Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Callow

I'd had a fuckuva lot of tacos in my day.

But tacos off of Sabrina and Daphne's floral plates in their very pink and girly living room while watching early aughts soft horror movies were, by far, the best tacos I'd ever had.

Sabrina and Daph had this habit of talking through movies they'd clearly seen a dozen times before. Sometimes critiquing the dialogue or CGI, other times quoting the movie, or pointing out plot poles big enough to drive a bus through. But somehow managing to do it all in a fun, lighthearted way that didn't come off overly negative. If anything, it was the complete opposite. They loved the movies enough to poke fun at them without it dampening that love.

After dinner, Daph asked her mother to help wash her hair then braid it while I loaded the dishwasher and put away the leftovers.

I'd never felt quite so damn domestic before.

Even though I'd been sharing a daily life with others pretty much my entire existence. I dunno. This just felt different.

"Callow," Daph called as I sat at the kitchen counter trying not to look like I was eye-fucking Sabrina as she walked around making cookies while listening to Prince.

"What's up, kid?" I asked as she came walking over with her tablet.

"Can I ask you, you know, war questions?"

"Yeah, sure," I said.

"What was the Vietnam War like?" she asked, making Sabrina snort out a laugh.

"How the fuck old do you think I am?" I asked, making Sabrina lose her fight and burst out in laughter.

"What?" Daph asked, genuinely perplexed.

"The Vietnam War started in '55. I wasn't born yet," I told her.

"What about Grenada?"

"Still before my time."

"What about the Gulf War?"

"Think I was still learning to tie my shoes when that went down. You got a history paper due or something?"

"It's for a debate, actually," she admitted.

"What is the debate?"

"Those pro versus against war. In general."

"Which side are you on?"

"Against," she said. "I guess you'd be pro?"

"That's… a big question."

"But you were in the military for, like, ever."

"Which is why I saw a lot of how pointless most wars are. How many innocent people die because of the ideas a few people at the top have."

"What's complicated then?" she asked.

"Sometimes wars help liberate oppressed people. Sometimes they take heartless dictators out of office. But, as a whole, it's just a lot of suffering and death."

"Would you do it again?"

"That's complicated. I did it to get away from home when I was young and miserable. It let me travel. It taught me a lot about duty, sacrifice, and teamwork. Would I go back now if it was possible? No. But I dunno if I would want to erase the experience either."

"How did you go from the military to an arms-dealing biker?"

"Daphne!" Sabrina hissed.

"What? It's not like we don't all know what he does for a living," she said with an eye roll.

"It's alright," I said, turning my coffee cup around on the counter a time or two before answering. "I think, in a way, it was familiar. The brotherhood, the teamwork, the sacrificing the individual wants for the good of the whole. I was used to strict authority structures. And, yeah, I know a thing or two about guns. And don't shy away from dangerous situations. It made a hell of a lot more sense to end up as an arms-dealing biker than, I dunno, a used car salesman or some shit."

"Does it pay a lot?"

"Daphne, for God's sake. I might not have been Miss Manners, but I'm pretty sure I did teach you that you can't ask people what they make for a living."

"It's fine," I said, reaching out to swipe some flour off of Sabrina's arm. A movement that Daph tracked, a little smile tugging at her lips. "Yeah, it pays well."

"How well?"

"I give up," Sabrina said, closing her eyes and shaking her head at her kid's prying questions.

"Enough that, when or if I want a house, I can buy one. Or open a legit business. Or both."

"Do a lot of the bikers have legit businesses?"

"They're definitely branching out. Which is good for the club."

"To wash the money," Daph said.

"How do you know about washing money?" Sabrina asked.

"Because this isn't the nineteen-hundreds anymore," Daph said, making both her mother and I wince, realizing the 1900s she was talking about were the ones we'd been born in. Albeit the latter end of them. "And everyone knows criminals need to wash their cash to keep the Feds off of their backs."

"That's it. I'm canceling all cable and streaming services. From now on, all we watch are history documentaries," Sabrina said, making Daph laugh.

"Says someone who watches true crime stuff all the time."

"So I can know how not to be kidnapped and murdered," Sabrina shot back. "Not to know the inner workings of criminal empires."

"We all have our interests," Daph shot back, making Sabrina exhale a little pained sound. "Be interested in economics or something."

"I mean, criminal organizations do kind of factor into the economy," Daph said, fucking with her mom, even sharing a smile with me about it.

"You see these gray hairs, kid?" Sabrina asked, gesturing toward her hair that, as far as I could tell, was gray-free still.

"Let me guess, they each have my name on them. Alright. I'm gonna go work on my debate topics. Tell me when the cookies are done," she said, swiping her book bag off the floor on her way to her room.

"If you think that third-degree was bad, you should have seen her as a kid. We once had to wait in line at a very busy bank where she peppered me with questions. Like how much money I had in the bank, what I weighed, why I didn't have a boyfriend, and what those little plastic tubes with ‘tissues' inside of them were in the box under the bathroom cabinet."

"Hey, it's good that she's curious. It'll make her motivated in college."

"That's what I try to tell myself each time I get stressed out about the frat parties, drinking, drugs, and casual sex."

"Does she have any idea what she wants to go to school for?"

"She flip-flops. The ideological side of her wants to go for literature or writing. The practical side knows she'd also be good as a lawyer. She's got time, though. I'm not really worried about her major. I just… want her to have the opportunity to go and experience all the things I didn't do when I was her age."

