37. Violet

37

Violet

S itting in the passenger seat of Ryan’s car is not how I saw my afternoon panning out. I had a clear plan going into this: go to the game, share pleasantries, and leave with Liza and Hartley. Ryan’s presence often derails my plans. Seeing the way he interacted with the kids on his team, encouraging them when they made mistakes, lifting their spirits when the other team scored, and allowing each player to shine did something funny to my heart. A sense of pride washed over me, recognizing that he was making positive changes to better himself and others around him.

“What are you feeling foodwise?” Ryan asks, jerking me out of my daydream.

“As weird as it sounds, I’m really craving loaded cheese fries,” I shamelessly admit.

“Pat’s Diner it is.” He shoots me a smirk, white-knuckling the steering wheel the entire drive. Pat’s is a small, family-owned diner in town. You can get just about anything there, and it’s open twenty-four hours a day. Liza works there, so I've come to love all of their greasy food choices.

Ryan leads us in and asks the hostess for a booth for two. We slide across from each other and grab menus from the black and white checkered booth. Silence fills the air. I guess we’re both a little anxious about what to say to each other.

“How have you been?” Ryan asks as he rests the worn menu down on the table. He folds his arms on the table-top and fiddles with his thumbs.

“Good." My head nods hesitantly because I really haven't been the best. "Okay." I tilt my head to one side. "I honestly don’t know,” I explain.

Before he can answer, the waitress approaches the table to get our drink orders. We both order water and a loaded cheese fry appetizer. She scribbles the order down and returns to the kitchen.

Before he can answer my cryptic response, I rebuttal with, "How have you been?"

“I’m okay for the most part. Some days are harder than others, but I’m trying to rebuild my life into something I’m proud of.”

“That’s really great, Ryan. You looked at peace on the field. It’s clear that the kids love and adore you. They were glued to your hip from the time you got there to the time you left.”

“I love those little dudes. They’ve taught me more about myself than I think I’ve taught them.”

I smile and reach across the table for his hand. I have no clue what came over me, but being close to him is instinctual. Without hesitation, he cradles my hands in his across the table and begins slowly rubbing circles with the pads of his thumbs. I missed this.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the game in your note?” I blurt out.

“I didn’t want you to think I was doing it to win you back.”

“So, you really didn’t know I was going to be there today?”

“No clue, but thank god you were.”

The waitress returns with our drinks and lets us know that the fries won’t be too much longer. I peel a small piece of the napkin off and begin mindlessly rolling it between my fingers.

“I miss you a lot,” he admits, never losing eye contact. "My mind is on you, constantly."

“I miss you, too, but a little space has been good for both of us.”

“It has.” He unwinds his hands from mine and grabs his cold water, gulping half the glass. I’m entranced by the way his throat bobs as he swallows.

“How’s your mom?”

“She’s doing about the same. I’m learning to allow her the space to decide her treatment plans on her own. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever done, but I’m learning to loosen the reins.” He chuckles.

“Good. I can just picture her smacking you over the head when you get too bossy,” I giggle.

“Bossy? Is that right?” He leaves his spot and joins me on my side of the booth, tickling my side.

I shriek in laughter and beg him to stop before I pass out. I begin to notice the rest of the customers staring at us, and I shove Ryan to indicate that we’re making a scene. He returns to his side of the booth just in time for the fries. We dive right in, me stealing the jalapenos and him hoarding the bacon.

“Vi, I know you need space, and I want to respect that, but would you want to get together every now and then? Not dates, but maybe friendship hangouts? I want to take this slow with you, and I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” His voice trembles as the question hangs.

“I’d like that.” He drops the heavy stuff for the rest of the night.

His smile grows ear to ear as we inhale the rest of the loaded fries. It started to rain while we were in the diner, so we dash to Ryan's car. I managed to get soaking wet in the process. I'm sure I look like a sewer rat, but Ryan pulls off the disheveled look as water trickles from his hair down his neck. We take the short drive back to my apartment, and before I leave, he reaches over and grabs my cold hands.

"Today was everything, Vi," he says, never losing eye contact. "I really appreciate you spending time with me. I don't deserve it, but thank you, anyway." He takes a big gulp and breathes in deeply.

"You deserve everything good that comes to you, Ryan. I hope you can see that one day." I peck a kiss on his cheek before darting out the car and running up the wet stairs into my warm home.