Chapter 2

Chapter Two

CLARA

M y apartment is freezing when I get inside, but I’m too excited to care. I manage to kick the door closed behind me as I carry the box over to the coffee table and set it down. Once it’s out of my hands, I bolt the door shut and then bang on the radiator to get the heat going.

I keep an eye on the box like it’s going to grow legs and run away while I move through the tiny space and do my evening routine. I take off my bra and put on an oversized sweatshirt and an old pair of sleep shorts. Once I’m cozy, I make myself some instant noodles before taking a seat on the couch.

I’m practically giddy as I open the lid of the box to once again inspect the contents. I didn’t dare open it up at work again in case Walter came back. Part of me can’t believe I actually did it. I made the decision to take the box, and I followed through with it. Now all I have to do is get a buyer.

I plan to call Professor Linzer sometime after Christmas. I’m sure she’ll be excited to see it and knows a few people that would be eager to have such a treasure.

The photobook is resting on top, so I take it out first and open it to the last page. I leave it propped open on my coffee table so that I can see the last picture of Elodie as I unpack the rest. The crocheted snowflakes are delicate and look like they were made with love.

Glancing at my sad, nearly bare Christmas tree, I decide that Elodie would want me to have them. Clearly she was a lover of Christmas, and since her family didn’t appreciate them, I can assume she would want someone to. I hang all twelve on the tree, and they look so delicate.

“That’s better,” I say when I stand back and admire how beautiful they are.

I remove the tissue paper covering the star, and once again, I’m struck at how incredible it is. It’s like something from hundreds of years ago that was made to adorn a tree fit for a king. I’m afraid to put it on my tree because one wrong move and it could shatter. I can’t risk something happening to it, so I take extra care to wrap it in an old towel and place it in a sturdier box I found under my bed. Once it’s secure, I breathe a sigh of relief.

I’m about to remove the old box from my coffee table when I notice something else inside. Under the pile of white tissues, I see the color red peeking out. When I push the tissue out of the way, I see that it looks like a small red boot.

“What the heck?” Reaching in, my fingers close around something hard, and when I pull it out I gasp. “Hans!” I look over at Elodie’s photo beside me and see Hans there beside her on the mantle. “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe you were in there.”

The box wasn’t heavy at all, so I’m surprised I didn’t notice the weight of him. Now that I’ve got him in my hands, he’s much sturdier than I would have thought.

Hans is a typical nutcracker shape, but he’s wearing a uniform made of wool. The colors are deep red, and his accessories are trimmed in gold. His face looks hand painted with lots of details, including a mustache and slightly rosy cheeks. He’s adorned with a dark green cape that goes around his shoulders, and he’s also wearing a green and gold crown. There’s something that looks like a golden staff in one hand, and the whole design makes him appear regal.

“How incredible,” I say to myself as I inspect the nutcracker. “Someone put a lot of love into making you.”

Turning the nutcracker over, I peel back the cape to see if there’s a date or some kind of insignia of where it was purchased. In Elodie’s first picture holding him, she said the shop was in the Black Forest region of Germany. I wonder if the shop is still open.

“Let’s see what you’ve got under here.”

When I lift the cape, I notice that the handle that’s normally used to open his mouth is stuck against his back. The lever is what’s used to open his mouth so he can crack nuts. But with his clothes in the way, it can’t be lifted. Hans doesn’t appear to have ever been used for doing anything like that, and I’m not surprised. Most nutcrackers are for decoration and not functionality. At least more so now than in the past.

“Hmm, let’s see if we can fix this.”

I find the cloth fastened around his neck and untie the cape. Once that’s off, I unbutton his uniform shirt and place it on the coffee table next to it. When Hans is shirtless, for half a second I stare in shock at his bare chest. Whoever carved Hans gave him some serious muscles. There’s even a little tattoo on his bicep that looks like a Christmas tree.

“Damn, Hans. Someone has been hitting the gym.” I snort at my own joke as I turn him face down on my lap and unbutton the back of his pants.

Surely there’s some kind of signature from the artist. I think it would be really cool to know who crafted him or at least see if the shop has a website. I’m probably far too invested in this, but what else do I have to do? It’s Christmas Eve, and I’ve got nowhere to go and nothing to do.

Once I have his pants off, I turn him over and gasp. “Hans has a dick!” I practically squeal as I hold him in front of me. “And holy shit, it’s huge.”

Okay, maybe I don’t want to find the person that carved him.

The wooden penis is sticking out like it’s erect, and I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before. Compared to the size of Hans’ body, his cock is enormous. When I look closer, I see his testicles are small walnuts, and I snort a laugh.

“Nuts for nuts. I see they’ve got jokes in the Black Forest.” Hans is completely naked now, and when I touch the handle on his back, I’m shocked that the nutcracker vibrates. “What the hell?”

I turn him over face down in my lap but don’t see a place for batteries. I slide my hand down the handle, and once again his whole body lets out a quick shiver. The handle is still stuck to his back, but I bet some kind of oil would fix it. It could be that’s what’s causing him to vibrate.

“Let’s see if we can get you working properly.” I reach into the drawer beside me and pull out the tiny bottle of baby oil. I live alone, and sometimes I like to masturbate on the couch. I’ve got another travel size beside my bed.

I add a few drops on his back and rub it into the wood. Each time I press my fingers against the handle, Hans shivers. Maybe that’s what this nutcracker is supposed to do? Press the handle to vibrate and…

“Oh my god. Is this a vibrator?” I stare down at the wooden toy in my lap and giggle to myself. No wonder Elodie loved him so much.

I rub the oil over the handle, and I can feel his wooden dick pushing into my bare thigh. The thought makes me giggle as I massage the oil into the handle. After a few more swipes, the vibrating stops and Hans jerks in my lap. I feel something warm running down my bare thigh and I wonder if I’ve put too much oil and it’s spilled down the sides. I turn Hans on his back and blink in confusion.

“What the—” I stop talking when I see a thick white cream dripping from Hans’ hard cock. It made a mess on my thigh right where he was pressed against it, but it can’t be what I think it is. Can it?

I swipe my fingers through it, and for reasons I can’t explain, I bring it to my nose and smell it. “Is… is this icing?”

The scent of it is like a sugar cookie, and I’m even more confused. Against all my better judgment, I bring my fingers to my lips and taste it.

“Holy shit, it’s icing. How did a nutcracker just cum icing?”

I’m holding on to Hans with my other hand, and when I turn him all the way over, the handle on his back pops free with a gentle click. The vibrations begin again, but this time they are so fierce that I can’t hold on to him. I drop Hans on the couch next to me and then jump back when he begins to writhe around.

“Oh holy night,” I whisper to myself as not only does Hans vibrate, but he begins to grow.

With every second that passes, he becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. I slowly back away until I hit the wall behind me and I’ve got nowhere else to escape to. I crane my neck back as Hans grows to what has to be over ten feet tall and then stops.

There is a gigantic nutcracker that’s come to life in my living room, and I almost faint as he turns his head in my direction and says my name.