Chapter Three

CHAPTER THREE

Sabrina

She laid the attitude on thick on the drive back from the bar, but I could tell by the haunted look in her eye when I glanced over that something had definitely scared the shit out of her.

Whether that was possibly being taken somewhere mostly against her will or witnessing the guys she'd been with get the tar beat out of them was anyone's guess.

During the ride, and the very long conversation at home afterward as well, I learned that she and Allie had some sort of falling out a few weeks before. And that all the times she was supposedly hanging out with her, she was now hanging out with this Tammy girl who was eighteen, going on nineteen, who by all accounts was wilding out.

And coming from a former very wild child, that was saying something.

I'd never been the kind of mom who believed in grounding. I'd known lots of kids growing up who had parents always grounding them. It never changed the behavior. It just made them sneakier.

That said, there was a two-and-a-half to three hour period of the day when I wasn't around to keep an eye on her. So for those hours, she was to stay in the apartment. Alone.

I could at least make sure she did the first part, thanks to making her share her location with me on her phone.

I hated doing it. I believed in trusting your kids. That said, the kid had to earn that trust. Since she'd broken it by lying and going out when and where she shouldn't, this was just going to have to be how it was for the time being.

I couldn't make sure she was alone in said apartment for those hours. But as far as I could tell, there was no sign of any boys in her life. And, believe me, we'd had many many talks about safe sex. So I wasn't as worried about that part.

And that was our life for the next two weeks.

Sure, Daphne bemoaned being ‘in prison' but it was a pretty half-hearted fight, all said and done.

I hoped she'd seen just how close she'd come to something happening that couldn't be taken back, that would potentially stick with her for the rest of her life.

If it weren't for Callow stepping in to put a stop to it.

Even just the thought of his name sent little sparks of interest shooting across my skin.

I hadn't exactly been a nun since becoming a mom. There'd even been a couple of men I'd had short-term physical affairs with over the years.

But it had been a really long time since I'd experienced anything even akin to desire.

I'd joked with the women at work that I was worrying that I'd completely lost all interest in men. I could pass right by an objectively handsome man and feel absolutely nothing.

I blamed being an overworked, underpaid, single parent of a kid going through a really difficult phase.

So it was a complete shock that, amongst my fear, anger, and relief as I stood in the bar parking lot, there were some interesting… flutterings going on thanks to that tall drink of water standing in front of me.

Sure, maybe you could make an argument for the fact that he'd saved my girl being a part of the interest.

But he was also just stupidly good-looking.

He was tall, wide-shouldered, with the carriage that came from being in the military. He had dark hair and a slight beard that contrasted nicely to his ice-blue eyes.

He also seemed insanely fit under his white tee with all sorts of interesting black and gray tattoos up his arms.

I couldn't tell exactly how old he was. Men aged so damn well it wasn't fair. But I would say he was probably closer to forty than thirty. And there were charming little crow's feet kissing the corners of his eyes and just the slightest bit of gray starting at his temples.

I was kind of disappointed I had to meet him under such strange circumstances. Because any other day if I had felt such a reaction to a man, I might have decided to hang up my years-long celibacy streak, grab a hotel room—or backseat of a car—and have some much-needed stress relief.

"That is the third time you've zoned out," Allie's mom Britney said as she sat across from me at She's Bean Around for our weekly coffee date. "I'm starting to worry I've suddenly become boring," she added. "You want to talk about it?"

All I'd been doing was talking. Mostly about Daphne. But also Allie. And the fracture in a friendship that the girls had going strong since the first Mommy-and-Me class I'd gone to and met Britney and Allie.

Britney had been a breath of fresh air for me. Amongst a sea of perfect mommies who didn't seem as strung out from lack of sleep as I'd been, Britney had dark circles that rivaled mine and looked perpetually ready to burst into tears at any moment.

She'd been older than me, of course. And while she wasn't a single mom, she was the stay-at-home partner in her relationship, so she was bearing most of the child-rearing responsibilities.

We'd bonded over our mutual struggles, our fears that we were missing some inherent ‘mom gene' since so many of the other moms seemed to have it all together.

We, and our kids, had been close ever since.

