16. Claudia

Chapter 16

Claudia

I 'm dead tired and my feet hurt and my back feels like mashed potatoes. Nights like this, my favorite thing is to clock out, go home, and collapse onto the couch, not to move again until the sun wakes me up. But first, I need to use the lady's room, because Tommy's been a prick all night and keeps on giving me shit every time I step away from dancing in the cage.

No Angelo this evening. I kept expecting him, especially after he disappeared on me last night, but the whole shift crawled past and he never materialized.

It's perverse, and pathetic, and probably dumb, but I wish he were here. I want to press my lips to his and drink him in again. Let Tommy watch on his cameras; I don't even care anymore. I've been so deep in this hell for the past eight months watching my beloved sister succumb to her addiction, watching my beautiful Serena turn into a bones-and-rags version of her former perfect self all for drugs and some douchebag gangster fuckwad, and I deserve something good for myself.

Not that I think Angelo's good. No, he's for sure using me and not even trying to be coy about it. But at least he's hot and he kisses like an angel.

I linger in the bathroom. I'm so tired I don't feel like getting up. I finish, flush, and I'm about to leave the stall when the door opens, and I feel like a total creep as my sister's voice floats through the echoey space. "…to love this stuff, I swear. Tommy always spoils me."

Another voice. It's a waitress, a young girl named Kayla, one of my least favorite people in this whole place. Small, toned, tanned, and pierced. The clients love her. "God, I'm so jealous. He's really good to you."

"I know , right?" Serena sounds happy. Lucid and happy. I should probably leave the stall instead of listening in. "Check this out." A rustle and the clatter of something hard, and Kayla's laughing with delight.

"Can I have a taste?"

"You better, it's why we're here."

Some tapping then a snort and a loud moan and a laugh, followed by another, and another, and both girls are giggling. "Holy shit ," Kayla says. "What the hell is this stuff?"

"Coke. Mostly. Plus, more fun stuff." Serena sounds spaced again. All the light sucked away.

I shove the door open. I can't do this. I can't stand around and listen to Serena get high and say nice things about that fucking prick Tommy. I'm fuming, and both girls look at me, Kayla with an amused, manic grin, and Serena with a deep frown, her eyes hooded.

"Were you creeping in there, Claudia?" Kayla asks, bouncing around. They have a little mirror on the counter covered in powder and a small metal straw with a string of diamonds along its length. "What the hell? That's so freaking weird, even for you." Kayla says, loud and way too fast.

I stare at Serena. Kayla's nothing, just blonde hair and a nose ring and a willingness to wear the red wristband when it suits her. Serena stares back, face shut down.

"Really? In the bathroom? You could at least get one of the rooms." I walk past them and start washing my hands, trying to pretend like I'm brave, but not feeling brave at all.

"Seriously, Claudia, what is with you?" Kayla's still babbling. "Your sister is so fun but you're just such a dud. I swear Tommy puts you in that stupid dance cage because there you can't do any damage, like scaring away the customers, right, Serena?"

Serena doesn't answer. She cleans up her drug crap and shoves it into her purse. "Let's go," she says.

Kayla's bouncing on her toes. "Gladly. Gladly! Oh my god, that stuff is so fucking good, Rena. Let's hit the karaoke room, flirt with some rich idiots, and party for a while." She keeps motoring her jaw as she exits, but Serena doesn't follow.

I face my sister. My sister cocks her head.

"Kayla's right," she says.

And it's like she punched me in the neck. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but my heart stops, my throat's closed up, and I'm pretty sure I'm about to collapse.

Serena turns away. "Why do you keep coming back here, Claud? I know you hate it. Just let it go."

I choke out, "I can't do that."

"Then Kayla's right. You're a dud and you're doing it to yourself. Just go, Claud. Just go. You'll be better off." She drifts to the door.

"Or you think you will be," I call after her, fighting hard not to cry. "Because if I'm still here, you feel bad about all the drugs, don't you? About all the partying? I remind you of who you really are?"

She whirls on me. I haven't seen Serena this mad in a very long time. "This is who I am, what don't you get? Would you rather I moved back in with Uncle Fucking Rodney and let him call me a stupid cow and have to lock the bathroom door so he doesn't accidentally walk in on me while I'm getting out of the shower twice a week? Fuck off, Claud. I'm happy here. I have a place here. Just fuck off."

I stare at her, numb all over. My cheeks are bright red and something's burning in my guts. "I didn't know he did that to you," I say, very quietly.

Serena's shoulders hunch. "It's disgusting, okay? I'm fucking embarrassed. My uncle used to peep on me. It's fucking sick."

"Did he ever?—?"

"No, he never touched me. Just drop it, okay? I love you, Claud, but you don't belong here. Kayla's right, just go."

Then Serena shoves the door open and she leaves. I'm stuck in the bathroom, feet planted on the tiles. I want to move, but my body won't let me.

I knew Rodney was an abusive piece of shit. I heard the insults. He slung plenty at me. But he never crossed the line into something perverted, and Serena never told me about this, not until right now. How much of that was the drugs? And how much was Serena crying out for help? I don't know, and I can't know, but her words keep ringing in my ears, and I feel like I'm going to crumble.

She wants me gone. She's happy here. She's better off on drugs hanging around with vapid assholes like Kayla and fucking a dirty mob shithead like Tommy, because that's better than living with her uncle.

Because her sister never saw what was really happening.

"Fuck," I say and storm out, tears streaming down my face. "Fuck," I say and find my stuff in the backroom. "Fuck," I say, over and over to myself as I go home, heading for my apartment, and when I'm safely inside with the door shut behind me, I start to sink down to the floor.

Then freeze.

"Claudia," he says, and the big dark shape pulls itself off my couch and stands. "What's wrong?"

Angelo. Here. Right now. In my apartment. I shiver and should scream.

Instead, I walk to him, and I let him wrap his arms around me.