11. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

C annon scratched his nose. Everything was itchy. His skin itched inside the casts. His head itched and even though they'd used dry shampoo on his hair, he freaking smelled. A nasty mixture of stale man, antiseptic and sweat.

He was completely rethinking making everything work with Jesse. He knew what he'd thought on the road, but heck, he'd thought it was the end. Now, after being relatively clear-headed again, he was reconsidering what he was supposed to do.

He didn't want to be a dead-beat dad, but he should never have had the option of being a dad. He should have gone through with that vasectomy he'd considered in his thirties. War and Bear had talked him out of it with the what if you met the perfect person argument. Plus, having a doctor snipping down there skeeved him out. What if they missed and he never made wood again?

It didn't really matter now because Jesse was pregnant and not just a little pregnant but a lot pregnant. He'd calculated and she was around six months. Clara had tried to explain this whole nine months versus forty weeks, but it just made his head hurt. He'd nodded and acted like he understood but he didn't.

He was a little stronger, and the doctor had indicated Cannon might get to go home this week sometime. It probably helped that he had Stella and Flick offering to be on call for him. Thinking through how he could possibly shower in his room at the clubhouse worried him. What he wouldn't give to submerge in a tub! He wasn't a bath man but the thought of actually getting clean and having the hot water against his sore muscles was very attractive.

He really liked Clara. She was younger than his grandma had been, but Clara had a lot of the same characteristics of caring for people and the way she wanted to talk stuff out.

He was a little concerned that she was getting ready to have a chat with him. She asked him before she left for lunch what his plans were when they got back to Bluff Creek. Saying he wanted to kick back with a beer in a recliner hadn't been the answer she was looking for. She didn't understand, though, that he didn't grow up talking about his feelings. His dad wouldn't have stood for it, and Cannon wouldn't have been able to sit for a week if he'd shared. When he was with his grandma, he was just so happy to have food and a clean, bug-free place to stay; he didn't want to rock the boat by talking about sad stuff.

Clara walked back in with a grocery bag and a container of food. Cannon caught a whiff of Chinese food and fought not to drool. He was so tired of hospital food. He'd been spoiled by being at Bluff Creek and eating Regina's food.

Clara set the bag down and then placed the container of Chinese on his tray table and opened it. Oh man, she'd brought him chicken fried rice, sweet n' sour chicken along with Crab Rangoon. He'd eaten them with Blake when they moved Sprite and the girls to Bluff Creek and he'd loved them. Clara placed a napkin on his chest and then opened the sweet n' sour sauce and handed him a fork. He hid a smirk because he wasn't upsetting her when she brought Chinese, but she was treating him like he was four.

He used the fork to stab a piece of chicken and pop it in his mouth. He groaned at the flavor. He took another and watched Clara rummaging around in the grocery sack. When she found what she was looking for, she plopped it on the tray. He squinted at the label, then looked at her.

"Medicine to help me crap?"

Clara nodded. "Yes, you're taking pain meds and not moving around much. Add this food with the rice and you'll get stopped up. This should help."

He must be the only one that thought this was a strange conversation to have.

"Clara, I think maybe we're getting a little too close if you're worried about how hard my crap will be."

Clara sat down and picked up her crocheting and just stared at him. Oh crap, he knew that look. It was the one where she thought he was either acting like an ass or a toddler.

"You make fun of me now but if you eat that rice and then take those pain pills, trust me, you'll be wishing you'd listened to me. But since we are close, you can listen while you eat, then we can chat."

He only had himself to blame for putting her off every time she tried to have them delve deeper. He only hoped he survived and she still liked him once she knew him better because he sure liked her.

"So I know War and Bear served together, then went into the academy together. Did you meet them there or later?"

Oh wow! That was so not what he'd thought she'd ask. Maybe he didn't have anything to be worried about.

"I met the guys after the academy. I was a patrol officer for a while before I transferred to the range. I worked with officers to make sure they qualified and also got their training time in and other things."

Clara nodded. "Why did you decide to transfer?"

He didn't really want to answer her. It made him look like he couldn't hack it as a patrol officer, but her face didn't look like she was judging him. Maybe he could trust her.

" Bear was shot when he was on a call with his probie. Umm, she was transferred to War to finish her training. She didn't follow orders and was killed during a call."

Cannon could feel his voice breaking a little, talking about her. Neither one of his friends knew that he'd actually gone on a couple dates with her before she died. She hadn't been the love of his life, but she made him happy. She'd made him laugh, and she'd had this happiness that exuded from her that he found refreshing.

"Why did that make you change jobs?"

Cannon stared for a little bit, thinking back to that time. He didn't want to say what he really felt. That there always seemed to be a cloud hanging around him and people died. He'd signed up to protect and serve but he'd felt useless when she'd died.

"I don't know. I just knew I couldn't continue trying to help people and losing them."

"Let's try something easy. Regina would like to know what you want for your first meal back home."

He thought about all the meals he loved that she made. They were all his favorites. He didn't have one meal of hers that he didn't like.

"Tell her to choose because they are all my favorites. I only had home-cooked meals when I lived with my grandma. It's a treat to have hers."

Clara nodded and stood up, laying down her crocheting, but then taking a tape measure out of her purse. She walked toward him purposefully.

"Umm, what are you doing?"

Clara smiled. "Measuring you for a surprise."

He didn't have much of a choice but to lie still while she measured his shoulder to his wrist and then leaned and laid her hand against his cheek. His grandma used to do that when she wanted him to really listen to her.

"Cannon, it's hard to lose people. I'm not going to say that it doesn't freaking suck, but if we don't let people close, then we miss out on the beauty we could have. Nobody gets a guarantee of tomorrow. Sometimes you have to take the chance and deal with what comes along the way."

The smile on Clara's face made him wonder if she'd ever taken a chance. Just because she wasn't with someone now didn't mean she hadn't loved someone. He understood what she was saying. You had to take chances, but if his chance could hurt someone else, then he needed to make the best decision. Sometimes happy endings didn't happen for everyone.