Chapter 4

4

ROAN

R afe walked into my office like he had done every day after school. His driver had picked him up and delivered him. My son always looked so small against the backdrop of my large, modern office.

"See you tomorrow, Rafe," my driver, David, said with a nod.

"Thank you, David," I said.

Rafe took off his backpack and dropped it on the floor. "David doesn't have to walk me up. I'm not a baby."

I smiled, knowing this conversation was going to be coming. "Just a little longer," I told him. "I want to make sure you know what floor to get off on."

"I'm at a school for math kids. I can find your office." He sighed and unzipped his backpack. "Did you get me a snack?"

"It's in your backpack," I reminded him.

"I thought you might get me something else."

I smiled, knowing his game. He wanted junk food or a candy bar. He had a snack pack in his backpack with nuts, cheese chunks, and apple slices. I watched as he carried his backpack to one of the overstuffed chairs in the sitting area inside my fairly large office. It had been a lucky find over the summer, and I had made myself at home.

Rafe was getting comfortable here too. He pulled out his snack and his book of Sudoku puzzles. He always kept a book of those puzzles in his backpack. He had a Nintendo Switch, but it was the puzzles he always went for when he was ready to chill.

I watched him for a moment while I finished up some work on my computer. Rafe was a quiet kid, introverted like me. He could be sporty but preferred to be inside reading or doing puzzles. I knew he liked a good fifteen minutes by himself to kind of wind down after school. I got it. When I got home from work, I liked to sit outside for a minute or listen to some music. It was like mentally shifting gears.

"How was your day, buddy?" I asked, finally pulling my attention away from the screen.

I stood up, stretched, and walked to the sitting area to sit in the chair across from him.

"It was good," Rafe said between bites of his snack. "I made a friend."

I let out a breath and nodded to myself. Good. Rafe had a really hard time making friends, and this was the best news I could have gotten today.

"Good job, little man. What's your new friend's name?"

"Leo." Rafe smiled without looking up at me. "He likes puzzles too. We worked on one together during recess."

His smile was everything to me. Moving here had been totally worth it. "I'm glad to hear that. And how's that teacher? Ms. Callaway?"

Rafe's face lit up. "Ms. C is awesome, Dad. She's so funny, and she's the best at math. I love math, and so does she. Today, she showed us a trick to solve equations faster. It was so cool. And once I saw it, I was like duh! Of course."

I nodded along, uplifted by Rafe's enthusiasm. He had never lit up like this talking about his old school. Maybe I hadn't totally failed as a father by leaving him in that other school too long. The old happy Rafe was starting to peek out from behind the dark cloud, and I would move heaven and earth to bring him back completely.

I was hoping he would give me some more useful information about Alaina, but he mostly talked about the lessons, not the teacher. I didn't want to interrogate him about her, though.

"Where does Leo live?" I asked. "Any chance we can get together with him over the weekend?"

I wanted Rafe to have friends. It was something I was sure would help him come out of his shell. He needed someone his own age who understood what he was dealing with to talk to. I was his dad. Eventually, he was going to know I wasn't cool, and I would be the last guy he wanted to talk to. He needed someone he could vent to. The last thing I wanted was him bottling all of his stress up inside.

"I don't know." He shrugged, turning his attention back to his puzzle.

"Would you like to invite him to come over?" I asked. "You guys can watch a movie in the theater downstairs or just hang out and play video games."

"Maybe," he said.

"Why don't you invite him over for Saturday? We could even go to the park if the weather's nice."

"I don't know," Rafe said, looking up from his Sudoku book. "Maybe. We'll see."

I didn't want to push him. It was so much easier when he was five and I could arrange playdates. I watched him return to his puzzle. The worries that had been bothering me for months were still there, but I had high hopes he was going to be alright. And if he wasn't, I would be here to guide him.

As I watched my son engrossed in his puzzle, my mind wandered back to Alaina Callaway. Her awkwardness during our conversation earlier had been endearing and not completely unexpected. She'd had some interesting things to say after I saved her life.

The second brief glimpse into her personality made me curious about her. Now that I knew what she did for a living, I kind of understood her style. I remembered when Rafe was in preschool, the teachers dressed in bright colors.

Now, as I thought back to Rafe's description of her teaching style, passionate and animated, the vivid colors she wore made sense. Plus, he liked her and that was what mattered. It was funny, because when Rafe talked about Ms. Callaway, I envisioned an older woman. Like grandma older.

The business world was dominated by grays and blues, monochromatic tones that suggested seriousness and stability. Alaina was a splash of color in my washed-out world.

Rafe moved on to his next Sudoku puzzle, completely in the zone. This quiet time together had become our routine since we moved to the city. It was just us two against the world.

"Alright, you work on that. I need to make a phone call. We'll be out of here in thirty minutes."

"Okay," he said, grabbing another apple slice.

"Give me one of those," I said. He grinned and handed me one of the slices. "Thanks, kid."

I chewed the slice quickly and went back to my desk. It wouldn't be professional to call someone while chomping away. As I waited for the line to connect, my gaze drifted back to my son. His brows were furrowed in concentration as he destroyed another Sudoku puzzle, an image of pure innocence and youth. I didn't know how he did the puzzles at all, much less that quickly. I had tried to do them with him, but damn if my brain worked the same way his did. I could do baby Sudoku puzzles but nothing past that.