"So you know how I mentioned the guy who saved Daph?" I asked, absentmindedly stirring the iced coffee that was steadily sweating down the sides and onto the table. But thanks to the fact that the chicks at this coffee place used coffee ice cubes, it wasn't getting watered down.

"Callum."

"Callow," I corrected.

"Right," Britney said, reaching up to slip her blonde hair into a clip, then letting out a grumble when half of it fell back out. "If I ever say I'm going to cut my hair again, talk me out of it," she demanded.

"It's a lesson we all have to learn firsthand, I'm afraid," I said.

"Anyway. What about Callow?"

"I maybe left off the part where he was ridiculously, uterus-achingly handsome."

To that, Brit's brows rose. "Oh, really?" she asked, her brown eyes bright. "Handsome and willing to save a girl he didn't even know? How did your panties not burst into flames?"

"They almost did," I admitted. "I honestly have done very little other than think about him since," I added.

"I'm assuming you two didn't exchange numbers."

"It wasn't exactly that kind of situation. What was I supposed to say Hey, thanks for saving my daughter from almost certain statutory rape… can I give you my number so we can get glandular some other time' ?"

"Well, maybe not those exact words," Britney said, getting a little laugh out of me.

"I don't think I even told him my name," I admitted. "But I'm not exactly above getting dressed in something low-cut and going to hang out at Redemption in the hopes of seeing him."

"What's stopping you?"

"A moody teenager at home, for one," I said.

"Listen," Britney said, leaning in a bit. "Motherhood is really important. It's a huge part of your life. But I don't know if it is healthy for it to be your whole life."

"I have work."

"That you hate," she said, shaking her head.

I mean, yeah. It wasn't like I'd ever dreamed of working at a hotel for the rest of my life. But it had been one of the few jobs I'd been able to find that let me work the overnight shift, so I could have Britney and her partner Sam keep an eye on Daphne for me.

And once you got a steady job, when you had a kid relying on you, you kind of just had to… stick with it. Even if you almost cried each day you got in your uniform.

"I mean, I don't have work," Britney said. "But I do have hobbies and friends and family. And, of course, I have Sam. I have a whole, you know, adult world. I think it's important. Especially as we are starting to look down the barrel of the girls going off to college soon."

At the mention of that, my stomach knotted. For many reasons, really. One, having Daph away from me where I couldn't keep an eye on what she was doing and who she was doing it with. Two, the idea of there being no one around anymore. Amongst a bunch of other things.

Motherhood, it seemed, went so incredibly slowly, yet so fast at the same time.

Those nights of sitting beside her bed, worrying myself sick over her high fevers seemed to stretch on for years.

Yet I swore I blinked and she went from a pigtailed, happy little kid to a moody teen.

"I'm just saying… it might be a good time to start… having a little bit of a life yourself. Sam and I would happily come hang out with you at the bar as you wait for your handsome stranger."

"That just feels a little too desperate," I said, picking at my brownie.

"Or is it just the right amount?" she asked, wiggling her brows at me. "I mean, when is the last time you got on the old pogo stick?" she asked, making me almost shoot iced coffee through my nose.

"Pogo stick?" I asked. "Please tell me that's not the word you use when talking to Allie about sex."

"Oh, no. Trust me, we were… quite technical about the male anatomy. So clinical, in fact, that we may have scarred her for life," Britney said, wincing. "I know far more about the vas deferens than any gay woman should have to."

"I think Daph went green the first time we had the really in-depth sex talk. It is a cherished memory," I added with a laugh. "But at least she learned it from me. I had to go out and learn it all firsthand."

"Yes, speaking of learning it firsthand…"

"Look, I'm not saying I would turn down the chance to take a tour of that man's sheets. But I don't think I have it in me to go and look for him. That just feels too desperate. But I…" I started as my phone started to ring on the table.

"Is the movie over already?" Britney asked, turning her wrist to check her watch.

After two weeks of near lockdown, I'd finally agreed to let Daphne go with a group of friends to the movies.

I'd even dropped her off there myself.

But, yeah, the movie shouldn't have been over yet.

That said, I always told Daph that I would always come pick her up at any time, that she should never hesitate to call me if things felt weird or anything like that.

I swiped the screen then pulled it to my ear.

"Do you need to be picked up?" I asked.