"Did you want to go to college?"

"I wanted to go to frat parties," she said, getting a laugh out of me. "I honestly didn't give academics a whole lot of thought. I was too busy… living. I'd never been one of those teens who seemed to know what they wanted to do with their lives from middle school on. I was too focused on just having a good time and, eventually, getting out of my father's house. Though, honestly, I think my plans back then all involved a guy who I was so sure would run away from town and take me with them.

"I learned pretty quickly how unreliable it was to depend on a guy to get me to a better life."

"You were a kid. They were… idiots. Didn't know how good they had it with you. Especially her old man," I said, nodding toward Daph's room.

"I honestly never wanted anything to do with him again after he ran out on us. But I'll admit my heart hurts for her that he never wanted anything to do with her. Even though I know from experience what that's like, it doesn't make it any easier to watch your kid go through it."

"It's his loss for sure. And she turned out good. Fucking horrible concept of time and age aside."

"She told me last week that my shoes made me look like an ‘old lady,'" Sabrina said, shaking her head. "I'd like to say you get used to it, but those fuckers know how to hit you where it hurts. Our fading youth."

"Eh, you're still pretty young," I said.

"Tell that to my lower back. I nearly threw it out sneezing the other day."

"Until you've pulled a muscle trying to tie your shoe, think you're good," I said, getting a laugh out of her. "So if or when Daph goes off to college, what's your plan?"

"What do you mean?" she asked as she started to drop cookies onto a baking sheet.

"Well, your schedule would free up, right? Don't have to be home at a specific time. Don't have to be home at all if you don't want to. You got plans for then?"

"I… don't," she said, looking a little stricken at the idea.

It seemed just like Sabrina to be so focused on what a situation would mean for her daughter that she completely neglected to leave herself out of the equation.

"I'm assuming this is where I should find some long-buried talent to work on. Or pick up a new hobby. Something like that. But, ah, getting myself into trouble was my only talent when I was younger. And I know myself well enough to know I would pull my hair out trying to learn to knit or garden. Do you have any hobbies?"

"I dunno if I'd call them hobbies. But I like to get out and do shit on occasion. Go to the range. Kayak. There's a wall-climbing place around here that's a good time. Anything that sounds interesting."

"I might be interested in going to concerts again," Sabrina said as she slid the cookies in the oven. "Though I'll admit that a part of me is a little terrified that I will be that old person claiming the music is too loud now."

"You can start going again before Daph goes off to college. She'll be driving on her own by her next birthday, right? Doubt she'll be hanging here every night then."

"Shh. Don't remind me. I'm just gonna pray that this book thing stays her new obsession and the only place she drives off to at night is with Allie to check out some new bookstores."

"Is she still talking to that Tammy chick?"

"I mean, I don't monitor her texts or anything like that. But I haven't heard her talking about Tammy in a while. I feel like a bad person hoping one of her friendships has fizzled out, but I'd prefer her to hang out with kids like Allie than adults like Tammy."

"That makes sense. Allie definitely seems like a better influence. I'm assuming she plans on going to college too?"

"Yeah. She's very school-focused. She studies for the state tests," Sabrina said with a fond little smile. "She's planning on becoming a research scientist. Lets her do smart stuff while not having to interact with too many people. Her moms are happy because, apparently, that pays pretty damn well too."

"That worrying about them shit, that never goes away, huh?"

"I think about her marrying and having kids and a stable life and still stress myself out worrying about her not getting enough sleep or eating right or all the shit I went through when I was a new mom."

"Difference being, she'll always have you."

"Yeah," she said, but there was a sad look in her hazel eyes.

"What?" I asked.

To that, she sighed. "I kind of wish I'd been able to give Daphne more of a support system than I did. She has me, always. And Britney and Sam will, of course, be there for her if she needs them. But… that's all I could give her."

"Think you're more than enough, but I get what you're saying. I'm not in touch with my family, save for my sister. But my found family in the club is my real family now. There's something to be said for knowing you have this massive group of people to rely on if you need them. Perish hasn't needed to lift a finger since he got shot. Someone is always doting on him."

The conversation shifted more to the club then. To the kinds of connections there were. The club as a whole, of course, then the wives, the kids, the smaller groups of closer friends. Like Nave with Voss. Like me with Sully. There were always some groups who clicked more. But when push came to shove, you had everyone to fall back on if you needed them.

Then, well, the cookies were done and there was no more talking, just fucking devouring those goddamn things as Daph prattled on about how much baking Sabrina did for Christmas, and that I had to be around to try it all.

"She's really pushing for us, huh?" I asked as Daph took a small plate of cookies back to her room. Where she claimed she planned to stay until the morning. With the TV on.

That damn kid . She was a trip.

"What? Oh, uhm," Sabrina said, wide-eyed, like she was worried I would be upset about that fact.

"It's sweet how much she wants to see you happy," I added.

"She's a good kid," Sabrina agreed. "But it's not like I'm expecting… or that her wanting us to… it's new…"

"Hey, take a breath," I said, reaching to grab her hips and pull her up to my chair. "Way I see it, there is an us. I get that it's new. And neither of us can say what's gonna happen a month or year from now. But, for now, I like what we got going on."

That had the tension sliding out of her shoulders.

"I like it too," she agreed, reaching up to rest her forearms on my shoulders, then pressing a soft kiss to my lips. "How about you… not sleep on the couch tonight?"