Chapter 22

22

ROAN

I sat in my office, staring out the window. I kept replaying the incident on the couch. It filled me with a warm and fuzzy feeling. The sounds she made and the way her body responded to my touch. She was almost virginal. So natural. She wasn't faking it and trying to make me feel good.

It was all too real and that was what scared me. The vulnerability in her eyes, the trust she put in me, it was too much. Too soon. I realized I was teetering on the edge of something profound and deeply intimate. It caught me off guard, the raw emotion she awoke in me during those stolen moments on the couch.

Actually, it terrified me.

I hadn't felt this way in years. Not since Rafe's mom. But no, I couldn't let myself go down that path again. Not now. I had to stay focused. I didn't want to get sideways with a woman and screw up another relationship. Rafe did not deserve to be put through a revolving door of women coming in and out of his life.

But dammit, why did I stop? Why did I pull away when everything felt so right? The answer was simple and painfully clear. Because I cared about her. Alaina wasn't some random woman to keep me warm at night. She was someone special, someone who deserved to be loved fully and completely.

And she was a huge part of Rafe's life. I couldn't afford to destroy that relationship. Under her guidance at school, my son had come into his own. He was happy, making friends, and excited about learning again. Could I risk all that because I caught feelings for his gorgeous teacher?

I was lost in thought when my office door opened.

"What the hell happened to you in New York?" Jake asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"It's nice to see you too," I said.

Jake ignored my comment. "You look like shit. You've been hiding in here all day. What's wrong? What happened? Are we going bankrupt?"

"We are not going bankrupt," I said. "Nothing happened, Jake. The trip was fine."

Jake scoffed. "Bullshit. You look like you haven't slept in days. If it wasn't the trip, what's going on?"

I sighed, rubbing my temples. Jake had been my friend and business partner for years. He knew me too well. "It's complicated."

"Complicated how? Is this about a woman? Because they're not complicated at all. Once they start annoying you, just block their number. Problem solved."

I wrinkled my nose at the idea. "That's no way to treat people, man."

"Whatever, Roan. I know you. Something's up. Spill it." He flopped into the chair and stared at me. "I'm not leaving until you tell me."

I stared at him for a moment, considering my options. I wasn't going to say a word about Alaina. I had gotten physical with her twice, and while it might mean nothing, it didn't feel like nothing. Plus, she was Rafe's teacher, and there had to be rules against getting frisky with parents.

"I'm tired because Rafe's nanny bailed while I was out of town. She abandoned Rafe while he was at school. I'm thinking about taking legal action, but part of me just wants to never see her stupid face again."

"Shit," he said. "That's child endangerment. Is Rafe okay?"

"Yeah, but I'm not," I said. "My kid was left alone. And I had no idea because no one could get a hold of me."

"No kidding." He nodded. "So what did Rafe do?"

"The school took care of him." I wasn't going to tell him it wasn't exactly the school, but one mouth-watering teacher specifically.

"You should have called me," he said.

"I would have but nothing was getting through to my phone for some reason. I had no idea what was going on here until my plane landed. I assumed Rafe was at home with his nanny."

"Damn, I'm glad it worked out," he said.

I checked my watch and realized it was almost time to pick Rafe up early for his dentist appointment. "I've got to go," I said. "Since I don't have a nanny, I have to take Rafe to his dentist appointment. That woman fucked up my whole week. And put my kid in jeopardy. She said she was going to Miami. She better stay there because if she steps foot in Chicago, I'm going to let her know I'm not the guy she wants to fuck with."

Jake chuckled. "The wrath of a father. I don't blame you."

I grabbed my keys and headed out. It was true. Part of my sleepless night was because I was thinking about all the things that could have happened if Alaina hadn't been there. I would have no excuse to offer the authorities. I was busy in New York and left an irresponsible woman to take care of my son. I should have done a better job vetting her.

Jake followed me to the elevator. "Roan, don't beat yourself up too much. You can't predict everything. You're a good father. It was a near-miss but Rafe is fine, right? He's a strong kid."

I nodded and turned away, but his words didn't make me feel any better. My choices could have put Rafe in real danger. The thought was unbearable.

As I stepped outside, the cool fall air hit me. I unlocked the car and got in. I was lucky I had a job that I could leave to handle things like this, but my job took a lot of my time. I was beginning to think it might be time to step back. Jake was more than capable. I needed to be more hands-on with Rafe. I couldn't let something like this happen again.

When I arrived at the school, I was informed his class was at recess, which meant Alaina would likely be alone. I told the young woman at the desk I would just go to his classroom, that there was something I needed to talk to Ms. Callaway about. The lady gave me a hall pass and waved me on.