"Yeah, she does," a male voice said, making my stomach—and somewhere else entirely—tighten.

Because that wasn't just any man's voice. It was the one that had been starring in my dirty dreams, his breath warm on my ear as he whispered filthy things to me as he thrust…

"Callow?" I asked, stiffening as Britney shot me wide eyes.

"You'll never guess who walked up in the clubhouse like she was gonna be allowed to party," he said.

"Clubhouse?" I asked, surprisingly calm that my daughter had yet again gotten herself involved in something she shouldn't have. I guess because I knew that Callow was clearly looking out for her.

"Henchmen clubhouse," he said. Then, sensing there was still no recognition, "Biker clubhouse."

"Biker clubhouse?" I asked, mind flashing with scenes from movies and TV shows. Rough and tough bikers. Girls in next to nothing. People literally fucking in public.

This kid was going to be the death of me.

Or, at the very least, the reason I was going to go prematurely gray.

"I'll come get her. What's the address?" I asked, waiting for him to rattle it off. "Thanks for calling again, Callow," I said before hanging up.

To find Britney staring at me with saucer eyes. "What?" I asked.

"You didn't mention that Callow was a Henchmen."

"I don't… know what that means," I admitted.

"The Henchmen. The guys riding around on bikes. Wearing leather cuts…"

"You mean those vests?" I asked.

"Yes, Sabrina, the vests," she said, shaking her head at me. "You know, the ones with the one-percenters badges on them."

"It's like you're speaking a different language."

"How could you have possibly lived in Navesink Bank your whole life without knowing about them?" Britney asked.

"Hey, I mean, I know there are bikers around. But I don't know anything about their, you know, lifestyle."

"Their lifestyle is they're arms-dealers," Britney said, getting to her feet. "You're not going there alone," she added as she pulled her purse up on her shoulder.

The words arms-dealers played across my mind as I followed Britney out of the coffee shop.

So Callow was an arms-dealing biker.

Yeah.

That kind of checked out.

I'd always gone for the bad for me types.

I mean my first real boyfriend had been the school's biggest weed dealer. I wondered each time when I passed the dispensary what he was up to now that it was all legal.

Then there was the singer of a rock band.

And, of course, Daphne's father.

A guy who got kicked out of school after one too many fights, impregnated me that night, then skipped town the next morning.

It just made sense that the first guy in years that I showed the slightest bit of interest in was a freaking outlaw biker.

The drive from She's Bean Around to the clubhouse was far too short to try to get my thoughts and feelings in order. So I was still frazzled as Britney and I walked up the path toward the door.

The silence behind the door was not helping with my sudden nerves.

Hadn't Callow mentioned a party?

God, this better not be some sort of trap.

Anxiety had my palms feeling sweaty and my latte and brownie going sour in my stomach. But the fact that my daughter was behind that door was what had me straightening my posture and reaching for the knob.

The scene inside was almost comical.

It was like the second that the men realized there was an underage girl in their club where she didn't belong, they all panicked and lined themselves up against the wall furthest from where she was sitting on the couch.

For once, Daphne actually looked embarrassed by her actions or by being caught. The pink was high in her cheeks. Even from across the room with her head ducked, I could see it.

My gaze scanned the crowd, finding Callow standing apart from all the other bikers.

"Daphne, go with Britney to the car," I demanded, tone brooking no argument.

"Okay," Britney whispered in my ear. "But if you're not out in five minutes, I'm calling the police."

With that, she turned to follow my daughter out of the building as all the men visibly relaxed and started to scatter until it was only me and Callow in the common room.

"I'm so sorry about this," I said, reaching a hand up to run it through my hair. "I dropped her off at the movies," I added, feeling the need to defend myself. "I saw her walk up to her friends there."

"Probably caught a ride with that other chick as soon as you left," Callow said, shrugging.

"Is she here?" I asked, glancing around.

"She was. Dunno where she is now."

So not only had she brought my kid here, but she'd left her too? That was just lovely.

"Don't worry," he said, shaking his head. "I clocked her no more than five minutes after she walked in the door. Nothing happened. Couldn't have even gotten a drink before then."

"Thank you. I can't believe she did this."

"No?" he asked, lips curving up ever so slightly, his head ducking a bit. "‘Cause I was doing this type of shit at her age too."

