5. Violet

5

Violet

W ho are you, and what have you done with Violet Evans?! My brain screams as I walk away from Ryan. The same Ryan who was so blunt and condescending to me this morning was stumbling over his words when he approached me tonight. I’m glad he came up to me. I noticed him before he walked up to me. He wore a black, short-sleeved Henley shirt with jeans that framed his muscles. Three undone buttons at the top of his shirt gave me a small look at his body, but when he lifted his arms up, I saw that sexy V dip that girls go crazy for, accentuated by toned muscles. Am I one of them? I must be if I stared at a boy I barely knew for longer than I would like to admit, like a total creep.

The minute Hartley left my side, I began spiraling. The warning signs of a panic attack. I have those a lot. I begin feeling dizzy, lightheaded, and my breathing becomes quick and shallow. I twirl my hair or pick my nails absentmindedly while I try to take deep breaths. How did Ryan spot that in me? It took Hartley years to start reading my panic attacks. Ryan doesn’t even know me.

When he walked up, I jumped at the electricity of his touch. Ryan jolted me from my thoughts. He was much nicer than he was this morning and even admitted how much of a jerk he was. I shouldn’t get used to him being nice to me, so as I walked away, I gave him a little bit of what he gave me, and it felt good. Thank god Hartley missed the entire conversation. He would have flipped if he knew we were… flirting? I don’t know what we were doing, but I do know Hartley wouldn’t have been ok with it.

Hartley walks me over to a group of girls and guys. Yay, I need more female friends. There’s only so much Hartley can do when it comes to certain things, and I crave to have a best girl friend. Hartley immediately introduces me to a girl named Liza, who’s naturally pretty with bleach blonde hair, tall, a little loud, outgoing and wears a lot of makeup. I don't miss the way Liza levels Hartley with a nervous expression and a slight blush as he approaches her. She asks if I can walk to the bathroom with her after we talk for a few minutes, and I do. Once we get to the bathroom, she asks me the basics: major, housing, and hobbies. When I tell her I live with Hartley, she screams and grabs my shoulders, “ What? Okay, I need you to repeat that for me. Slower, please.”

Yep, she’s definitely had a few drinks. I can smell the alcohol on her breath, but she’s fun, so I go along with it. “Yes, I know it’s weird, but he’s basically my brother. We grew up together, and he’s the whole reason I’m at Springs U.”

“I love that. He always has tons of girls following him around, and I always wondered what the charm was,” Liza says with flushed cheeks as she ducks her head down.

“Woah, woah, woah, first of all, eww. Second of all, vomit. Third of all, can we please never speak of how much of a player Hartley is ever again? I know that he is, but I chose to believe he’s an angel who has never even kissed a girl,” I chuckle in response.

She bursts out laughing and grabs the bathroom counter for support. She’s laughing so hard that she can’t breathe. She grabs onto me, and I join her. Before I know it, we’re laughing so hard that we’re in tears. “Ok, I’m sorry, I just assumed, but if you ever need a break from Hartley and his antics, my dorm is always open. We should hang out sometime.”

“Yes, I would love that,” I answer eagerly.

“Let’s go back to the party. We can’t leave those boys by themselves for too long.” Liza loops her arm in mine.

Did I just make my first college friend?

Liza and I shimmy through crowds of people back into the packed main room, where the music has gotten louder, and the people are drunk. More people are dancing, bodies are closer, and hands are roaming.

“Alright it’s time for the back-to-school bash tradition: truth or dare! Meet in the living room, and let’s get this party started,” a random voice yells over the crowd before we can make our way back to Hartley and the rest of his friends. Truth or dare? Did I hear that right?

“EEEEEPP! Let’s go!” Liza screams and pulls me into the main room. Where is Hartley? My pulse quickens. I can’t do this.

Before I know it, I’m sitting in a messy circle in a crowded main room while most of the football team and their friends start the game. I choose a spot on the couch instead of the floor. There’s alcohol bottles and spills everywhere, and I don’t want to ruin my new shorts. Liza takes a seat next to me and leans her head on my shoulder as her knees bounce in excitement.

The typical things happen: people kiss, shots are taken, and clothes are stripped. Unfortunately, it’s my turn, and I still can’t find Hartley. At this point, I’m fuming. He knows all about my anxiety, and he promised not to leave me alone at this party. He used to never leave me at our old high school parties. I still remember those house parties we used to go to. I always tagged along with my best friend and his teammates. I never drank much, so I made sure Hartley got home safe. I didn’t mind watching over him. He needs me, and I need him for different reasons.

You’re an adult, Violet. You can do this. You can play this game.

“New girl, truth or dare?” an annoyingly loud girl shouts to me. She’s sandwiched between two football players and can’t keep her hands off them. She’s wearing a skin-tight red romper with her black hair curled down her back. Her chest is pushed up in perfect view for the boys next to her to get a closer look.

“I’m Violet, and I guess dare?” I have way too many truths that I do not want to uncover tonight, so dare seems logical. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to vomit. Dare, how stupid are you, Violet? You don’t do dares.

“I dare you to make out with Locke.” She snickers loudly, facing the smirking boy next to her. Am I missing the joke here? Makeout? I don’t do things like this. They make me uncomfortable, and this was definitely not in my plans for tonight. I like consistency, control, a plan, and random make-outs with football players are not in the plan.

“Really, Savannah? Locke? You know she’s a freshman, and no offense, Locke, but you are disgusting,” Liza states strongly towards Locke and rolls her eyes at him. If I wasn’t sure if she was a friend before this, I was now. She clearly has my back.

“We’ll break her in then. Locke is perfect for that. You should know that, Liza,” Savannah spits back with a wicked smile. I am missing some crucial info here. Why would Liza know that?

Liza softly whispers to me, “You don’t have to do this, you know. I’ll kiss Locke. He’s a major player, but it’s nothing I haven’t done before.” She chuckles uncomfortably, and my cheeks start flaming red. My heart is slamming against my ribcage, making it difficult for me to breathe.

“No, I’ll do it.” I shock myself when the words come out of my mouth, but I can’t let her bail me out. When I get up from the worn-down couch, I leave the safety blanket of my brand-new friend. I walk towards Locke, and my legs turn to jello, and my fingers tingle. Taking a deep breath in, I demand myself to get it together. I have to do this. I need to push myself out of my comfort zone. Locke and I are face to face. He’s cute enough with light brown hair styled in a mullet. He radiates comfort with his hands at his side and a goofy grin. This isn’t his first rodeo, that’s for sure. You’re ok. He’s harmless.

Right as Locke touches my waist, I close my eyes to make this easier, but his lips never touch mine. His hands yank off the loops of my jean shorts. My eyes shoot open, and I see Locke replaced by another body. A much bigger, tattooed, and scruffy one. Before I can push him off, his soft lips crash into mine. My brain doesn’t have time to process what is happening. My ears ring, and I can’t hear anyone else in the room. My body immediately reacts to him. I feel him tug my waist closer until we’re pressed together. I inhale his scent—woodsy mahogany. It’s intoxicating. I don’t taste any hints of alcohol on him, but I feel his tongue weave its way into my mouth. I open slightly, allowing him access. His hands slowly move up the small of my back, touching the skin right above my waist for a second, but they don’t stay there. Why do I wish they did? I feel the rough calluses from his giant hands make their way up to my neck, and his hot skin on mine brings goosebumps back to my arms. This is the best kiss I have ever had, and it’s over just like that. It takes a second for my eyes to flutter open, but when they do, I’m reminded that it’s Ryan staring back at me.