It was probably stupid to try and talk to her, but I found myself walking down the hall. I knocked on her door and poked my head inside.

"Roan," she said, smiling when she saw me. For a moment, I felt a bit better, but the tension between us was still there. We weren't just friends anymore. It was more than that now, and I wasn't sure how to act.

"Hey, Alaina," I greeted, stepping inside. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

She raised an eyebrow, curious. "Sure, what's up?"

I took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me this weekend."

Alaina's smile faltered slightly. "Roan, I can't."

"Why not?" I asked, feeling a bit taken aback.

"I'm moving into my new apartment this weekend," she explained.

I was perplexed, unsure what to say because I had never been turned down before. Was she really moving or was this her way of rejecting me after what happened?

"You can help me move if you want." She grinned. "I could use some big strong arms. And since I don't have a car and won't ever have a car again because I have to open a new credit card to afford the mechanic you took it to. I can't hire a mover because I have to figure out how to pay for a car."

I frowned, realizing I had forgotten to tell her. "I already paid the bill, Alaina. Your car should be done in two days."

She looked at me, shocked. "Roan, you didn't have to do that."

Before I could respond, Rafe came running up to me with his backpack. "Dad, I'm ready to go!"

I smiled down at him. "Alright, buddy." I turned back to Alaina, giving her a quick wink. "I'll help you move this weekend. It's a date."

She shook her head, but I could see the hint of a smile on her lips. "Fine, but it's not a date. I'm not going to be wearing a dress or makeup. I'm going to be working hard."

"Yep, it's a date." I grinned and winked at her.

As we walked to the car, I couldn't help but think about Alaina and the complicated feelings I had for her. This was uncharted territory for me, and I wasn't sure what to do next. I couldn't let myself fall too hard for her. She was too beautiful, intelligent, and had a spark that drew me in. She cared deeply about my son. All of those things should be reasons for me to run into her arms—not away from her. But I knew me. I knew my tendency to fuck things up. I wasn't a good boyfriend. I couldn't give her the time and attention she needed. I couldn't give her my whole heart, which was what a woman would want.

"Do you like Miss Callaway?"

I paused, looking at his innocent face in the rearview mirror. "Why would you ask something like that?"

Rafe shrugged. "You said you were going on a date. I think she likes you."

My heart pounded strangely at his words. "Why do you say that?"

"She's always smiling when she talks to you," he said matter-of-factly. "And she talks about you a lot."

"I see," I managed to reply, trying to keep my voice casual. "She's a nice woman. We're friends. I like her as your teacher. She's a very good teacher. That's why you like her, right?"

Rafe's small nose wrinkled, considering my words. "No, I like her because she's nice, and because she smiles a lot, and because she is really smart. And she likes Legos and building stuff. We started building a robot. She's teaching us how to do some programming."

The absence of Rafe's mother was a wound that never truly healed for him. I knew he was drawn to Alaina because she had that warm, welcoming way about her that a mom would have. Rafe had told me one time moms were soft and they smiled a lot. That was what he was seeing in Alaina.

My heart ached for my son. Rafe might be young, but he wasn't naive. As much as we adults tried to hide our emotions and motivations, kids seemed to see right through them. He was picking up on the vibes happening between Alaina and me.

"Programming?" I asked. "That sounds hard."

"It's a little bit hard but she knows all about it," he said confidently. "We're going to make our robot dance."

"That will be cool. I hope I get to see it."

We pulled into the pediatric dentist's building. While we waited, I checked my email. Rafe watched the movie they were playing on the big screen. Sitting there, I was reminded of the first time I had to take him to an appointment. I had been a nervous father. Rafe's mother had just left, and I was tossed into the role of a single father.

"Dad?" Rafe's voice broke my train of thought. I looked down to see him pointing at a tiny toy robot perched on the end table beside us. "Look! That's like the one we're making in class."

I smiled, ruffling his hair as I bent down to inspect the little toy. "Really? That's impressive! Do you think yours will be better?"

He nodded emphatically. "Much better!"

I laughed, pulling him into a hug. "I can't wait to see it, buddy."

Rafe was called back. I followed behind him, sitting on the bench in front of the chair while he was outfitted with the cool sunglasses and headphones.

The dentist came in and started working on Rafe's teeth. I absently watched with my mind going back to Alaina. My head said it was unwise to mix these two parts of my life—the father and the man—but my heart whispered that Rafe deserved a woman like Alaina in his life. And maybe, just maybe, I did too.