Chapter Nineteen

Santino pulled out slowly and sat back on his haunches. The condom he was wearing had blood on it, which made me feel self-conscious. For some reason, I still felt as if I had to prove myself to Santino.

He removed the condom and got up. Without a word, he left the room then I heard the sound of the bin opening and clapping shut again.

I wasn’t sure what to do now. Should I get up and go to my room? We’d had sex, but did that mean I’d stay the night? Or would that make things too personal?

On the other hand, we’d had sex. Could it get any more personal than that? On a physical level, no, but emotionally, most definitely. And that was something both Santino and I didn’t want… or couldn’t risk. My emotions were definitely all over the place right now, but I was fairly sure Santino could handle sex without emotional detachment very well, proven by his past adventures with married women.

When Santino returned with a bottle of water, I was still perching on the edge of the bed, torn between leaving and staying.

Santino frowned. “Are you already leaving?”

I couldn’t read the emotions on his face, which only added to my uncertainty. I hated this sensation. I shrugged.

Santino sank down beside me. We didn’t touch. He held out the bottle. “You should fuel up on liquid.”

“Why? Have you planned any athletic activities I’m not aware of?” I joked and grabbed the bottle from him before I took a deep gulp.

Santino smirked. “I had more activities planned for the night, yes.” His expression didn’t leave any room for guesses. Santino was still horny and ready for another round.

I cursed my sore body. I lowered the bottle slowly, considering pretending my pussy didn’t feel as if it had gotten a thrashing. Eventually, I shook my head. I needed to accept my body’s boundaries, even if it meant I’d have to return to my room and not enjoy this moment of closeness with Santino anymore. It was for the better anyway.

“I don’t think my body can go again. I need a break.”

I could feel my cheeks heat at my admittance. Annoyance at my body’s betrayal rushed through me. I gave a small shrug as if it didn’t matter. I pushed to my feet.

“What are you doing?” Santino asked, his brows snapping together.

“I thought…” My face heated even more. I wanted to roar in frustration. I motioned at the door. “I can return in the morning when my body’s recovered.”

Santino’s expression said I was completely out of my mind. “You sure as fuck won’t go to your room now. You’ll spend the night in my bed.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised, glad I could mask my relief. “Do you always have sleepovers with your affairs even if they can’t go another round?”

Santino glowered and scooted back until he was propped up on his pillow. “This is different. Now get the fuck back into bed.”

Different how? I wanted to ask but I kept my mouth shut. I crept back into bed and curled up on my side, watching Santino warily. He pulled me against him and I immediately snuggled into him. I didn’t understand what was happening or how long it would last but I relished in the feel of Santino against me. Santino traced his palm down my spine, taking me off guard.

He could be an asshole, but right now he wasn’t. Not that I didn’t like his asshole self but this… this considerate version was kind of nice too.

“Is this because you took my V-card?”

“That term is complete bullshit. It makes it sound as if I’d been granted access to a VIP club.”

“It is a very exclusive club, Santino,” I said. “So far you are the only guest.”

“And that’s how it’s going to stay,” Santino snarled, completely stunning me.

“Oh?” I tilted my head.

Santino’s lips tightened and a muscle in his throat tautened. “I won’t share you. If you want to be with others, then that’s your decision, but I’ll have to leave then. I can’t stand by and watch.”

I swallowed hard. “Santino,” I said quietly. Had he forgotten about Clifford? Or did he think I’d cancel my engagement only because I’d slept with him? I couldn’t, even if part of me might consider it.

“I’m not talking about your engagement. I know you’ll marry in a few years. But right now you aren’t bound to him. And while you aren’t, I want you to be mine.”

I blinked. “You want us to be exclusive?” I hated how my heart thundered wildly at his suggestions, how butterflies danced in my belly.

“Exclusive,” Santino repeated with a laugh. “Maybe I’m old-fashioned but it used to be called faithful.”

“I thought faithful was for when people were in a real relationship with deep emotional feelings, not for what we have.”

“Dirty sex,” Santino said in a voice I couldn’t read.