While I talked business, Rafe did his thing. I didn't have to worry about him acting up or being loud. He was a good kid.

"Alright," I said after finishing the call. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Can we get pizza for dinner?" he asked.

"No," I replied. "I hired that chef to make all those dinners for us. You have to eat good food so you can grow up big and strong."

"Pizza can make me big and strong." He put his things back in his backpack and slid it on. I grabbed my briefcase, and we headed out.

Our home was in the Gold Coast neighborhood. The house was way too big for us, but it was in a good neighborhood, and it was a nice place. The yard was small, but it was better than the penthouse we lived in back in New York. I wanted Rafe to have a relatively normal childhood despite the wealth he was surrounded by.

We got home and Rafe trudged upstairs to his room, pretending his backpack was weighing him down. "So weak. Need pizza."

I chuckled and shook my head. "One day soon, alright?"

"Yes!" Energized by his victory, he all but flew up the stairs.

I went to the kitchen and pulled one of the meals the chef prepared out of the fridge. Sometimes, I cooked for Rafe, but with all the new adjustments after the move, it was easier to hire some help.

The chef had prepped a wholesome meal of grilled salmon, sautéed vegetables, and a basic side salad. I warmed up the meal as Rafe came back down, now in his comfortable clothes.

"Dinner's ready," I announced. "Come set the table?"

Rafe grabbed utensils and napkins from the drawer and laid them out on the table. As he did so, I noticed him humming a tune under his breath, something he did when he was content. I smiled to myself.

"I'm glad you seem happy here, Rafe," I said, bringing dinner to the table.

He shrugged. "I like it here."

"Good."

I tried to get him to talk more about his day at school, once again fishing for information about his teacher and getting nowhere. I didn't know why I was so interested. It wasn't like I was in the market for a girlfriend. I didn't have time for women and the attention they needed.

After dinner, I loaded the dishwasher and packed Rafe's lunch and snack for the next day. Then I poured myself a drink and took a long sip. It warmed my insides. Leaving it on the counter, I went upstairs to get Rafe in bed.

"Lights out, buddy," I said.

"Okay, Dad," came Rafe's voice from his room.

I pushed open his door and peeked in to see him sitting on his bed, hunched over the Sudoku book again.

I walked in, crouching by the side of his bed and giving the puzzle a glance. "Working on another one of those, huh?"

"Just one before bed," he mumbled, scribbling in a number with a triumphant grin. "I just need five minutes. Maybe six."

"Fair enough," I said, ruffling his hair gently. "Six minutes and then you need to go to bed."

"I know, I know."

"I mean it," I insisted. "Good night, kiddo."

"Night, Dad."

I headed back downstairs, picked up my drink, and went outside to sit on the terrace. Being a single dad was lonely. I supposed being a single mom was just as lonely. I stared out at Lake Michigan. It wasn't the Manhattan skyline, but it was a peaceful sight. The water was soothing in a primal way.

I finished my drink and headed up to my room. I was brushing my teeth when I heard the sound of small feet padding down the hallway. Rafe appeared at my bedroom door, looking a bit shaken.

"Hey, buddy, what's up?" I asked, setting my toothbrush aside.

"I had a nightmare," he said, his voice small.

"Come on, then," I said walking to my massive bed and patting the spot he often found himself in.

"Sorry, Dad."

"Don't be sorry," I told him. "There won't be any nightmares with me. Let's get some sleep."

Rafe crawled into my bed and immediately fell back asleep. As I watched him, I couldn't help but wonder if I was doing a good job at this whole Dad thing. It had just been me and Rafe for five years now. His rough time in school last year was still bothering him, I assumed. The new school would be better for him.

I climbed into bed, being careful not to jostle Rafe. I didn't know how much longer it was socially acceptable for him to sleep in my bed, but I would worry about it when the time came. For now, I was just going to focus on getting him through the nightmares.

My eyes slowly started to close, my mind going over the events of the day. I woke up a few hours later, startled by the sound of Rafe's soft whimpering. He was having another nightmare. This time, I was unable to go back to sleep. I sat up in bed and watched him, reaching out and gently brushing his hair away from his sweaty forehead.

"It's okay," I murmured soothingly. "I've got you."

His movements calmed after a moment, and he curled onto his side, facing me. Soon, his breathing evened out again. I stayed awake for a while longer, watching him, making sure he was okay.

My mind wandered back to Alaina. I couldn't stop thinking about her, and it was becoming a problem. She was his teacher. I couldn't be having dreams about her. I needed her to teach my kid.

I knew what would happen if we hooked up. She would end up hating me. I had nothing to offer her beyond one night. Then Rafe would be the one who suffered the consequences.

I forced myself to go to sleep, pushing out all thoughts of Rafe's intriguing teacher.

The next morning, while pouring Rafe some cereal, I decided to share some news with him.

"Guess what, buddy?"

"What?"

"I signed up to volunteer at the upcoming fall festival at your school."

Rafe's eyes widened. "Really, Dad? That's awesome! Ms. C said the festival is going to be so much fun!"

I ruffled his hair. "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. You sure you don't mind your old dad crashing your party?"

He gave me a funny look. "It's not my party."

I chuckled. "Good point."

As Rafe ate his cereal, I couldn't help but think about getting to see Alaina again. The thought both excited and terrified me.

All I knew was, thinking about her made me feel alive again.