9. Ember

9

EMBER

I t’s too much. This is all too much. The noise. The laughter. Strangers. A new place. Cage.

My breaths are coming out shallow, but my heart starts to race. Blackness clouds my vision. I blink several times to bring myself back to focus. It won’t work. Every muscle in my neck stiffens, and it’s getting harder to stay standing. I rub my fingers together, hating their clamminess.

Cage speaks to me, but I’m struggling to make sense of it. I say something back. What did I say? He looks unhappy. His eyebrows are drawn together, and then he nudges me.

Walls pass me by. Have I passed out? I still can’t breathe, and my knees feel weak.

“Firefly, count,” Cage urges. “Count each stroke of my thumb.”

Blinking several times, I glance down to where he’s touching me, his hand on my knee. Where am I?

He moves his thumb over my thigh, back and forth in slow motion.

“Count them, baby.”

I silently count the strokes, and with each one, my breathing slows until I no longer feel like I’m having a heart attack.

“Good girl. That’s good, firefly. Keep counting.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut.

How humiliating. Did his family notice that I was panicking? Cage is probably embarrassed to have me here.

“Look at me, baby.” His voice is quiet and gentle, yet I want to obey him. To please him. Why do I want to make Cage happy?

Slowly, I lift my lids and meet his gaze. He doesn’t look scary right now. Instead, his forehead is creased with concern.

“That’s better,” he murmurs. “That’s a good girl.”

My bottom lip trembles, but I fight the urge to burst into tears.

“I want you to listen to me, Ember. Are you listening?”

I nod, keeping my eyes on him.

“The next time you feel yourself getting anxious, I want you to come to me. Tell me. Touch me or give me a look. I don’t care. Let me know because expecting yourself to just get over it isn’t healthy. I don’t want you to have to deal with it alone. Okay?”

There he goes, being so kind and sweet again.

“It was just a lot. Being around a lot of new people is hard for me. I didn’t mean to ruin your night.”

Cage chuckles and squeezes my knee. “If you think that could possibly ruin my night, you have a lot to learn about me, firefly. I know it’s hard to believe, but having someone to take care of is where I thrive.”

Ouch. When he said someone and not me specifically shouldn’t hurt like it does. I’m nobody to him. That’s fine. He’s only my bodyguard. Nothing more. Besides, I don’t want just anyone. I want a Daddy.

The memory of Rowena leaning against Theo while sucking a pacifier pops into my mind.

“How come Rowena uses a pacifier?”

There’s an obvious answer to that, but that kind of stuff doesn’t actually happen in real life. Not that I haven’t thought about it.

“Because she has anxiety too, and it helps with that,” Cage replies.

“Oh. That makes sense.” I nod, a pang of disappointment in the pit of my tummy.

“She’s also a Little,” he adds. “Just like you are.”

Every nerve in my body tenses. Oh, God. Am I that obvious? Maybe that’s why I got picked on so much in school. No matter what I try to do, I can’t hide that side of myself well enough.

“No, I’m not.” Deny, deny, deny. Maybe if I deny it enough, it will happen.

I’ve tried that before, though. My Little side is part of me in a way I can’t control. As badly as I wish I was normal, I know I’m not. I never have been. He’ll think I’m a freak if he knows the truth.

My breathing becomes shallow as I start to panic all over again.

“Ember Elizabeth, lie to me one more time and see what happens,” Cage says firmly.

My attention snaps to him, pulling me out of the dark hole I was heading down. My chin drops. “You can’t threaten me.”

What was he threatening me with? Was he saying he would spank me? Of course he wasn’t. Duh. I’m so stupid to even think that’s what he was implying.

“Baby girl, I can do whatever I want.” He smirks and reaches out to tap my nose. “Lying is against the rules. So, let’s try that again. Rowena is Little, just like you are. Am I wrong?”

“You can’t do whatever you want.”

Great. Awesome, Ember. Phenomenal response.

My answer obviously amuses him because the corners of his lips twitch.

“Stop trying to dodge my question, firefly.”

I sigh, running my fingers over the hem of the sweatshirt he gave me to wear. It’s so big and warm. It smells like him, too. I never want to take it off. That would probably be weird, though.

“Yes. I’m Little.” My voice is so quiet that I’m not sure he hears me.

“How long have you known?”

Using my thumb, I run it over my chin, fighting the urge to suck it. I’ve never spoken openly about this side of me.

“Look at me, Little one.”

I raise my eyes to meet his again.

