35. Claudia

Chapter 35

Claudia

I keep hearing the snap of my tray against Skinny's skull. Angelo's lucky Cage uses fancy solid wood and not those flimsy plastic things. It felt like hammering at a brick wall, and the first time I hit him, he barely even grunted. It took a second, and a third, before he finally released this awful groan and the scalp under his hair broke away. Blood gushed from the wound, and I hit him again, and again, until he fell to the side and tried to curl around himself.

I didn't stop. I should've stopped. Skinny let go—Angelo wasn't dying anymore—but I kept hitting him, over and over. I was terrified Skinny would get up and finish Angelo off and kill me next, but more than that, I was so fucking mad.

The bastards did this to me. They did this to Serena. They tried to take Angelo away. And seeing Skinny with that wire wrapped around Angelo's throat, I lost my mind. Angelo's eyes were bulging and blood was running down his throat, and I hated Skinny so much. I felt like I was hitting Tommy too as I bashed Skinny's skull over and over until he stopped making noise, stopping moving altogether, and I slumped back against the wall gasping for air.

Seamus's guys found us not long after that. Angelo had crawled over to me and pulled me into his arms, and I hadn't even noticed the blood on my hands and arms until I got back to his place.

I took a long, hot shower, and scrubbed and scrubbed, but it was like the blood wouldn't wash away. I kept seeing Skinny curled up on the ground, bleeding from a ruined skull, not moving an inch.

Nobody said anything about it. Not Angelo, not Seamus, not any of the guys, but they all knew.

I killed him. I killed Skinny. I did it to save Angelo, or that's what I'm telling myself.

Because there was a moment where Skinny was lying on the ground curled up in a ball, a moment when I knew he wasn't a threat anymore and that I could stop, but I didn't.

I chose to kill him. I kept on going because I wanted to.

And that scares the hell out of me.

Now Angelo's gone again with the other men. I wish he were here. The house feels so big and quiet, and I'm going crazy as I pace around the kitchen. I keep calling Serena, but she's not picking up. It rings and rings, and it tosses me to voicemail. I send her a couple texts, just trying to find out if she's still alive, and there's only silence.

Silence filled by the crack of Skinny's skull and his last pained grunts.

There's a knock at the door. I flinch, hesitate, but peer through a window. I recognize Angelo's sister, a woman named Elena. She's pretty, gorgeous really, and her smile is big and bright when I open up for her.

"You must be Claudia," she says but she doesn't move to come inside. "I heard Angelo stashed you here. I figured I'd come over and say hello."

"Hello. Angelo told me about you." I hesitate, but step aside to let her in. "Want something to drink?"

"That'd be great. It's been a long night already." She follows me into the kitchen. I find wine in the refrigerator and pour two glasses.

"Is your husband with Angelo right now?"

She shakes her head. "Brody's back home, but he's Seamus's brother. I guess my actual brother and my brother-in-law are there."

"I don't know how you do it." I curl up on the couch and she sits on a chair facing me. "I'm so stressed out right now."

"I can imagine," she says gently. "I mean, what you went through earlier. That must've been hard."

I stare at the wine and take a long sip. It doesn't help. "I feel like it's all happening so fast, you know? For months I was going in to Cage and doing my best to watch out for my sister, and now—" I gesture vaguely into the air.

Now I'm killing people.

"That's not your fault," Elena says and crosses her feet under her butt. I like the way she's sitting. It's weirdly informal and comfortable, and it puts me at ease in a strange way. "Angelo's a hurricane right now. He got out of prison and decided to tear everything to pieces."

"You're not kidding." I smile bitterly to myself. "I can't even say I'm mad that it happened. I think if he hadn't shown up, Serena would've kept on indefinitely with Tommy, and who knows what would've happened to her."

"Now there's a chance," Elena says, nodding to herself. "But more importantly, what about you and my brother?" Her eyes seem to sparkle as her brows raise. "From what I hear, there's a little something going on between you two."

I clear my throat and change my position, not sure how to handle that question. "It's, uh, very new."

"That's a very diplomatic answer." Elena's beaming huge and I can tell she's loving this. "Come on, be honest. You and my brother are sleeping together."

"I mean—" I look away, cheeks burning. This is his freaking sister. I'm not going to start talking about our sex life. "There's definitely something between us."

"Do you want to be with him?" she asks, which is very direct, and I haven't even thought that far.

I like Angelo. I might like him even more than like —I want to be around him all the time. He makes me feel good. We mesh together in a way I've never experienced with another person before, like every time he's in the room somehow my life is lighter and easier. There's the sex, which is mind-blowing and addictive, but it's all the little stuff too. The way he holds me after, the way he laughs at my jokes, the way he can't seem to keep his hands off me.

"I think we're moving in that direction," I say after a long pause, which I know is pretty awkward, though Elena doesn't seem to mind.