"I was too," I admitted. "But she was supposed to be better than me, damnit."

"She's just a kid. Kids are idiots. Life's gotta kick them around a little bit to knock the stupid out."

"True. But whatever happened to, I don't know, drinking in the woods or someone's basement? Why is my kid at a biker clubhouse at sixteen?"

To that, Callow actually looked a little embarrassed as he reached up to rub the back of his neck.

"What?" I asked.

"I think she might've, ah, come here to find me," he admitted.

"Oh. My. God," I groaned.

It wasn't so much of a ‘My daughter likes older men' type of oh-my-God.

It was more of ‘My daughter and I have the same taste in men' oh-my-God.

"I'm so sorry," I said, not sure what else I could say. "That had to be… incredibly awkward."

"Hey, at least it was me, I guess."

He was right about that.

Too many sickos in the world would totally take her up on her little teenage crush.

"Can I ask you something?" Callow asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"Where is Daphne's father?"

To that, a little laugh escaped me. "That's a great question. The last time I was in touch, he was in a prison in New Mexico," I told him. "He's… never been a part of her life."

I'd hunted his ass down after the stick turned blue. And he'd sent me cash in an envelope with a note that said he wasn't cut out to be a dad.

I had to give him credit for being self-aware enough to realize that. Even if I didn't exactly have a choice about being a mom.

"Sorry to hear that," Callow said, shaking his head. "You both deserve better than that."

Maybe if she'd had a father figure, she wouldn't be chasing after the attention of older men. That was the stereotype, right? Maybe therapy was more necessary than punishment.

"Do you mind if I gave you my number?" I asked. "In case she is ever here again? Or even if you are ever out and about and see her somewhere she shouldn't be?"

"Yeah, of course," he said, reaching for his phone, unlocking it and handing it to me. I typed my information in before passing it back. "Sabrina," he said, light blue eyes flicking up to me as my name in his voice had shivers moving through me.

"That's me," I said, shooting him a smile that I hoped covered up the desire that was raging through me.

"I promise I'll let you know if I see Daphne anywhere it seems like you wouldn't approve of."

"And since she'll be grounded from now until eternity, that is absolutely anywhere," I said.

"Eh, go easy on the kid. She looked fucking mortified when I snatched her phone out of her hand and called you in front of everyone."

"Am I a terrible mother if I say ‘Good' to that?"

The horn wailed outside, making Callow's brows raise.

"This time, I'm pretty sure that's my friend, not my daughter. She's probably seconds away from calling the cops, actually," I added, shooting him a smile. "I should get going."

"Yeah," he said, walking me toward the door.

"Again, thanks," I said as he opened the door for me.

"Don't mention it," he said, his gaze lingering for a second.

Did it flick to my mouth or was that just my hopeful imagination?

"Well, ah, you have my number," I said, suddenly feeling like some inexperienced teenager myself.

"That I do," he said, something in his voice and gaze making me almost swoon into him.

Which was why I turned and skedaddled to the SUV, finding that Britney was in the driver's seat now, so I climbed in the passenger side.

Did I look back at the clubhouse door as we pulled away, just wanting to get one last look at that delicious man?

Yes, yes I did.

Right before launching into the myriad of reasons my teenager had absolutely no business trying to track him down and see him again.

I felt hoarse by the time we made it back into our apartment a while later.

"Okay, I get it!" Daphne snapped, face flaming. But, moreso than that, her eyes looked a little watery. "It doesn't matter anyway. He doesn't want me! No one does!" she added on a sob as she ran down the hallway, slamming her door in the process.

Where was the chapter in the parenting manual that helped you navigate the sticky topic of self-worth when it came to the opposite sex without inadvertently making her think it was okay to try to chase after a man old enough to be her father?

When the music turned on in her room, making me know she wasn't going to entertain any more conversation for the night, I poured myself a cup of wine, grabbed my phone, and started to research how to handle this… incredibly uncomfortable situation without leaving the poor kid traumatized.

While I pretended not to hope that a notification would come through on said phone from a certain blue-eyed biker who said my name like a secret only the two of us knew.

God, maybe Britney was right. I needed to get back up on the ol' pogo stick.

Just not Callow's.

No matter how much I might have wanted that.