“There we go.” He smiles, his eyes warm and approving. “That’s what I like to see. Those pretty blue eyes.”

His praise makes me smile, my heartrate calming even more.

“It’s okay to be yourself here. Understand me?”

I hear what he’s saying, but after being bullied for years because of who I am, showing the other side of me isn’t something I think I can do.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“I don’t like that you’re agreeing just to pacify me, firefly.” His tone is stern again, sending a shiver down my spine. “I can tell we’re going to have to go over your rules and make sure you have a good understanding of them.”

Letting out a very unladylike snort, I scrunch my nose. “You really have a thing about rules. Have you ever thought maybe there should be less of them?”

He stares at me for a second, then tips his head back and laughs. “Spoken like a true Little girl. Come on, firefly. You ready to eat?”

Warmth spreads through me, and I stand to follow him downstairs. Before we leave the room, he reaches back and slips his index finger into my palm.

“Remember, if you feel anxious, I’m right here.”

Looking down at where we’re connected, I close my hand around his finger. My entire body tingles with need, and as we make our way down the stairs, I walk funny as the wetness in my panties brushes against my bare lips.

The closer we get to the first floor, the tighter I hold onto him. Like an anchor.

Several of Cage’s brothers are already at the dinner table when we walk in, along with Rowena, who looks wide awake for someone who was sleeping twenty minutes ago. As soon as she sees me, her face lights up, and she waves enthusiastically.

“You’re here! I’m so happy,” Rowena says in a bubbly voice.

I grin back at her, all the remaining anxiety I had disappears into thin air. She seems so genuinely happy to see me, and I feel the same about her. Especially knowing she’s also a Little.

Cage leads me to a chair and pulls it out for me. As soon as I sit down, he pushes me in. I look around the room, but nobody seems to notice or care.

“I don’t want any broccoli. Who even eats broccoli with pizza?” Rowena makes a face and shakes her head. “No, thanks. I’ll pass.”.

“You’re having broccoli,” three different men say at the same time.

“This is a nightly conversation,” Cage tells me as he sits next to me. “Doesn’t matter what vegetable it is, Rowie never wants it.”

“Well, broccoli is gross,” I murmur. “Who wants to eat tiny green trees? That’s just silly. I’m convinced it’s the devil’s vegetable.”

Cage shoots me a look. “Nice try, firefly. You’re also eating the broccoli tonight.”

My shoulders slump, and I wrinkle my nose. “No thanks.”

He raises his eyebrows and leans over so his mouth is close to my ear. “You can fight me as much as you want, Little girl. I won’t hesitate to put it in a blender and puree it into baby food, then spoon-feed you right here.”

I gasp and glance at Rowena, who nods. “Unfortunately, he’s not bluffing,” she says and then sticks her tongue out at Cage.

“Do we stick our tongue out at people?” Theo demands from beside her.

Rowena shrugs. “Maybe you don’t, but I do.”

Several men chuckle and shake their heads as Theo pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Let’s eat,” Rylan announces as he brings two huge pizzas into the room.

Cassian follows him with an enormous bowl of broccoli. I automatically scrunch my face.

When I reach for my plate, Cage picks it up first and fills it with a piece of pizza and some broccoli. Then, instead of setting it in front of me, he sets it on top of his own plate and starts cutting the pizza into pieces.

“I can do it,” I insist.

“Little girls don’t use knives or cut up their own food,” he replies without pausing.

“You’re not my Daddy.”

That makes him stop what he’s doing and look at me. “None of us are Rowena’s Daddy either, but we still look after her because she deserves to be taken care of. Just like you do.”

I swallow heavily and stare at him, a swell of longing in my throat. I’ve never really had anyone want to take care of me before. My father certainly didn’t. He didn’t even give me time to grieve after my mom died before he sent me off to boarding school. I don’t think he had the capacity to care for anyone after she died. It doesn’t make it right. He lost part of himself when he lost her.

“I want all of that gone.” Cage motions toward my plate as he sets it in front of me.

My tummy does that fluttery thing as I look down at the cut-up pizza. It’s silly. Stupid. I shouldn’t get so much joy from something like that, but it’s the first time any man has done something Daddyish for me.

“Thank you.”

“Such good manners,” Cage says with a wink. “Good girl.”

I really hope I don’t leave a pool of wetness on my seat when I get up. However, if Cage Black keeps acting like my Daddy, I can’t be held responsible for the way my body responds.

But if he keeps handing out the good girls, it might be worth eating broccoli.