"That's really good," she says and slaps her knees. "Seriously, you don't know how happy that makes me. Angelo's been having a tough time ever since he came back home, and I think he really needs someone like you."

"Someone like me?" My eyes go wide and I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean.

"Someone not in our world," she clarifies. "A woman not involved in the Famiglia. You can tell him I said this if you want, but I think Angelo needs to find his own way right now."

I let that sink in, and it makes sense. Angelo has hinted at something along those lines a few times. He feels like the family left him behind, and now it's up to him to find a way to define his relationship with them. Maybe I'm part of that definition, and maybe I'm not.

But I did kill to save his life, which probably says a lot about how I feel.

We chat for a while longer. I start to feel at ease with Elena. She's got a way about her—it's bubbly and upbeat, but not overbearing, and it makes me really comfortable. Eventually she gets a text that says the guys are on their way back and she calls it a night, but promises we'll spend more time together soon.

"You need to meet our parents," she says, grinning huge. "Plus, I think you'll like Stefania and my sister Laura."

"I mean, I'd be happy to get to know everyone more."

"Fantastic." She looks over her shoulder as a black SUV parks out front and Angelo climbs from the passenger seat. He says something to the guy driving, and I stare at the back window. It's shattered, and the seat is covered with several towels, like they're hiding something underneath.

"Sister, were you bothering Claudia?" Angelo looks exhausted. I've never seen him so drained before in my life, and it breaks my heart. If Elena weren't here, I would've already gone to him.

"Never," she says sweetly. "We had a lovely talk. I figured she wouldn't want to be alone right now." Elena waves and walks off.

I finally reach Angelo's arms. He sighs once he hugs me, and I can't ignore the smell of blood and sweat on him. I get under one of his arms and he leans on me as we head inside and go right upstairs.

"What happened?" I ask quietly.

He fills me in as he starts the shower. Tommy's condo was empty, but they found some incriminating evidence. Roc ambushed him outside, except Roc's dead now, and Angelo has a pretty good idea where Tommy's hiding out. Bianco men are currently watching the place from a discreet distance.

I help him shower. It's strange, but there's nothing sexual about the way I clean him off, soaping his body and rinsing the suds down his gorgeous skin. He lets me take over, not complaining, not fighting, just watching me with his beautiful eyes. When I'm done, he puts on sweats, and we get into bed together.

His arms pull me close against his warm body, and all at once, I know what I want. It's so clear, so bright and painful. Tears swell in my eyes, but this is right. It has to be right.

"What if we let it all go?" I whisper to him.

He's very still in the darkness. His chest rises and falls. "I'm not sure you mean that."

"What if we did?" I press. "Forget about Serena. Forget about Tommy. Your family will catch them and deal with them eventually, right? You've gone through enough, Angelo, and I don't want to lose you. What if we let it go?"

Each word is like a knife in my heart. I've never seriously considered giving up on Serena before, but after today, I can't act like she's the most important person in my life anymore. I killed for Angelo, and I don't regret it one bit. I'd do it again if I had to. And if we keep pushing this, if he keeps barreling straight into danger searching for his obsessive revenge, I might not be there the next time he needs help.

I can't stand the thought of losing this, not after I just found it.

And I know, deep down, that Serena's been gone for a while. She might've been gone since the first night Rodney crossed the line. I could've lost her then without realizing it, and I've been so angry and so intent on bringing her back that I haven't been able to see the truth.

She doesn't want me anymore.

I'm still her sister and I still believe she loves me, but she doesn't want my life anymore. She moved on, found something else, found drugs and parties and whatever else. She found a way to drown her misery, to escape all the bad shit that happened to her when we were younger, and no amount of self-sacrifice can take away her pain. She's hurting, and it kills me, but I can't change it.

She has to want to come back. I've always known that, but now I can see so clearly. She has to want it, but she doesn't.

"I don't know if I can," he says and I hear how hard that is for him to admit. "It consumes me, baby. What they did to me back then. Tommy's been free all this time, he's been living a life while I was rotting in jail and I hate him for it."

"You can't change that, just like I can't change my sister. We have each other now, and what if that was enough? What if that was more than enough?" I kiss him gently as tears roll down my cheeks. "We could just walk away."

His face is hard in the dark half-light leaking in through the blinds. Slowly, he strokes a thumb down my face, wiping away the tears. He leans forward and kisses me, and he lets out a low sigh.

"I made you a promise. I swore I'd put things right. I told you I'd get your sister away from Tommy, and I'm going to follow through."

"This isn't for me anymore. This is your choice."

"I know that, and I hope you can forgive me, but I have to see it through."

He kisses me and I kiss him back, because of course I can forgive him. I understand better than anyone else in the world, but something shifted inside of me earlier, something irrevocable and solid and real. It's like a switch flipped, and now I can see what's right in front of my face.

I have what I want. He's right here in bed. Only I need him to survive this terrible journey he's on, otherwise, I'm not sure what I'll be in the wreckage.