I shrugged and a strange silence settled between us. I cleared my throat. “But I want you to be exclusive too. If I’m yours for now, I want you to be mine as well.”

“I’m yours,” he said in a low voice.

I forced a smile. I wasn’t sure why our conversation felt so loaded all of a sudden. “You’ll have to be my dirty secret.”

“Trust me, Anna, I’m very aware of the limitations of our bond. I have no intention to die by your father’s hands nor to be the reason for a scandal that damages the Outfit. Our bond will be confined to the bedroom.”

For some reason, that didn’t sit well with me either. What I wanted and what I could have were at odds right now.

Santino cleared his throat. “How do you feel?”

For a moment I was sure he meant emotionally, and that would have been a question I couldn’t have answered honestly but then his hand stroked down to my abdomen.

“Not too bad. I’ll be ready for dirty deeds soon.”

I must have dozed off shortly after because when I came to myself again the sky was turning gray outside. I was still in Santino’s arms. I listened to his breathing but soon realized it didn’t sound as if he was sleeping. “You awake?”

“Can’t sleep?”

“Hmm.”

“Eagerly waiting for me to be ready for round two?” I teased. Being in Santino’s arms felt intimate and right. It scared me a little.

“More than eager.”

I laughed then lifted my head off Santino’s chest. Our faces were close, and slowly his expression came into focus. He wasn’t smiling, but his expression was softer than usual.

“Aren’t you worried about catching feelings for me if we cuddle all night?” I tried to break the moment of tenderness, worried I’d like it too much.

Santino slapped my ass lightly, making me jump. Any kind of sleepiness vanished in a blink. I raised my eyebrows.

“I really wish your mouth was sore too.”

I poked my tongue out at him. “Maybe you need to angry fuck it again like you did yesterday.”

Santino glowered. Oh, someone was in a mood. It was almost endearing how concerned he was about me. “Anna. Don’t remind me.”

I traced his pecs with a manicured finger. I smiled secretly. “Don’t tell me you feel guilty because I was a virgin.”

Santino cast his eyes up at the ceiling. “Fuck. I should have realized it. I’ve known you for years. But you didn’t act like you didn’t know what you were doing.”

“I wanted to impress you.”

Santino leveled his brown eyes on me. “You did.” He paused. “But that was a lot for a first experience.”

I bit my lip. “Yep. I learned more than I bargained for.” I giggled nervously. I hated the sound. “Especially your thumb in my butt.”

He shook his head. “Are you okay with it?”

I leaned up, grinning. “What if I said no?”

Santino didn’t smile.

“Would you apologize for fucking my mouth?”

“You know how much I hate if you talk like that.”

“I know.”

Santino growled, grabbed my hips, and threw me on my back. Then he pressed between my legs and shoved my arms up above my head, his fingers tight around my wrists. His hips pressed into me and his tip entered me. I stopped breathing, my sore flesh aching at the intrusion.

Santino stopped, his touch on my wrist becoming gentler.

“Don’t stop,” I whispered.

He shook his head with a low chuckle. He didn’t pull out but he didn’t enter me farther either. His thumb stroked along my pulse point as his head dipped and he snatched up my nipple between his teeth. I tensed then moaned when his tongue circled my puckered nub. For a long time, Santino’s lips and tongue lavished my breasts and only our low breathing could be heard in the room. Soon he reached between us and guided his tip back and forth over my opening and clit. I panted at the small lightning bolts of pleasure that radiated through me at the firm pressure against my sensitive nub.

I was soon slick with arousal and panting for more. Santino looked up from my breasts. “You want more?”

“All of you,” I said.

His smile widened, becoming hungrier and more possessive. He flipped us over, making me cry out in surprise as I suddenly found myself on top of him, straddling his hips. His cock pressed against my pussy, his tip digging into my belly insistently. His balls pressed against my pussy, and that felt strangely erotic too.

I straightened my back, my palms pressed against Santino’s abs as I looked down at him. “Ready to ride me?” Santino asked with a dirty grin.

