you."

"Rafe don't stay up too late, okay?" I called out just before he went under water.

"Promise!" Rafe shouted as he jumped back in, emerging like a whale getting fish thrown at him.

Rafe was fine. He didn't need me. In fact, I would just be a downer. The kid needed to have some fun. I wasn't going to let my sour mood ruin his last night here. Defeated, I headed inside, ready to take my grumpy self to bed. Just as I was about to step into the elevator, I heard Alaina's voice behind me.

"Roan, wait up!" She was jogging toward me, a concerned look on her face. "What's going on with you tonight? Everyone else is having fun, but you've been acting weird."

Irritated from the long two days of meetings and travel, I finally snapped. "Why did you turn down that drink with that guy from the convention?"

Alaina's eyes widened in surprise. "Can we talk somewhere private?" she asked, glancing around at the crowd of parents and kids.

I nodded curtly. "I'm going to my room. We can talk there or not at all."

She stepped into the elevator with me, but we weren't alone. A few other guests joined us. Alaina and I were forced to save our argument for my suite. I was frustrated, the tension practically boiling over. We walked down the hall without saying a word. I quickly unlocked the door and pushed it open, gesturing for her to go inside. I closed the door behind us.

"What's your problem, Roan?" Alaina demanded, crossing her arms.

"My problem? You're seriously asking me that?"

"Yes, I am! Are you really jealous of that guy?"

"Yes, Alaina, I am!" I shouted. "I hate the thought of you with someone else."

She looked taken aback for a moment before her expression softened. "Why didn't you just say that?"

"Because it's not fair to you," I said, running a hand through my hair. "We're just friends, remember? That's what we agreed on."

"Friends?" she repeated, her voice rising. "Is that really what we are? You can't still think that, can you?"

"We're probably better off as friends," I said, my voice dropping. "Because if we go any further, I'm never going to be able to let you go."

Alaina stared at me, her eyes searching mine. "Let me go where ?"

"No, I mean I can't be with you and let you into my life and then have you disappear. If you're in, you're in. I can't think about the end. I can't open myself to you and have you leave me."

"What are you saying, Roan?" she asked quietly.

I took a deep breath, feeling like I was standing on the edge of a cliff. This was the chance I had been waiting for. If I kept my mouth shut and repressed the feelings, I was going to regret it for the rest of my life. But if I told her how I really felt and she shut me down, it was going to tear my heart out.

"I don't know what I'm saying," I said with a shake of my head.

She sighed. "I don't know what it is with you. You run hot and cold constantly. You're jealous of a man I haven't seen in years and have never and will never be interested in. Not to mention, as far as I know, he lives in Texas. You've never given me any reason to believe you would be jealous. I'm done playing games, Roan. I can't do this yo-yo thing."

"I know," I muttered. "You're right."

"I'm right about what?" she asked with exasperation.

"I'm bouncing back and forth all the time. Maybe I'm just broken. I'm good at business but useless when it comes to feelings. You'd be better off with one of those robots we saw today."

She looked at me. I could see the confusion and struggle in her eyes. I understood because that's where I was. I wanted to jump. I wanted to throw caution to the wind, but that wasn't how I operated. I was a cautious person. I was the type of person that was always three steps ahead and evaluated every possible outcome.

"I can't do this," she whispered. "I can't be in this up and down and sideways and all over. I'm sorry."

She turned to leave. Win it all or lose everything. It was now or never.

"I'm saying that I'm in love with you, Alaina," I blurted out. In my head, I saw myself hurtling over that cliff with no idea where I would land. "And it terrifies me because I don't know what to do with these feelings."

She stopped walking away and just stood there. Silence reigned, except for my pounding pulse.

Alaina turned around and stepped closer to me, her eyes softening. "I know what you should do with those feelings," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Before I could ask what she meant, she kissed me. It was soft at first, then deepened as the pent-up emotions between us spilled over. When we finally pulled back, we were both breathing hard but I was smiling.

"A robot can't do that ," she said, her eyes shining with emotion.

I chuckled. "Not yet."

"I'm in love with you too, Roan," she said, her eyes serious. "And I don't want to keep pretending that what we have is just friendship. It was dumb to even try."

Hearing those words from her, I pulled her into my arms, not wanting any space between us. "I'm sorry it took me so long to say it," I whispered into her hair.