My core clenched. Overplaying any nervousness I felt I raised my hips with an answering grin until Santino’s tip nestled between my folds. Santino regarded me as if I was the center of the world, as if he was all he desired and it gave me a confidence boost. I lowered myself very slowly. Santino’s tip breached my opening. I tensed briefly at the feeling of fullness and soreness.

Santino wetted his thumb and began to rub my clit, though I was aroused enough. Still, I enjoyed the sight of Santino’s strong hand giving me pleasure. I watched with half-lidded eyes as he stroked me lightly. My nipples were almost painfully hard with lust and I reached up and began to tug at them. Santino let out a low groan that only spurt me on. I tugged and twirled at my nipples while I rotated my hips slowly and lowered myself until Santino’s cock was settled all the way inside of me. I clenched and stilled, my tongue darting out to wet my dry lips.

Santino was panting, his abs constricting and his expression full of desire. His thumb rubbed my clit faster, and I clenched again.

“Let loose,” Santino said. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I decided to focus on the sensations of him filling me, of his thumb circling my slick clit, of my fingers tugging at my nipples.

I didn’t move my hips, only allowed my walls to clench around Santino’s girth, and then my clit pulsated and the sensation coursed through my body. I cried out, clenching even more, and pinching my nipples almost painfully as I came.

“Just like that,” Santino rumbled, caressing my clit gently as I came down from my high. I dropped my hands and supported myself on his chest, panting as if I’d rode in a rodeo. Santino cupped my ass cheeks and squeezed. “Now you’re ready to ride me.”

I was more than ready. If possible, my orgasm had made me even hornier. I felt overly stimulated and ready to come again. It was an electrifying sensation I couldn’t get enough of. With my hands still pressed to his chest, I began to lift my hips slowly, letting Santino’s cock slide almost all the way out of me before I sank back down. I soon picked up pace and added rotation, until Santino’s expression was twisted with lust.

“I like feeling like I’m in control of you,” I pressed out as I clenched around him, causing him to let out a harsh moan.

Santino gave me a look I didn’t understand and his fingers on my ass cheeks tightened. I leaned down, catching his lips for a kiss. Santino cupped my head, deepening the kiss without hesitation.

I loved how Santino’s pelvic rubbed my clit in this position.

This felt more intense, but also closer. For a long time, Santino and I stared at each other while my hips moved slowly.

“You said every time that followed would be fucking,” I whispered harshly. “This doesn’t feel like fucking yet.”

A knowing gleam filled Santino’s eyes before one corner of his mouth darted up in a cocky grin. “I can give you all the fucking you want, no worries.”

I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted, not all I wanted, but it was what I had to settle for.

Santino gripped my hips and began to thrust upward with hard deep, strokes that echoed through my body like an earthquake. It hurt and felt impossibly good at the same time.

I clasped his forearms, needing to steady myself as he slammed into me over and over again, his pecs and abs straining from the effort, his expression harsh and lustful. “Tell me if it’s too much,” he gritted out.

I nodded, but I wouldn’t tell him, because this hard fucking, this side of Santino was safer for my heart, and that part of myself I wanted to protect more than a sore pussy.

When Santino came a few minutes later, he took me over the edge with him and I sagged down on his chest in a breathless heap. His heart beat furiously under my head and my own matched his in intensity. Santino’s hands glided up from my hips to caress my back and I allowed myself to enjoy the sensation before I straightened. By now it was light outside. I glanced at the clock on Santino’s nightstand.

“I need to get ready for classes.”

Santino nodded.

I climbed off him. He removed the condom. “Do you want me to throw it away? I’m heading into the bathroom anyway.”

“I’ll put it in the bin in the kitchen.”

I nodded, then grabbed my clothes from the floor and hurried toward the bathroom. When I stepped into the shower and allowed the warm water to massage my sore body, I was torn. I was ecstatic over what had happened, but at the same time, I wondered how we’d make it work. Sex without attachment. Commitment with an expiration date. Exclusivity or faithfulness?

I wanted more of what Santino and I had had, but I knew sometimes more was too much.